Personal Rant - Tumblr Posts

The younger days.

Excuse me while i go on a rant. This is one of the apps my family doesn’t have. So i need to rant for a moment and get this out.

When I was a kid, I remember having everyone in my family just go off at me except my papa (grandpa). Whenever my mom got upset at me. To be mindful, I lived with my mom, dad, 2 little brothers, my uncle and my papa. We live with my papa since my mom had her first son. Skipping ahead my mom and i use to butt beads. Which is normal for a mom and daughter to do so. But it would usually be for something i didn’t do, something my brothers did that upset me and the rare moments i did something. So this is how it would work whenever i got in trouble. From first to last this is how it work. My mom would get upset. My dad would say ‘you shouldn’t make your mom upset she does a lot for you and your brothers.’ My uncle would tell me to stop having an attitude and get over myself. My brothers would get off free like they never did anything. I would stay with my papa and he would listen to me. My papa was my safe space but over the years as me and my brothers got older. My brothers started taking up most of my papas time. Which led me to turn to music, which you know what most depressed, anxiety filled teens do. However, to me as school got more stressful and friends started turning into enemies. My parents would just play it off and say your young get over it. Couldn’t talk to my papa because my brothers would run to my parents and they’d tell me to stop going around telling people. When high school hit, i completely shut down around sophomore year. I didn’t care anymore, nothing matter. It felt like no one cared and my life is better off ending. After high school, i started living with my aunt and her family. I started mentally healing and i do have moments where i feel like I’m going to get yelled at. Also being told to stop stressing. I cannot explain how much pain I’ve Cause to people around me because of childhood trauma. I cannot explain or apologize enough to people who I’ve wronged. People have always told me i have a good heart and all i feel is guilt over the years of pain. I started this rant to get off my chest because i just want to heal from my past. But honestly i just think i needed to say this where my family can’t see it. So far I’ve been able to talk to my family. Not too much drama has happened between me and my family.

i hate everyone rn like tf u mean u can block me bc ‘u dont like me today’ screw urself u dumb ass bitch with ur brain span of a 2 year old looking ass. litro i can see my reflection in that big ass shiny like diamond forehead

im done ranting xx

Christianity is actually really cool

I just got done binging Wendigoon's old series on Dante's Divine Comedy, and I have to say, it really gave me an appreciation for just how awesome Christian writings, and by extent the bible really are. It's so hard to appreciate the cool aspects of Christianity these days because so many people in Gen Z associate it with right-wing politics and annoying preachers. It's much easier when you are allowed to take in these ideas without people pressuring you to believe a certain thing about it.

And sure, there are still many ideas I disagree with, but the ideals of virtue in helping others and the way it's explained in the Christian cannon are really inspiring to me. The reputation of Christianity would be so much better with secular people if there were more Christians willing to explain Christianity in a manner that wasn't so pushy and judgmental.

Anyways, I just felt inspired to write this post and put my thoughts out there. Check out Wendigoons videos on Dante's Divine Comedy if you ever get the chance.

A common argument that I hear from conservatives is that "people of the past were not so sensitive like people of today"

Mf people in 1950's America threw a tantrum because someone of a different skin color wanted to drink at the same fountain as them. Don't give me this bs about how people back then "weren't sensitive".

Conspiracy theory mfs can be some of the most annoying people on planet earth.

The second you point out any flaw in their logic, it's always "your giving into the propaganda man". Or, if you ever call them a insane dumbass, they will always say "wow, my ideas are making you mad, it must be because you know I'm right" thinking they are witty.

I'm not afraid of conspiracies because I don't want to hear the truth, I am afraid of conspiracy theories because they are very much capable of spreading dangerous misinformation as fact and harming people in the process.

I am willing to listen to any ideas, but you can't just present your far-out speculation based on cherrypicked evidence and get mad when people have the nerve to question your ideas.

Anyways, that's my rant. Just decided to blow off some steam because I got into an argument with some right-wingers on reddit who were going off about the "Jewish elite".

A small rant

I hate how right-wingers try to excuse spreading hateful or ignorant ideas as "just a joke" or "I'm just asking questions". Like they somehow think that jokes or questions cannot be rhetorical.

