Sirius Black Hurt/comfort - Tumblr Posts

starlight | s.b.

tw: sh

sh comfort, sirius black x reader

You feel the blood rush to your head, see the thick red liquid trickling down your arm, taste the salty tears on your cheeks. Your back aches from pressing against the wall, slumped down on the floor of the bathroom.

You choke back a sob as you press the blade to your wrist, wincing as the bright red droplets pool within the white line. Just one more. Your brain screams at you to hurt yourself again. One last one. The voices in your head intensify as you slice your skin, again and again.

This was your fault. You deserved this. Failing on a charms test - how could you be so stupid? You had studied for hours in a row, and still managed to fail. You stupid girl. You internally curse yourself, pressing a hand to your mouth to muffle your sobs.

Your head starts to feel fuzzy from the blood loss, the red liquid dripping from your hand like water from a faucet. Black spots cloud your vision as your eyelids droop, head lolling onto your shoulder. Suddenly, you hear a knock on the door and your eyes snap open in panic. "Y/n, love, are you in there?" Sirius' voice blares through the haze in your head like starlight.

"Uh-" you scramble to stuff the blade into your pocket, grabbing the toilet roll from the sink. "Yeah, I'm in here. I'm okay!" your voice turns unnaturally high-pitched. You start to wrap the toilet paper around your arm, wiping your face on your sleeve. "Are you sure you're alright?" he probes. "I-uh-" a sob escapes you as your nails graze a scar, and you hear the sucking in of a breath on the other side of the door.

"Y/n, I'm coming in." Sirius says firmly as the knob turns. The door creaks as he steps in, and you choke out a sob and hurriedly pull your sleeves down in an attempt to shield him from your mess. It didn't work. You see the panic flashing in his eyes as they widen, and he rushes towards you, grabbing your bloodied wrists.

You wince and he loosens his grip. "Sorry." he says quietly. "Can I - can I see?" you gulp down the lump in your throat and nod, glancing away with tears rolling down your cheeks. Sirius carefully rolls back your sleeves, his breath hitching as his eyes land on the white scars lining your arms. The blood continues to cruelly drip down your wrist, mocking you. You brace yourself for the screams and taunts that will spurt from his mouth. But they never come.

"Y/n. Look at me." he says, his voice cracking. You suck in a deep breath as you feel his fingers on your chin, lifting your head till your eyes meet. His eyes are round and glassy, tears threatening to spill. The look on his face breaks your heart in two, and you let out a wrangled cry of defeat. A tear slips down his face as he immediately pulls you into his embrace. "You're okay. You're okay." he croaks out as you melt into the hug, crying into his sweater.

The both of you stay there for what feels like forever, Sirius' hands rubbing circles on your back while you grip him so tightly as though he would be taken from you if you didn't. He presses gentle kisses to the crown of your head while whispering sweet nothings into your ear. You feel his own tears on your hair, his heartache seeping through your skin.

Your sobs finally quieten and Sirius pulls back slowly, holding you at arm's length. He cups your face, wiping away the tears. "My lovely girl. Why didn't you say anything before?" he whispers. You sniffle. "I'm sorry. It was- it was hard," you mumble, glancing away. He shakes his head and smiles gently. "Nothing to apologise for, love. I just wish you had told me, so I could carry some of your pain for you.”

"But they're my problems. Not yours. You shouldn't have to burden yourself for me," you murmur, looking at him guiltily. He gently presses a finger to your mouth. "None of that. If my girl is hurting, it's my job to shelter you from that pain, okay? Please just... just tell me what's wrong, and I swear I'll try to make it better. I'll do anything it it meant you didn't harm yourself," he says firmly, his eyes swirling with so much guilt, hurt and love.

You nod slowly. "Okay, my sweet girl?" he asks softly, thumb grazing over your cheek. "Okay,” you reply quietly, mustering a weak smile. He smiles softly in response and presses a kiss to your forehead. "Good girl. Now let's get you cleaned up while you tell me what's been going on in that pretty little head of yours, huh?" he asks softly, lacing your fingers together. You nod meekly as he pulls you into another bone-crushing hug, so full of affection that you feel your pain start to dwindle.

"I hope you know I love you. And I'm sorry that things have been hard, but I'm here now. You're safe with me." he whispers, raking his fingers through your hair. You smile weakly, squeezing him tighter. "I know,” you mumble fondly, your voice overflowing with gratitude. He starts to grin, his usual flirtatious nature coming back to him. "And I also hope you know that once I'm done cleaning you up, I'm gonna cuddle you and kiss you stupid." A giggle slips out of you. “I'd like that very much."

"Cuddles fix everything, just trust me," Sirius grins, pecking your cheek. You smile fondly, knowing full well that you could trust his starlight to shield you from the storm in your head.

perfect | s.b.

tw: body dysmorphia, fluff

insecure reader, sirius black x reader

You stand in the Gryffindor dorm, staring at your reflection in the mirror with a defeated look on your face. You're stripped down to your bra and panties, so you can see your body for itself. Your fat, ugly, body. You turn this way and that, inhaling deeply and standing straighter to try and make your stomach look smaller. Your mind starts to race with curses and cruel words about how disgusting you looked.

A tear snakes down your cheek as you wrap your arms tightly around your stomach, as though you could physically squeeze the fat away. Your gaze is hopelessly transfixed on your reflection in the mirror, not even realising when your boyfriend peeks his head in through the door.

Sirius sees the tears on your face and feels his heart drop to his stomach, silently padding across the floor towards you. He wraps his arms around your waist and you flinch, snapping back to reality as he rests his head on your shoulder.

"What's wrong, pretty girl?" he whispers, kissing the tears on your cheek. "Nothing." you sigh, willing more tears not to fall but they do anyway, seeing your boyfriend's reflection in the mirror. Seeing how perfect he was, with his silky black locks and stormy grey eyes and body of a greek god. He could easily have any girl he wanted. Why did he ever choose you?

"Baby," Sirius murmurs sadly but bemusedly. "I can see the cogs turning in your head and the tears in your eyes. What's got my girl so upset?" he nudges at your cheek gently. You turn your face away, not missing the look of heartbreak on his face. "I just... I was thinking... I think I'm too fat." you mumble quickly, wanting to get it over with, wanting to hear the truth spill from his lips.

There's dead silence for a moment, as Sirius tries to take in what you said. His mouth opens and closes a few times as he stares at you in the mirror. Your breath hitches, feeling the dread settling in your stomach. "What?" he finally blurts out, seemingly at a loss for words. He grabs your hips tightly and spins you around to face him. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, love. Why - why would you even think you're too fat? Who told you that?" he says, his words filled with so much sincerity and worry you feel like you could cry.

"No one told me that... I just felt that way," you mutter, glancing away as an embarassed blush coats your cheeks. Sirius sighs. "Baby. Look at me," he says firmly, tilting your chin up until you finally meet his eyes. The love in his eyes makes you slightly giddy. "You're drop dead gorgeous. And I'm not just saying this, I mean it. You're not fat, you're perfect the way you are. I love your curves. I love your body. I love everything about you."

You open your mouth to deny, but Sirius clamps a hand over your mouth, shaking his head and smiling lightly. "No, let me tell you just how pretty you are, baby." He takes his hand off your mouth and holds you at arm's length, his hands on your waist.

Sirius moves his hands to your stomach and smiles at you, his eyes never once leaving yours. "I love your adorable little belly pouch, it's the perfect place to lay my head on. And when you wear tight dresses, it makes you look like an angel," he coos, and you feel your heart melt as he squeezes your stomach gently. He moves his hands to your sides, tracing the length of your hips with his long, slender fingers.

"These stretch marks, they're beautiful. They're yours. And they make your skin look like a veil of golden stardust with dark marks of the galaxy peeking through," he says earnestly, his grin widening as he sees your cheeks start to redden.

Sirius trails his hands to your thighs, pinching them playfully. "And my favourite place to be is in between these jaw-droppingly stunning thighs," he smirks, earning a watery chuckle from you as you slap his arm away playfully. Grateful tears start to pool in your eyes again as he pulls you towards him, burying your head in his chest. "I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, angel." he murmurs, affection coating his voice as he whispers in your ear. "You're beautiful. And don't you ever doubt that, okay?"

You nod against his chest as the tears stream down your cheeks. "Thank you," you choke out, feeling your heart swell with love for your boyfriend who accepted your body, heck - who worshipped it. He presses a soft kiss to the crown of your head. "Nothing to thank me for. If my girl forgets just how godly she looks, I don't mind reminding her." You hear the smile in his voice and pull back slightly to see the smirk start to take over his handsome features.

Sirius wipes your tears away and takes your hand, pulling you towards the bed. That earns a giggle from you as he announces cheekily, "Now, let me kiss every part of your hell of a body and remind you just how perfect you are."

thank you to the lovely girl who requested for this on wattpad! <3

a hundred times over | s.b.

tw: dried blood, fluff, teensy bit of jily

evans! reader, sirius black x reader (when he ends up escaping to the Potters’)

Lying lazily on the couch in the Potters’ mansion, you tear a strip of paper and chew it in your mouth before shooting a spitball at James, giggling as he grumbled and swatted it away.

