Cult Of The Lamb Kallamar - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

Not sure if I will ever manage to finish the lil Kallamar fic I had planned and started for months at this point. But I still wanna share the idea.

Basically, Kallamar was supposed to be a very sickish child. Would get sick easily, was very fragile and sensitive. His mom would take care of him and try to keep him safe.

At some point he would start hearing a voice, nobody else seemed to hear. Following it outside the borders of the village at some point...finding the blue crown, which would whisper so softly and welcoming, as to not scare the child.

Time forward, the crown would keep the squid healthy and he could also keep the people of his village safe...despite the crown wanting expansion, claiming to having the cure to all pestilence. As much as the cause of it.

The fic would end with people obviously dying from old age, Kallamar wanting the crown to help his mother but all it has to say is "That is no curse, nor sickness, young God, this is age and death which will come for all mortals eventually."

Kallamar would stay at the dead and empty village for a while, till Shamura finds him.

Aka, I wanted to give a bit of more depth to Kallamars fear of death.

I just finished Cult of the Lamb and I gotta say my favorite boss is 100% Kallamar. Instead of turning into an eldritch horror he literally gains 4 arms and starts slapping your shit with speed, a scepter, sword, knife, and a fucking holy hand grenade. He also has fire attack patterns that remind of the Undertale. It's an amazing boss fight and I hope y'all agree to.

Bishop Edibility Tierlist; A very deeply serious essay about which bishop would taste the best if you had to eat one of them for any reason

Aight, 88% of you voted in favour of this being released, so this is on you. This blood is on YOUR hands. Just remember that as you read this.

So you all remember that essay I did about how the bishops all had some kinda trauma or different reactions to purgatory and shit and how that was such a serious thing analyzing dialogue and reactions and stuff-?

Well there are TWO wolves inside of me, and one of them writes serious researched essays, it’s time you meet the other.

To preface this, this essay is entirely a joke please don’t take any word of this seriously.

To start with, technically anything is edible if you try hard enough, sometimes only once but I digress, however some things are more appetizing than others.

For this essay we will be taking evidence from canon in some cases on things you can eat, but assuming that this only means these things are more appetizing in this world, not that anything you can’t feast upon very specifically in the game is somehow inedible. Meat is meat.

Also Narinder will be referred to as a bishop because he was one.

Ok let’s start our list.

At the absolute bottom of the edibility tierlist is Narinder. Narinder is a cat. While technically cats are indeed edible by the laws of meat is meat, cats hold a special place in the hearts of many including myself.

But to be honest the real reason that Narinder holds this spot is meat quantity and quality of him specifically. Narinder, holds very little meat. Sure he has a head, but his arms are skeletal and it’s safe to assume possibly a lot of the rest of his body tis also but frail bone. Possibly what is not could also be rotten if he’s that kind of god of death that qualifies as a corpse. And while meat is meat, Narinder not only has very little, but what he does have may be poor quality. This cements him in the shameful bottom spot.

He’s also a-

Moving on, next, quite regrettably, is Leshy. Leshy is a major jump in quality from Narinder.

We don’t know much about bushworms or their anatomy but what we do know, is Leshy is dummy thicc, this means he has a large quantity of meat.

Unfortunately Leshy is also a worm which isn’t exactly the most appetizing creature to put in your gaping maw so that docks him a few points.

However the true reason he cannot be higher is that depending on your read of his anatomy, Leshy could qualify as a salad, and EWWWWW VEGITALS!!! 🤢🤮🤮

Moving on to the “would eat again category” we start with Heket.

Now it should not be news to anyone that frogs are edible, especially to French people. But I don’t believe in French people, they aren’t real. Anyway as I’m saying, you can eat frogs to your hearts content!

There are sanitation issues with Anura apparently being super gross which docks some points but overall, Heket is a solid option.

Now we’ve reached “ok hear me out” territory with Shamura.

Spiders are a major food source in cult of the lamb. Which is a bit questionable for a few reasons, including that there are multiple spider characters and Webber exists but also small spiders on the ground which seem to be a separate species which raises a lot of questions possibly best gone unanswered.

What really matters is what you can do with the small spiders you find around, you can chase them down and when you catch them, they drop meat. My friends have told me that this means I’m just taking meat they are holding, after all you can get berries if the spider has taken them.

