OLD HABITSkaeya X Gn!reader | Angst, Insecure Kaeya | 538 Words.cw. Alcohol, Break-ups, Hinted Unhealthy

— OLD HABITS kaeya x gn!reader | angst, insecure kaeya | 538 words. cw. alcohol, break-ups, hinted unhealthy relationship, hurt/no comfort, mentions of kaeya's past & crepus' death, not proofread. note. i'm hurting so kaeya hurts too.

perhaps KAEYA knew better than to delve into something so precious, fragile. he knew better than to be trusted with your delicate heart, to hold it in his rough, calloused hands and cradle it close to his chest. part of him was convinced that he deserved this; he deserved to know what love was and have a safe, secure place to call home. a house that isn't made of anger, regret nor shouting. no walls with holes punched into them, no stormy nights curled up under bedsheets letting the rain drown out his cries. he deserved to know what it was like for someone to stay by his side.

but kaeya also knew that he wouldn't achieve that with you. nothing on your behalf, never - kaeya couldn't blame for you for anything to save his own life, he loved you too much. it was all kaeya, every time he saw his own reflection in the bathroom mirror of your shared house in the mirror before he left for work. every time he stared out of the knights of favonius's headquarters' windows at the sunset, the one he should have been watching with you on a plaid crocheted blanket at starsnatch cliff.

old habits die hard, they burn until the flame ceases to exist and with them, they take the most precious thing you're not ready to say goodbye to. as kaeya stands at the foot of the bed, staring at the untouched sheets specifically where you would lay, he determines that he's learnt his lesson. the faint stench of wine on his breath, his mind foggy as tears brim that eye of his, dark and resembling the darkest depths of the ocean that teyvat dare not touch. they sting, a choked sob leaving a bitter taste in his mouth when reality sets in.

drinking isn't going to solve it. it's not going to bring you back, not win you over and convince you he's worthy of your fragile heart and devoted love. that he's a changed man and will learn from his past mistakes. he wants to pull you flush into his chest, his arms wrapped around your shoulders and unwilling to let you go as he tells you he loves you, repeating it like a mantra. kaeya would give anything in teyvat just to have a second chance at loving you, treating you better and teaching you that by the archons, he can love and he will love.

but the wardrobe is void of your things; your favourite glass to drink water out of in the mornings is dried and placed back in the cabinet, not on your nightstand. your pillow is cold with not a crease in it - kaeya refuses to lay on your side of the bed, - and most importantly, he can't hear that laugh of yours he was so in love with. the melodic sound of it drowning out the pain of his past, the trauma that bubbled in his chest whenever it storms and suddenly he can see crepus' body again, a moment too late.

old habits die hard, maybe he'd already learnt that lesson and simply chose to ignore it in a blind form of love, praying that this time was different.

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© thexianzhoujade 2024. | reblogs appreciated | do not re-upload, copy, translate, etc. my works on any form of media.

Please. I am begging EVERYONE. All my followers. All those that see this. All those that hate me.

Do NOT watch the Oscars on March 10th.

Isreal is planning a strike on Rafah, framed as a safe zone for Palestinians, to slaughter even more. And this is the same day they have that planned. They plan to use the Oscars as a cover up and a distraction to get peoples minds away from Palestine and on something else. So they can fulfill their GENOCIDE.

DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN.

I don’t care how much you love the film industry. I don’t care if you’re desperate to see your favorite movie get an award.

Do you care more about that than human lives? Seriously?

If you care, PLEASE. Don’t let the Oscars distract you. Don’t give America the power to get away with this aid to Isreal. Don’t watch.

Boycott instead. Go anywhere you can and preach for the lives of Palestine and demand ceasefire.

It’s we the people that give the leaders their power. It’s we the people that can take it away from them and force them to listen and to ceasefire.