It's like some people think that ideas just don't affect the real world in any tangible form. Like they are just having a purely theoretical conversation that effects nobody at all.

People on the right need to realize that rhetoric is very capable of inspiring violence. Saying shit like "trans people are groomers" is the kind of shit that gets trans people killed.

And public figures who advocate hateful rhetoric will always try to distance themselves from the consequences of their words, saying shit like "I never said I condone violence", even when violence is the natural logical conclusion of their words. Yall cannot act like implying that Jews run the world is not a call to action to commit violence against them, that is pure bullshit.

A question I hear a lot is "why are so many losers defending billionaires online?" and I realized why.

It's not because they think that they will be given money or get noticed, it's because they want to maintain the narrative of capitalism as a pure meritocracy. Capitalist theory tells us that hard work and risk is what will make you rich, and an incongruence between what rich people should be and what they are breaks this. To admit that someone like Elon Musk is an idiot who only got rich off generational wealth is to admit that capitalism is inherently flawed. That's why rich people are placed on this pedestal of perfection where they can do no wrong.

They aren't defending the individuals; they are defending the ideal of capitalism they have been taught all their lives.

Capitalism has ruined our basic humanity

The fact that the large majority of people in America look at a homeless person and think "ew, get this trash out of my sight" rather than empathizing, wanting to help that person, and reflecting on the systematic flaws that allow this to happen is a sign that your civilization has fundamentally failed at being civil, and is more comparable to savagery.

Always remember that anyone who owns little to no capital is your ally, not your enemy, and thinking so means you've bought into capitalist propaganda like a sheep.

Remember: Never let anybody talk shit about the working class or the poor

Be mindful of anti-proletariat rhetoric.

Don't tolerate bullshit ideas like "unskilled labor", all labor is skilled, and capitalists want you to believe in it so they can justify paying hard working people practically nothing. If someone is giving their time and energy to someone else, they deserve respect no matter what.

Don't tolerate parents teaching their children to look down upon common laborers as "trashy work".

Don't tolerate this idea that poor people are lazy, most are poor for a variety of reasons: poor mental health, no generational wealth, bad investments, drug addiction, disability, unwanted children; but none of them are just laziness. If you know any poor people, you know they bust their ass every day to get a fraction of what their bosses have.

Don't tolerate people who say you should vote for a party that doesn't give a shit about the real workers.

Don't tolerate divisive ideas meant to distract the common man from getting back the surplus value stolen from him.

Don't tolerate propagandic opinion pieces from rich folk who want to keep you ignorant.

Love the working class, and eat the rich!

Chuds on twitter getting mad about Joe Biden stepping down because it "betrays the democratic voters" is a prime example of how reactionary the right is.

Republicans have been degrading, and systematically trying to prevent democrats from voting for YEARS, and now they suddenly care about the rights of democrat voters? I call BS

This is a prime example of moving the goal post. They always have to be mad about something. They can't just let him step down peacefully (as they and everyone else have been pleading him to), it has to be twisted into some moral failing on him and the democrats.

Remember: Thinking an opinion is bad just because the majority of people believe it is just as fallacious as saying something is bad because a minority of people believe it.

Also, just having an uncommon opinion does not automatically make you a "free thinker", you can still be unwittingly indoctrinated by a small group of people. Look at cults as an example.

I'm mostly talking to right-wingers and TERFS with this one, but it's a good thing for everyone to know.

I don’t think anyone will get down here, but I just want to say I’ve become a big fan of BTS. I’ve never really got into loving celebrities and being fans of them (I usually just like the music), but I was happily surprised to hear about BTS’s activism. Like their pro LGBTQ advocacy especially Namjoon and especially Suga who is (was?) my favorite (my bias). I was also super happy to find out about their amazing donation to BLM a couple years ago especially since anti black sentiment is huge in Asian countries (same thing with anti queer sentiment). And combined with all their other amazing things they do (mental health advocacy, etc) I fell in love. But ofc all good things must come to an end (?) so when I found out their HEAVY past of anti black racism,, I was extremely hurt (especially after the n word in Korean thing,, no it’s not used in a cute way, if one meaning is a slur, then it’s a slur) and especially as a black person. Also make no mistake, this is NOT me hating on BTS. They are great honestly, despite their past.