He was busy making small talk with your sister, as she tried to look annoyed but was hopelessly failing, what with the pink coating her cheeks. Lily was just as much in love with James as he was in with her, that much was obvious for everyone to see. Meanwhile, Remus was propped up on his elbows in front of the fireplace, his eyes locked on the storybook in front of him while Peter sat on the other end of the couch, face scrunched up in concentration as he tried to master a spell he learnt recently.

Everything felt right, spending the holidays with your twin and best friends. But the gnawing hole in your heart made you realise that something was missing, or rather someone - Sirius. You knew he’d never be able to spend the holidays at James’ place because of his horribly abusive family, but a small part of you missed his constant teasing and flirting. You found yourself aching to see that easy smirk which hung from his lips, and the stormy grey eyes which plagued your mind a little too frequently these days.

Sighing, you quit annoying James and flopped onto your back, gazing at the ceiling. “Moony?” you mumble. Everyone turns to look at you except him, as he hums in response, too engrossed in his book. “Do you think Pads is okay?” you ask quietly, the dark thoughts starting to get the better of you. Why hadn’t he written all summer? Remus frowns, tearing his eyes away from the page to glance at you, “Why wouldn’t he be-“

At that moment, the fire crackled loudly and turned a fiery blue as everyone swiveled their heads to look. A boy covered in dried blood and soot stepped out, a suitcase in one hand a broken wand in the other. His eyes looked stripped of their light, hazy as they darted around the room. It didn’t take long for Y/n and the rest to register their dark-haired friend swaying unsteadily in front of them, his eyes barely open.

You felt your heart jump to your mouth as he swayed forward. “SIRIUS!” you gasped, lurching forward to catch his arms just as he was about to crumble to the ground. Remus jumped up to help you lower him to the floor, taking a shaky breath as he grabbed your trembling hand and squeezed it reassuringly. James was anything but calm, his eyes wide in horror as he shakily yelled for his mother upstairs. Peter and Lily sat there with matching dumbfounded expressions, your sister letting out a shocked squeak.

You feel the tears start to well up in your eyes, terrifying thoughts running through your mind. You couldn’t lose him. Not now. Not ever. You couldn’t live without Sirius.

As though she could read your mind, Lily stood up and came towards you, gently grabbing your hand and pulling you away from Sirius towards the kitchen. You saw Euphemia flash you a small, reassuring smile as she helped Sirius into a spare room to treat him.

Your sister gently turned your head towards her, and you felt the lump forming in your throat. “He’s gonna be okay,” Lily murmured, squeezing your hands as you let out a small sob, clamping a hand over your mouth. She immediately pulled your trembling body into hers in a warm embrace as you muttered incoherently. “I… I can’t lose him… I love him too much.”

She just hums in response and rubs your back until your cries slow. “James’ mom is a great healer, you know? One of the best,” she says quietly. You sniffle, pulling away and wiping the tears off your face. “I know. I don’t know why I’m overreacting this much.”

She smiles softly, “Because you love him, duh.” You look away, your cheeks starting to turn red. “No I don’t,” you mutter, just as James comes into the kitchen, relief written all over his face. “Hey, Y/n, he’s better now. You can go see him if you want to.”

Lily nods at you as you take a deep breath, following James as he brings you to the room. You enter to see Sirius propped up against the headboard, his black curls all over the place and bandages wrapped on at least four different parts of his body. His eyes look up to meet yours, and you felt your whole world shift as you rush forward to wrap him in a bone-crushing hug.

“Wanker,” you whisper, squeezing Sirius tightly as he chuckled softly, wrapping his arms around you. “Hey gorgeous,” he sighs. “Missed me?”

You smack his back lightly and he lets out an exaggerated yelp of pain, making you giggle. You cling to him tightly, soaking in the warmth of his embrace which you longed to feel for so long. “I missed you.” he murmurs, his playful exterior finally melting away as he breathes in the scent of you.

You just snuggle more into him in response, unable to say anything. “I thought I lost you,” you finally say, pulling away slightly to hold him at arms length. You trail your eyes over his features, the light stubble that had settled on his chin and those metallic eyes you knew so well. He grins that same grin you want to wake up to for the rest of your life. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily, sweetheart.”

As you both sit there in silence, taking in each other’s features after being starved of the other’s presence for weeks, you find yourself slowly inching towards him. You were lost in the storm that was his eyes, and he was gazing at the art that was your face.

Sirius reached out his hand to cup your cheek and you could hear your heartbeat quicken, thundering in your ears as he grazed his thumb over your lips. You let your eyelids flutter close and let out a content sigh, him taking that as his final confirmation as he leaned forward and gently pressed his lips on yours.

Fireworks explode in your heart as you melt into the kiss. One hand automatically goes up to cup his cheek, the other threading through his hair. His lips were chapped, his skin rough, and his hair knotted. Sirius was a mess right now, but he was your mess. Yours. This was all you ever wanted, and all you ever needed.

You finally break the kiss, feeling butterflies churning in the pit of your stomach as you pull away to smile at him. Sirius grins, resting his forehead against yours as he rubs his thumb over your cheek. “If I knew almost dying would make you fall in love with me, I’d do it a hundred times over.”

flinch | s.b.

tw: angst, swearing

hurt to comfort, sirius black x reader

"Why the fuck would you do that? Why would you fucking flirt with her?"

"I wasn't flirting with her, goddamn it! I was being nice!"

"Yeah, being nice meant giving her a kiss goodbye, didn't it?"

"I didn't kiss her! Oh my god, I- I could hit you right now!" Sirius yelled, the last drops of his anger ringing in the silence as you flinch, reflexively bringing your hands up to cover your face. His eyes widen in shock, then understanding. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before slowly stepping towards you.

"You're trembling. Oh my god, you're trembling. I'm so sorry," he murmurs, reaching one hand out towards you, as though you were some rabid animal. You instinctively move away from his touch. "No, I- I'm fine," you choke out, lowering your trembling hands. "I'm okay, sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry."

He coos in pity, stepping towards you again, but stopping short when he sees the way you wince. He sighs and drops his hands to his sides. "No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I... I took it too far. I'm so sorry, dove." he murmurs, looking at you with concern. Given both yours and his past, living in abusive households had pushed the both of you to make a promise never to yell at each other.

Sirius broke that promise. He broke your trust. The thought of that caused you to let out a sob, and you squish your hand to your mouth to muffle it. Sirius makes a strangled sort of noise in his throat as he reaches out towards you again. "Baby," he breathes out, voice laced with hurt. "Can I hug you?" You hesitate for a moment. Then you nod, and he closes the distance between you.

Sirius gently wraps his arms around you, unsure just how much you want. But when you bury your head in his chest and tighten your hold around him, he squeezes you in a strangling hug. You lean into the embrace gratefully. "I'm so sorry. I don't want to do this,” you sniffle into his chest, your tears wetting his shirt. "Do what, love?" he asks quietly, stroking your hair.

“I feel like I'm guilt-tripping you. I'm sorry. I don't wanna be the girl that flinches." He places a gentle kiss on the top of your head and buries his face in your hair. "I know you don't, baby. Heck, we both don't wanna be that person. But you're not guilt-tripping me. I get it, and I shouldn't have broken our promise. I'm sorry. It happened just this once, never again."

You hum in response, a few more tears slipping down your cheeks as you stay in the tight embrace. "Were you cheating, though?" you mumble, your voice starting to shake with anxiety.

"No," he responds immediately, no hesitation in his words. Sirius clutches you tighter. "I wasn't, and I'm sorry if I made it seem that way. Lily's always been a pal, and that's all she'll ever be. I shouldn't have hugged her like that if it made you uncomfortable."

You feel relief blooming in your chest at his words, and you nod silently, finally pulling away slightly to look at him. You raise your head to meet his eyes, and he smiles softly at you, his eyes full of guilt and love as he presses a kiss between your eyebrows. "There's my beautiful girl," he murmurs, grinning as he rubs his thumbs over your cheeks, his forehead resting on yours. "Now, how about we go get some ice cream? You could have two scoops, on me."

You smile back, and Sirius' eyes light up as though you've personally strung up all the stars in the sky. "Three scoops?" you ask, widening your eyes and pouting in an attempt at a puppy face. He looks you up and down, rolls his eyes and sighs, the hint of a smile on his lips. "Just this once, sweetheart. But you gotta share."

You shake your head and groan in mock defeat, earning a chuckle from him as he helps you put on your sweater and presses a loving kiss to your lips.

flinch | s.b.

tw: angst, swearing

hurt to comfort, sirius black x reader

"Why the fuck would you do that? Why would you fucking flirt with her?"

"I wasn't flirting with her, goddamn it! I was being nice!"

"Yeah, being nice meant giving her a kiss goodbye, didn't it?"

"I didn't kiss her! Oh my god, I- I could hit you right now!" Sirius yelled, the last drops of his anger ringing in the silence as you flinch, reflexively bringing your hands up to cover your face. His eyes widen in shock, then understanding. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before slowly stepping towards you.

"You're trembling. Oh my god, you're trembling. I'm so sorry," he murmurs, reaching one hand out towards you, as though you were some rabid animal. You instinctively move away from his touch. "No, I- I'm fine," you choke out, lowering your trembling hands. "I'm okay, sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry."

He coos in pity, stepping towards you again, but stopping short when he sees the way you wince. He sighs and drops his hands to his sides. "No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I... I took it too far. I'm so sorry, dove." he murmurs, looking at you with concern. Given both yours and his past, living in abusive households had pushed the both of you to make a promise never to yell at each other.