Free Palestine. No cover ups will blind us.

carry me to tomorrow / / xavier , zayne , & rafayel . . .

loving him can feel like a multitude of things

a/n: having severe brainrot over these men, smb save me. rlly random but i got a 96 on my physics test everybody clap!! (can you tell who my favorite is)

loving XAVIER feels like waking up at dawn and watching the sun and moon up in the sky at the same time. with you looking at the view with heavy eyes as the shades of blue and black fade to warm tones of orange and yellow, exchanging greetings with the moon. you're reminded of the sun as you stare at his peaceful face, his grey-blonde hair messy, making his skin look even softer. with a content sigh, you crawl back into his embrace and he welcomes you with a hum.

loving XAVIER feels like staring at the clouds and getting carried away by your daydreams. even when the both of you are on missions, you can't seem to take your eyes off of him (whether it's for romantic reasons or skeptical reasons - your choice). just as the clouds hide the blue sky, it feels like he hides himself as well, choosing instead to appear as a dull blob. you've asked XAVIER about himself more times than you can count, and yet he still chooses to stay quiet. you've nothing but your imagination at this rate. however, both of you know that one day the clouds will fade, revealing the deep, rich, and true colors hidden away. time will tell.

finally, loving XAVIER feels like spring. like the fresh grass and the fresh rain, like the blooming flowers and the bright rays. spring is a new beginning, for the earth and people alike. with XAVIER, everything and nothing feels new. you feel like you've done this with him a thousand times before, and yet you're pleasantly surprised each time. as the song birds celebrate the arrival of spring, you and XAVIER lie in the grass. nothing is exchanged between the two of you - just your time. with each passing second, your eyes begin to close again. and just as your vision was fading, you heard soft snores and mumbles of your name.

loving ZAYNE feels like going home at dusk, wondering what he's up to. the day ends with orange and red hues up in the sky, the moon readying itself for nightfall. you know he has a tendency to get caught up in work too often than not. and you wonder if you're overstepping your boundaries once you're at the doorstep of his office. what you didn't know was that even through the long and boring days at the hospital, he debated with himself on whether or not to call you. loving ZAYNE feels like moments when the sun paints everything in orange, gold hues - short, but sweet moments worth remembering.

loving ZAYNE feels like trying to navigate through the fog. fog feels uncertain, the chill sending goosebumps down your arm. the mist feels as though it's coercing you to join it away from the safety of your car. and in times like these you're reminded of how ZAYNE's morning coffee fogs his reading glasses. the same way you chuckle before taking them off of him and wiping them. you don't notice, but the black haired man now looks at you fondly - the steam from his coffee now subsided.

finally, loving ZAYNE feels like the transition from autumn to winter. the days of colorful leaves and cool wind over with. the beginning of winter marks its arrival through the fragile and stiff trees, the wind blowing through them as though they miss the kisses they'd share with the leaves. the days are getting shorter and the nights are longer. although the beginning of winter signifies hibernation and hiding, you can't help but love it. nights with ZAYNE are spent in bed cuddled in blankets and pillows as you both read books together. you never really cared for the books but rather the man that is clinging to you in a fashion he would never reveal in public. you had no problem with it. you'd love him in private and in public, through the winter storm and the chilly mornings. and just as your vision was fading, you felt a sigh against your skin and hands tucking you in, getting you ready for your dreams.

loving RAFAYEL feels like midnight escapades, brought on by midnight phone calls. the night is pitch black, save for the few street lights on your way from your apartment to his studio and the glowing moon. it's a vulnerable hour, crickets chirping and the white noise of the few cars going down streets the only music of the night. but as soon as you're met with his cheeky smile, you seem to forget the eeriness. your dazed nods as he goes on to rant about his problem or his painting - whichever one it was. it was only when you yawned when he invited you to rest in his too-big-of-a-bed. you had no idea if that was his intention or not, but any intelligible thoughts were hushed as the lights dimmed and the mattress below you dipped from the added weight.

loving RAFAYEL feels like the dew that paints the grass in the late nights and early mornings. you observe from the cover of his patio as he sinks his feet into the grass, seemingly in deep thought about something. you supposed it was his creative process, however odd it may be. the sun is almost blinding as it rises again and tiny rainbows form as if to say hello. he was still rooted in place. you think he invites you over, however you were distracted. the moisture of the air reminds you of how with RAFAYEL moments are quiet, just like how the grass quietly embraces the oncoming dew - an old friend.

