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damn 🔥🔥🔥

send “🌿🍒” (or "mistletoe") for my muse's reaction to standing under a mistletoe with your muse  ♡

Anonymously send me something your muse is secretly thinking about mine.

It takes her a moment to realize Ed’s looking at her at all, nevermind why. By the time she finally follows his gaze up to the sprig of mistletoe in the doorway he’s already announcing his refusal—and Anne doubles over, roaring with laughter. A sailor without superstition is no kind of sailor at all; everyone sailing it is bound to the fickle whims of the sea, and everyone develops their own thinking about it, with most landing on the decidedly safer option of living cocooned in the safety superstitions can provide.

Which leads back to the stupid fucking mistletoe. “Ye’ve got more shite ‘n brains in that thick skull a’ yers, don’t ye? Refusin a kiss unner mistletoe’s a year a’ bad luck.” And for a change, it’s not Anne stuck with it—an absolute win, in her opinion!

Still snorting over arrogance leading to comeuppance, Anne starts to leave the idiot ‘toe, freed from having to keep her place and from owing anyone a kiss by the good luck of Ed’s idiocy.

Fuck it. Mistletoe for the lols

ᒥ☠ᒧ—        He glances up to the hung mistletoe and then to Anne. Then back up to the mistletoe and Anne once again. He raises his brows and resists the urge to sneer in disgust. "Sorry, love, yer not my type," Edward's type was...well, not women. "Nothin' against you."

He didn't celebrate Christmas to begin with, and he found the traditions to be odd. Why were people obligated to kiss when under a dead plant? Weird.

"I'd kiss ya hand, but...Well, I don't even wanna do that." Was he being childish? Perhaps, but the young man hadn't really shown much maturity up to that point to begin with.

“Pity the captain don’t fuckin agree,” Anne half-growls back, glaring daggers into the back of the man in question. She doesn’t move from Hands’ side, though; Anne can’t trust herself not launch herself at him and strangle him to death right there on the deck. Hands, at least, is quick enough in thought and in action to catch hold and drag her away if it comes to that.

“An’ I’ll tell ye now: if I’m let anywhere near the fuck, I’ll fucking murder him.”

Nah. ‘S’too good for the likes of him. Me, I’d just…leave him. Lashed t’the mast. No food, no water. Watch him waste away ‘til he kicked the fuckin bucket.

"Seems appropriate." Izzy shrugged, then understood her perspective as he thought more on it. "Going by what you said, serves the fucker right for all that shit," he spoke with folded arms.

Anne Bonny in Baldur’s Gate

Since the brainrot is in full swing and there will likely be more forthcoming, here’s some assorted verse info! Character sheet to follow later.

Anne is still a pirate. She was adventuring out in the Sea of Swords, serving as boatswain (mate) of the Ranger; shortly before everything went to shit, she and Jack had a final row and agreed to part ways when they docked in Baldur’s Gate. The ship never quite made it to dock, though, and Anne ended up abducted by the mindflayers. Anne’s primary motivation sans-tadpole is to make a name for herself apart from Jack, as it so often is with her; unlike usual, however, she’s open to making that name for herself through any means possible (rather than exclusively through piracy).

The nitties and gritties are below the cut, for convenience’s sake!

Race: Human (half-elf but the dumbass doesn’t know it)

Class: Barbarian

Subclass: Wildheart (bg3) or Totem Warrior (5e)

Background: Folk Hero Legend (if you know bg3 more) or Sailor/Pirate (if you know 5e more)

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral to Good, depending current company

Appearance: 6’2”/186.96 cm, well-defined but not built-out; long red hair; freckled, sunburned, and scarred - mostly old bucks and bruises; there is a J branded into her back left side near the shoulder blade; pale green eyes.

Age: 24-28

Questline: The Dread Pirate. Highlights include a quest to find and kill (or at least maim) her ex-husband (could be either one tbh), find a way to get her a captaincy (which is A Route but not the preferred one) or otherwise help her establish herself as her own living legend (her ultimate goal and one achievable through a number of routes!). There are several romantic scenes as well, including one early on when your character can overhear another party member loudly saying a drawing “looks nothing like [pronoun],” and on choosing to investigate will find a flustered Anne trying to hide an open journal from the party member and now you. She will loudly complain that she “just don’t know how to feckin draw” and it’s “a way to practice for better cartography,” but it’s definitely supposed to be you. There’s a cute sidebar to this scene where if Astarion is in the party, even if as the romanced party, he’ll see a sketch of himself and may comment on it without realizing it’s a sketch of himself. When triggered, Anne will use that as proof that she’s an incredibly bad artist and this is all just practice for something practical and not her working through her feels at all.

