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our beloved summer | jjk (03)

You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.

pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader

genre/warnings: exes au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, swearing, obs3 is kinda oc centric 🤔, a mention of death but like a hypothetical death??, mentions of being *emotionally* haunted, taehyung almost dies 😭, someone so hot and cocky and petty that you might die, oh and tswift references because obviously

rating: PG-13

word count: 7.8k

note: asdfghjkl it’s been a hot minute guys. this was supposed to be longer but i decided last minute that some bits would probably work better in obs4, so no jimin and hobi today 🤥

vote for the revenge 🍆 😈 here before obs4!

playlist | series masterpost | taglist

— as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

But I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs The smell of smoke would hang around this long ‘Cause I knew everything when I was young

Cardigan - Taylor Swift

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My Love is Here | jjk (part 3.5)

pairing: jungkook x f reader

au(s): best friends to lovers, unrequited love

genre/warnings: angst, fluff, beach scene heavily inspired by episode 10 of twenty five twenty one, slow burn, future smut but not right now, hurt, jealousy, realizations, injury, lots of tears, ending has me shook (i got inspired from the good bad mother, whoops)

word count: 9k

rating: 18+

authors note: aha... yeah that happened. i told you it'll be anticlimactic if i posted it all in one shot. but anyways, thank you guys so much for the support. i hope you enjoy this chapter, please don't hate me too much aha... thing's only get better from here! hopefully.

xo, ari

Previous | Next | Series Masterpost

Jungkook harshly closed the door to his shared apartment with Minji as the two of them made their way inside. Why did she do that? They made an agreement to wait to tell everyone. A million thoughts were running through his head, making his blood boil. He felt bad for you, it was supposed to be a special day for you, but Minji had to go ahead and ruin it. 

As he made this way into their shared room, he glanced at the door opposite from his, the room you used to live in. He could admit he missed having you around. It took him awhile to adjust to not having you to come home to, needing to get used to his own company. It was fine until recently when Minji moved in, it was good to have someone live with him again, but even he can tell the difference between the two.

Deep in thought, Jungkook began unbuttoning his dress shirt. Not noticing Minji leaning against the door.

“Are you just going to ignore me now?” She said annoyed.

Jungkook huffed out a breath. He turned around and stared at her. “You really had to do that?” He asked her.

Minji rolled her eyes. “They were going to find out eventually.”

Jungkook scoffed at that. He looked at her and saw no remorse in her eyes. “Min, we agreed to tell everyone after today, but no you went ahead and did it anyways.” 

Minji walked towards him and they stood face to face. She put her hands on his shoulders, a pout on her lips. “You were getting so worked up over Eunwoo, I just wanted to take the tension off.” She said with a knowing glint in her eyes. Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

He only did that because Eunwoo was being careless. He was watching the two of you interact the whole night. Ever since he knew him in high school, he’s always been wary of his interactions with you even though he was his friend. It was just how he is, he’s always been protective of you. He used to be the one to offer you food to eat during a night out and take care of you. After seeing another guy do that, his blood boiled and he wasn’t sure why.

“She was allergic to that though?” He said defensively. Minji rolled her eyes in return. “Babe, she can take care of herself, she doesn’t need her best friend telling another guy how to help her.” She said with a stern voice. He sighed out and held her hips in his hands, he glanced down and saw the pout on her face.

He kissed her bottom lip, causing her expression to lift up slightly. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.” He said to her, Minji smiled.

“But you still need to apologize to her, you shouldn’t have said that especially when it was an important day for her.” He said with raised brows. Minji huffed but nodded her head. 

Later that night as Minji cuddled into him, he stared up at the ceiling as he reminisced about the dinner. 

He remembered seeing your expression, how the two of you held each other’s gazes as you silently asked if it was true.

Unable to keep eye contact, he looked away and saw you look at him in shock through his peripheral vision. He felt guilty for not telling everyone except Taehyung he was planning on proposing. Especially you. His best friend. 

You looked beautiful last night. You had your hair down that flowed flawlessly to your waist. A champagne dress with a slit on the side really outlined your body. Your makeup was done simple but elegant. In Jungkook’s eyes, you were probably the most beautiful one in the room. 

There was a period of time when you guys would tell each other everything but as time went on and he got caught up on Minji, he barely made the time for you. And when you felt for New York, it’s like a physical barrier was made between you. He felt like no matter what, he couldn’t break it down no matter how much he tried. 

It was sad to think about. 

He proposed to Minji on a whim. His parents were asking him when they were planning to tie the knot which got him thinking. He didn’t know if they were ready for that, but when his mom handed him her engagement ring, he just decided to do it. He was the type of person to live on the edge, so when he popped the question and she said yes, he just went along with it.

But after tonight, seeing everyone’s reactions. It made him second guess himself. He looked down at the girl beside him, who he loved dearly and sighed. He chose this, no turning back now.

The next day, he woke up early from the sound of a text coming from his phone on his nightstand. He turned on the device to see Taehyung and Jimin asking him if he wanted to meet at their local coffee shop. 

Knowing why they wanted to meet, he agreed. He got up quickly and made his way out of the door after kissing Minji’s head goodbye. And 15 minutes later, he made his way into the shop to see his two friends sitting at their usual seat by the window.

Sitting down in front of them, he saw that they already ordered him his own cup of coffee. “Hey” He told them. They looked up at him with tired smiles. They were quiet for a little, sipping on their own beverages before Jimin was the one to speak up.

“So you’re engaged.” He said addressing the elephant in the room. He nodded his head and looked at them. They made eye contact and Jungkook was trying to decipher what was going through the man's head. “Are you sure this is what you want?” He asked.

Taehyung elbowed him softly on the side. Jimin looked at him in annoyance, but Taehyung knew he had a point. It was sudden and nobody saw it coming, even him. Although he mentioned it in passing, he just didn’t think he was gonna do it a week later after he told him. 

Jungkook looked at them and took a breath. Before he could reply, the bell to the cafe went off and he looked up to see you walking in. “Y/N” He whispered. This caught Jimin’s attention and he whipped his head around to see you ordering. 

“Y/n-ah” He called out. You looked in their direction and saw your brother and your two friends sitting at the table where you all used to sit after school. 

“Here’s your drink” The barista said, making you look back towards her. You grabbed your drink and slowly made your way to your friends. You noticed that the only seat available was the one beside Jungkook and quietly slipped into it.

“Y/N” Jungkook began after some time. You looked at him and he let out a sigh.

“Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been living with Yeri?”

Taken aback, you raised your brows at him. Defensively you bit back. “Why didn’t you tell me you were proposing to Minji?”

It went quiet after that. The two of you glaring at each other before Jungkook looked away with a sad expression.

“I’m so–”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s okay.” You told him. Even though it wasn’t okay. “I’m sorry too.” They were getting married. You couldn’t wrap your head around it. He didn’t have to tell you about it but it would be nice to mention it in passing. But who were you to judge, the two of you barely talked while you were away. Even though your heart was hurting, you had no right to be angry.

It went quiet again after that. The four of you sat together in silence. Letting out a breath, you turned towards him with a forced smile. “So, how’d you propose?” You asked. You felt the atmosphere change immediately. Jungkook smiled at you and felt himself relax immediately at your familiar eyes staring into his. 

Jimin looked at you in concern. He could see right through you. The prominent bags under your eyes, the tired and strained smile on your lips as you intently watched Jungkook talk about the day he proposed. He still wasn’t sure if Jungkook was sure he wanted to go through this and he could tell Taehyung was thinking the same thing when they made eye contact.

Putting that thought to the side, they decided to just put that away. “So Y/N, tell us about the States.” Taehyung said, not long after. Your eyes immediately glinted in excitement, you started to ramble about your time there and how you created so many memories. It was easy to pretend everything was how it used to. No marriage coming, no unrequited feelings, just the four of you. How it always was.  

As the four of you started to make your way out of the coffee shop, Jungkook pulled you to the side as the other two started to leave and you looked at him in confusion. He took a deep breath as you peered into his eyes. 

“Are you okay?” You asked him. He nodded his head and leaned in for a hug.

“I just missed you…” He said. He felt you melt into his embrace and reciprocated the hug. 

“I missed you too, Kook” You said sincerely. 

You broke away and you saw Jungkook wiping his face, causing your face to scrunch up in even more confusion. Why’s he acting like this right now?

“Kook–”

“I’m sorry”

“Huh?” You asked him. You grabbed his face and made him look at you in the eyes. “What do you mean? You already apologized”

“I’m sorry we became like this” You felt your breath hitch in your throat as you looked away. You thought it was only you who noticed the distance but even he did. “I should’ve been there for you, but I got caught up on—”

“Shh” You told him. You grabbed his hand into yours and looked up at him. You were the one who chose to leave and to be apart from him. The day you left, you chose to focus on your healing, causing the strain in your relationship with him.

