There's A Bitter Aftertaste For Every Word I Swallow
there's a bitter aftertaste for every word I swallow
there's a pit in my stomach but it turns at the sight of food
there's an imagine imbedded in my brain that won't go away
there's a fly in my room and I'm afraid it's after my rot
I haven't slept well since the last time I saw you
- getting worse - zero (me)
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you improvise a home by street lights
act like the dark is welcoming enough
leave at the same hour day by day
noone really knows what you're doing
you don't really know what you're searching for
your sister calls it running away
you try to say it's anything but
who are you trying to convince
your sister calls it running away
your mother says it is alright for
you get back when it's getting late
your sister calls it running away
you don't think it's a run if noone's chasing
zero (me)
around the dinner table
comes a story not so old
that they think does not
resonate anymore
about crooked floorboards
and cold water for months
and saving all your money
in order to save yourself
and when it ends they
hand you some cash since
these times are past us
but you know you're wise
and so put money in a jar
hidden from everyone
you have to save up
in order to save yourself
the times have never and
will never change
• savings jar - zero (me)
some time ago already, a month maybe
a cold night and a blue apartment
just the kitchen lit up and just me inside
the buzz of the microwave
and the holler of the wind
and the shake of my hand
and the poorly executed confession
"it's not back, not really. it's just
my brain is a scumbag and it just
wants me to go down, and i just
can't tell it to shut up every time,
you know"
and you didn't before
but you tried your best in the moment
you told me you will be there always
and I appreciated it, like no other
I swear I did
and you told me
"please call me if this ever gets worse"
no idea why, it came back like a curse
you still don't know, noone does, actually
I'll tell you the truth only when you ask for it
because you don't need this in your life
on another cold night, in a lit up apartment
I'm telling you goodnight, far too early
• "tonight I'm going to sleep hungry" - zero [me]
apparently I have 100 likes on this account, which is not exactly a lot considering how many things I posted but I'm still happy about it [:
there seems to be a universal understanding
of the fact that no good life was a good story
good lifes make good examples and I make
poetry and bonfire stories that can't go unheard
and I am glad for all the harm that was done
to me and only to me, for maybe it was better
to make my life worse and my poems relatable
noone reads poetry when they're alright, and
more so noone ever writes poetry when happy
maybe the stars aligned in this way for every poet
maybe god made us with a bigger purpose, than
any mortal happiness, made us for eternal things
written in ink and lived through in our own blood
- zero (me)
[ I finished writing my poetry book and I just know I will hate all of them in a year or two. I am never proud of my poetry. my mind is a burn book ]
everything is changing and it feels like spring came too quickly
it's sunny and bright outside this weird February
and everything seems to be changing so rapidly
and I've come to realise everything is dependant on a perspective
when I saw an angel from a weird angle
the bright sun making it's features distorted
and lately I've been cold in more ways than just one
and today I felt like crying about everything
and I did when you held me at a bus stop and told me you're grateful to have me
and we talked about the future
or the lack of it
in the time we had until your ride home came
both decided on a silent life and nice cafes
I need you to know you're a good kid
and I know you're going places
• places better than this one - zero (me)
(on friends who hold your head like they're afraid of hurting you in any way. on having no future but still hoping for at least another summer. I came back home with cold finger tips and this poem scribbled on my hands. I told you about my ideas for my poetry but now you're in one.)