So after a day of grieving, I decided to do more research, and I really just want to thank this person for making this post. I don’t think I can ever look at the members the same ever again, but I still appreciate them and all they have done and all that they do. I hope they have learned from their past mistakes and will not repeat them, even if they never apologize for some of this stuff. The past is the past and cannot be changed (though that Is not an excuse and ofc things like this need to be called out). Also, I agree with what this person said at the end when the mentioned about Namjoon being really the only one who apologized and the others make them uncomfortable with their mistakes. Like I know that I’ll always feel a horrible twist in my stomach when I look particular members, but I know these things most likely won’t be repeated. Thank you so much to anyone who read this.

Everything BTS has ever done, both good and bad, related to all social justice issues

I find it absolutely fascinating how so many different people talk about BTS in such different ways, with some of their fans saying they’re among the most progressive celebrities on the planet while others say they’re the prime example of racism in K-Pop.

I was out sick for a couple days, had some time off, couldn’t get this off my mind (we love fixations), and I like pretending to be a sociologist, so: here’s a chronological list of everything BTS has ever done related to all social justice issues (racism, misogyny, LGBT issues, mental health issues, etc), both good and bad, compiled just to have it all in one place.

This could be used as both a callout post and a compilation of how great they are. Either way, I just request that you read all of it beforehand for a complete picture.

Keep reading

just gotten home friday, everything was find but then my dad complain me not driving the car home plus washing clothes when i was washing clothes to have for home, then my brother ate my food and instead of appolizing to me, he was just upset with me even though I was reacting and told him in my upset voice he could of ask someone if that was his food, i try bringing it to my mom and after hearing it she just said we weren't going to drive her crazy fighting.

i'm tired of my parents playing the middle man being indiffrent to both sides, when there a clear issue, and everytime I complain about my brother I get "well you know he just think diffrent the way you do" Fuck that why he get to rely on his dissabittly but I don't even though it affact me read and comprehending words.

then be like "well just ignore what bother you" and I go and ignore him complitly because he been bother me the whole time, then it a fucking problem I don't talk to him.

I'm fucking tired and annoyed, an at end of the day it just ruin the sushi that was replace because I didn't feel in the mood anymore for it, and I doubt I be in the mood for sushi again that day just ruin it for me

:33 < rant

:33 < being a system is just.... so scary. i constantly have mental breakdowns, idont permit "myself" to look at "me" in the mirror, idont know who "i"am because iam not me. its a group of people. it feels so insane, like im not real. people call me by my name in which idont realise iam me or at least supposed to be. ihave so much confusion in life, so much amnesia and unawareness, its crazy. i just want to be freed and alone. we dont particularly like each other either. icant stare at myself normally. i seem to have to have a mental breakdown. ifeel so out of place. so abnormal. the others themselves get scared. we barely know who we are. am i the host ? really ?? did the actual host go dormant years ago ?? i question this daily because it dosent seem like im the actual me more like a fake version, or a figment of the original. a place holder. yea sure, icall myself the original, but am i really ?? maybe buzy knows, but then again buzy also is a little.... much. shes trying to.... well idont really wanna say it so yea. she wouldnt exactly be of much help. maybe all the others named s ? imeannnn theyre kinda the same as buzy. and its not exactly like we talk to eachother. imean yea, our headspace is super boring, but we kinda enjoy being alone and dont talk to eachother so iguess. thats. alright. idont know im probably just gonna stop this

B33 < system rant (again, iknow, im sorry)

:33 < iknow i say im a system but in reality, idont even know if im a system. its more of a precaution than a statement. yes, im a system, but am i really ? everyday i feel as though im faking, and even though ihave little notes from when others were fronting, or proof of people interacting with my alters, its so daunting and just makes me feel like im faking. idont always switch. idont have an inner world as iam unable to see one and never will be. we dont have any communication, as we lack the feel/need to talk to eachother, we (most of us) arent friends, and we lack healthy relationships. yea, my trauma made me multiple people, but what if it actually didnt and iwas lying to myself ? its so overwhelming being a system. i worry im faking my system hood and actually just lying, but when i even see that ihave the notes from the others and the headmates talking with the folks iknow, it still just persistently feels like im faking. so yea, im a system. at least, ithink so. isay so. idont know though. take that as a warning, a precaution, a note, not an exact statement. just a little "watch out if idont sound like myself because im a system and my alters might be fronting so thats why iwont sound like myself !!" not a "yea, we're a system and iknow that for a fact !! we're really proud of it, and it is of much importance to us !!" so yea, here we sit. or i. idont know for a fact. am i a system ? am i ? am i really.