In The Past

Anne’s (5e, pirate variant) background is that she served as the second in command to a pirate captain, her ex-husband Jack Rackham. She is a capable sailor, but ultimately a much better fighter.

Her (bg3) background is that she served specifically on the Ranger, and was Calico Jack’s right hand woman. Few people realize/know they were married, but most assume they were “bunking together.” Anne’s questline goal as The Dread Pirate is to find a way to recapture her folk hlegend status, this time for herself.

Going further back, Anne was the daughter of a minor lord from a kingdom in Laerakond, which they fled for Faerûn when Anne was quite young. She grew up a wealthy attorney’s daughter before eloping with her first husband, James Bonny, and trying her luck at sea. Their marriage…ended poorly. Despite his threats, Anne’s father never disowned her, and now lives in Baldur’s Gate—facts which Anne is unaware of.

This is around the time where it’s revealed that Anne’s genuinely a half-elf, her father’s bastard child, instead of just being a human with some weird but ultimately explainable similarities to elves (which is just some yada yada tbh). This can and will break Anne’s heart, who’s always believed and behaved like a human and who will now realize the likelihood of outliving all of this and who will probably break for a little bit at this juncture. H/C at its angstiest. Depending on your party makeup, this could ultimately serve as the less-tragic conclusion, as it ultimately allows Anne more time alive to pursue her/your/the party’s goals.

Anne is “surprisingly smart for a barbarian” largely because her youth was spent independently studying as a clerk in her father’s law firm.

In The Party

Anne is a wildheart/totem warrior (way of the bear) barbarian. Despite this—and because of her snobby upbringing—Anne trained for some time before going to sea as a fighter. It never fully suited her, for obvious reasons.

Anne is a reckless idiot and will fling herself bodily between you and danger if she decides you’re someone worth fighting for. If you’re someone worth fighting with, don’t worry: she’ll smack whatever caused the danger real hard for you later. She’s the first one in the fight and the last one out, given her way.

She has a dry, snarky manner about her that trends towards the hurtful and the obscene; charisma is her dump stat, and it shows. In spite of this, getting to know Anne is well worth the struggle, as she is a loyal, reliable, hardworking person at her core and only needs to be set upon some new direction to power through even the worst of circumstances.

Anne approves of decisions honoring free will and autonomy, favoring risky or violent behavior, and being insulted in return/being taken inoffensively when she says something in her less-than-congenial way. Anne disapproves of decisions honoring any form of forced servitude or action taken without prior permission/consent, favoring passive or deceptive behavior (with disadvantage if she has to act and her approval isn’t won first), and people being offended by her blunt and vulgar manner.

Thanks to years of backstory abuse you don’t need to worry about, Anne’s perception and insight are exceptional, and thanks to piracy she rolls with advantage on intimidation despite her low charisma.

Anne will refuse to be the “face” of the party as often as possible, as she prefers to lead fights, not conversations. (Despite this, it’s advantageous to have Anne in your party when having run-ins with most legal entities—she’s good in a fight, verbal and physical.)

In Play

Anne favors two-handed axes. (-insert swings both ways joke here-) She favors an unarmored/lightly armored approach and likes to throw things that’ll really mess up someone’s day—an unexpected weapon, a heavy item, an AOE thrown weapon, whatever.

Dexterity is Anne’s second lowest stat. Whenever possible, she’ll rely on brute strength or snap observations to get out of trouble.

My father just accidentally fed my pirate fixation, who can I bribe into continuing this creatively or educationally?

@unicornondeck fed the beast

Anne lunges at the makeshift dummy with a snarl, coat and hat forgone for movement’s sake. It’s rare to see Anne without her accoutrements, a secret armor she seldom goes without. It speaks either to a degree of comfort in her new berth or a lapse in judgement on her part that she’s voluntarily gone without. Her movements are fluid, practiced, but her attack is stiff, the angle all wrong. She drops the pose and rubs the twinge in her wrist away, eyeing the dummy. Fucking stupid, what she’s doing, but…it seemed so natural when she did it in her usual way. Right-handed it just…doesn’t click.