But now as you stand in front of him, you can see how much that distance bothered him. 

“I didn’t even tell you I was planning to propose.” He said, causing you to suck in a breath.

Thanks for the reminder, you thought. 

You shook your head in response. “Well I’m here now, we’re still best friends.” You told him sincerely. As much as it hurts to see him happy with someone else, it's true. He’s your best friend above anything else.

“I’m here” You said to him, causing his smile to return to his face.

When you told Jungkook that you’re there. You didn't expect him to include you in everything. Asking you to go to places with him, joining group hang outs, inviting you to the grocery store, the mall. And as much to your distaste, even including you in the wedding planning. 

“Okay wait, when’s the wedding?” Taehyung asked, from beside you. Your brother stepped out to get you guys something to eat, so it was the two of you there while Jungkook tried on different wedding suits. Taehyung was gonna be Jungkook’s best man, him and Jimin did rock paper scissors for it and Tae came out victorious. 

You sucked in a breath awaiting the answer. “The next six months” Jungkook replied from inside the dressing room. You and Taehyung looked at each other in surprise. That’s a lot closer than you thought it would’ve been. You thought you would have at least a year to mentally prepare yourself but now you find out it's half that time.

Groaning internally, you felt your chest constrict. You rubbed the offending area as Taehyung looked at you in concern. You patted his thigh and nodded your head, telling him you’re fine. But that was far from the truth. You felt the world slow down and your breathing shorten. Taking deep breaths, you put on a masked smile when Jungkook stepped out in another suit.

You felt your heart stutter in your chest as you looked at him. He looked handsome. He was wearing the classic black suit with a white undershirt and a bow tie. 

“Ah, I’m not sure about this one” He said aloud. Your gaze was stuck on him and Taehyung silently snickered beside you at his reaction.

You looked away with a blush on your face that Jungkook was luckily oblivious to. Clearing your throat, you told Jungkook to take his time.

A few hours later, you come back out empty handed. Jungkook was surprisingly being really picky. You paid it no mind, considering you were trying not to break down in front of the other two. 

Suddenly Jungkook’s phone started to ring.

“Oh it’s Minji” He said, glancing at the two of you before answering the call. “Hey Babe” 

You looked at Taehyung when Jungkook told you that he had to go meet Minji for lunch. 

“Are you okay?” He asked. You looked drained as you gave him a soft smile.

“No…” You said, sincerely. He sighed and brought you into his arms. 

“It’ll be okay. He’s an idiot for not seeing what’s in front of him.” He said, causing you to laugh. You tickled his sides before breaking away. Taehyung wasn’t kidding though. He always thought you and Jungkook had something but after seeing the way he’s been treating you for the last few years, it makes his blood heat up in anger.

You were a great person, and Jungkook was stupid to never see that.

“Come on, let’s go.” Taehyung said. The two of you started to walk back to his and Jimin’s shared apartment. He tried to keep your mind off the upcoming date, but he can see how much it’s bothering you. He can only hope that you will manage, but then again, once they get married… What will happen to you? 

The next six months were… Excruciating. You put up a front so that nobody can see how your heart slowly started to deteriorate. As the months flew by, you looked at the dates with mirth. You promised Jungkook you’ll be there for their wedding. After that…You have no idea.

Minji asked you to be maid of honour. Of course, you wanted to say no. Tell her to screw off.

But you knew you couldn’t do that, so you agreed. For Jungkook.

You were literally torn, anyone close to you can see it. You did really well concealing it from Jungkook though, knowing he can tell the second the facade drops. Ji-eun tried talking to you about it but you didn’t have any interest in speaking about the awaited date.

One day, a few weeks before the wedding Eunwoo asked you if you wanted to go out and eat. You agreed, knowing you needed time away from everyone’s concerned glances. The two of you were walking around the park after you ate some suyuk. 

It was a quiet spring day as you looked at the cherry blossoms that were bleuming in. You looked at the blue sky and let out a sigh. The air felt refreshing, finally allowing yourself to breathe. 

Eunwoo leaned against a tree and looked at the pretty flowers. After a few moments, he looked at you in wonder who was taking pictures on your phone. 

“How are you?” He asked. You looked at him and your immediate response was going to be yes. But he cut you off before you could utter the automatic response. 

“I’ve known you for a while, Y/N. I can tell you’re not alright.” He said quietly. You took a deep breath and looked down at your hands. 

“It’s alright to be sad.” He told you. 

You felt your chin tremble and you tried to stop the tears from falling out but it was no use. The waterworks began. 

You couldn’t stand the thought of them being together forever. Them dating was enough but to hear them be called husband and wife made your heart constrict. You felt yourself start to hyperventilate and Eunwoo immediately embraced you.

You cried into his chest and allowed yourself to finally feel what you’ve been hiding from not only everyone, but yourself too. 

“I just…” You started. Eunwoo hushed you, already knowing what’s going on just by observing and looked at you in the eyes.

 “I’m gonna go back to New York after the wedding.” He said suddenly. You looked at him in surprise but he kept talking. You knew Yeri already went back a while ago because she had to get back to work but Eunwoo decided to stay a little longer. “Come back with me.” 

You froze in place. You thought of going back but since you already graduated, you had no reason to return to New York. You were about to tell him that but he interrupted you again.

“Just think about it… I don’t like seeing you hurt.” He told you. 

You only nodded your head, deep in thought. Should you just go back? Stay here? 

It was a decision you’d have to make eventually.

You failed to see a familiar person standing not far from you, staring at the two of you with clenched fists.

Jungkook was on a break from work. He quickly bought some food near the park but saw that the cherry blossoms started to come in. He wanted to take a picture and send it to you since he knew you loved them. 

As he pulled out his phone to take pictures of the trees, he saw you with Eunwoo under a tree, hugging. He felt himself falter in his steps. For some reason it made his body heat up in anger. Seeing you hug Eunwoo made his chest constrict. 

As the two of you broke apart, he saw Eunwoo look at you intently. You looked down at your hands. For some reason, he could tell this was a serious conversation. He wanted to step in but for some reason he was stuck in his spot. 

Before he could even take a step, the two of you already started to walk away. Jungkook clenched his hands into fists to stop himself from running to you. 

Suddenly his phone started to ring and saw Minji’s contact photo looking back at him. He let out a sigh. His wedding was in a few weeks and everything has been so chaotic that he has barely any time to think of anything else.

He answered her call and started to make his way back to work.

The wedding was in a few days. Time went by too fast for your liking. You wanted to get out of there before they could even utter any vows. But here you are, on the train along with your brother, Taehyung, Ji-eun and Jungkook. The five of you are going to Busan for the weekend before the wedding. Jungkook wanted to spend the next few days with you guys before they finally tied the knot.

You guys decided to rent an airbnb near the beach. Back when you guys were younger, you guys often went back to your hometown with Ji-eun tagging along. Those were probably one of your best memories you had of all of you together. 

As you guys finally got settled into the place you were staying. Ji-eun offered to roast some meat in the back before you guys did anything. The rest of you agreed and immediately started to get to work. 

You were the one to make the rice and vegetables, Jungkook did the heavy lifting to fix the table, and the other two were in charge of the fire.

It was fun. You guys were all over the place, trying to get everything done on time so you guys could eat together. The boys were struggling to keep the fire going because the wind kept blowing it out, causing you to laugh at their distraught. Ji-eun was setting up the table while Jungkook was setting up the elevation pad for you guys.

He almost forgot to place a rock on one of the ends so when you stood on it, it made you start to tip to one side. Some of the vegetables started to fall off your plate. 

“Ah, Jungkook!” You said, jumping off the platform. He started laughing at your reaction before you playfully pushed him to fix it. He put his arms up in surrender before fixing it.

When he finished, the others joined and placed the food all on the table. You guys sat on the floor together at the small table. It was light hearted, the four of you were laughing and telling stories about the past. It was almost like nothing changed at all. 

Jungkook kept placing some food onto your plate. “I’m not gonna be able to swim if you keep feeding me.” You told him with a playful scowl.

“It’s okay, I’ll save you if you get a cramp.” He said, placing some kimchi on your spoon. You rolled your eyes and ate the offending food. You looked up in surprise when you heard Ji-eun shriek.

You saw Taehyung place her over his shoulder and began running to the water with laughter. Jimin ran after them, joining their laughter as he removed his shirt. 

You started chuckling at the three of them. Seeing Taehyung basically throw Ji-eun into the cold water before she got back up and dunked him in. Getting up you look at Jungkook and hold out your hand. He smiled and the two of you ran into the water, joining them in the fun. 

