Mental Health Poetry - Tumblr Posts

you're looking at me like you know something i don't

and i start to wonder if maybe you know something i don't

at some point during this stream of consciousness i start to wish you'd cut me off

there's a slight tilt of the head followed by some approximation of

"no, that's actually not normal"

i start to wonder if maybe I'm losing my mind

"do you ever feel like you're losing your mind?"

and then

"not as often as you do"

while we're on the topic of eternal damnation

if theres an afterlife I'll relent on my death bed

when things start to get bad i think about my funeral

i think about the guest list

i think about the eulogy

i think about the epitaph

I LOVE I AM LOVED

on the off chance of eternal damnation I'll repent on my death bed

when things start to get bad i tell myself I'll take my lithium

lately I've been thinking about my funeral

a tragedy

a party in my honor and I won't be able to attend

I'm thinking about starting back on my lithium

it doesn't make me feel better about myself but it does make me feel better

truthfully I've never felt better than when there was heavy metals coursing through my veins

LiHCO3

the chemical abbreviation for my mental alleviation

i wouldn't have written this if i was taking it

i wouldn't write anything if i was taking it.

lately I've been thinking about my funeral

i want an open mic funeral

i want all my loved ones to bond over having known me

i want the spiderwebs of my actions to make themselves apparent to those who've been caught in them

I haven’t posted original content here in so long

Been having some restless sleep these days.

Anyways do me a favour, google “acrostic poetry”, and come back to this little piece right here? Hehehe

.

When I was younger, I wrote a lot of poems like these- ambiguous, a bit abstract, and added many many layers to it. There was a joy, an inkling that maybe if someone would choose to deconstruct these layers, what would they think?

My “style” nowadays has become more simplified, but I still like to revisit this once in a while.

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Original content please don’t repost .

Hope whoever is reading this is safe and healthy .

Gimme some interaction please I’m starved on this site. Also that’s my insta tag so ya know. You do you.

I’m always chasing chasing chasing the next thing Another friendship I thought would last swept right out from under my feet How can you fix what you don’t know is broken? Wish they could just be honest Wish I could just be honest without you leaving me too Maybe if I’m skinnier you’ll like me better And I can point my little nose in the air when you come crawling back with I’m sorry But maybe that’ll just be another something I chase That when I reach I realize I’ve never even changed Another thing that proves to add no color Another thing I thought would be the answer but there’s just no cure Jesus says he is the way the truth and the life I’ve only felt him once and when I did it was true But where did he go and what can I do When I’m with her and when I’m with you then I can taste the end Like I’ve made it But the other 99% I’m chasing and they’re chasing me too And neither of us can make it Neither of us can make it

I might be sad forever  But I can find beauty here Why should I have to be happy to find beauty and love Maybe I can’t  I’m not going to wait around forever  Sadness can be beautiful Especially when you’re lying on soft grass  Under soft clouds pierced by stiff gristled trees Defiant of the gentle watercolor beauty  I’m going to decorate my sadness until it sparkles And maybe this glitter will gleam My glitter gleams because I kissed it I’m surrounded by this shimmering sea Floating along this river until it carries me away It will take me away

emptiness

sinking swallowing me whole

is it bad that i like it

that i dont put up a fight

that its nice to finally lift my hands up and give up

give in to the sweet nothingness

float and wallow in it

let it hold my body weight

and hand over the keys so i can take a break

and watch as i cave in

Tried fitting into the world and I fell in Now I feel cheesy if I’m kind Don’t understand up or down when things hang from the floor If I’m myself will I be all alone? Does being myself mean by myself? I thought it was cool to love But I was the one that got picked on Now I pick scabs off those still on the outskirts I used to be the one bleeding Tried to fit in to the world and I fell in Oh how do I get out? How do I get myself back? The weirdo in the bathroom with a sandwich because I didn’t know how to be Tried fitting in and I fell in I fell in

I fear I’ll lose a central tenet of myself if I acclimate fully to the world I’m in

I wonder what it’s like to be normal If anyone normal really exists And if they do, what does it feel like? If it hurts less Or if they’re hollow on the inside Fitting in flawlessly with the world around them I’m dying to know If it’s worth it or if it means losing what’s inside me When I see a normal girl living a normal life I wonder if her insides are twisting like mine Or if she really is as glossy as she looks I’m dying to taste normal just for a second To see if it exists To see if it’s worth it Or if I’m better off Unclean

What if I just accepted the sadness & found beauty here? Beauty is much easier to find around me than happiness. Finding beauty in the mundane, the normalities in this young war, this invisible battlefield is my shelter. I clutch my raft of soft grass & pillowy clouds & piercing trees as I’m carried through the choppy waters of constant embarrassment & the jostling fear that something is wrong with me. My drapey soft florals hold me and my silver bands keep me straight and hard.  I like to imagine that everyone is hiding under the beauty too.  Glitter sparkles, you just need your eyes to see it. You don’t have to be happy.

i've always felt like there was something wrong with me but now i wonder if i'm truly really broken if something separates me from the gleeful, easy laughs of strangers those that can get along with most anyone while my tongue slows to a halt and a stutter and stop i wonder if everything that’s happened has shattered everything easy about me and now i'm just hard. difficult and unyielding, too stiff to touch i wonder if this is what it means losing my innocence and if there’s any way i can get it back or i'm just mutilated, maimed from somebody’s else’s words

He was a cruel blade that offered a kind of peace and gratification that I knew was wrong. He brought everything, every dark thought to the surface. He rewarded me for being the worst version of myself. However, I fit into it all like a glove. I worry if I will slip back into it, if I won’t be able to resist it, if some other man will hold the same gene, the same temptation and bring me crashing to my feet, weakened in the knees, unable to put up a fight again.