Sirius broke that promise. He broke your trust. The thought of that caused you to let out a sob, and you squish your hand to your mouth to muffle it. Sirius makes a strangled sort of noise in his throat as he reaches out towards you again. "Baby," he breathes out, voice laced with hurt. "Can I hug you?" You hesitate for a moment. Then you nod, and he closes the distance between you.

Sirius gently wraps his arms around you, unsure just how much you want. But when you bury your head in his chest and tighten your hold around him, he squeezes you in a strangling hug. You lean into the embrace gratefully. "I'm so sorry. I don't want to do this,” you sniffle into his chest, your tears wetting his shirt. "Do what, love?" he asks quietly, stroking your hair.

“I feel like I'm guilt-tripping you. I'm sorry. I don't wanna be the girl that flinches." He places a gentle kiss on the top of your head and buries his face in your hair. "I know you don't, baby. Heck, we both don't wanna be that person. But you're not guilt-tripping me. I get it, and I shouldn't have broken our promise. I'm sorry. It happened just this once, never again."

You hum in response, a few more tears slipping down your cheeks as you stay in the tight embrace. "Were you cheating, though?" you mumble, your voice starting to shake with anxiety.

"No," he responds immediately, no hesitation in his words. Sirius clutches you tighter. "I wasn't, and I'm sorry if I made it seem that way. Lily's always been a pal, and that's all she'll ever be. I shouldn't have hugged her like that if it made you uncomfortable."

You feel relief blooming in your chest at his words, and you nod silently, finally pulling away slightly to look at him. You raise your head to meet his eyes, and he smiles softly at you, his eyes full of guilt and love as he presses a kiss between your eyebrows. "There's my beautiful girl," he murmurs, grinning as he rubs his thumbs over your cheeks, his forehead resting on yours. "Now, how about we go get some ice cream? You could have two scoops, on me."

You smile back, and Sirius' eyes light up as though you've personally strung up all the stars in the sky. "Three scoops?" you ask, widening your eyes and pouting in an attempt at a puppy face. He looks you up and down, rolls his eyes and sighs, the hint of a smile on his lips. "Just this once, sweetheart. But you gotta share."

You shake your head and groan in mock defeat, earning a chuckle from him as he helps you put on your sweater and presses a loving kiss to your lips.

I am BEGGING on my knees for a part two to "Meant to be" 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

your wish is my command, sweetheart!! here is part 2. thank you guys so much for all the love on part 1 ♡

meant to be | poly!wolfstar (part 2)

part 1 | part 2

tw: angst, hurt/comfort

poly!wolfstar x reader

The chillness radiating off the wall behind you does nothing to ease your pain as you slump to the ground outside the common room.

You press your fingertips to your lips, nibbling on your nails anxiously as you feel the hot tears dribble down your cheeks.

It was over. Your relationship with Sirius and Remus was over, and it was all your fault. You had ruined it.

It had felt like the right decision two minutes ago when you were admitting your troubles in the common room. It had felt like something you had to do for the past few weeks, whenever you saw the boys together without you, whenever you felt like an extra in their relationship.

So why did it feel like there was a gaping hole in your heart? Why did it feel like your insides had just been clawed out and crushed to pieces? 

This was your doing, your choice, you told yourself. No point mourning for a relationship that was already dead. 

Maybe Sirius and Remus were bubbling with laughter and cuddling in the common room right now. You really hoped that they were glad to be rid of you, because it was worth feeling this hurt if it meant they were happy.

As your thoughts of culpability begin to consume you, your vision starts to blur with tears. You lean your head against the wall, eyes closing as a soft sob escapes your lips. 

It was dawning upon you that you really had lost the boys you loved, and there was nothing you could do about it.

You freeze, your train of thought evaporating into thin air when you suddenly feel a hand on your cheek, thumbing the tears away.

You could recognise his touch anywhere, hands calloused from animalistic tendencies but gentle as a lamb when he traced hearts on your skin.

Eyes fluttering open, you come face to face with Remus, his beautiful face scrunched up in a sullen frown. Your vision flickers over to Sirius, standing behind him.

Sirius looks unsteady on his feet, swaying slightly from side to side with bloodshot eyes and tear tracks on his cheeks. Your heart feels heavy in your chest, and you know you probably look just as bad as he does. He was gazing at you with an unfamiliar desperation in his eyes, which truly, really mortified you. And to think you thought he would be pleased with the breakup - god, you were horrible.

“Dove,” Remus breathes out in a quiet rasp, drawing your attention back to him. You will your heart to stay intact as you look into his hazel eyes, but you feel it breaking anyway. Not a single word comes out your mouth knowing full well that you would break down into a sobbing mess if you spoke. You avert your gaze and opt to stare at the ground instead.

“Hey, look at me, please,” he whispers, rubbing your cheek again with those stupidly lovely hands and looking at you with those disgustingly pretty eyes and all the love in the world that you wished that you could die. You quietly raise your head to look at Remus again, and he offers you a small, forced smile to compensate you for your effort. “There’s my girl,” he murmurs.

His hand suddenly retracts from your face, and you hate to admit it but you miss his warmth immediately. His eyes widen slightly, and it’s like he remembered that you’re not his girl anymore. You’re not his. 

There’s a beat of sad silence as all of you sit with the fact that things weren’t the same as they used to be, maybe they never would be.

“Y/n,” Sirius croaks out, breaking the silence as you whip your head up to look at his grief-stricken face. It’s not so much the brokenness of his voice as the fact that he isn’t trying to hide it which hurts your heart. “Can we… can we please just talk this out? Please?”

He takes a small wobbly step toward you, extending his hand. You feel the sirens in your head start to sound loudly. Should you give him your hand? Should you give him your heart again?

You despise the feeling of longing which immediately strikes you. The desire to feel Sirius’ fingers intertwined with yours again, the wish to hold him in your arms, the need to wipe those tears from his lovely face. You wished things to be as they once were, his arms around your waist and lips on your forehead. Remus’ head on your lap as you combed your fingers through his hair, eyes fleetingly meeting before smiles full of love were passed around. It wasn’t just a relationship, it was a home. It was achingly sacred.

That home was broken, tarnished. Maybe it had been broken since the day you fell in love with them. Maybe it had been torn apart when they carried their relationship along without you. Or maybe you had ruined it when you told them you wanted no part in this affair anymore.

But if there was one thing you knew, it was that things that were broken could be fixed. You knew this fact like the back of your hand, from the countless times Remus had uttered those exact words to you when you were dissolving into a mess of tears and panic. You knew the words from when Sirius murmured them softly in your ear, stroking your hair as you sobbed yourself half to death. When you were trapped under the debris of problems that was your life, broken and scarred, they had pulled you out. They had fixed you.

Undeniably, Sirius and Remus had made their fair share of mistakes, unintentionally shunning you from the best parts of their relationship. They had torn your heart apart, but they fixed it up every single time they kissed you or smiled at you like you were the most precious thing in the world. Those fleeting moments had made all the hurt seem like nothing.

So who were you to deny the boys your affection? Even when they made mistakes, it was okay; because they loved you, and that was enough. You knew they might stumble and they may mess things up, but they would always get back up and take your hand. The sheer force of their love would be enough to overcome their shortcomings, you were sure of it.

So when Sirius stretches out his palm towards you, you wrap your hand around his. Remus watches on quietly, wide eyes darting between the both of you. 

Sirius’ face lights up immediately, a hint of relief in his eyes. It looks like all the tension has left his features as he gives you a small grin. Your lips curve upwards in a soft smile.

“Yeah, I think… I think we can talk about it. I’m sorry for just walking out on you guys like that.”

“No, angel,” Remus retorts immediately, standing up and wrapping an arm around your waist to haul you up as well. “It’s not your fault at all. We… we screwed up, big time. We were blind to your feelings, and we’re really fucking sorry for that,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair defeatedly. 

“But we’re gonna do better. We’re gonna make it work,” Sirius pipes up uncharacteristically firmly, his hand squeezing yours reassuringly. Remus nods, lifting his gaze to look at you as well. “Yeah, for you. We’re gonna try harder just for you.” Seeing the determination and love on their faces involuntarily melts your heart and brings a smile to your face, a real one this time.

The hint of happiness on your face is a big enough victory for them, Sirius’ smile morphing into a usual full-blown grin, and Remus’ arm tightening around your waist as he pulls you into his side. He moves towards the common room, Sirius’ hand still tightly gripping yours.

“We’re gonna talk about it, but not after some much-deserved cuddles and hot chocolate,” Remus murmurs, a small grin gracing his face when he sees the smile on your lips. The three of you walk in that awfully awkward position, you pressed against Remus with your hand tightly gripping Sirius’.

But you wouldn’t have it any other way. Just like this relationship, which had its ups and downs. That was especially the case for a three-way affair, something foreign to all of you. You were bound to slip up and you were bound to make mistakes.

But you loved them, and they loved you. That was all that mattered.

sit together | s.b.

tw: angst, hurt/comfort

a/n: inspiration really struck with this one! was feeling sad about poa sirius so i decided to write this :) enjoy!

summary: sirius is back from azkaban, but things just don’t feel like they used to

“I wish I knew how to talk about it,” you murmur, gaze fixed on the tearing leather of the couch as you thumb it absentmindedly, like it were the most interesting thing in the world.

