Tw: Rape - Tumblr Posts
Russians are obsessed with raping culture, especially if there are Ukrainians
"They are some kind of Hohols, Nazis. You can do whatever you want with them, have fun, and also see how you can make them do something. Knock on the cell and make them do something. Even stand on your head. Even sing the Russian national anthem until they faint. You can even repeat the Victory Day until the roof goes off," Volodymyr, one of the protagonists of the film He Too, recalls his Russian captivity. This is a film about sexual violence against Ukrainian men in torture chambers. On 27 March, the film will be screened by Slidstvo_info.
been thinking a lot about Tom Riddle Sr.
…and how unsympathetic most of the hp fandom seems to be toward him.
I read a lot of “if only he had been a better person/responsible father” etc. and I just – no? The man was fed a love potion, and it was under the effects of that love potion that Merope Gaunt got pregnant. He was not in his right mind, he did not want to marry her or have a child together, he didn’t even like her.
Tom Riddle Sr. had absolutely zero (0) obligation to stay with the woman who, for all intents and purposes, drugged, kidnapped, and raped him.
Like… people will mention how arrogant he was, how no one in town liked him, how he could be cruel, and I mean – so? So what? So he deserved it, is that it?? He deserved to have his free will taken away and his life upended and oh poor Merope, she loved him so much, how dare he leave his pregnant wife?? Never mind that the marriage was coerced, that he was high af on love potion the whole time, that he used to have a sweetheart back in Little Hangleton before Merope forced him to marry her – but she was mean in that one memory, so fuck her and their relationship, I guess???
He wasn’t even particularly cruel in the end, it’s not like he tried to force Merope to abort or even punish her – he just left. He went home. And the child born from this whole terrible thing – he had zero obligation to him. At most, if anything (and I disagree – it’s zero) it would be to place him in an orphanage, which is, you know, where he already was!
hey all, i need to get real right now, because a friend filled me in on this only this morning. it feels like no one has heard this news, and that’s probably because no one is reporting it due to election overload. trump’s victim has dropped the charges. let me make this clear: she had 2 sworn eyewitnesses to the literal rape (do u know how rare that is?) so we know the case itself had some definite identifiable merit going in, and 2 days before dropping the charges jane doe was going to break her anonymity. it’s reported that she received so many death threats in the hours between announcing that action and holding the press conference to do so that her safety became a serious concern and the press conference was cancelled. later, on the 6th, she dropped the charges altogether. it’s not going to trial.
do i think this is a coincidence? no fucking way. do i think he’s a rapist? most definitely; i don’t need a trial to recognize the truth. but we do need to reflect on the fact that this is what rape culture looks like: a world in which a woman can’t get justice for her childhood sexual assaut, because it would mean suing the president-elect of the united states and would put her life in serious danger. the lawyers were unclear as to why she dropped the charges, but it’s my firm belief that, like many survivors of assault, the pressure of laying her story out in front of the world became overwhelming, especially with so much at stake. it’s scary enough to press charges against ur rapist if ur both average people. if he’s gonna be the president? hahahahaha fun.
i’ve been sending good thoughts her way, and i don’t want to be the bearer of bad news like this, but i’ve seen so many people already talking about organizing around this rape case and it’s not even happening, y’all. this is almost worse than his win, tbh. i’m in so much pain for all of us, especially jane doe and those of us who needed to see him stand trial for this.
LONG POST, SEE TAGS TO MUTE
Social abuse
they hate my friends, and want me to spend less time with them, or completely cut them out of my life
they’ve affected me to drop more than one friend from my life
they’ve managed to isolate me from family members, friends, acquaintances and people I used to enjoy spending my time with
they get angry if I enjoy my time out with friends/family, and call my socializing derogatory names, as if hanging out with people was a luxury I’m not supposed to enjoy
they lie about what people have said about me/think about me, in a way that makes me feel humiliated and hated by everyone
their behaviour towards me changes drastically based on who we’re with, they’re completely different when we’re alone compared to when we are in someone else’s company
they lie about our relationship to others, in front of me, and I feel I’m not allowed to challenge them
they threaten me in private to how I’m supposed to act when in public
they humiliate me in public and in front of their friends
they tell people to “just ignore me” and teach them how to dismiss me and my feelings
they talk badly about me to their friends and family and/or mine
they lie to others about what I’ve said and done, making sure I look awful
they make decisions for me and relay them to others without my permission, making sure I look selfish/rude/inconsistent/cruel if I don’t follow through
they mock my talk, walk, behaviour, opinions and features in front of others
they allow others to insult and humiliate me, and they dismiss it all as jokes
they allow others to say offensive, triggering and cruel things to me and they encourage it
they use my reactions to prove to others how I’m overemotional, too sensitive, hysterical or crazy
Emotional abuse
they yell at me even when I’m already crying
they make me feel as if no matter how much I try, I’m never good enough
they call me ugly/lazy/worthless/miserable/toxic, and act like they’re allowed to because it’s the “truth”