The four of you were splashing water and throwing each other in the beautiful ocean. It was a fun time for you and for a moment you forgot about all your worries. You felt like you were 15 again, the four of you together.

As the sun started to set and you guys sat beside each other in a line staring into the ocean. You felt yourself let out a breath as Ji-eun leaned her head on your shoulder. 

“I wish we could stay like this.” Taehyung said after a while. You all nodded in agreement. Things were about to change forever and that sinking feeling came back into your chest.

“We will, I promise you guys.” Jungkook said. You all looked at him before Jimin got up and ran back into the house. He came back out with some sprinklers and fire poppers in his hands. You immediately squealed and grabbed some from him. He took the lighter out from his pocket and the four of you lit up the fireworks together.

This was the last time the five of you will just be the five of you. As you all laughed in delight, your heart constricted at the sight of your four friends together.

You ran back into the house and grabbed your sketchbook. There were multiple drawings from over the years. It was the story of your life and your most memorable times. You grabbed a pencil and ran back out to see your friends running around the sparklers. 

You laughed and sat down on the sand, you opened the first blank page you saw and immediately started to draw. 

You wanted to remember this. Once you finished, you looked at the most recent drawing and saw Jungkook’s face on the page. He was sleeping when you drew this. Back when you still lived together, you came home from school to see him passed out on the couch. The light was perfectly illuminating his skin which made you itch to draw his appearance. That was the last time you opened this sketch book, ever since he and Minji got together. You brought it because you knew this would be the closing chapter in your lives. 

You only had one page left. And you knew what you were going to draw in it.

Later that night, you couldn’t fall asleep. You were too antsy. You guys were leaving early tomorrow, the wedding was the day after.

Getting up from the bed, you knew you wouldn’t be able to sleep any time soon so you made your way out of your shared room with Ji-eun and walked downstairs. 

You went to grab a glass of water but you saw someone make their way downstairs too. You looked up surprised to see Jungkook.

“Why are you still awake?” He asked you.

“I could ask you the same thing.” You replied with a smirk. He chuckled before opening the fridge and peering inside. You were about to go back up when you heard him call out your name.

He held up two cans of beer and a bag of chips before raising his eyebrows at you, a silent question if you wanted to join him. 

You rolled your eyes but agreed. 

You followed him out of the house to sit on a bench a few blocks away. The view was amazing, you can see the beach and the lights of the city from this distance. He handed you a can of beer and you opened it in thanks. 

You both took a sip at the same time. You guys saw a hotteok stand not far from where you were sitting and Jungkook offered to buy you one. You of course agreed, knowing you can’t deny the treat. 

He came back with two pastries in his hands and sat back beside you. You saw him open another can of beer and you wondered when he got that.

It was mostly silent ever since you guys got here and the quietness was starting to make you uncomfortable. You glanced at Jungkook and you can tell he was relatively tipsy. 

“You okay?” You asked him. He sucked in a breath and looked to the sky. You saw tears slowly form into his eyes, causing you to look at him in concern. 

When he faced back at you, his gaze was so intense that it made you look away in nervousness. 

He brought his hand to your chin and made you face back at him. 

“Jungkook?”

He looked at you deep in your eyes before he let out a sigh.

“Do you think we’ll be okay?” He asked. The question caught you off guard. Were you guys going to be okay? You didn’t know. After he gets married, things will be a lot different. Being around them as a couple was hard enough, and now you’re going to be around them while they're married… You aren’t sure if you’ll be able to handle that. 

“Things will be different, but I can assure you, that I’ll still be here whenever you need me.” You told him honestly. You said something similar when you left for the States but this time is different. You knew if he ever asked for your help, you’d always offer it. But you aren’t sure if you want to involve yourself in his life anymore.

It’s just too painful. 

And it seems like Jungkook can sense that. 

“Promise me we’ll be okay.” He said suddenly. He brought you close to him so he could look directly at you. You guys stared at each other for a few seconds. You glanced at his lips from his close proximity. 

He has never been this close before and it made you nervous. You failed to notice how he was doing the same thing.

“Kook–” You started but you were cut off with his lips pressing on yours. 

You gasped in surprise but you immediately melted at the sensation of his lips against yours. You felt your insides burn up at the way his lips moved against yours. It felt amazing. You felt your heart beat loudly in your ears before you broke away, reality hitting you. 

You pushed him away from you. Tears started to make its way into your eyes. You can’t believe that just happened. Jungkook’s eyes widened in realization and he moved to grasp your hand.

“Y/N–” he started. But you cut him off with a hand in the air.

“You’re drunk, we should head back.” You told him, wetness making its way down your cheeks. You turned away and started walking back to the house. 

“I’m sorry–” He said but you were already gone.

You got back to the house and immediately made your way to your brother's room. You opened the door abruptly and he woke up startled. He was angry at your sudden entrance but saw the tears in your eyes.

“Y/N-ah?” 

You rushed to him and fell into his arms. He looked down at you in concern at your frazzled state and asked what happened.

You hiccuped through your words and Jimin never felt anger make its way through his body so quickly in his life. 

“I’ll kill him” He said, breaking apart from you and getting up from the bed. He was about to go out of the door when you called out to him.

“No please, leave it alone.” You said, grabbing his arm. 

“Y/N” He protested. But you shook your head. You brought out your phone and made the decision you needed. You quickly dialed Eunwoo’s number and by the third ring he answered.

“Hello?” 

“I’ll come” You told him. You looked up at Jimin while you held the phone against your ear. Voice cracking you took a deep breath.

“After the wedding, I’m gone.”

Jungkook was slowly making his way back home. He was angry at himself. Why did he do that?

He didn’t mean to kiss you. He just wanted to spend some time with you before you guys left tomorrow but he did the unthinkable. He felt angry, guilty. So many thoughts were running through his head. He didn’t mean to kiss you, but for some reason, that kiss made his insides heat up in delight. You guys have never been so close before and the way you melted in his embrace made his brain turn to mush.

What was wrong with him?

As he was deep in thought, he walked past a convenience store where Taehyung was stepping out. He looked up surprised to see his friend walking towards him. 

“Hey man” He said with a smile. But his expression dropped at the sight of his best friend's face.  “What’s wrong?” 

Jungkook let out a groan and put his hands in his air. They stood in the middle of the street for a second before Jungkook turned towards him. 

“I kissed Y/N” He said, getting straight to the point. Taehyung’s eyes widened in surprise before a scowl took over his features.

Before Jungkook could say anything else, Taehyung grabbed his shirt in his hands. “What the fuck did you just say?” 

Jungkook looked down and tears pricked his eyes. “I kissed her…” He said quietly. Taehyung cursed and pushed him away. He ran a stressed hand through his hair before turning back towards his friend. 

“What are you gonna do?” He asked. Jungkok shook his head. What was he supposed to do? 

“I don’t know” He said honestly. Taehyung scoffed. 

Taehyung looked at his friend. He could smell the scent of beer emitting from him. He was tipsy and wasn’t in the right mind. Letting out a sigh, he grabbed his friend's arm and started to pull him towards the direction of their shared house.

“Tae” Jungkook started but Taehyung cut him off knowing that Jungkook was going to try to convince him not to tell anyone. He let out a fake laugh in response. “No, you can’t do that. You can’t do this to her. You hurt her enough already.” He said mumbling to himself. But Jungkook could hear him loud and clear. 

He stopped in his tracks and Taehyung looked back at his friend. “What do you mean?” He asked. 

Taehyung let out a curse in response and started to take a step. But he was cut off by Jungkook grabbing his collar and turning him around.

“What do you mean?” He repeated.

Taehyung looked at him dead in the eye and didn’t say a word. Gears started to turn in Jungkook’s head at Taehyung’s blank expression. He shook his head in denial. There’s no way.

“Does she–” He said, but Taehyung only scoffed.

His friend looked at him with a sneer. “This is on you.” He said and walked away. Jungkook has never felt so conflicted in his life. Hurting you? Do you have feelings for him? He was about to ask again but Taehyung already left. He stood on the empty street and rubbed this face with his hands.

There’s no way…Right? 

The possibility is there. Jungkook felt his heart race at the thought. There was a period of time when Jungkook liked you. When you guys were children, he was attached to you by the hip. You were his pretty girl and he loved being around you. 

When he saved you from Jihoon and her posse, he looked at your overalls and your piggy tails and immediately knew he wanted to be by your side forever. And for years he was. You guys were constantly together with your other two friends joining.