Neither does his presence, until she glances up and actually catches sight of him. She flinches involuntarily, but does manage to keep her feet planted firm under her.

“…Fang said no one comes here ‘til lunch’s done. The fuck are ye doin here?”

@tatteredxsails fed the beast

“I said strike yer FUCKING colors,” Anne barked, cocking the pistol in her hand and holding it to the back of the crewman’s head. “That means pull ‘em down now or decorate ‘em with what’s left of yer fuckin brains!”

Raids usually put Anne in high spirits, the closest she comes to recapturing her hellcat youth; not so today. Because today it isn’t a Spanish galleon but an English merchant, and because today she’s in a shit mood, and because these fuckers are trying to stall.

Maybe she should torch the whole ship and have an end of it, captain’s orders be damned.

“Oi! I’m in charge a’ ye, not them!” And now the idiot’s trying his luck, making eyes at a different pirate like they aren’t all on the same crew. “Start pullin the damned ropes and maybe I won’t pull the damned trigger.”

There were two small spots of ruddy color in Anne’s cheeks, unnoticeable if you didn’t know her—but a clear sign of violence to come for anyone who did. James. Fucking. Bonny. The useless fuck! How dare he come waltzing aboard, singing his own praises—

“Cocksucking liar,” Anne growled, unconsciously taking a step towards him. She stopped suddenly, shook her head as if to clear him from it…but her cutting (stabbing?) glare hasn’t moved an inch from Bonny. Her top lip curled and her left hand, the unnoticed dominant, is planted firmly on the hilt of her sword. Maybe killing him would be worth Bonnet’s ire.

“Ye know him better. How pissed is he likely t’be if I kill the dumbshite right now?”

From (x) @neverhangd

"Can't say I'm fucking surprised honestly," Izzy said, looking ahead as Bonnet talked to the specified man taken aboard the Revenge. The look on his face did not change throughout and he paused following her threats. His eyes stayed straight ahead as they watched. "Oh I know you will, got no doubts there. Pretty sure he can see it too. Bonnet and him both."

❣ For Stede please 😂

send ❣ for my muse to give yours a cute nickname!!!

There’s a flush to Anne’s cheeks that has nothing to do with the bottle of rum floating its way among the crew. (She’d found her way to some green almost-tobacco-shite and been talked into smoking it almost on a dare.) She has to squint up at Bonnet and spends three entire seconds trying to remember his name. Her head is swimming and there’s a strange, pleasant lightness to her that even has her smiling at him. That should be a sign in and of itself that something’s off.

“Bonn—nah, S…Ssssssssss—nnnn.” Anne makes a face, unaware that she hasn’t strung together a full word yet. Twat suits him, suits most people really, but Izzy’s already using that one. Anne screws one eye up, trying to get a new measure for what to call the man.

“Nnnnnnnamby Pamby!” she finally announces with a point and a cocked eye. “Namby, fuckin…fuckin fucked ship, mate. Mental, ah? Hard t’imagine what sick fuck designed it.” She shakes her head and takes another draw from the pipe, coughing wretchedly as she does so.

“Odd burn goin down,” she observes as much to herself as anyone around.

 ❣ (couldn't resist)

Nor should one ever. 🩷

Ah, fuck. Anne wants to be irritated by having to yet another uninvited twat in her presence, but finds herself dissolving into a fit of giggles instead when he sits down. She hadn’t realized he had a bloody hoof until he’d sat down, and now all she can think past the fit of giggles is how he resembles a wee little goat man.

Still tittering—and meaning no offense by it but unmistakably tickled that of all the dumbshites here, it’s the second-angriest that looks most like Satan—Anne turns towards him.

“Ye’re missin—ye’re yer wee little horns, Billy Goat Gruff!”

Leave a NSFW rumor in my inbox about my character and they'll react to hearing the news that said rumor is spreading.

Ⓦ

Teacher workdays are the best and the worst.

Here are my boots and the lighting rig in the black box.