Sirius looks up from where he slouches on the other end, surprise flashing across his features. “What?”

He’s startled, really, that you decided to start a conversation. It’s something you haven’t done once in these past few days.

Sirius presumed you’d be happy to have him home, glad to be reunited with your lover after twelve long years. But ever since he returned, he’s felt a constant craving for your affection.

The truth was that he didn’t feel much different right now from how he did in Azkaban.

Hours spent tirelessly longing for you - for the touch of your soft skin beneath his calloused hands, the feel of your tender lips on his chapped ones. It was how he survived, dreaming of who was waiting for him on the other side of the cruel metal bars.

It had felt like he was going mad sometimes, crazy for you. Hands grasping at what he thought was the fabric of your dress. Fever dreams and hallucinations of soft moans, whispered promises. Loud sobs racking his body because he envisioned a glimpse of your death. But you were here, now, sitting stoic in front of him.

You weren’t the same anymore, though. You were no longer the person he had left behind when he was taken away. You weren’t his.

What had once been stolen kisses and longing stares had turned into accidental touches and pulling away. Late night heart-to-hearts about rings and cradles had been replaced with small talk, mindless rambling for the sake of conversation.

Where there had been love, there was now a barrier. And Sirius couldn’t tell if it was a mental one or a physical one; considering that you now slept with two doors separating you.

He wished he could say all of this, express the twinge of pain that tore through his chest every time he looked into your lifeless eyes. But all that he managed to croak out was, “What do you mean?”

“This,” you gesture between the two of you, finally mustering the strength to meet his steady gaze. You wish you hadn’t. The torment in his eyes was going to haunt you for the rest of your life.

Everything had changed, it was as obvious as the rising of the sun. His departure had left you like a rag doll, solemn and still as though the life had been sucked out of you. It was more than a decade ago. But you had felt the anguish grip you every minute of every day from the time he was taken away.

He had left you with so much anger, so much hatred for the circumstances you were left in. You knew deep down that it wasn’t his fault, of course it wasn’t. But you weren’t about to direct your fury at anyone else. Not at Remus, the pathetic bloke who had just lost his best friends. Not at Peter - he deserved nothing, not even your emotions.

So you channeled your rage at Sirius. Because you were so desperate to get the image of his pleading eyes out of your head, so fraught with the need to kill the longing ache that filled your body when he double-crossed your mind. You couldn’t bear the pain of loving him, so you convinced yourself to hate him. Told yourself that he killed James and Lily. He abandoned you and was never coming back.

But he was here now, looking at you like his universe began and ended with your love.

You suck in a shaky breath and continue, convincing yourself that if you didn’t have this conversation now, you never would. “I don’t know how to talk about this. About us. Nothing’s…. nothing’s the same anymore.”

Sirius’ eyebrows bunch in concern, and you don’t miss the slight quiver in his lips as he bites down on them. He breathes sharply, blinking away what looks suspiciously like tears.

“Well,” he starts, gulping down a lump in his throat as he continues to train his eyes on you. “You don’t- we don’t have to talk about it.”

“I don’t?”

“No, you don’t.”

“We can just… we can just sit together,” he blurts out, seeming puzzled at his own words for a moment as he averts his gaze to the ground.

But then his expression clears up, and he looks back into your eyes, surprisingly firm. “If you’d like to, I mean. If you’d like to sit together.”

“Sit with you?” you repeat.

“Sit with me,” he says again.

“Okay.”

Sirius lets out a tense exhale, visibly relieved. He gives you a terse yet encouraging smile, patting the spot next to him.

You take a deep breath, pressing your palms into the couch as you move yourself towards him.

The next moment, your indent in the couch is melding with his, knees touching the other’s. He extends his arm behind you, unsure. But when you don’t protest, he wraps it around you gently, pulling you into his side with all the care in the world.

“Okay?”

Uncertainty.

“Okay.”

Hope.

You feel your walls start to collapse, involuntarily melting into Sirius’ touch. This is what it used to be like, this is how you used to spend your days.

It was engraved into your very bones, the feel of his skin against yours. Etched on your soul were the hearts he used to trace with his slender fingers, the marks of where he left his kisses. Visible to no one but you and him.

He sucks in a trembling breath and you fear he’s going to start crying. Worse, you think you might just crumble into a pool of tears yourself. So you do what your heart is screaming at you to, and wrap your arms around him tenderly.

Sirius immediately tugs you impossibly closer, burying his face in your hair. You feel the yearning in his embrace, his hungry craving to hold you close. His tears wet your hair as you nestle your face in his chest.

The both of you stay like that for what feels like forever, making up for all the time you should’ve had. At one point you start to rock him as he cries, trying to pretend like his muffled sobs didn’t send daggers through your heart.

“I love you,” Sirius breathes shakily, a while after his bout of tears has passed.

Silence.

He seems to understand, seems to accept it. He gently rakes his fingers through your hair. “Do you love me?”

It’s less of a question, more of a plead. You think he might already know the answer. And you know he’d continue to love you either way.

“I don’t know,” you admit softly, feeling the guilt squeeze your chest.

You feel his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” he murmurs, a hint of heartbreak in his voice. He lays his head on your yours and closes his eyes as he squeezes you just a little bit tighter. “You don’t have to love me. Not now, not ever. But… until you do, we can just continue to sit together, you know?”

That earns a soft chuckle from you.

“Sit together,” you muse, feeling your lips start to curve upwards. Your agreement is obvious from the smile in your voice.

“Sit together,” he echoes, smiling softly.

Sirius would love you for the rest of his life if you’d let him. But until you did, he was content to just sit next to you with his arm around your shoulder and head resting on yours.

telephone

summary: after a breakup with Sirius, allowing him to make a move to pursue his music dreams, you find yourself in an exciting game of telephone with his best mates, desperate to find out details of his new life. Unbeknownst to you, there are others involved in this game of telephone. 

warnings: slight angst (happy ending), fluff, miscommunication, two idiots, sfw mentions of sex, swearing

sirius black x reader ✿ 6016 words

Three weeks. That's how long Sirius and you had been broken up. And yet, every day still felt torturous. Your girlfriends had suggested that you try dating again, but you didn't think it was fair to the poor bloke on the other end for you to be so desperately hung up on your ex-boyfriend.

You still remember the day you two had broken up. Sirius had been pursuing music for a few years after graduation as a lead singer and had failed to succeed. It wasn't until a month ago that he'd come bursting through the doors of your shared apartment, saying, "I finally got a gig! Isn't that great?" At that moment, he'd hugged you so hard, peppering your faces with kisses, leaving you both blushing, giggly messes. That was the happiest you'd ever seen him after typically grueling auditions and gigs with low attendance.

It was great, honestly. You were so happy Sirius finally had the opportunity to pursue his dreams. However, what wasn't great was that the gig was in Scotland, with a well-known, but anonymous to you, rock band in Glasgow as their lead singer. You didn't want to ruin his initial excitement, so you'd kept your worries and fears about the location to yourself. When Sirius realized a seven-hour drive to Glasgow from your apartment and a full-time job in London was an issue, you two finally sat down to talk a week after he received the offer. 

He sat with you on your sofa, with cups of tea for you both. Your eyes were red and puffy, as you'd anticipated a breakup as soon as you two had agreed to discuss the upcoming move. After a two-hour-long discussion where Sirius had desperately tried to arrange to come on the weekends and subsequently realized the band schedule was unpredictable–not to mention he didn't have enough money to visit every weekend anyway–and you had realized you couldn't hold back the man you love from his dreams, you two tearfully agreed to call it quits for the sake of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Today was also the day that Sirius was leaving for Glasgow. Despite being broken up and not talking regularly, he had asked you to come to say goodbye to him at the train station. So, here you were, head buried in the crook of his neck, both his arms wrapped tightly around your waist, inhaling his scent of cigarettes, amber, and cedarwood as you said goodbye to the man you loved. You figured the level of this embrace wasn't appropriate for people who were "just friends" now, but who knows when you'd hug each other again. You hoped this wouldn't be the last time you'd inhale his scent or feel his embrace; you desperately wanted him to stay. You hoped he didn't see the tears on your cheeks as you waved goodbye from the train platform. 

♡ ♡ ♡ 

It had now been a month since Sirius left for Glasgow. You'd been doing okay, better than you initially thought possible. Your heart was still recovering from the heartbreak of a breakup, but you'd been going to work regularly and hanging out with your girlfriends to make up for the loneliness that came with being recently single. You were still sad deep down, but having good friends and a hectic, time-consuming job was a great distraction from heartbreak.

Tonight, you and your friends planned to go to a local bar that you used to frequent with Sirius for drinks and darts. You got ready quickly, picked out an outfit suitable for a bar, and styled your hair hurriedly. Just before you were about to leave, you felt a ding in your back pocket and read a text from your friends telling you that they had to cancel.

Sighing, you shoved your phone back into your pocket. "Just my luck," you muttered. You were excited to see your friends and have a few drinks, but it doesn't seem that will happen. Unless… you were already ready anyway, why not go to the bar to have fun alone? You quickly decided that was a great idea and left in a hurry to walk to the bar. You made haste and walked to the bar quickly, excited to have fun and admittedly get a little tipsy after a long week.