What I say to this is: but the idea of lamb running around at night and picking up whole large spiders off the ground and feeding them to their followers is fucking hilarious, and also they always drop the same meat and never berries unless they have picked them up. You’d think if I’m just taking what they have and they will eat berries as well as meat, that I’d get berries more often. Nay, only when picked up from my farms.

This leads to the only possible conclusion being that people in the cult of the lamb universe feed often on spiders, that’s right, Helob eating followers is VENGEANCE.

So, we have established spiders are very edible in cult of the lamb, and you know what Shamura is? A giant fucking spider. They are edible, I rest my case.

Now let’s move on to first place oh boy who is it, probably who you should have expected, Kallamar.

His name sounds like Calamari to start with and not only can you eat squids in real life, you can in the game (similar weird separate species thing with spiders only in this case it’s more definitive that you can very much eat the squids themselves.)

Kallamar would also likely cry if you proclaimed your desire to consume him, misery not only makes meat better but his tears could be seasoning!

Not even to mention the fact that after beating him, it would be a moment of victoriousness and pure vindictive nature, to proceed to eat Kallamar, and vindictive nature is something I most definitely do not lack as I cuss out bishops every time I see the statues after I beat them.

Squids also don’t have many bones so unlike the others who you’d have to spend an extensive time processing before eating, Kallamar would be easy and his bones make up very little of his composition.

In conclusion, why did you read this whole essay it’s not even that funny.

And those of you who voted to have this released. Are you happy?

Are you not entertained!?

Im not very good at taking pictures, but I wanted to show off my kallamar that I drew at work.

October 1st baby

I have a feeling I'm gonna be late to a few days 🙃 you are what you eat.

Day 10: bishops relics. God I hate drawing kallamar!! I'm also not gonna color this one.

While I Am New To The Fandom, There Is Something I’ve Noticed;

The Bishops Are Idiots.

Think About What They Did For A Moment:

They Committed Mass Genocide, Killing Every Single Lamb, Until MC Is Left.

Idiots. The Lot Of Them! Like- Why Would You Do That??? Logically Speaking.

I Know It’s Explained. But Even THAT Is Stupid!

“Kill Them To Prevent The Prophecy From Happening”

If Anything, Your Making It Happen Faster! You Fucking Morons!

If You Hadn’t Done That, The Lambs Wouldn’t Have Known! The Lambs Wouldn’t Have A Reason To Fulfill It, The Lambs Would’ve Just LIVED THEIR LIVES.

If Anything It Would’ve Taken Longer For Narinder To Be Released!

Just- Wha..?

What Was The Thought Process Here?

“Let’s Kill Every Single Lamb, Speeding Up The Prophecy, And Bringing Us Closer To Deaths Door!”

And Did They Seriously Think Narinder Would Just Sit By, Let The LAST LAMB Permanently Die??

His Ticket Out. Just- What The Hell..?

You can't tell me kallamar wasn't a menace as a child, a cute menace but a menace nonetheless

Them:

Bro Shamura ur supposed to respond what a bitch

Anyway Kallamar has convinced himself that he’ll be able to heal Shamura, cue however long the bishops had being injured with Kallamar working his ass off only for it to mean nothing in the end 💞💞💞💞💓💓💝💞

Follower versions of these losers

The quality…….. fm 😵😵😵😵

Here’s some quality content 😘

I hope the next update has snow ‼️‼️‼️

I love this artist's Kallamar! I love his crying face!!

have the bishops ever experienced the taste of a cheeseburger? Oh yeah, do any of the bishops have any allergies that affect what food they can eat? Or do their personal doctrines prohibit the consumption of certain food stuffs? Have they experienced the Bliss and versatile culinary abilities of a potato?

Shamura & Kallamar here to explain this one!

Leshy is a douche..

Plagued bearer of the blue crown. Bishop of Pestilence, the cowardly squid. A task to catch one's own fodder in their beloved waterlogged realm by the false god of a usperer.

GONNA CHEW ON ALL OF THEM.

GUYS LOOK MY LAMBSONA IS IN HERE!!!!! AT THE FRONT!!!!! IT LOOKS SO GOOD RRRRAGAAHAAHRSARARARRA

Ok, since majority of you voted to show the progress I’ll post what I have so far!!

For those who are adamant on keeping it a surprise, you can have a peek at my rendered goblet that I am extremely proud of for no reason.

Full W.I.P under the line for those who voted yes!! :]

Planning on rendering this whole thing with the limitations of only having 18 layers allowed, wish me luck!!🫡

Time spent so far: 6 hours and 24 minutes