When you guys were in high school, he planned to ask you out after his basketball game. You were on the sidelines cheering him on like you always were. He mentioned to Eunwoo in passing that he was gonna ask you out. He was ready and excited, about 70% sure that you felt the same. 

As he made his way out of the locker room to find you, he only saw Eunwoo speaking to you already. At first he didn’t think much of it until he walked off winking at you, making you blush. Jungkook felt confused as to why you reacted like that. 

“Hey Kook! Ready?” You asked him. He nodded his head and the two of you started to walk home.

As you made your way back to your house, Jungkook called out your name. 

You looked at him and saw he was conflicted to tell you something. 

Just do it, he thought.

He was about to utter the words but then Eunwoo ran up to the two of you, causing him to back track. Later… He thought.

When he got to your house, you looked at him and congratulated him on his win. “You did so well” You told him with a smile. “And Eunwoo did too!” 

Jungkook raised a brow at you and looked at you in the eyes in wonder. “Do you like him or something?” 

Stuttering in response. You panicked, knowing you don’t want him to know your true feelings for him. “He’s cute I guess…” 

Jungkook sucked in a breath at that. He shook his head at the thought and told you to head inside. You didn’t notice his tense body as he began to walk away.

I guess she doesn’t feel the same way…He thought.

That day, he stopped trying to pin against you, not wanting to ruin your friendship from his stupid feelings. He fell for Yeri and then fell for Minji.

He cared deeply for Minji, and he knew that he decided to propose because it just felt like the right choice. But now as he walks back into the house. He starts to doubt himself.

If he chose to do that then why did he kiss you?

He looked at the time and it read 1 A.M. He was going to go back to Seoul to prepare for his wedding. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and made his way to his room.

He made a choice, and that’s the choice he’ll have to live with. 

It was the day of the wedding. After you guys left Busan, you and Jungkook hardly spoke. Not wanting to add to more of the tension in the room, the others tried to get you guys to talk but it never worked. You guys avoided each other like the plague.

But today was a beautiful day. Mother nature seemed to be on their side since it was bright outside. Your lilac gown flowed down to the floor as you stood in front of the wooden doors before the ceremony. 

You looked behind you to see Minji rambling to her parents in excitement. Today was the day you’d lose Jungkook forever. 

As the music began to play, the doors opened to reveal the large crowd here to celebrate the union of your two friends. As people started to walk down one on one, it was suddenly your turn. You walked out with a small bouquet in your hands and looked up to see Jungkook, standing in a white suit. He looked so beautiful.

You glanced up and saw him already looking at you with a smile. You could pretend that he was the one you were walking towards. That you were the one wearing the wedding dress. But as you took your place on the side, the music changed and everyone stood to greet the bride.

When she got to the front, your breath hitched as she and Jungkook glanced lovingly into each other’s eyes.

It was beautiful. When they exchanged vows and placed their rings on each together, you felt your heart pang in your chest. 

“You may now kiss the bride” The officiant said. Everyone cheered.

When their lips made contact, you sucked in a breath as your eyes blurred with tears. You looked straight and made eye contact with Jimin who looked at you with sympathy.

When they broke apart, Jungkook made eye contact with you and you gave him a fake award winning smile which he returned. 

That was it, they were married.

And your heart was in pieces. 

The reception was filled with lots of congratulations and partying. Everyone was happy for the special day. You watched as Jungkook and Minji had their first dance as a married couple when your friends came up to stand beside you.

You felt Ji-eun grab your hand and you mentally thanked them for being there for you. You made eye contact with Eunwoo who was on the other side of the room. He gave you a look, asking if you’re okay. You gave him a weak smile and looked down.

Suddenly, someone was in front of you holding out their hand. You looked up to see Jungkook giving you a small grin.

“Shall we?” He asked, wiggling his brows. You let out a snort and placed your hand in his.

The two of you got up and walked over to the dance floor as other people started slow dancing to the soft music. As the two of you held each other close, your hand in his while the other was loosely wrapped around the other’s body, you have never felt more content to be this close to him. You placed your head on his chest. Allowing yourself to relax in his embrace for the last time.

As the two of you swayed to the music, Jungkook suddenly whispered your name causing you to look up at him. You held his gaze, losing yourself to his eyes that held the universe. 

“Yeah?” You asked him, softly.

He smiled sadly at you before leaning his forehead on yours. “I’m sorry.” 

You immediately knew what he was apologizing for. You pulled his hand towards you, placing it on your chest. Jungkook looked at you in confusion, usually it was you who placed your hand on him, not the other way around. He was about to speak up but you beat him to it.

“Do you remember when we were kids, and we used to do this before the other left, as a promise to come back?” You asked him. He looked into your sad eyes, wondering how long you’ve looked so sad and worn out. After finding out that he’s the cause of it, he couldn’t help but feel the tightening in his chest.

He nodded his head. “It’s a promise of a lifetime, because you said before that your heart is here, with me.” You said, sadly. You looked at his hand that was placed right above your heart. You knew it was beating fast, and you wondered if he could feel it too.

Jungkook didn’t know what to do, for some reason this was different from the last few times you did this. And he didn’t like it.

“Y/N–” He was cut off by you suddenly removing his hand from your chest and placing the same hand above his own heart.

“Well, Jungkook. Mine is here, with you.” You said, softly gazing into his eyes. A silent confession. 

You knew you weren't going to come back. This was your final moment with Jungkook. 

Luckily before he could question you, Minji interrupted you guys mid dance. You gave her a smile and allowed her to lead Jungkook away.

You looked towards the side to see Eunwoo staring you you sadly. As the two of you made eye contact, he tilted his head to the side, silently asking if you were okay.

As sad as you were, you knew it was the right choice to leave. You nodded your head and made your way towards him.

The night ended beautifully. Jungkook and Minji were finally married. You rode in the car with your brother as he made his way back to his shared apartment with Taehyung. You had to finish packing your things and say your goodbyes to everyone. 

As you made your way into your room, you grabbed the familiar sketch book in your hands and pulled up a photo that you took on your phone. It was a picture of Jungkook, on his wedding day, he had a big smile on his face as he and your friends talked. You took the picture, admiring how ethereal he looked at that moment. 

You began to draw on the final page of the book. Once you finished, you rubbed your hand over the final product and closed it. With a sigh, you looked at the moon from your window, you were leaving Seoul tomorrow morning.

—

As you grabbed your luggage from the back of the car, you looked up at the morning sun as the rays beautifully casted above the airport. You arrived at Incheon a few minutes ago, Eunwoo said he was almost there.

“We’re gonna miss you.” You heard from behind you. You turned around to see your brother and two close friends huddled together. It felt like deja vu. Here you were in a similar situation but instead of promising the return home, you were leaving for good.

“I’ll come visit, and you guys can always come to New York” You told them with a smile. Seoul will forever be your home, but you knew it was time for you to start over.

You saw a taxi pull up right behind you. Eunwoo hopped out after thanking the driver with a bow and grabbed his luggage from the back. He walked over to you guys and gave you a timid smile.

“You ready?” He asked. You looked up at him and gave him a nod. The four of you walked into the airport to check in. Taehyung and Jimin talked with Eunwoo as you stayed behind with Ji-eun. She gave you a sad smile and you saw tears making their way into her eyes.

You shook your head at her. “If you start crying, I’ll start crying. So don’t” 

But it was too late, the tears started to flow down her cheeks. You felt your resolve break and you immediately brought her into your arms.

“You better not make another best friend, or I’ll kill you” She said jokingly. You laughed in response and nodded your head. 

You guys broke apart when the boys started to approach you. You looked at them, they came over to you and joined the two of you in a group hug. You felt more tears come out as you felt the warmth of your loved ones. Eunwoo stayed behind and watched as you guys had your moment.

Reluctant to break apart, Eunwoo called out to you. “Let’s go?” He asked, as if telling you that you can change your mind. You smiled and made your way beside him.

“I love you guys” You told them. Suddenly Jimin started to burst out in tears and Taehyung hid his head against him.

“We love you too, now go before these two start hyperventilating” He said jokingly, his own eyes pricking with tears.

You and Eunwoo looked at each other before you started walking towards security. You looked back and saw your friends waving at you. You waved back and finally made your way inside. 

You failed to see another person running inside of the building only to see that you were gone.

Jungkook was at the coffee shop getting breakfast for him and Minji. They were leaving for their honeymoon tomorrow so they’re spending the majority of today packing. 

After he got his drink and food, he turned around to only bump into someone with familiar mint green hair. “Ah shit” The man said, slightly annoyed at his coffee ruined shirt.

“I’m so sorry—Yoongi?” Jungkook said, surprised. He thought he went back to New York already, but it turns out he didn’t.

