Please Excuse The Mess.

Please excuse the mess.

I've just done an import of posts from Blogger to Tumblr.

The formatting is crazy.

Birthday

After an amazing meal at a local steak house (I did manage to find something on the menu to suit me)  with my extended Mexican family, I spent the evening with my other big brothers Kirk and Spock and Bones and Khan... and wondered when Anakin was going to show up.... Also - The circus came into town Friday night. They set up a bigtop tent a few lots over. I can see the flags waving from the kitchen door. Maybe that is where you will find metomorrow! -Sitting in the sawdust, contemplating running away with a travelling circus! I would become a tatttooed Bull Dancer then... and every month would be May. 

Asking in Vain

I perceive that no one in the webz who gives a rat-whip-tail enough find a way to make this happen for me, but let me try puttinng it out there-

My birthday is coming up on May 11th so I am making with the a cute little girl voice (because people can't resist this?) and ask to have a Star Wars themed party with horsey rides in the backyard.

Ahem.

Amen.

Whatever.

This Universe sucks.

I probably don't even get points for trying.

Whatever.

Grumble.

That dam(n) pun never gets old.

Everything that matters most is everything you cannot see.

The Witch King of Angmar- and you know it.

I coughed up that pithiness just now while trying to think of more than a mere little facebook status update thanking everyone for their birthday wishes. It kinda sums up my whole existence...

And by the way, thank you all very, very much for taking a few seconds to send me a note! 

Those few clicks of the keys brought a smile to my face. Your kind remembrances where only other gift I was given this year apart from simple experiences: dining out, movie, circus and museum going...

I did not receive any material gifts- excluding food and drink, of course. I think this is the first time I have not been cluttered with objects useful or otherwise... No cards, no left over cake, no thing to mark the day as special to me. Unless you count several transaction receipts and the doodle I made on my wall calendar. It feels odd to buck long standing traditions, but I am glad to have not been given more things to be responsible for. I feel I have more than enough to deal with as it is- and that I am a lousy steward at that! I should not have my things still piled up at my parents apartment, for instance. I ought to find the time to sort that out and not have them burdened with my material goods. That is not fair, but poverty keeps the odds rigged against amending the situation. Heh. Poverty also keeps me moving around and keeps my parents stationary. 

I don't want to talk about Poverty; that gigantokickyourassadon in the room, but I guess the conversation is going in that direction.

Poverty does a thing that is far crueler than leaving you without a new pair of shoes or with an empty stomach. It flatout robs you of creativity, pinches out the sparks of imagination. It invites Depression. For the longest time I have been confronted with the constant unseen excuse blockades of minds that don't even know they have been duped into a slothful state, instead joining with quick wakeful minds searching for and creating ways to make things happen. Poverty of the wallet is one thing, but poverty of imagination.. that is the real breaker. And that close friend Depression It brings along? That, that is a ruthless killer. I know. I have hosted them both.

Like I said, I didn't want to talk on those lines...

So, after my mind almost wondered completely off the course, I do have some return words, my charge, for all you who wished me birthday happiness: Reader, even if you never get the creativity into a creation, be aware and keep the stream flowing. Please. Because when you don't, it makes is so much harder for those who do- or those who are trying. Don't be a dammed soul.

Passing me by. On a bike.

The city is rumbling on around me. I don't care. I'm still not balanced out yet. Insomnia struck in the early hours. I think I download a bunch of apps hoping sleep would find me.  Sleep must have been on a little vacation. When I did get up to start the day, I was actually sick to my stomach. I nibbled ginger and managed to scrape myself into a pile of human cohesive enough to go out and buy a few needed things. Then it was crash time again. I didn't nap for a long as I would have liked, but because this was Irena's day of relative freedom from work, she proposed that we go bike riding. I said, what the heck. I have been  in such a state of mind that I could not even begin to be embarrassed by the 10 year old boy zipping around me in mockery of my struggles - or any of the other people on the street there off of Kings Highway. So. Today June 2nd, under sunset skies somewhere in Russian Brooklyn a 31 year old learned to ride a bicycle. The seat was uncomfortable as hell so I did not perfect my newfound ability by riding for hours more, but I was able to get around a parking lot without help. This was even more strange to me because I have only ridden a bike in my dreams! That dream moment came to me and blended with my waking reality! It was so liminal. My day went from  faint pukey distress to crossing off one of those major things on a person's list of kinda important crap they have to do in life. It is the year of the Snake. These kinds of things are to be expected.-- Now. Can I wind down and sleep normally?!

Huitlcoche

The other blue corn

I don't know why this food stuff called huitlcoche is being relegated to the general category of 'the weird crap that foreign people eat' in a few of the blogs that I have glanced through just now...

As if frozen chicken nuggets you deep fry aren't weird crap that foreign people eat... 

(You all go ahead and consider that deeply for a moment...) 

I just went to the local Wal{oligopoly}mart and found huitlcoche there with the rest of the weird fungi crap that everyone eats- or avoids- without question. I was attracted by the paleness, blue/ black color and made an impulse buy.

(So, what do your impulses lead you toward? Mere self-indulgences? Further understanding of the 'other?' Self destruction?) 

I ate some for lunch today and yeah my body is wondering what to do with it. I have never eaten such a thing before. I'm not sick to my stomach, but kind of dizzy... I do feel strange.  And the strange feeling passes as I give myself time to digest my meal. I don't know what it means, but no one has died from eating huitlcoche so I am not too worried.