i MISS when we were just friends who just met, i would do anything and i mean ANYTHING to go back to that. we just met the other week, we exchanged our numbers not that long after and we texted every chance we got. he was the funniest guy ive met and even though ive known him for less than a month he was my favorite, he would always tell me about his crush and ask for advice knowing them, but would never tell me who they were (the crush was me and i knew all along). he would always get me gifts and talk to me whenever he could, he told me about everything.

it was my cousins birthday party and i was texting him, he asked me about his crush and i told him to ask them the first chance he got (which i regret since i now wish this lasted longer). he asked me out that night and asked me to be his girlfriend, and we were both so excited and happy.

i just want to know what i couldve done differently ? what couldve changed the outcome ? why did it end ? its driving me insane. you are such a confusing guy honestly, why are you so comfortable touching me like that but you get so nervous when i do the same ? why do you do everything you do ? god i just want you to tell me.

i wish that phase lasted longer. where we both knew we liked each other but were too scared to say anything and stayed friends, the constant flirting and mutual puppy love, the pretending to be oblivious about who his crush was, everyone except us realizing we both wanted to be together. all of that up until before our breakup, i want to go back to that.

Having to move on

It was difficult for me to move forward, because I realized just recently I am still holding onto the pieces, that had broken me as a person. And it destroyed a lot of my time in the present. I allowed that shadow of gloom to latch itself on my soul, and held onto it. It was all the more difficult due to how it had blinded me, how I missed that everyone moved on and changed. Because I stayed in there... I stayed in that same room with the pain all in me. I bottled it up too much that's why the cycle never ended. And no it wasn't my fault but my fault was not letting go of it... as well as keeping the pains inside of me. As if I was a vessel for that pain to live on to.

I was the damage that caused the pain, because the pain is in me. I was focused in my own wounds, that I didn't think of the cuts of mine would cut the hearts of those that genuinely cared for me... I may be aware with others but I lacked awareness regarding myself... my fault was never letting that pain go.. due to how it traumatized me. I had focused on the pain... and it led me to nothing but in a reckless, self loathing, self destructive path.

I'm...sorry to those that actually holds me dear. I'm sorry...truly I am.

Miwa is so relatable and I love her, heh

Just a little update post for those interested. I'm really investing a lot in the characters and honestly I'm fighting back tears right now :'>

The manga is just so real and I can understand everyone's struggles, which I guess is one part of why I'm enjoying it so much.

To try keeping things short (but I apologize if it turns into a rant), I've had terrible and I mean TERRIBLE relationships in the past. I've had to learn things the hard way, and I've gotten so many things wrong. I look back on my past self and I wish I could tell my younger self what I know now. If I could, I'd love to have save myself from dealing with all the heartbreak and trauma and stuff like that.. But y'know, you also have to be grateful for experiencing all the chaos. Like, yeah, it's awful and I've been close to death a few times due to everything, but all that has made me who I am today. Even though I'm still miserable, I'm happier than I was. And I'm glad I have a better understanding as to what I need in life, y'know?

Anyway, just know that I'm loving How Do We Relationship? because yes indeed, how does one relationship?

I feel like some blogs/tumblr users here have gold star Michelin star post that would go crazy if only they posted it literally anywhere else, instead they decided to share it with all of 23 people and i think that is beautiful

I do have sympathy for jojo siwa for what she had gone through on dance moms but that doesn’t excuse her abusing the kids in her own group XOMG POP. It’s sad that most people who are abused and don’t get proper therapy or don’t actually come to terms with it end up being abusers themselves in the future. It’s a the cycle of abuse, which is why it’s important to talk to people and go to therapy. I genuinely do hope she realizes the harm she’s doing and the people she’s surrounding herself with aren’t good people (Colleen ballinger, Shawn Dawson, etc…) Despite her pass she’s still hurting people and surrounding herself around people who’s hurt so many. It’s terrible, this whole situation is terrible.