“Oh, hey man” He said with a smirk. “Sorry about your coffee, I wasn’t watching where I was going”

Jungkook only shook his head. It was an accident, he wasn’t really paying attention either. 

“Wait, aren't you supposed to be at the airport?” Yoongi said, slightly confused. He knew Y/N was leaving today, so he was surprised to see her supposed best friend having coffee instead of bidding her goodbye.

Jungkook raised his brows in wonder. “No, what do you mean? I’m leaving for my honeymoon tomorrow…” He said. Yoongi only cursed under his breath. If he didn’t know then you most likely didn’t tell him. Conflicted, he was wondering if he should even say anything.

“Yoongi? Who’s at the airport?” Jungkook said, slightly panicked. Yoongi only sighed, it seems like Jungkook was starting to figure it out. “Is it–”

“Yes, she’s leaving today.” He said, finally. 

Dropping everything in his hands, Jungkook ran out of the coffee shop. He ran to the side of the road, and held out his hand to hail a taxi.

He was remembering how you were acting last night. There was something off, especially when you guys danced together. He should’ve listened to his instincts. Now you were leaving and he wasn’t supposed to know about it. Instead of feeling mad, he just felt sad. 

Is this what you guys have become?

Shaking his head, he needed to at least see you one last time.

Wait for me Y/N, please, he thought.

There was a traffic jam at the entrance of the departures section. The taxi driver was even surprised to see the amount of people leaving today. He was getting antsy, time was going by and he wasn’t sure if he was gonna be able to see you.

“Sir, you can just leave me here” He said, holding out some money for the driver to take. Was it too much? Probably, but he didn’t care.

He quickly got out and started running. He sprinted towards the nearest entrance, people looking at him weirdly and nearly toppling over people in the process. 

As he reached the airport, he looked around to see if he could find your familiar silhouette but to no avail, you were nowhere to be found.

Lastly checking the gate, he ran towards the entrance to only see you walk in and his friends standing there watching you go in. 

He was too late.

Letting out a sigh, Jimin watched as you finally left. He looked at his friends and told them that it was time to go. As he turned around, he saw Jungkook standing there with tears in his eyes.

For some reason, that angered him. How dare he come here in tears, acting like the one who got hurt instead of the other way around? You were hurting for months, years, God knows how long. He saw Jungkook make eye contact with him and for some reason that triggered him to walk over and punch him across the face.

Jungkook stumbled back in surprise at the impact. Taehyung came and held back his friend while Ji-eun let out a loud gasp.

“Why are you here?” He said angrily, making some people stare at them in confusion. “Haven’t you hurt her enough already?” 

Jungkook didn’t say anything, only crouched down with his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking. Jimin was taken aback from his friend’s behaviour. As angry as he was, he had never seen him like this before.

“Jungkook-ah?” Ji-eun said, crouching down beside him. Jungkook removed his hands from his face and Ji-eun’s eyes widened. Jungkook was sobbing.

“I’m sorry–” He said, more tears coming out of his eyes. “I’m so sorry…” 

Jimin crouched down and brought Jungkook into his arms. Taehyung and Ji-eun made eye contact with each other.

Jungkook nodded his head at something Jimin said to him. And the two of them immediately knew, Jimin asked him to finally let you go. 

ONE YEAR LATER

You were in your art class, working on realism with oil paint. It wasn’t your greatest form of art but you can tell you were improving. You haven’t been back in Seoul for almost a year now. It’s been ten months and you were happier. 

You’ve spoken to your friends and your brother a lot ever since you left. Conversations with them made you miss home, but you guys already planned to make a trip to Japan together.

You haven’t spoken to Jungkook or Minji at all. You don’t really know what's going on with them. Your friends don’t tell you, and you don’t ask. You preferred it that way. It helped you move on, as much as your heart yearned for something else. But as time went on, things got easier. 

You still lived with Yeri. She was a great roommate but she hasn’t really been home lately because of her new boyfriend, Kim Seokjin. You’ve met him once. He’s an extremely successful, smart, and beautiful looking man. The two of them as a couple was like watching royalty. 

But it was fine, you either spent your time alone, with Yoongi, and most importantly Eunwoo.

He’s the one that kept you the most company over the last year. He became one of your closest companions and friends. But recently things have started to change. You would notice you would stare at him for long periods of time and when he catches you, your face would heat up in embarrassment. Or when he took you out to eat, you’d always reminisce about the time you spent together that day. 

And yesterday, you guys were watching a movie together and when you both reached inside the bucket for popcorn, your hands brushed. The two of you looked at each other in alarm. But Eunwoo refused to look away, his eyes flicking between your lips and your eyes. 

Of course, you being you…you got up and went to the bathroom and internally panicked. 

You guys haven’t really spoken ever since he left to go home. You’ve been ignoring your phone all morning. But you knew you had to answer it eventually, you were expecting a call from your manager about another gallery opening soon. 

You were becoming quite well known in the artist world. Many people have bought your paintings, much to your astonishment. 

You were constantly working on pieces but for some reason, this set hasn’t met your expectations. You felt like something was missing, but you didn’t know what.

Suddenly you saw people getting up to leave for home. Slightly embarrassed, you noticed how you barely worked on your painting. Oops, you thought. 

You went ahead and cleaned your station. Suddenly your teacher approached you. 

“Y/N, there’s a call for you at the front office.” She said with a smile.

Oh yeah, you turned off your phone. You bowed in thanks and quickly ran out to the reception. 

The front desk lady gave you a smile before handing you the phone in her hand. 

“Hello?” You said. 

“Finally! Why haven’t you been answering?” Hearing a familiar voice ask. You looked around in confusion.

“Eunwoo?”

“Ah nevermind, I’ll just come inside.” He said before hanging up. Not long after he came inside the building, looking a little distressed. You looked at him in confusion as he approached you.

“Are you alright?” You asked once he stood in front of you.

“Where’s your phone?” 

You scrunched your brows in confusion. You grabbed it out of your back pocket and turned it on. Scoffing he put a hand though his hair. “Of course” He mumbled.

Suddenly, as your phone started to power up, you saw many notification on your lock screen. Wondering what happened you unlocked it.

10 Missed Calls from Ji-eun

21 Missed Calls from Jimin

9 Missed calls From Taehyung

7 Missed Calls from Yeri

5 Missed Calls from Eunwoo

45 Missed Texts 

2 Missed Calls from Mom

1 Missed Call from Mrs. Jeon

1 Text from Junghyun

You clicked on Junghyun’s text first, knowing he usually doesn’t talk to you, hasn’t ever since you guys were kids.

Hey, it’s Junghyun, Jungkook’s older brother. We need you to come home… 

All those times your heart sank, you never felt it like this before. Cold sweat broke out onto your face as you looked at Eunwoo with tears in your eyes.

He looked at you in concern as the news sank in.

We need you to come home…Jungkook got into an accident

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BTS fic recs that turn you into angsty mush [smut, angst]

You know, the angsty, heart wrenchingly beautiful ones. Alt Title: I like to torture myself with emotions bc I have none otherwise.

All romance/smut (Nam2Seok are my bros so no fic recs for them, sorry!). And sorry in advance, angst requires wooooords so these are all long af but so worth it.

🚙 OT7

The Road to You by @bonvoyagenoona​ [series, complete] - all of the things, Odyssey of boyfriends This is my favorite fic I’ve read. I think about it all the time and have reread it a couple of times. Seriously if you love angst, you can’t pass this one up.

✨ Jungkook

Falling by @starshapedkookie​ [one-shot, 31.4k] - soulmate/destiny au Absolutely brilliant take on soulmate universe. Who says your soulmate isn’t someone you choose? This story is brutally angsty and so worth the emotional turmoil. I think about this fic’s concept of soulmate choice so so much and I love the way this ends.

all that glitters by @aquagustd​ (ft. Yoongi) [one-shot, 66k lol] - fuckboy Jungkook This story absolutely tore me apart. Think angst, then multiply it by 1000. I felt that achey emptiness you feel after reading a good book with a happy sad ending.

scattered stars & collision by @taegularities​ [two-shot, 22.5k] - enemies to lovers, soulmates, magical au Love this concept - it’s a really interesting take on Romeo & Juliet. And it’s so beautifully written - full of magical forest imagery and star crossed lovers.

Grapejuice by @starshapedkookie​ (ft. Tae) [one-shot, 36k] - art school au This story is so angsty and kinda just everything. It reminded me of the art students in Neverthless. on Netflix.

Lone Blue Egg by @foxymoxynoona​ [series, complete, read on AOW] - bird hybrid au, penguin Koo Rana is the absolute best with all her chaotic energy. And Koo is so cute once he gets his shit together. Plus all the bird humor. noot noot.