Although the bar was only six blocks away–relatively short for London standards–walking in heels left you with blisters when you reached the door. When you entered the bar, you sat on one of the stools near the bartender and ordered an old-fashioned, planning to get buzzed quickly.

After downing approximately four old-fashioned drinks–though you'd truthfully lost count–you were solidly tipsy and ready to socialize with the nearest human. You had probably looked a bit odd hunched over at the bar hammering drinks alone, but hey, desperate times call for desperate measures, and you'd consider a recent breakup and friend cancellation desperate times. At this point, you could feel the effects of alcohol buzzing through your system. You were warm, admittedly just slightly sloppy, delighted, and ready to socialize with some people.

Spinning around on your bar stool to face the crowd, you peered among people's faces, looking for fun, friendly girls and playing a game that made it easy to join. Scanning left to right, you stopped once you saw two familiar faces: James and Remus. Usually, one would think you'd hightail it out of the bar after seeing your recent ex's two best friends–perhaps it was liquid courage or sheer stupidity–but you decided to waltz over to their high-top table and plop down next to them as they played a game of cards.

Startled by your non-stealthy, loud, and frankly drunk movements, Remus and James looked up simultaneously to meet your loopy, dazed grin and an embarrassing spot of red lipstick on your teeth you were unaware of. "Hi Remus, hi James," you spoke excitedly, any ounce of social anxiety smothered with whiskey.

"Hi, Y/N, having a fun night?" James spoke first, quickly noticing your inebriated state. He sported a friendly smile but looked a bit shocked by your entrance. You knew Remus and James well. The possibility of them not being your friends after the breakup had been difficult and saddening. Remus and James frequently accompanied you to Sirius' smaller gigs in London, and all four of you often got drinks after the show ended. By the time you and Sirius had broken up, you had considered Remus and James good friends and assumed they felt the same way about you. 

"I'm having so much fun," you near-shouted excitedly, a broad smile overtaking your features. Remus and James laughed in response, eyes crinkling as they observed your enthusiastic state.

Pausing for a second, figuring out how to phrase his next question, Remus asked, "How are you doing? Especially after everything that happened, if you don't mind me being intrusive." He wore a smile, but as his eyes scanned your face and figure, you could tell he was trying to analyze how you'd been coping with the breakup outside the bar.

You sucked in a breath, the feeling of air expanding your lungs dulled from the liquor but grounding you nonetheless. Not expecting the sincere question, you pondered on it for a moment. You had been doing okay with the band-aid of your job and your friends keeping you busy. However, you weren't sure if you were doing okay because you felt okay about the breakup or hadn't given yourself enough time to process it.

After digging deep down to address the wound in your heart, you decided it was the latter. "I've been doing okay. I've kept myself busy with work and friends, but I miss him a lot," you answered truthfully. Before Sirius got the gig in Glasgow, your relationship was almost perfect. Aside from the typical small arguments here and there, you two were infatuated with each other. Your breakup was necessary, but it wasn't wanted from either side.

Remus nodded, understanding what you meant and probably even the context of it all due to his proximity to Sirius. James interrupted the heartfelt moment with his typically cheerful attitude. "Well, if you're looking for more distractions, you could join us for a round of cards!" Although enthusiastic, his offer came out unsure, wondering if you wanted distraction or comfort.

You laughed in response, touched by his effort to comfort you even though you and Sirius were no longer together. "I think that sounds nice," you answered with a soft smile.

And so, over a few hours, you, Remus, and James drank multiple beers, played numerous card games, and divulged in far too many details regarding your feelings about your and Sirius' recent breakup. You told them you didn't know when you'd be ready to start dating again, that you missed the social connection and physical intimacy from a romantic relationship, and that you didn't know how much longer you could ignore the feelings of a brutal breakup with work and friends. They listened empathetically despite the inappropriate nature of you divulging these details with your ex's closest friends.

The excellent news is that alcohol hadn't just loosened up your filter but also James' and Remus' filters. Sirius was notoriously private, so his social media was no help finding details about his new life in Glasgow. Most of his posts were for marketing purposes. However, Remus and James were evidently mouthy drunks, and throughout the evening, you'd find out that although Sirius had tried going on dates, he stopped because the heartbreak was still too raw. Serves him right. When James shared that with you, Remus kicked him a bit too obviously, James flinching from his foot hidden under the tabletop, but the damage was done, and the information was stored in your mind.

"How is the gig going?" you asked. Although you had been craving details of Sirius' dating life, you also wanted to know how he was doing after years of hard work and sought-out gigs.

"I think he's doing okay. He took over for a lead singer who had a baby and listed his leave as indefinite, though he said it's weird being the new one in a band who has been together and known each other for years." Remus answered, James, nodding along. You hadn't thought about the social awkwardness associated with joining a band so late after its formation, but it seemed Sirius was adjusting well.

Staring at the somewhat blurry clock on the wall, you realize it is almost 3 a.m. and far past your bedtime. Gathering your coat to brave the cold weather, you leaped up from the bar stool and stretched your sore limbs. "Well, I have to get going, but thanks for keeping me company tonight," you offered your thanks with a small smile.

Remus and James looked at the clock in response, gathering their jackets and cards after seeing the time. "No problem, we're glad to hear that you're doing well," James smiled at you, his eyes crinkling up. He was always so friendly.

Walking out of the bar alone in the frigid night air reminded you of your loneliness again. Perhaps the cold air was sobering, or maybe it reminded you how nice it was to hold Sirius' warm hand on frigid nights like this and how his constant teasing always made warm, boisterous laughs escape your mouth.

♡ ♡ ♡

When you woke up in your apartment the following day, you still had on your clothes from the night before, recalling how you stumbled into the door and promptly passed out on the bed. Remembering the events from before with James and Remus–although delighted by the information you received–you expected them to never talk to you again, and even worse, you expected Sirius to hear about your nosiness and subsequently block you too.

So that's why you were surprised to see a text in a brand new group chat with Remus and James that read, "Cards and beer again next weekend?"

And so it began. 

♡ ♡ ♡

The next time you met up with Remus and James, you had a lot of life updates. For one, after reminiscing about Sirius and you walking home from the bar, you decided to go on a date to get him off your mind. It went terribly wrong. You went out for dinner with one of your coworkers, Charles. You two had sat awkwardly together while you devoured a steak, barely making any conversation outside of eating noises and sipping drinks in an attempt to get rid of anxiety. When he walked you home, he very unsubtly tried to get you to invite him upstairs, and by the end of his efforts, you were convinced the only reason he went out with you was to end the night in your bedroom. Now, things are awkward at work, and you've decided you can never speak to him again.

Trying to date again only made you want to get back together with Sirius more; you wished that was possible. You missed the comfort of being in a relationship with someone who knew you like the back of their hand. It never felt like an effort to converse with Sirius, even when it took you too long to come up with a comeback to his constant banter. It also never felt nerve-wracking or scary to initiate hand-holding, embraces, or kisses, only sometimes when he looked exceptionally handsome.

You were also incredibly frustrated. You'd resorted to looking at one of Sirius' few fan pages as a more minor artist and had discovered he'd been on a date. You had no idea how it went, but it dampened your mood nonetheless. Hypocritical? Yes. True? Also yes.

When you found yourself sitting across from Remus and James with the same beer as last time, lazily playing cards and more focused on conversation, you told them just that. Most people probably would feel stupid indulging in such personal endeavors to their ex-boyfriend's friends–you probably should feel more stupid doing so–but your friends are so busy, and you can't keep your tragic dating life to yourself anymore.

"And get this, after practically ignoring me the entire date and asking me to split the bill, he asked if he could come upstairs with me when we reached my apartment building! Isn't that ridiculous?" You rant to James and Remus about your date with Charles, feeling new waves of anger and frustration as you remembered the events. Although less wasted than last time, drinking multiple rounds of beer made you more loose-lipped than usual.

Remus' face crinkled in poorly concealed disgust. "Men like him have no shame. You would think he'd try to set things right as your coworker, but the fact he hasn't talked to you says a lot about him." James nodded in silent agreement.

Grumbling and propping your head into your arms on the table, you mumbled, "Ugh, I know. I wish dating wasn't so hard." Frustration sank deep into your veins. Being in a relationship with Sirius felt like one in a million. He was handsome, kind, thoughtful, respected boundaries, and made you so comfortable. Now, the first time you were thrown back into the ring, you happened to go on a date with someone who was Sirius's antithesis.

James patted your back in what was supposed to be a comforting rub. Then suddenly, he chortled. "You know, Sirius also has had trouble dating. He tried going out again with this girl he met at a bar. She went to the restroom and never returned after he told her he was a musician." Remus elbowed James in the ribs, likely for telling you something Sirius would not want you to know. You internally cheered; now you knew the answer to your looming question.

You shoot up almost immediately at the information, a bright light of warm, comfortable, purely selfish happiness burrowing itself in your chest. "Really!?" You ask excitedly, which both Remus and James laugh at.

"Hey, try not to look too excited! He's still one of my best mates," James laughs at your response, clearly bemused by your immediate shift in mood. A small smile graces Remus' lips, and a shiny, mischievous glint overtakes his eyes.

You try to tone it down a bit. "I know, I'm sorry. I know I'm being selfish. I just can't help but wish Sirius was still hanging up on me, too," you admit, letting a bit of sadness come to the surface of your emotions.

