Inner Thoughts - Tumblr Posts - Page 3
I ain’t a mama’s boy I’m a grandmama’s boy.
I don’t take constructive criticism I take destructive criticism.
Teen Years.
Twenties.
Adult-hood.
Athena Liang tag dump
It's already September 1st over in Korea, so that means today is your birthday.
I've been feeling rather conflicted and confused over these past few weeks, since I have found out what goes on when you are together with Taehyung.
No matter what people try to fill my head with through all of the hate I have been enduring- and no matter what I see-
None of that can change the reality of the matter and that's how I am one of your other halves.
Jungkook, I will never believe that you are a bad person, because I know that's not who you are and people can try to confuse me all they like- but I won't allow them to hold that kind of power over me.
You are our other half and Jimin loves you, so that means you are a kind and compassionate soul, who just loses his way sometimes.
We all do and we're barely even close enough to being perfect at the end of the day.
You're beautiful just the way you are and I will take all of your flaws, along with the good- because that's what it means when you truly love someone.
Twin flames are all about unconditional love, so I will love you through all of these hardships and wait for the day when I can hold you close and say that I have made it through the darkest nights.
You're with our other half on this blessed day and you're keeping each other safe, while you persevere through the hellish nightmare you are currently going through.
Stay strong Jungkook, because you'll be back before you know it, love ~
A letter to you:
I have come to the realization of many things so far, while being very open and transparent with your community here on Tumblr.
There has been mostly a lot of negativity from the haters and the people who must lead very miserable lives, if they feel like they are justifying anything by trying to be cruel and just plain terrible to another person.
I know that these people are not a reflection of the real ARMY and the fans that you adore and cherish so deeply.
They reflect the ugliness of their own lives and I am desperately trying to not let it bother me.
Sifting through and choosing what to respond to, how to react and what I should say in response to them.
I take it all into careful consideration, even though they are not a reflection of the people who appreciate you and care about you. It still pays to be a good human and even more so since I am telling everyone I am one of your other halves.
Practicing self restraint and discipline in everything I do on this blog, I make sure to try and address things in the same kind of manner that you would if you could.
You are not in any position where you can confront them on things though, and even if you were back- you would still be fully restrained by that agency of yours.
So I try to do everything with care, thoughtfulness and bringing love into every situation like you do.
I am only human at the end of the day though, so I may make some mistakes and slip up every now and then, but I try my best to take accountability and responsibility for anything I may do.
Please take care my love, and I look forward to the time when I will be able to look into your eyes and finally see you in person.
That time is coming and I can feel it so deeply- especially after your album came out close to two months ago now.
You're looking for me and I will wait patiently, until I am given both the opportunity and the time to be in your life once again.
I will wait however long is necessary Jimin, because my love is real and true and I have already been waiting all this time- so what's a little more?
I have faith in you and everything that you are and it's the only reason that I am able to persevere through all of this hardship and cruelty- from the people that seem to try and make your personal lives seem like such a trivial matter.
I will be here and I will be waiting for when the time comes that you are meant to manifest into my life.
When you love someone completely and unconditionally for as long as I have, you begin to realize that just being a part of their life in some way, is such a huge blessing- because their happiness is your own.
Love always find a way, regardless of what the haters and the naysayers may speak of and as long as you don't allow them to strip you of your faith- then you are capable of anything.
What is meant for you will never pass you by and you will always find the path you are meant to, that will lead to where you need to be.
Follow your heart and it will never lead you astray ~
I will be reunited with my other halves, because that is what calls to my heart the most and you may say whatever horribly cruel thing you wish, but after eight years of loving them wholesomely and purely- I will never give you the freedom of taking my faith away from me.
They are my destiny and my True North and I just know that we will find our way back to each other once again ~
As long as I keep moving forward and no longer hide in the shadows, they will find me and Jimin has already put out the call.
It's only a matter of time now, before it will be answered and things will fall into place.
I can feel it as strongly as my own heartbeat.
It will happen ~
When Jimin comes back, things are going to be really different for him- of course I can't speak on what exactly, since I don't know the specifics- but there's going to be changes in all of their lives.
It's going to be for the better and their lives are going to be more fulfilling to them all.