This Mortal Coil by @jinfizz​ [one-shot, 40k] - wolf au, alpha Jungkook, idiots to lovers, friends to lovers Phenomenal writing and story telling. I liked watching these two dummies be oblivious until they couldn’t avoid the inevitable. This was actually the first long BTS fic I read on Tumblr and it got me hooked.

The Boy with Galaxies in his Eyes by @oddinary4bts​​ [one-shot, 52.9k] - idol!au, fwb to lovers Beautiful story about two people who are not ready for a relationship but they find their perfect person anyway (and fight it a lot on the way).

💔 Taehyung

tales of broken hearts by @taegularities​ [one-shot, 24.8k] - exes to lovers, childhood sweethearts Rid is the angsty heartwrenching fic master. I’m slowly working my way through her masterlist. The emotional descriptions in this fic make you feel all of the things. It made me feel like I was watching all of my favorite romance dramas.

paris in the rain by @kookskingdom​ [one-shot, 24k] - strangers to lovers The perfect Paris Tae moment. This story is perfect and so hopelessly romantic and has all the Paris visuals. I love this couple so damn much.

Paper Cranes by @aquaminwrites​ [one-shot, 18.3k] - best friends to lovers Goodness, this one hits all the feels. It has all those angsty longing vibes and this Tae is the ultimate romantic and I live for his long game!

Complete Faith by @daechwitatamic​ [series, 50k] - coworkers to lovers This story absolutely broke me - in a good way I swear. I loved how the characters had their own previous relationship baggage and personal trauma and how they helped each other grow but they also needed to grow individually for this relationship to work.

Kick Up the Fire and Let the Flames Break Loose by @ffion451​ (ft. Yoongi) [series, complete] - enemies to lovers, strangers to lovers A truly phenomenal and angsty story. I don’t have enough words for how OC & Tae’s relationship makes me feel. Also, Taehyung has the biggest BDE and D. The smut in this is unparalleled. (And honestly, I think about this Tae way to often for it to be normal. Like weekly, Ffi. Weekly.)

starstruck by @sugalaritae​ (ft. Yoongi) [series, ongoing] - barista!Tae, unistudent!Yoongi I love how this story dives into anxious thought patterns and not feeling worthy enough for a relationship for so many reasons and for all of the characters. (I’m still rooting for Tae! But also hope Yoongi gets it together.)

rewriting love by @kooktrash​ [one-shot, 12.3k] - webtoon character Tae, soulmates This concept is genius. Star-crossed soulmates destined to live in parallel universes. Your heart will ache after reading this.

💘 Jimin

all of you by @writtenwhalien​ [series, complete] - friends to lovers, ceo Jimin The way the characters are written made me immediately invested in their lives. I was in love, heartbroken, angry for them. Their love is too pure and made my insides flutter.

Serendipity by @sopebubbles​ (ft. Jungkook) [series, complete] - idol au This is so ARMY! It’s written so realistically you can hear the members and just know they would also be making those jokes. And it’s also way too realistic you might hate some of the characters I’m still mad.

of stars erased by @fantasybangtan​ [two-shot, 39.7k] - dystopian Beautiful Romeo & Juliet kind of fic meets apocalypse. Jimin is the sweetest angel and such a little hopeless romantic.

Raise the Barre by @kpopfanfictrash​​ [series, complete] - enemies to lovers, dance academy au I love the theme of sweet Jimin who’s supposed to be this evil rival. This enemies to lovers is so addicting I finished it all in one night.

🎵Yoongi

Countermelody by @bonvoyagenoona​ [series, complete] - enemies to friends to lovers, music producer!Yoongi Okaay. Literally everything about this is incredible. So many existential crises. So much oc angst and figuring out what she wants. Plus producer rapline and a story all about love for music. 10/10.

Away From You by @personasintro​ [series, ongoing] - divorce au, ceo Yoongi This Yoongi is one of my all-time favorites. OC and Yoongi have such a fraught love story that you’re both rooting for them and hoping they break it off at the same time (at least I did). 

VEXED by @taleasnewastime​ [one-shot, 34.5k] - famous actress reader, strangers to lovers This one is a little less love story angsty and more personal angst. OC’s a famous actress who got dumped and things aren’t going so well but in walks our angel Yoongi. Plus super sweet snack bonding.

give yourself a try by @miscelunaaa​ [two-shot, 24.7k] - plus size female reader, coworkers to lovers So much pining, insecurities, internalized fat phobia. This one has the angst and a knight in shining armor Yoongi to the rescue. Loved this story! Plus a The 1975 fic title, what should I say - ugh! this must be my dream. (sorry I had to.)

if you don't ask me to stay | kth

✰ pairing: taehyung x reader ✰ warnings: light smut (18+ only, minors DNI), ft. penetrative sex; Big Angst; exes-to-lovers (?); a friends with benefits (???) arrangement; a breakup but not really; simping about friendships; lots of alcohol; a bad robert frost reference; just kind of sad and nostalgic vibes all around; not a happy ending (... yet) ✰ word count: 4.0k ✰ note: happy birthday to kim taehyung, bangtan’s resident menace ❤️ y’all know how much i struggled with the holiday oneshot i was writing, but i loved the general idea too much to let it go and reworked it into this shorter fic. it’s very personal to me, so i hope y’all uhhh don’t hate it 😬

✰ listened to: ’tis the damn season - taylor swift (i highly recommend listening to this at some point, before or after you read - this song changed my life and inspired this whole thing)

—

You've always loved the way the morning light leaks into Taehyung's bedroom. He's never awake in time to see it, but you are—you look up from where you lie under the weight of his limbs resting heavy atop yours, blinking yourself awake to the watery rays slanting across his sheets and dappling the floor. 

Somehow, though, it doesn't feel like a promise of a new day so much as it feels like a lamp in an interrogation room. Throwing all of your flaws into sharp relief; thrusting your sins into the spotlight.

You always wake up before he does. He’ll sleep for hours after sunrise, sleep away half the day. Turn his back to the window and smother his face into the sheets, letting his dreams reclaim him. You’d love to do that, too, but something about lying in a bed that’s not your own yanks you to consciousness at dawn. Keeps your eyes from slipping shut again.

Around you, the house sits still, unperturbed, holding its breath. His parents and siblings have left for the holidays, the way they do every year—gone for the week to visit family in the countryside. For the last five years, Taehyung’s begged off this trip. The holidays are prime photography season, he’ll say. The best time to go shoot Christmas lights and snow on riverbanks and desolate city streets. When the money’s running low, he’ll do winter weddings, family sessions. He can’t afford to take this week off. And anyway, he’ll join them for their trip in July.

What they don’t know is that he spends every single one of those days with you.

You come back to this town for the final week of December every year, despite your parents having moved abroad years ago—despite the fact that this town holds little for you except the ghosts of memories past. There isn't a family home with a Christmas tree and a beloved pet dog, your favorite haunts have shut down to make room for big box stores, and most of your friends moved to Seoul for college and never looked back.

So, there really isn't anything left tying you to this place. But every December, you still return for... whatever this is. For this borderless, shapeless thing you have with Taehyung, this unidentifiable arrangement that’s persisted since your first winter back and continued every year since.

You know it can't go on forever, but somehow, that unpleasant truth goes forgotten every time.

—

It always starts the same way. 

Every year, Jeongguk throws a holiday party, a truly indulgent and lawless affair he’s lazily christened “Guk-mas.” It’s always at his place, a massive loft downtown, because his parents are grossly wealthy and grossly negligent and let him live there alone starting in his senior year of high school. (As Jeongguk so tastefully put it, they were “sick of his shit.”) So every winter, you get the mass group text that summons you to his front door on Christmas Eve, with wine in one hand and soju in the other.

His place stays the same, but it also doesn’t. In true spoiled-brat-nepo-baby fashion, Jeongguk has an improbably successful art career, and the massive canvases leaning against the wall and propped up on easels change every time. You usually stop to admire them, holding a glass of whatever in your hand. The first year, a red Solo cup full of lukewarm beer from a questionable keg. This year, a mug of mulled wine. (You're honestly impressed with Jeongguk's attempts to class up these gatherings over the years, but you'd rather get run over by a snow plow than admit it to him.)

You’re staring at his latest masterpiece, a canvas splotched with interwoven streaks of indigo and navy and cerulean, and you’re trying for the life of you to find deeper meaning in it while the party slowly picks up around you. The cast of characters, like the setting, goes unchanged: Park Jimin, Kim Namjoon, Jung Hoseok, Kim Seokjin, the people who occupied your orbit regularly in high school. (The others are friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends, because Jeongguk has an incurable habit of shouting, "The more the merrier!") Even the infamously reserved and antisocial Min Yoongi makes his appearance, hovering quietly at the edges of the party and making nice in his understated, polite way. It’s the one time of the year you all get together to catch up on each others’ lives, and no one dares miss it.

