Nepeta Rantz !! ^_^ - Tumblr Posts

:33 < rant

:33 < being a system is just.... so scary. i constantly have mental breakdowns, idont permit "myself" to look at "me" in the mirror, idont know who "i"am because iam not me. its a group of people. it feels so insane, like im not real. people call me by my name in which idont realise iam me or at least supposed to be. ihave so much confusion in life, so much amnesia and unawareness, its crazy. i just want to be freed and alone. we dont particularly like each other either. icant stare at myself normally. i seem to have to have a mental breakdown. ifeel so out of place. so abnormal. the others themselves get scared. we barely know who we are. am i the host ? really ?? did the actual host go dormant years ago ?? i question this daily because it dosent seem like im the actual me more like a fake version, or a figment of the original. a place holder. yea sure, icall myself the original, but am i really ?? maybe buzy knows, but then again buzy also is a little.... much. shes trying to.... well idont really wanna say it so yea. she wouldnt exactly be of much help. maybe all the others named s ? imeannnn theyre kinda the same as buzy. and its not exactly like we talk to eachother. imean yea, our headspace is super boring, but we kinda enjoy being alone and dont talk to eachother so iguess. thats. alright. idont know im probably just gonna stop this

B33 < system rant (again, iknow, im sorry)

:33 < iknow i say im a system but in reality, idont even know if im a system. its more of a precaution than a statement. yes, im a system, but am i really ? everyday i feel as though im faking, and even though ihave little notes from when others were fronting, or proof of people interacting with my alters, its so daunting and just makes me feel like im faking. idont always switch. idont have an inner world as iam unable to see one and never will be. we dont have any communication, as we lack the feel/need to talk to eachother, we (most of us) arent friends, and we lack healthy relationships. yea, my trauma made me multiple people, but what if it actually didnt and iwas lying to myself ? its so overwhelming being a system. i worry im faking my system hood and actually just lying, but when i even see that ihave the notes from the others and the headmates talking with the folks iknow, it still just persistently feels like im faking. so yea, im a system. at least, ithink so. isay so. idont know though. take that as a warning, a precaution, a note, not an exact statement. just a little "watch out if idont sound like myself because im a system and my alters might be fronting so thats why iwont sound like myself !!" not a "yea, we're a system and iknow that for a fact !! we're really proud of it, and it is of much importance to us !!" so yea, here we sit. or i. idont know for a fact. am i a system ? am i ? am i really.

HIHIHIHI ITS ME THE 🕸️📺 ANON!!!

i am so sorry i just saw these today i was on my main for the longest time ever ummmm. but holy cow you are so cool woah?!?!?!

and you also explained really well!!! ty :3 i understand it better now!!

i think the thing is that i like lerning anout stuff like minorities or certain groups, even if im not part of them to defend that group from the haters. because there will always be haters. and nobody deserves to be hated!!! except provlematic people like pedophiles and stuff. ew. also because i like having the knowledge to explain to people and stuff yk!! so i can help somebody who is confused like i was!! the thing is i know some people irl who judge alterhumans, and then online i know some people who are. so.

also i have my icp privileges back maybe ill get back into them 💔💔 my parents said i cant go to a gathering until im older though sign. which like i get it but yk…,???,?.?.?.

also my father doesnt like icp all that much. (neither does my grandpa but yk. old people/hj) it was fine until to catch a predator came and he completely misinterpreted the song ☹️☹️☹️. man i wish i had a time machine or a memory eraser or something so i wouldve never played the specific songs that git me in trouble (same thing for rainbows & stuff)

-🕸️📺

:33 < HEYA ANON !! ^_^ do not worryz about seeing my explanation latte, youcan see it whenever yiuwant its fine lolz idont mind :3c idont police when yiu read my posts read it whenever yiuwant dont worry :33 and thank you !! \(^w^)/ i tried my best, but am glad you underastand better now !! :3c me too !! i really do love getting educated on topics and cultures and identities im uneducated on !! its so amazing to defend groups who havent hurt anyone, love it when people arent apart of something but dont judge/support it even if not fully understand !! its amazing always feeling !! ido agree !! nobody deserves grusome hate !! hate tears people apart !! im all for peace for things that dont harm anyone !! somme people are just mean and choose to bully ithers thiugh :o( qlso im glad youhave your icp privileges back !! its sad that youcant go to the gathering though :o( ive never been, but only because idont live there !! idont know if my parents would let me go to one, but they are surprisingly supportive (ish) of me listening to icp !! recently my mother bought fake icp merch which is.... sweet of her !! because she had good intentions !! she wants to give it back though, after realising it was fake, but istill love and appreciate the gift !! my dad also dosent love icp all that muuch either xoD iwas liestenijg to one of shaggy's songs, and it mustve had a lot of swearing without me realising so my dad was like "heyyyy enough of that bro" xoDD im sorry your dad misinterpreted to catch a predator though :o(( its such a shame because that song is great, and has a meaning behinf it off supporting children from.... yaknow. predators. sometimes iwish ihad a time machine too, but them ithink "well maybe this happened for a certain reason !!" because everything in life happens for a scertain reason :o) !! anywayd, im not sure what else to write, so isill be finishing/rounding this off now !!