finally, loving RAFAYEL feels like summer. like the hot atmosphere and the ice-cream melting on your tongue and fingers. like the never ending sky and the vibrant butterflies flapping their wings. loving RAFAYEL feels like the vigor the waves have for the sand under the hot gaze of the sun. and yet, you can never get a second of peace with all of his exhibitions gaining popularity. loving RAFAYEL means that summer nights is all you can afford to yourselves, the rush of the day still struggling to fade away. sitting on the sand, the white noise of the waves crashing over the earth lull you in a trance. and just as your vision was fading you saw dusky purple hair and violet amber eyes come closer, the feeling of lips against your temple sending you off.

CALLING ALL FANFICTION AUTHORS!

please reblog this. i've talked about this twice before, but obviously not everyone has seen it. i am calling for anyone who writes fanfiction or posts about a certain game/show/universe in any connective manner to please, please- PLEASE, copy this memo below comprising links to supporting palestine, education on the situation in gaza, and a must-need for those who engage in TLOU tumblr; links regarding the creators (neil druckmann) zionism, and how the plot of tlou2 is based on the israeli occupation of palestine. i don't care if what you write seems "insignificant" or "small" in the grouping of larger fics. no. everything that is not related to palestine in any form NEEDS these links. because, when we stray away from reblogging, or writing up our own posts in support of palestine/sharing journalists stories/etc. even for a SINGLE piece of writing, we could be missing people who are unaware (which, shouldn't be the case atp, but..) and fucking especially because in these fandoms, fics are the most popular thing. not reblogs about palestine, unfortunately; there are so many fanfiction accounts who very clearly don't give a fuck about the whole situation, seeping in silence, posting fics during strikes, not taking accountability for it now, so on and so forth. please, for the love of all that is good- CALL THEM OUT! people gaining hundreds of notes, tens of reblogs, supportive comments on a post that completely disregards what is happening SO BOLDLY right now, should irk you. i swear, if i see one more fuckass "i didn't know!" apology from an author who is CONSTANTLY on tumblr, REGULARLY posting fanfiction, i'm going to fucking lose it. if you are on tumblr to begin with, being this active- you have time to reblog. actually, educating yourself and reblogging is way quicker than writing up fanfiction of any length. are you fucking kidding me? you are laughable. comical, not real, and i have nay an ounce of respect for you. ever. but besdies that; the memo. i want everyone to copy this, or make something similar. put this above your summaries, authors note, whatever comes before the writing. every post you make should link back to supporting palestine, cause you never know how many eyes it will reach. it could change a lot of things. on pc, i believe copying it completely will preserve the links, but i'm not sure if mobile will. again. do whatever you can to add it. don't be lazy. put this in ur masterlists/navigation too.

for all fanfiction authors:

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸 READ: this account stands with palestine, and so— i require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1 and 2, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. silence is complicity, do not scroll past this.

for tlou fanfiction authors:

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸 READ: this account stands with palestine, and so— i require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1 and 2, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. silence is complicity, do not scroll past this. DO NOT BUY THE REMASTER, TLOU2, TLOU1, OR ANY GAME FROM NAUGHTY DOG! neil druckmann (the creator) is a zionist. PLEASE READ THIS. AND REBLOG THIS.

you may add what is necessary, i wanted to keep it short for attention span sakes, and to avoid people skipping it entirely, and so on. i may edit these, fix up anything, but again, if you're using them you can edit them however. as long as you are linking anything in general, that is what matters. thank you, love from aestra. from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸

the little things / / xavier , zayne , & rafayel . . .

slight spoilers for their myth stories

the reason as to why XAVIER takes great care of his hair was unknown to you. why he laid his head down in your lap even after being glued to your side the whole day. the reason was simple, so that you could keep running your fingers through it. he'd gently guide your hands over to the top of his head, a soft chuckle as you kiss the button of his nose. to him, you were the core of his being, his star.