"You're still hung up on him?" Remus asked, putting a hand on your shoulder. You knew it was embarrassing to admit, but years of feelings don't go away after a couple of months. Of course, you were still hung up on Sirius. He had been your best friend, too, which James and Remus may have forgotten.

"Isn't that obvious? Of course, I'm still hung up on him. He was my best friend," you admitted quietly, eyes glazing over. You knew this was definitely something you shouldn't be sharing with James and Remus. But the smooth flush of alcohol in your system and feelings of nostalgia quickly overwhelmed your senses.

Remus and James noticed your heightened emotions, side-eyeing each other very clearly. You did not appreciate that. "If you tell him that, I will hurt you two," you threatened, narrowing your eyes.

Remus and James simply laughed but nodded at your empty threat, resuming your game of cards. "Scout's honor," James swore, swearing himself to secrecy.

By the night's end, you'd heard much about Sirius' gig, dating life, and adjustment to Glasgow. It sounded like it was going well, which you were conflicted about. On the one hand, you want the best for him. On the other hand, you're a selfish monster who wants nothing more than for him to come running back home to you. Not that you'd be the first person he would see anyway.

Over the next month, you had to travel to Paris for a work trip, severely restricting your scheduled beer and card games with Remus and James. This was highly displeasing; you wanted nothing more than to hound them for updates. The travel may be for the good, but it would help you move on quickly. And also help me seem less like a deranged stalker, you thought to yourself. Nonetheless, when you were back in a month, you, Remus, and James had beer, cards, and gossip planned again. 

♡ ♡ ♡

Paris was more fun than you could've ever imagined. Although you still had to work there, and this was the most extended work trip you'd ever been on, your boss was accommodating and perhaps lazy, allowing you to take most of the day to lounge around and explore the city.

And that's how you met Jean. Jean was a handsome Parisian man who did a fantastic job taking your mind off Sirius. You had met him at a nightclub about two weeks into your trip, at approximately 3 a.m.—who knew Parisians partied so late and so hard? When he slipped his number into your back pocket, it almost felt like fate. You weren't entirely convinced he was your soulmate, but you were getting close. 

You two weren't exclusive, but you found solace in spending the night intertwined, allowing you to escape the hotel and find romance after a long, painful, dry spell. Although a secret, tumultuous romance sounded quite appealing and much like a romance novel—which made you feel like a cool protagonist—you knew you had to talk to someone about your new fling.

The issue was that your girlfriends would be too nosy. They would want to know everything about Jean, including his social media, which could be disastrous. You need to talk to someone who would know, but they wouldn't grill you for information, so you decided on Remus and James.

You were hoping their oath to secrecy wasn't a lie because when you sent a text to your group chat that read, "Guess who can say she's been with a Parisian man?" it felt perilous. You were hoping you could unpack the details of your fling when you saw them again, not wanting to send a long text explaining everything.

However, when James replied, "I see you're going worldwide," with a winky face, your doubts eased a bit. It felt good having your secret fling off your chest, even if you knew telling James and Remus was an idiotic, terrible, but oh-so-relieving idea.

That night, you spent the night at Jean's again. You never really had much conversation with him. Your French was shoddy at best, and when he kissed the skin under your ear lobe after sharing a bottle of wine, it felt almost as good as a meaningful conversation. It was nearly enough to push away the memories of Sirius and you talking until your conversation ended with bellies and lungs tight from laughter, your faces wet from happy tears.

♡ ♡ ♡

It had been another week since you'd been in Paris. Things had slowed down significantly with Jean, especially after you'd realized that he could not cure your heartache. You both knew your arrangement, or whatever it was, was only short-term. He was handsome and into you, but he also lived in Paris and, hence, was not a viable option for you. He kissed you on the cheek when you parted, but it felt surface-level. Which it was, considering you had seen each other for only a week. 

Thinking of Sirius also still wanted to make you violent, to make you bang your head against the wall. When you'd shared that with James and Remus, they said he missed you and that things were tough in Glasgow, but you couldn't tell if they were saying it just to be excellent. Given the new low levels they'd observed you at, they had reason to. 

Today, you were walking to a coffee shop for remote work. If you'd consider staring at an empty Excel spreadsheet, work. When you said your boss was relaxed, you meant it. He'd posted a photo of himself at the Eiffel Tower eight times over the three weeks you'd been in Paris. 

You ordered yourself a cappuccino and sat down at a booth to lock in and watch TV shows on your computer while you pretended to be doing work. That was until you saw a familiar head of jaw-length black hair walk into the coffee shop: Sirius. 

No fucking way. You had to fight the urge to gasp out loud, bolt out of the shop, and abandon your electronics to escape the feelings of gut-wrenching heartbreak that reappeared upon seeing his face. He honestly looked a lot worse than when you'd seen him last. His face needed a good shave, he had heavy eye-bags, and he looked like he'd lost a concerning amount of weight since moving to Glasgow. You frowned at the thought of him suffering there. 

Apparently, he could feel your eyes on him because his gaze fell on you when he turned his head to scan the coffee shop. Internally screaming, you had to fight the urge to sink underneath the table and pretend you didn't exist. You should've run when you had the opportunity. 

His mouth opened in recognition and shock, a small smile curving upon his lips. Fighting the urge to pretend you didn't know him and run, you offered him a small smile and wave, gesturing at him to join you. This was such a bad idea that you internally face-palmed yourself at your unbelievable stupidity. You have been pining over your ex-boyfriend for months, and what do you do? Invite him to join you at a coffee shop and talk. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He approached your table, pulling out the chair on the opposite end of the booth to sit down in. "Hi Sirius," you spoke first, quiet, maybe timid, but friendly nonetheless. Your heart felt like it could explode out of your chest, and levels of heartbreak, sadness, and longing flooded to the surface, seeing him so close to you. Not to mention, he looked unwell, and you wanted nothing more than to embrace him like you would've done in the past. 

"Hi, Y/N," Sirius said, too. You both looked at each other for a second, a cloud of awkwardness and heartbreak in the air. He inhaled deeply, "How are you?" he offered up, breaking the silence. 

"I'm doing okay," you answered truthfully. "I've been busy with work and seeing my friends a lot," and there's the lie. You stared at a spreadsheet all day, and the only friends you'd seen frequently were Remus and James, who were Sirius's more friends than yours. 

"I'm happy to hear that," Sirius responded with a small smile. He paused for a second, thinking about his following words. "I heard from James that you've been dating again; I'm glad you're doing well," He spoke again, a forlorn look glazing over his brown eyes. His lips wore a neutral smile, but his eyes told a different story. Upon hearing these words, your heart dropped into your lower stomach. I'm going to kill him, you thought. James was so in for it. The worst part was you weren't even dating Jean anymore. You weren't ever dating him; he was just a fling and a distraction. 

You needed to figure out how to correct this vital error. Clearly, Sirius had gotten the wrong impression about your dating life from James, that bastard. Despite your frustration, after thinking about it, you didn't know there was a use in correcting the error. After all, despite how pathetic and in love you were with Sirius, he was still in Glasgow. "Thanks, Sirius, I appreciate it," you opted to respond to his comment after thinking about your situation. "How are you?" you asked. Despite his interesting appearance, you had hoped he wasn't terrible. 

"I'm okay. I'm moving back to London soon, though," he smiled. Oh no. You swore you felt your heart drop on the floor. When you convinced yourself that this relationship was forever out of your grasp, he dropped this bomb on you.

"Oh! Really?" You ask with an empty, fake smile, though you were admittedly surprised by this confession. "I suppose it will be nice to be closer to James and Remus again!" You added. You hoped he thought it would be nice to be closer to you again, too, but he officially thought you were dating someone else, and it felt too late into the conversation to reverse back on the error. It would be both confusing and humiliating to admit you had gone on with the lie. 

He nodded. "The lead singer was on leave because he had a baby; even though he listed it as indefinite, he decided to start working again," Sirius answered honestly, explaining the situation to you. You swear you could feel your heart snap into a million little pieces. You and Sirius had broken up believing this job arrangement was permanent, but now it felt like all your heartbreak was for nothing. 

"I see. What are you gonna do in London?" you asked, trying to convince yourself he might get tied down to another band. That way, the heartbreak would feel a lot less awful. 

"I'm going solo," Sirius told you. His typical confident demeanor was shredded; he was excited, but his words left enough room for you to tell he was looking for your approval. 

"Congratulations, Sirius. I'm really happy for you," you said. You were happy for him; this had always been his dream, but it was easier to break into the music scene in a group. However, this was probably the worst situation for mending your heart. If Sirius was solo, he wasn't tied to a band or their touring schedule. If he didn't think you were dating Jean, it would be entirely possible for you guys to rekindle your relationship. You felt like going to the Eiffel Tower solely to climb it and throw yourself off. 

You took a deep breath, desperately needing to escape the situation and think. "I have to get going," you blurted awkwardly and rashly. "I have to go back to the office; my lunch break is over," you added in a quieter, more normal-sounding voice. You hoped Sirius would ignore that it was 10 a.m. and nowhere near lunchtime. It was a pathetic, poorly thought-out lie in an attempt to escape. 