I feel hardened in a kind of concerning way. like my softness has evaporated from inside me and just left a hard crunchy shell in its place. one with no warmth or kindness. and it’s quite jagged and pointy as well and cuts people when I just move past them in an effort to not interact with them, and I just end up hurting them anyway. I was sorry, I wasn’t trying to be this way. I was just trying to not be any way, I was trying to avoid pain but I just ended up causing it. I mourned the loss of my golden shiny warmth of energy my fire had been put out but I was finding my matches, I was grasping in the dark for my lighter. all I knew about myself, who I am, was my shine. and now it felt like it was gone again, and all that’s left is a shell. you can’t give much with just a shell, there’s nothing inside. when I look in my eyes I look like I’ve already died inside and there’s somehow a lag in time and my body hasn’t caught up yet. but I was looking for my lighter. I would get myself relit if it was the last thing I did.

i envied those born into families with hands holding lit lighters all around them, constantly nursing and blowing and encouraging their flames. they took over the world with their wildfires. they glowed from within and seemed to have never faced the darkness. i envied them so much.

I’m scared of men and I have a crush on nearly all of them They make my stomach flip with just a bit of eye contact How did I never make it past the sixth grade? They could tick none of the boxes But if they have kind eyes and give me a smile I might just concoct a love story It’ll buzz around and tap me on the shoulder  I can’t get rid of it  Every time they see me Try to be kind, try to make them feel at home But I’m flipping with fear, humming with adoration It’s always the ones with the baggy jeans, the vintage tees, the tattoos and recklessness And you know you’re not good for me Yeah you’re no good for me And I’m better now But we can still be friends I have to try my best and fight this little mind of mine But we can be friends Yeah we’ll be good friends

i wish i could go through life without needing to speak

like a model, an enigma, someone who wisped in and out of rooms

i could focus all my energy on cultivating a persona

speaking with my scarves, coats, dresses, and gentle smiles

but it wouldn’t do, i was looked at strangely when words didn’t flow easily through teeth

i was the odd man out by way of silence

i had to have opinions, a certain garishness, to prove my humanity

to prove i’m not one of those girls

who sits still, quietly

and aren’t people enough

Shrinking My Anxiety

When fighting my anxiety,

He grew and grew inside of me.

The fighting made him stronger, see.

In crushing all my organs, he

Almost squeezed the life out of me.

But then I thought with clarity,

I’d offer him a lovely seat

(One he’d have to shrink to meet)

At the table of affinity.

And so, he shook my hand with glee,

Glad to join the family

Of all the different parts of me.

And finally given some esteem,

He gradually let me go free.

My Old Friend Depression

I’ve got a friend I’ve asked to stay.

The problem is he won’t go away.

I welcomed him with open arms

The moment I let down my guard.

I let him get inside my head.

He laid down his things and made his bed.

He put a blade up to my wrist,

A feeling I can’t say I missed.

I’m getting sick of this long visit.

I’m scared to say I think I’ll miss him,

My old friend Depression.

Panic Attack

Darling, I feel myself dying,

And I fear that this time I won’t come back.

And I think I can hear my soul crying,

Weeping wonderous tears that turn to black.

Darling, I feel the doom rising,

Not a force in the world could hold it back.

And I think you don’t think that I’m trying,

But I can’t seem to keep myself on track.

Darling, I feel their nails clawing,

Pulling out all the shit that’s inside of me.

And I think you don’t hear my voice calling,

And I swear this is worse than anxiety.

Darling, I feel myself drowning,

And I’m losing my grip on my sanity.

And I think I can hear the waves laughing.

Darling, I’m slipping out of reality.

How the Girl Tamed the Beast

Under the light of a calming blue moon,

Someone erupted, and chaos ensued.

No one remembers why they were fighting,

Or why their land was barren and blighted.

So, off they went, riled up and fiery,

In search of a scapegoat to tax with their anguish.

The child they found appeared unescorted,

With an innocence that drew in the wicked.

So, they followed her home and beat her down,

While the ground rumbled with a distant snarl.

No one but the girl heard the thunderous growl.

A monster was rising in the depths of her home.

As their abuse grew, so did the beast,

A creature grappling with too short a leash.

At a break in the strife, the girl escaped.

She ran down the stairs to her lupine mate.

She cautiously approached its dark domain,

Scars glistening with the memories of the fray.

With its chain gripped tightly, she took the lead,

But all the beast wanted was to be free.

It clawed at her skin until finally,

She let the beast go, quite unsteadily.

Then what happened next occurred suddenly,

And the villagers were caught all unwittingly.

The beast slashed away at this loathsome scene.

Since that day, it’s said the girl can be seen

Sitting in peace while her Anger roams free.