I've seen it with so many other people that are in KPOP groups, after they come back from their service- They grow quieter and much more reserved and they focus on other aspects of their careers.
Jimin is clearly wanting to focus more on his private life, considering the music he released in his latest album, MUSE.
Each song, was basically a different phase of him entering into a relationship and WHO leads a very strong message.
Episode six had me in tears of his show with Jungkook, and I was so emotional when he spoke very briefly about having a child.
I wasn't expecting him to comment on such a thing at all, but he did and it made me realize how much things are going to change with him when he comes back.
I look forward to the day when Jimin and I finally cross paths in a physical sense and I get to be a part of his life.
I've waited several years for him to give me the confirmation I needed and now there's no doubt in my mind- after he's released this album- because he's searching for me too.
The music spoke to me in a very profound and emotional way and I was crying so badly when I first heard the album- because I was so overcome with emotion and such a thing had never happened with his any of his music before.
I knew that he had answered the 'call' I sent out several years ago, when I first realized who he was to me.
I begged the universe to somehow guide him to me and I never felt worried or anxious (Okay, I did a little bit- I'm only human after all lol), because I had faith that he would get to this point in his own journey.
It was like a breath of relief when I heard the album, because I was so happy I never gave up on our connection.
What is meant for you will always find a way and true love will persevere, no matter how many obstacles may stand in your way.
All I need to do is be patient and wait for him to find me...
I'm here Jimin, and I'm not going anywhere ~
We are so intricately woven together as one, and it doesn't matter what anyone else says.
"You are me and I am you..."
So closely intertwined are our souls, that I have no idea where you end and I begin.
You are mine and I am yours, in every lifetime and many more to come...
Unconditionally loving you through everything we have been through in the past and continuing to choose you through what may come in the future.
Regardless of what we may become, I will always be by your side and I will remain fully devoted to you, as I have since we were small children and you first 'spoke' to me.
why can't i act normally about things. i hate my emotions i hate my thoughts i hate everything about myself. make it stop please. i can't live my life with this. i don't want to be stuck like this anymore. why can't it just be a phase? i just upset everyone around me. i know it. they're done listening to me complain. i scare them and i need to stop talking about the things going on in my head. they aren't something others should have to hear. i don't deserve comfort or love or care or kindness or friends or anything. they should all hate me and want to leave me forever. they deserve someone better than me. all i do is ruin things. i want to bash my head in. i want to drown. i want them to beat me to a pulp. i want to be physically hurt because at this point it sounds better than having to feel my emotions.
why can't i act normally about things. i hate my emotions i hate my thoughts i hate everything about myself. make it stop please. i can't live my life with this. i don't want to be stuck like this anymore. why can't it just be a phase? i just upset everyone around me. i know it. they're done listening to me complain. i scare them and i need to stop talking about the things going on in my head. they aren't something others should have to hear. i don't deserve comfort or love or care or kindness or friends or anything. they should all hate me and want to leave me forever. they deserve someone better than me. all i do is ruin things. i want to bash my head in. i want to drown. i want them to beat me to a pulp. i want to be physically hurt because at this point it sounds better than having to feel my emotions.
why can't i act normally about things. i hate my emotions i hate my thoughts i hate everything about myself. make it stop please. i can't live my life with this. i don't want to be stuck like this anymore. why can't it just be a phase? i just upset everyone around me. i know it. they're done listening to me complain. i scare them and i need to stop talking about the things going on in my head. they aren't something others should have to hear. i don't deserve comfort or love or care or kindness or friends or anything. they should all hate me and want to leave me forever. they deserve someone better than me. all i do is ruin things. i want to bash my head in. i want to drown. i want them to beat me to a pulp. i want to be physically hurt because at this point it sounds better than having to feel my emotions.
I want someone to love me the same way they hate their worst enemy…consistently, obsessively, and with burning desire.
“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”
- Paulo Coelho
Life is full of twists and turns- it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong if they keep popping up. It just means life is ever changing and you’re actually paying attention to it. Your awareness of the changes is good. Don’t let your awareness turn into worries. You’ll get it all back on track in due time…
xoxo, SIS <3 =)