Hoseok is the first to greet you, since he's always the first of your friends to show up. He has on a pair of light-up elf ears and the world's brightest smile, and it’s dumb, but you almost choke up. Because living in Seoul alone is lonely, your job makes it almost impossible to befriend anyone without a superiority complex, and above all, it's just nice to see Hoseok. A familiar face, a comfort in your unrecognizable life. When you hug him, he smells like clean sheets, new leather, sunlight. He smells like the time you all went to the arcade after getting gopchang and fell on the floor laughing, clutching each other in tears because Jeongguk climbed on top of the basketball machine and cheated until the owner arrived to scream at him.

Everyone else arrives, the massive and open space shrinking as bodies trickle in, Jeongguk having to turn up the volume on his fancy speakers when the music becomes inaudible over the cacophony of squealed greetings. You raise yourself on your tiptoes to hug Namjoon, even though he always pats your back awkwardly like you’re a small child. Let Jeongguk ladle you two more cups of wine. Ask Yoongi how he's been, receive a dry "same old" and the barest hint of a smile in response. In the distance, you hear Seokjin bickering with the host. Look up to see the two of them kicking each other, executing a fascinating but appalling handshake that you don't even want to know about.

You might have whisked yourself off to Seoul at the first opportunity, even seriously contemplated moving with your parents abroad and getting a job there, but you could never stay away from these people. You've never quite been able to recapture the complete safety you feel when you're surrounded by your old friends—who know you intimately, who have seen you through your awkward years and enthusiastically bullied you for it, but love you in a way only they can. Friends you almost never see, but with whom you feel like no time has passed at all when you do catch up. Here, this group… it takes this weird, unwieldy weight off your shoulders. This inescapable pressure to be someone, to do something. Reminds you of a little bit of who you used to be, before you ran away. Before you backed yourself into a corner.

Later, as the loft fills with people and the din escalates to the point of being deafening, you sit with everyone else on Jeongguk’s paint-stained couches. You usually wind up asking more about everyone else’s lives than sharing news of your own, but you don’t mind: There isn’t much to say, because your life hasn't changed all that much in the last five years. There isn't a boyfriend, your family picked up and moved to New Jersey five years ago, and you've been at the same marketing agency since graduating college. But it's fine—really. You enjoy hearing about Jeongguk's newest exhibits, Jimin’s upcoming wedding. You even like listening to Hoseok talk about his skyrocketing fashion label—you couldn't give a shit about his FW collection, but the way his eyes light up has you hanging onto his every word.

About two hours into the party, once you've all caught up on the major life updates and Jeongguk's begun whining for everyone to join him for flip cup, the last member of your little crew walks in. Late, because of course he is. The space is now far too packed and hectic for anyone to notice when the door opens, but you do, your eyes shooting right to the entryway. You’ve always been able to pick up on Taehyung’s presence like that. A sixth sense, just for him.

He hangs his coat on the rack by the door, shakes the snow out of his hair. It's back to his natural black-brown this year, and you find yourself missing when it was blue and red and everything in between. Missing the years when hair color felt like an accessory, as meaningless and interchangeable as socks or a necklace.

You lock eyes across the space, over the heads of already-wasted partygoers, across the beams of multicolored lights and halfhearted Christmas decorations. He nods, you nod. And you stay in your separate circles until midnight, roaming around and near each other but never quite touching.

Midnight is when Jeongguk, like the holiday menace he is, brings out the real stuff: stronger soju, vodka, the acrid baijiu that makes you gag just at the sight of the bottle. He turns up the music loud enough for noise complaints, but never receives any. You take way more shots than you should, egged on by an absolutely blasted Jimin and a screaming Seokjin, until your surroundings blur into nothing and the music becomes little more than a dull, pounding roar. 

All of a sudden, it becomes way too easy to shake off whatever reservations you have left about striking up a conversation with your ex-boyfriend-turned-something. Becomes way too easy to take one last shot, the rush of alcohol thumping in your ears and burning in your chest, and stumble between the crushed heat of people to get to the person standing alone by the stereo.

It takes almost nothing to walk up to Taehyung. To ask him how he's been, to pluck an invisible thread off his collar. To lean in—closer, closer, closer, until you can see the wine staining his lips. Until there’s hardly any distance between you at all.

It's not long after that you and Taehyung manage to end up on the veranda alone. Outside, with the crisp air and the gorgeous view of the city lights, you feel… safer. Braver. Bolder. Like the night will cushion your fall.

You talk. You laugh. Everyone’s having too much fun inside to notice that the two of you are missing. As the night darkens and the guests dwindle in number, your conversation heats up just a bit, but neither of your hearts are in it. You have nothing new to say to each other; your exchanges hold nothing but the barest traces of bitterness, long washed away by years of whatever it is you’ve been doing.

You're the one who left me. 

But you chose not to come with me, and yet I still come back for you every year. 

And you leave me every year, too. 

Eventually, he reaches out to hold your hand, the way he always does when he feels unsure of himself. And you let him.

In the end, it doesn't matter what you say, because it always ends the same way, too. Once everyone's too drunk to remember anything—the cue being the distinct sound of Namjoon retching in the guest bathroom—you and Taehyung quietly make your exit. You walk off the alcohol outside, leaving barely visible footprints in the thin layer of snow. End up in his car, and he leans over the gearshift and kisses you breathless, almost like he wants to consume you whole. Like he has a lot to make up for. And then the two of you drive off into the night, together.

Every year, it's the same.

—

The first year it happened, it felt like a dream. A complete fiction, one you couldn’t have made up if you tried.

You were a lot younger, then. Twenty-two, fresh out of college. A baby, when you think back on it. So worn thin already by your nascent life in Seoul, so beaten shapeless by the unfamiliar and relentless demands of city life, that coming back home felt like a refuge, even if your parents had packed up and effectively left you to fend for yourself. Whatever, you reasoned—you were an Adult, with a Full-Time Job and your Own Apartment, and you were doing Just Fine, Thanks.

But maybe, just maybe, you hadn’t been doing fine. Because, yes, you’d spent the better part of your four years in college thinking about Taehyung, your first and only love, the high school sweetheart you’d left behind to chase your dreams in Seoul. Spent a lot of that time regretting, wondering what might have been, and measuring every boy you dated against the one you’d let go. But it was still way too easy to go back to his place at the end of the night and let him inside of you again. Let him fit into you as perfectly as a puzzle piece, even after all this time.

You’d dated for only two years in high school, a blip in the grand scheme of things—you’d been apart for over twice as long as you’d been together. And yet you began to think that he was the only person who really, truly knew you, because for the next seven days, you felt… whole.

The first winter you spent with Taehyung showed you a glimpse of what could have been, the life you could have had if you’d stayed. Slow mornings, slower nights. Days that were too long and too short all at once, punctuated with soft laughter and kisses, filled with jazz music and naked adoration for one another. Everything you’d been missing in the city, in life, collected in a single person.

But at the end of that week, the end of your allotted time back at home, he wasn’t willing to move to Seoul. He couldn’t leave his family, couldn’t leave the city where he’d laid the groundwork for his budding photography career. You’d never asked him outright, but somehow, he gave you the answers you were looking for before you even thought to look for them. 

And despite all your discontent with the city, you weren’t willing to move out of Seoul. You were just starting to get your bearings, figuring out your career, and starting your adult life. Going back to your hometown would be nothing less than a huge step backward—a steep fall from the life you’d desperately wanted and created for yourself.

So, where did that leave the two of you?

—

For seven days each winter, the two of you play house.

If you suspend your disbelief for long enough, you can pretend that none of this is fleeting. That this house—this person—is yours. That the cups of tea in the morning and hot chocolate at night, the sunset walks around the neighborhood, and the quiet evenings for Christmas movies and slow dancing in the dark won’t vanish into thin air, faster than you can say "happy holidays."

That when you leave, just as the world rings in a new beginning, you won't face another 358 days without him. Wondering what he’s up to, wondering if your unspoken agreement still awaits you as the year comes to a close.

You can fool yourself into thinking the rhythms of domesticity are yours to keep. You call each other “babe,” wake each other up with slow kisses and quiet laughs. You make breakfast together, and crack up when Taehyung smears a dollop of whipped cream on your nose. You clip on Yeontan’s leash and put on a pair of familiar, well-worn slides to take him on a walk around the block. Taehyung cleans up, and your heart bleeds openly at the sight of him in an apron and dish gloves. When you return, he presses you up against the wall and kisses you like a man starved. 