"Oh, well, it was nice talking to you. See you around!" Sirius responded, clearly taken aback by your sudden departure. If you didn't feel like you were going to vomit up your breakfast, you would've felt bad, as he clearly thought you were desperate to ditch him. You were, not because you hated him, but because you still loved him. 

You nodded, quickly packed up your belongings, waved goodbye, and bolted out of the coffee shop, nearly tripping over your shoes on the way out. It was so embarrassing. You opened your group chat with Remus and James, sending a single text, "Traitors!" 

James' reply was a single emoji with their tongue sticking out.

♡ ♡ ♡

You had been back in London for a week, and after multiple texts from now-apologetic James and Remus, who had been apologetic from the start, you agreed to meet them again at the bar to talk. You were honestly still a bit upset. Knowing that there was now a possibility of getting back together with Sirius, which you had subsequently squashed, had reopened deep sadness. 

You entered the bar, immediately spotting James and Remus at your usual table. You sat down with a small smile; they were still your friends, and you waited for an explanation. 

Immediately as you sat down in the booth, James blurted out, "I'm sorry!" You nodded but raised your eyebrow, waiting for an explanation. "Please forgive me. I promise I thought you were dating Jean, and Sirius asked about you. I couldn't leave him hanging; he's my best friend." James blurted out the information rapidly, clearly apologetic and anxious.

However, there was only one piece of information that you immediately narrowed down on. "Wait, Sirius was asking about me?" you asked, shocked and slightly shaken. Here, you thought you were the pathetic ex-girlfriend hounding details out of James and Remus, but maybe, just maybe, Sirius was the pathetic ex-boyfriend, too. 

Remus responded with a snort, "Please, Sirius has been asking us about you nearly every day for the past three months!" James nods hurriedly, clearly trying to appease your worries. 

"And you didn't tell me?" you ask, a twinge frustrated—scratch that, a lot frustrated. You'd been ranting to them for months about how heartbroken and sad you were, only to discover that Sirius was equally upset.

"Well, we didn't know if he'd be returning either. We thought we were being good friends hearing you guys out. We didn't want either of you to know about the other in case Sirius stayed in Glasgow," Remus explained, his words coming out quickly. 

You nodded in response. Although you were frustrated, Remus's and James's explanations made sense. Honestly, you felt terrible dumping all that responsibility on them. 

"Well, we have to go. Bye!" James said, grabbing Remus' arm and running out of the bar. You gaped in response, shocked by how quickly they tried to run off. Their mannerisms made no sense until you saw a familiar face for the first time since Paris: Sirius. 

He looked shocked to see you approaching the table you sat at. "Hey, Y/N, what are you doing here?" That seemed like something you should ask him. 

"I just met up with James and Remus," you replied sheepishly. You didn't know if he knew about your continued meetings. And you hoped he didn't know that you had been milking them for information about his life in Glasgow. 

"Oh, they told me to meet them here," Sirius said. "I wonder if they decided to switch locations. I can go to meet them," he continued, using his thumbs to point towards the door and indicate his departure. 

You think you both knew that James and Remus had planned this. However, you also knew that Sirius was likely being nice and didn't want to make you uncomfortable since he was under the impression that you were dating Jean. 

When Sirius started to retreat, you saw his broad, tall figure walk out the bar's doors, a bell dinging as he left, and you knew you couldn't sit back. You couldn't let the man you love get away from you again. Knowing you could've done something to stop it, you couldn't deal with another heartbreak. 

You hopped up from the bar stool, running after Sirius's figure until you reached him two blocks away, in front of a brick alleyway. "Sirius, wait!" you nearly pant, clearly out of shape, reaching out to clutch his wrist. He turned around to face you, looking dejected. "I'm not seeing Jean," you blurted out–still out of breath–a rare moment of vulnerability. You wanted to smack your hand over your mouth. "He was just someone, something, to get my mind off you for a while." You felt like you needed a muzzle right now. 

His expression shifted from sadness to surprise but then again to emotions you couldn't put your finger on. “Y/N…” He began, but you quickly cut him off. 

"Please, I know I messed up," you admitted quietly. You were embarrassed. "I should've been honest with you. I should've told you I missed you and had been honest with you, but I didn't know if you would ever return. So I resorted to playing a game of telephone with James and Remus. I should've just asked you how you were doing." 

He looked bashful for a second, an emotion you didn't usually see on Sirius. "Well, you weren't the only one playing the game telephone. I kind of, maybe, told James and Remus to continue meeting with you so I knew what was happening in your life." He pauses for a second, trying to figure out how to continue. "And for the record, you didn't mess up seeing Jean; we were broken up, and you had every right to move on. I just selfishly wished you had been waiting for me."

You laugh at his confession. You should've known James, and Remus wouldn't have continued to update you without telling Sirius information, too. After all, he was their friend first. "I should've known they would sell me out to you and that they wouldn't be the most reliable relayers of my life." You sucked in a quick breath, "I wish I had waited for you, too; I just didn't know if you were ever coming home." If you weren't embarrassing yourself enough, you suddenly said, "I never stopped loving you."

A vast silence washed over the two of you for a moment, your sudden confession hanging over your heads like a ripe fruit from a tree, desperate to be desired. Then, Sirius reached out to cup your cheeks, both rosy from the cold air and the heat of your confession. His eyes searched yours before he spoke. "I never stopped loving you either," he admitted. 

A surge of relief flooded your system, along with bone-deep golden joy. You didn't let another moment pass before you wrapped him in a tight embrace, your head falling under his chin. He allowed a burst of happy, surprised laughter to escape his lips before wrapping his arms tightly around your waist. When you held each other, all the misunderstandings and doubts between you two melted away, replaced by love and closeness. You never wanted to let go of him again. 

After a moment, he pulled away, "You could've just told me you missed me, dollface." Although you felt touched, he had so quickly re-adopted your old nickname, you punched his arm nonetheless. 

"Shut up," you murmured, leaning upwards to envelop his lips in a gentle, soft kiss. When he smiled against your lips, you hoped you two could stay like that forever. 

before he cheats

summary: after your cheating boyfriend leaves you heartbroken, you and Sirius–mostly Sirius–drunkenly decide to teach him a lesson by keying his car.

warnings: brief sexual content, angst, hurt/comfort, mutual pining, fluff, drinking, swearing

sirius black x reader ✿ 1679 words

You were completely and utterly heartbroken. 

After a long day of work, you stopped by your boyfriend’s flat to visit him since you got off thirty minutes early. Despite dating for two years, you still hadn’t moved in together, as Chad “liked his personal space.” 

Or so you thought. Because what the woman on top of Chad was doing right now certainly didn’t look respectful of his personal space.

His bare torso gleamed with sweat, and the woman–who looked nothing like you–rolled her hips on top of him, her neck slightly tilted back. When Chad saw you in the doorway of his bedroom, his eyes widened in shock before he pushed the woman off of him, pulling a blanket to cover his body before strolling over to you in a demeanor that was entirely too confident for the situation.

“Y/N! What are you doing here?” He asked, seeming to attempt to sugarcoat his actions with an awkward and ineffective chuckle. 

“What are you doing?” You retorted back, pointing an accusatory finger towards his bare chest. You kept your voice low, trying to be mindful of his neighbors in the apartment complex. Tears gleamed in your eyes, and you almost felt embarrassed at how quickly you got worked up–something Chad made fun of you for constantly–until you spotted the woman tiptoeing to the bathroom. 

His mouth opened up a few times, seeming to try and come up with a concrete reason for what you had just seen. But he couldn’t, and after a few tries, he closed his mouth in silent defeat. 

You shook your head at him, flabbergasted by what you witnessed, before turning on your heel. Right before you left his flat, just for clarity’s sake, you muttered, “We’re done,” before opening the door, going, and slamming the door behind you. Screw the neighbors.

♡ ♡ ♡

For the next three days, your set-up in the living room of your flat was a sad sight. Atop your leather sofa were pounds of used tissues, covered in your snot and tears, and you had been in the same pair of pajamas for three days straight. For those three days, you’d rewatched your comfort movie approximately twenty times. 

It wasn’t until the third day that you heard your phone buzz for the twentieth time, the ringtone you’d chosen for your best friend Sirius blaring over the Titanic soundtrack. You finally decided to answer and quickly regretted the decision when you heard Sirius’s blaring voice over the speaker. So much for a peaceful afternoon in.

“Y/N! Why have you disappeared off the face of the planet?” Sirius’s voice rang out through the speakerphone, clear, concerned, and loud. 

After glancing at your tissue pile, you begrudgingly decided that this conversation might be better in person if you could get through it without choking over your tears. “Umm, how about I tell you over some drinks? Can you meet me at the bar in an hour?” You offered your plan as best possible, trying not to cringe at how unsure you sounded. 

Sirius huffed over the phone, clearly unsatisfied with waiting to hear your story. “Fine, but you better tell me everything.” He drawled out, settling. 

“See you then,” you replied, hanging up the phone and leaping off the couch. If you only had an hour to fix yourself up, you had to hurry.

♡ ♡ ♡

By the time you reached the bar, you were sweating. Both from the quick pace at which you had to shower and dress yourself and the even faster pace at which you had to walk to the bar to meet Sirius at your agreed time. 

When you walked into The Black Dog, you spotted Sirius’s mop of jaw-length black hair before anything else, walking over to slide into his booth. When you sat down, his eyes widened slightly before his lips turned upwards, and he smiled a winsome smile as he took in your appearance. You fought the urge to roll your eyes. 

