Having A Bad...decade...I Want Out.

Having a bad...decade...I want out.

I have no where else to say this. It doesn't matter how many years I live, or how many people I see here on tumblr. It still surprises me that people prefer you dishonest, prefer you quiet and alone. Prefer you fail than succeed.

I'm all of those things, I say I'm fine when I'm not. I say nothing, when I hurt the most. I stay alone, because it's easier and the majority of people don't want to be near me anyway. I focus on my work as it's what I have and what I love.

This weekend. I spent it alone. Not for the lack of trying. But the lack of anyone good in my life. I cut so many people out of my life to save myself, to eliminate the pain.

There are still a few in my life and I know they're not good for me. But it also seems impossible to get away from them. I just want out.

I can see it in my head. Just leaving. That's what I need. They're never there for me, and insult me instead of loving me for real....

Rant: I will become self involved and obsessed

With the way that you treat me. Why don't you just tell me you hate me. Just say it out loud and get it over with.

You are an idiot for ignoring the heart of another.

I can't stand it when someone tells me what to do. As if they have the right to even dictate a portion of my life. I have to remind myself that I'm a better person than they are. They're too selfish to see they're own rudeness, to self involved in what makes them feel good. There eyes shut.

Trying to sleep last night, all that was running through my head was the words of a suicide note. A note before I always said I would never write, but now I have a reason to, I have people on tumblr I owe it too, so I guess this is my head still having some decency inside it…