You make love, everywhere. On top of the dining table, on the living room couch, in his bedroom. His searching mouth finds the tip of your nose, your collarbone. Wraps around your nipple and sucks until you’re writhing and desperate beneath him, begging him to please, fuck me as his sinful fingers part your folds and press into your skin. And when he finally does, when he finally rolls a condom over his length and pushes into you, he does it slow, careful. After all, it’s been a while since the last time. And there hasn't been anyone since.

Every year, the way he loves you is utterly brand-new, completely transcendent. The fullness of having him inside of you comes close to unbearable, your walls molding to him as he whispers praise into the shell of your ear. You’re so perfect, my angel. So tight, so good for me. You always take me so well. You fall apart hard and fast, and then he does, too, holding you so close you think he’s become a part of you entirely. 

You share hot showers, glasses of wine, takeout dinners. It seems as though his hands never leave your body: a thumb swiped across your lower lip, a palm pressed to your back, fingers slipped neatly between yours. Even when you go to bed at the end of the night, he can’t fall asleep without your fingertips tracing patterns along his back. Making your presence known, solid to him as he drifts off.

You slot against each other in bed or across the couch late at night, a throw blanket nestling you together, and you talk about everything but the important thing. You tiptoe around the elephant in the room, and talk instead about Taehyung’s career, the studio he hopes to open downtown someday. The strange and fascinating models he gets to work with, the different types of cameras and film he wants to test. You talk about your own job. When you think you’ll be promoted, the projects you’ve been working on, and how the performance reviews should be coming up soon.

When he hears the vague anxiety thrumming in your voice, the uncertainty wavering in it, he wordlessly pulls you a little closer. Holds you a little tighter. 

For seven days every year, your life is near-perfect, an existence so cocooned that it feels undeserved. You traverse the road not taken, take lazy steps to admire the foliage, let yourself be loved the way you’ve wanted to be loved, and pretend you’ve walked this path all this time. Behave as if the other option never even existed. It’s only you and Taehyung—you don’t see other friends, don’t see your families. You make a bubble, transparent and fragile, and lose yourself in him.

On the fifth day, you light candles on a birthday cake and watch him age another year. You sing to an audience of one, and your heart breaks at the sight of his eyes sealed tight, his hands clasped together, his lips forming a silent wish. You wonder what he wishes for; if his heart’s greatest desire is the same as yours. The smile he gives you after he’s blown out the flames, after he’s planted a firm kiss on your temple, shatters you.

You ache for this moment to last forever.

—

On the seventh day, the last day, you wipe away every trace of your existence—folding up your clothes, running the vacuum, plucking your toothbrush from his bathroom. His family will return tonight. They won’t see your shoes by the door or your books on the coffee table, because these things—the only evidence of your existence in his life—won’t be there when they walk in. It will just be Taehyung, and you’ll already be long gone, well on your way back to Seoul.

The two of you make love one last time in the late afternoon. A parting gesture, a ritual. He thrusts into you as the sky darkens. Moans your name into the heady air, voice impossibly deep and honeyed, and leaves blooming violets everywhere his mouth can reach. He makes you come first, his touch pressing hard enough to leave bruises and running up your sides to palm your breasts. When he finishes afterward, it’s in hot, intoxicating bursts: his body shuddering against yours, the sheen of sweat on your skin mingling with his. The two of you collapse into the sheets, tangled and messy—the weight of seven entire days falling onto your shoulders all at once.

The first sign that this time is different? He doesn’t reach for you right away. He doesn’t tuck your hair behind your ear, pull you into his chest, or kiss the corner of your mouth. His arms stay glued to his sides, unmoving.

The second sign: His eyes go glassy. He blinks furiously as he stares at you, bottom lip wavering, and then he flips onto his back and throws his forearm over his face. Hiding, maybe. Or ashamed.

Taehyung, you want to say. Talk to me. Your fingers twitch on top of his soft bedding, as helpless as magnets.

Instead, you wait. You don’t move, don’t reach out to touch him, because you’re afraid of what will happen when you do. What parts of yourself you’ll expose when you’d rather keep them hidden. You give him a moment to find the words. Trust that he’ll come to them on his own.

After a while, he finally speaks. His voice breaks, and it breaks you.

I met someone.

Everything collapses under the weight of words unsaid.

He tells you just enough about her, the person he met. He doesn’t tell you what she looks like, where she lives, where she works. Doesn’t even tell you her name. Even as he breaks your heart, he knows exactly how to protect it.

On that last day, as the light fades from his bedroom and the clock runs out, everything comes out. He wants you, wants this, he says, but he can’t wait forever. He can’t look at you when he admits that he knew this had to end a long time ago. Knew that this year would be the last—had to be the last—the moment he saw you at Jeongguk’s loft. He can’t, he says with a shuddering breath, keep living like this—with half of your love, with one foot out the door. Living for a future that may not exist.

In your head, this all makes sense. But that doesn’t stop your lungs from closing up and choking off your breath. Doesn’t stop tears from pricking at your eyes, and it doesn’t stop Taehyung from finally, finally reaching out for you when he hears that first sob, escaping on the coattails of an exhale.

Please, you want to say, looking into those tender eyes that have already stopped seeing parts of you. Please ask me to stay. Please tell me you’ll wait for me just a little bit longer.

But he doesn’t, because how could he? In the last five years, all he’s done is ask you to stay. He’s never said the words out loud, but you hear them in the way he gazes fondly at you over the rim of a wineglass. The whisper of words against your forehead when he thinks you’re asleep. When he describes his plans for the future and asks you what you think of them. 

All he’s done is give your heart to you. And all you’ve done is dropped it, like clockwork, over and over. Porcelain hitting concrete. Paper into flame.

And everything that he’s accusing you of? It’s true. Every last word of it, and you have nothing to say in response.

So… you take his hand in yours and tell him that you understand, even if it takes everything out of you to muster the sincerity in it. That you’re sorry, even if you can’t articulate exactly why: for making him wait? For never saying the truth out loud? For stretching his fragile heart too thin? That you’re happy for him, even if the thought of him with someone else unravels you.

So… you kiss him for what you know is the final time, before his parents’ tires crunch against the gravel outside and his siblings spill out of the car, brimming with stories about their weird relatives and filling the silence.

So… you leave him. Just like you’ve done every year. But this time, it aches a little more when he walks you to the door; rips your whole being in half when he lets go of your hand for the last time with a tiny squeeze. And this time, when you drive away until he's just a pinprick in your rearview, the final remnants of your time together tucked in a box in the trunk, you have to fight to hold yourself together. Because this time, the heart you’re breaking is your own.

This life, the one you could’ve had if you’d tried hard enough, was never yours to keep anyway.

wow....reading this, i could physically feel my heart clench during the last 2 chapters. I am so excited to see how their story moves on from this and I can't imagine how taehyung would ever be able to redeem himself. My heart ached alongside Dilara's,,,,i still need to recover but i wanted more pain so now I'm reading Jimin's </3

now i simply just want to tell you how much i adore your writing, stumbling upon your masterlist felt like an early christmas present and my heart, mind, and soul are pleased that I get to enjoy your fics !!! i'll be looking forward to more of your posts soon and can guarantee that you have my support and love !

All fics below are in chronological order, written about Taehyung and his longterm OC, Dilara, but most of them can be read standalone or as reader inserts as well. Not all of these are posted in the order that they are listed, and they exist in the same universe as the other members' fics.

main masterlist

Weekend Story: A Japanese GP Special / Part 2

Years before all the heartbreak and drama, Kim Taehyung walked onto my paddock at Suzuka. Try as I might to look away, he was the only thing I could see on track.

Los Angeles

Eight months after a magical weekend with Kim Taehyung after which you never thought you’d see him again, you find yourself reunited with him for one more night.

The Date

Taehyung takes you out on a beautiful first date before bringing up a topic you’d really rather not talk about.

(Set two months after Los Angeles)

Confessions

A knee-jerk reaction and misplaced jealousy leads Taehyung to finally get something off his chest.

(Set a few days after The Date)

Austin

A series of events that lead up to a difficult decision about your future with Taehyung.

(Begins around a month after Confessions)

In Time

He's everywhere. Even months after your break-up, Taehyung is everywhere, even when you wish he would just disappear.

(Set 7-8 months after Austin)

Monza

You're in a pickle and, unfortunately, your ex-boyfriend is the only one around to help.

(Set approximately two months after In Time)

Melbourne

Dilara tries navigating her days with her ex-boyfriend back in her life, while Taehyung remains plagued by memories of their past.

(Contains flashbacks)

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