“Looks like someone finally decided to leave the house.” 

“Shut up,” you replied quickly, sticking up your finger to tell him to wait as you ordered many tequila shots; surely, this would keep you two well-hydrated for the night. 

“Before or after we take some shots?” He asked when you returned.

“After,” you replied quickly. It took very little thought to decide you needed some alcohol in your system to get through this without either crying or feeling so embarrassed you crawled back home and never came out of your bedroom. 

Sensing your serious story, Sirius leaned back in his chair, ready to hear you vent. “Ladies first,” he gestured to the shot tray. 

In response, you slammed down two shots, chasing with a sip of water. Inhaling a breath, you began. “Chad cheated on me,” you let the words escape your lips quickly, hoping Sirius wouldn’t detect any emotion in them. 

His demeanor immediately stiffened, eyes narrowing in anger for you, but he didn’t let it show if he was angry. “Are you okay?” He muttered. The words were uncharacteristically soft for the raven-haired man, who extended his hand as he placed it on your forearm. 

“Yes,” you uttered, the word coming out as a choke. You sighed, acknowledging defeat. “Not really,” you decided to confess. 

He hummed in understanding, pushing another shot your way before downing one himself. He nodded at you to continue. 

“I mean, I don’t know what to say. We’ve been–” You sigh. “We had been dating for two years, and I come to Chad’s apartment, and he’s naked with someone who isn’t me,” you continue. “It just really sucks,” you finished, not caring to try and use fancy language. 

“You deserve better than that asshole,” Sirius declared, downing two more shots. You offered him a glassy-eyed smile in response. 

“Here, drink up. We’re going to need it,” Sirius said, pushing two more shots toward you before finishing his share. 

“For what?” You asked, finishing your share of the shots as well. 

“Revenge,” Sirius declared, a mischievous glint taking over his eye. 

“What–” You started, but before you could finish, Sirius grabbed your hand, tugging you towards the door. 

“Just trust me,” he said, interlocking your fingers before practically sprinting down the sidewalk. 

You ran along, embracing the warmth that came from his slender hands.

♡ ♡ ♡

When you got to Chad’s apartment, you decided you should not have trusted Sirius. You two stood beside Chad’s brand-new red Mercedes convertible on the sidewalk outside his flat. 

“What are we doing?” you asked, a slight slur to your words. The tequila had kicked in. 

“We are going to key Chad’s car,” Sirius announced, his voice leaving little room for argument. 

Your mouth fell open in a gape. “We cannot do that!” you whisper-shouted, shocked by his audacity. Though you had to admit, the idea was not entirely repulsive. 

“Yes, we can,” Sirius said, unlooping his carabiner from his belt loop and tossing his keys to you. 

You caught his keys with both hands, staring at the shiny medal. “He’ll know who did it,” you said. 

“In London?” Sirius huffed out. “He has no cameras, and he lives in a major city. We just have to be careful not to leave a trace.” 

You stood for a second, considering his words. Recalling the way the woman’s body moved on top of his, you decided this idea wasn’t half-bad. “Okay,” you agreed. “But you have to go first.” 

“You go first, and I’ll help,” Sirius said. 

“What do you mean by that?” You asked, confused by the proposition. 

It didn’t take a second before Sirius put his hand over yours, shoving the key between both your fingers as he grasped the top of your smaller hand. Guiding you to the driver’s door, he took control of your enclosed hands, firmly dragging the key down the fresh paint. You fought the urge to wince as it squealed had Sirius’s larger hand not kept yours in place. 

“Like this,” he breathed into your ear. Your back was pressed flush to his chest, his free hand languidly grasping your hip. You flushed at the closeness. “Now do the other side, alone,” He said, grasping your hips with both hands to guide you to the passenger's side. 

You squatted down, digging the key into the car and dragging it to the gas pump. When you looked behind you, Sirius was smiling in delight. 

“Perfect,” he muttered, but he wasn’t looking at the new damage to Chad’s car. He was looking at you. 

Suddenly, you noticed Chad’s apartment filled with golden light through a window directly above where you and Sirius stand, vandalizing his car. 

Sirius must’ve noticed, too, but he grabbed your hand and his keys again. “Fuck, we have to run,” He deduced. 

You fought the urge to squeal as your body filled with sudden adrenaline, both you and Sirius taking off in a wild sprint.

♡ ♡ ♡

You panted from the exercise when you reached a park eight blocks away, leaning against a tree as Sirius sat on the grass. Your lungs greedily took in the air. You jolted your head downwards when you heard Sirius throw his head back in a throaty laugh. 

“That was magnificent,” Sirius concluded, a broad grin overtaking his features. 

You couldn’t help but laugh with him, clutching your stomach and falling to the floor beside him. 

“Yeah, it was,” you agreed. “Thanks for convincing me to do it,” you offered up, appreciative of your best friend. 

Sirius hummed in response, brushing his thumb across your cold knuckles. “Hopefully, next time, he’ll think before he cheats,” he muttered, smiling softly at you. 

You couldn’t help but smile back, leaning your head against his warm shoulder. “Yeah,” you agreed. But with Sirius’s warm body radiating heat into yours, you could care less about Chad cheating. 

You just appreciated having Sirius here with you, and you grasped onto his hand for emphasis. You figured he felt the same way when he dragged your now enclosed hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of yours.

j e a l o u s y

fandom- Harry Potter

pairing(s)- sirius black

a/n: im so sorry it took so long, my questions are flooded and im trying my best but regardless my requests are open luvs :)

so this is actually kind of based on a boy i liked (like) and i can't say its been as happy as this but that's where i found a bit of my inspiration for this and its honestly eh

requested- yes

warnings- there is a bit of insecurities and doubt showing, mature themes, jealousy (if that wasn't obvious), it could be seen as toxic, mention of a vagina

siri's masterlist . navigation

Sirius absolutley loathed Bertram Aubrey with every being in his body. His name itself was a bad omen, it was as if conjuring the evil spirits if anyone dared to acknowledge his presence anywhere near Black.

It's always, Aubrey is a liar, Aubrey is a cheat, Aubrey has no backbone, but Sirius would never admit why he targeted him so much without a second glance. his feud all led down to the same road

Bertram fancied the girl he's been pinning on for over two years and what has become of him when he was so easily placed at the same level as him? he's never had a problem with winning people over with his charisma.

So when he saw Aubrey anywhere near you, a cold sweat ran down his back. he had nothing to be afraid of. he knew you would never chose him, he could never be Sirius fuckin Black.

but why was there a burning sensation when his hands brushed yours, when you smiled back at him? it made the gryffindor see absolute red.

you were pulled into a broom closet in the middle of a an abandoned and dusty hallway by a familiar hand with familiar rings.

only a dim light entered the wooden box, enough to see an annoyed and arrogant face.

"Why are you so worked up?"

his right hand slid up your waist bringing you impossibly close to him while the other rested under your arse. he lightly nudged you to lean and place your support on the wooden surface as he observed your words.

"Because I can't stand the sight of him near you," Sirius whispered, his voice low and dangerous. hot.

His grip tightened on your waist, pulling you even closer to him. do you know when you feel butterflies in your stomach? you felt it in your pussy instead. she was aching. god.

You could feel the tension radiating off him, his body pressed against yours in the confined space of the closet. His eyes bore into yours, searching for any sign of betrayal.

"But he's just a friend," you protested weakly, trying to lightly push against his chest to create some distance between you, but Sirius wouldn't budge.

"friend huh?" he scoffed, his tone dripping with disbelief. "He wants more than that, and you know it. I've seen the way he looks at you. Its how I look at you."

You swallowed nervously, feeling the weight of Sirius's accusations. There was a part of you that wanted to deny it, to reassure him that Bertram meant nothing to you. But another part, a small and treacherous part, couldn't deny the thrill of attention from someone like Bertram.

Sirius seemed to sense your internal struggle, his grip softening slightly as he searched your face for answers. "Do you wanna fuck him huh?" he asked, almost hesitantly, as if afraid of the answer.

You opened your mouth to respond, but the words caught in your throat. How could you admit to Sirius, to yourself, the conflicting emotions swirling inside you?

Before you could form a coherent response, Sirius leaned in closer, his lips dangerously close to yours. "tell me baby," he murmured, his breath hot against your skin, "who do dream of?"

His words hung in the air between you, heavy with unspoken implications. And in that moment, with Sirius so close you could feel the heat of his body, you realized that the answer didn't matter.

All that mattered was the pull between you, the undeniable magnetism that drew you together despite everything else.

You reached up, tangling your fingers in Sirius's hair as you pulled him closer, closing the gap between you in a desperate kiss that left no room for doubt.

The kiss deepened, igniting a fire that had been simmering between you for far too long. Sirius's hands roamed over your body, leaving a trail of heat in their wake as he pulled you impossibly closer.

Time seemed to stand still as you lost yourself in each other, the world outside the closet fading away until there was nothing but the two of you.

Eventually, the need for air forced you to break the kiss, but you remained pressed against each other, chests rising and falling in unison as you tried to catch your breath.

"You. Only you." you whispered, your voice barely more than a breathless exhale.

But Sirius shook his head, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. "That's what I thought" he said softly, brushing a strand of hair away from your face.