RPGs, Or Relentlessly Persistent Girlsby Cassandrha

RPGs, or relentlessly persistent girls by cassandrha

Spain is different 🇪🇸🦠

Describe each game in the Devil May Cry series in the worst (best?) way possible.

DMC3: Local teen twink with daddy issues partially says fuck the concept of ‘no shirt, no shoes, no service’ in order to promote style over substance; has a wacky wahoo pizza adventure specifically in order to rain on his brother’s parade. Local teen twink’s identical twin(k) brother with even worse mommy issues doesn’t know the whole story or what contraceptives are; is arguably the coolest weeb that ever lived despite sounding like an accountant with a headcold.

DMC1: Attractive local demon man with more mommy issues than previously thought is acknowledged as most straightedge man in existence; agrees to kill a god while having the creepiest family reunion imaginable in order to promote style over substance.

DMC — The Animated Series: Local demon man severely depressed and in desperate need of a therapist while continuing to age like fine wine; agrees to babysit orphan girl amidst the collapse of his family, relationships, and business for pizza funds.

DMC2: Local demon man continues to be unreasonably attractive and severely depressed while promoting style over substance; fails to provide either.

DMC4: Local annoying teen, unaware of demonic heritage, discovers the benefits of atheism thanks to suspiciously similar looking 39-year-old gay cowboy dressed in head-to-toe red leather and chaps while sorting out his feelings for his crush; wacky wahoo pizza adventures: the next generation.

DMC5: Local annoying teen turned shockingly well-rounded young adult discovers his long lost family in the worst way imaginable, all while his stupidly hot uncle and a Hot Topic cashier with a register full of bloody bills and secrets team up in favor of deforestation. Local man’s equally stupidly hot absentee father and foremost expert on Oedipus complexes returns and unlocks dad jokes; is immediately told to go fuck himself.

—o—

DmC — Devil May Cry: Meth, not even once.