XAVIER can't stop the pleasant smile gracing his face as you revel in another victory, his eyes never leaving your form. in the same way that you ponder about what to eat for lunch, he wonders if anyone ever wished upon the stars that danced in your eyes. and as you both ready yourself for sleep, he'd found his answer. if no one else did, he'd glady be the first to do so. just ignore how his already slow heartbeat begins to slow even more against your back, how his mind travels back to that fateful night underneath the glistening cosmos. "i'll be by your side, always."

before heading to work, ZAYNE can never seem to leave your side. he'd be caught up in your soft snores, the way your chest slowly rises and falls, and your lips. he can't stop himself as he leans down to place a chaste kiss to the corner of your mouth, all the while making sure you're wrapped snugly in your blanket, your pillow fluffed from beneath you.

ZAYNE is the type of lover to text you as soon as he's on his break, asking to make sure you ate the breakfast he left for you in the kitchen, or that you remembered your wallet on the coffee table. you always tell him that he worries too much, that he should be focusing on himself, but how could he? not when his priority is your well-being, your state of self. just ignore how his breath seems to get shaky, the frost crawling up his skin and into his veins every time he's near you, sharp pains coursing through his muscle. "i won't forget you... not this time."

when it comes to showering you with affection, RAFAYEL seems to take the cake. kissing your knuckles every time he greets you, strategically pulling you away from work to cuddle with you, he knows just how and what to do at the right times. however, what he fails to notice is how he unconsciously looks for you the first thing he steps into a room, how his shoulders relax after realizing you're safe after you've texted him a little later than usual, how his hands linger a little too long in yours.

RAFAYEL has already come to the realization that he's head over heels for you long ago, just not fully realizing how bad it was. all within a second you were his bodyguard, his fishie, but most of all, his muse. he'd make the world his canvas - your eyes the rhythm hidden beneath the layers of paint. just ignore how he sometimes gets quiet when around you, his mind swirling like a paint brush dipped into watercolor. "fish are emissaries of the god of the sea, this... is my vow to you."

⋆｡°✩ . SUMMARY —

“how much did you drink?” he stood still, soaking in your presence. finally. his breath hitched in his throat at some point, the pattering rain behind him as a soft ambiance. how many years had it been again? no, no, it couldn’t have been too long… or has it? do you still remember all those days? the days you spent doing nothing together? do wrinkles still crack around your eyes when you smile? did you move on? he couldn’t help the dazed smile spreading across his lips, “a… a few sips.” the next thing he remembered was an uncomfortable reunion with your apartment floor.

or, in which: you and kaeya reunite under tense circumstances during your high school reunion. why? maybe because somebody had left you for good the night you both had gotten accepted into the same university, leaving you with your unreciprocated feelings. or so you had thought. nothing personal though, right?

⋆｡°✩ . MASTER LIST —

ch. 00 / / homesick 　　ch. 01 / / pink horizon ch. 02 / / sunburn　　ch. 03 / / seasons ch. 04 / / summer flows 　　ch. 05 / / calla ch. 06 / / dried flower 　　ch. 07 / / sunny days ch. 08 / / novelle vague 　　ch. 09 / / so real ch. 010 / / peach eyes 　　ch. 011 / / love. ch. 012 / / evening glow　　ch. 013 / / redamancy　　　　　　ch. 014 / / ocean floor

⋆｡°✩ . AUTHOR'S NOTE —

this is my first fledged out fic, featuring none other than the loml kaeya alberich <3 idk why i decided i wanted to be ambitious, considering the amount of drafts in my docs rn, but i'm treating this as my journey. some characters may seem ooc since it's been so long since i've played genshin. yes, the chapter names are just w2e songs, i was lazy </3 this fic is inspired by welcome to samdal-ri, 20th century girl, our beloved summer, and business proposal !!

if you don't want to read it on tumblr, you can also read it at ao3 here