when I really need their help/support/comfort, they’re emotionally unavailable, or show no interest in helping me
they make me feel guilty and ashamed if I’m not there for them at any moment, and accuse me of caring too much about other people and activities, when I should make it all about them
they use every opportunity to talk about themselves and ignore whatever I say as if I only said it to offer them a chance to talk about their own issues, even if their issues are much smaller
they intentionally leave out some vital details about their life and feelings, only to use them later to prove how neglectful and ignorant I am of their issues, regardless of how much I listen to them
they make me participate in activities I don’t enjoy, benefit, or feel comfortable doing
they exclude me on purpose from activities I would have enjoyed doing
they get angry if I don’t readily quit my own activities for the sake of accompanying them on theirs
when planning, they always assume and take for granted I’ll do all the heavy and unpleasant work
they refuse to do a same favour for me that I’ve done for them in the past
they purposely do their part of the work badly so I would never ask them to do it again
they purposely manage activities so that I end up doing more unpleasant and draining work
it’s always assumed I’ll sacrifice my goals and needs for the sake of theirs
they seem to forget I have need for attention, affection and support, and no matter how much of it I give to them, I rarely or never get any in return
they don’t do anything for me, to the point where I feel neglected, lonely and sad as if I’m not in a relationship at all
if I point out they neglect me, they get angry and act as if I’m expecting the impossible from them, and accuse me of neglecting them instead
they’ve cheated on me before
they’ve cheated on me and decided it was my fault, because I wasn’t doing enough for them
they’ve cheated on me and demand forgiveness
they flirt with others when they know it makes me insecure and scared
they lie about the time they spend with others and make me feel guilty for doubting their lies
they go over my stuff, look thru my phone/computer/other private device, and make arguments to why they have the right to do it, and why I’m not to be trusted
they accuse me of cheating, flirting, and wanting to have relationships with others, to the point where I’m not allowed to look or talk to another person without getting punished for it
they feel they have the right to punish me, and often let me know they’re deciding just how dire of a punishment i have deserved
they insist on keeping the relationship secret to everyone, and I’m not allowed to let anyone know I’m even talking to them
they lied to me about having other relationships or being married
they make me feel like I’m hard to love
they frequently remind me of how much I am to deal with, and how much they have to sacrifice because of me
they frequently remind me of my every bad feature to remind me that I’m a burden to them, and that I should be grateful they still tolerate me
they keep promising they will never hurt me again, but they still keep repeating it
I always have to be reminded of how tough they had it and all the reasons they have for acting hurtful the way they do
I always have to focus on their problems, and push mine under the surface, theirs just seem to be more important
I always have to be considerate and hide my pain in order to not make them feel guilty
I always have to forgive them and keep acting like nothing bad happened when they hurt me
I’m sometimes scared of them, but I push it down and remind myself of the nice things they did
I’m sometimes worried they’re going to hurt me, but I remind myself of their potential to love me
I often feel used and exploited by them, and like they’re only with me to get something out of it
I keep waiting for them to return my love and act more supportive towards me for a long time
I sometimes want to break up but every time I start feeling this way they do something to make me feel too guilty to leave, or give me more hope that things will get better if I stay.
I feel if I leave them I’ll be doing the same thing everyone else has done to them, and I don’t want to be that person.
I feel obligated to stay because they’ll have nobody without me.
I feel like I owe them too much to leave them.
I feel like I’m here to prove to them that not everyone is awful, and that they can get what they need in life, and to restore their faith in humanity, and for this I’ve been enduring everything they did to me.
I feel like nobody will ever love me again if I leave.
I feel like I wouldn’t be able to survive without them.
I’m scared they’ll hurt me if I leave.
I’m scared they’ll hurt themselves if I leave.
they’ve threatened to hurt me, or hurt themselves if I leave
Psychological abuse
they insult me and/or call me names and slurs, and play it off as a joke a moment afterwards
they insist i don’t have a real reason for getting upset/offended/hurt
they humiliate and blame me for having problems and struggling with life
they insist that I caused all the problems for myself and I wouldn’t have them if I wasn’t so stupid/incapable/slow/mentally ill/lazy/problematic
they insist my problems are “made up” or just me dramatizing my situation
they question my choices until I start doubting them myself
they claim I’m too emotional and irrational to be making any choices
they call me “too difficult” or “too complicated” to deal with, and to love
they make me responsible for their feelings and actions towards me (if they do something it’s because “I made them do it”, if they feel angry it’s because I “provoked” them, if they feel unsatisfied it’s because I haven’t done enough for them)
they use my chronic illness/mental illness/psychological issues against me, to prove that I’m not a full person worthy of love, and that they’re supposed to be praised and rewarded for dealing with me
they use my past trauma/past experiences to explain why I’m distrustful and why I perceive them the way I do (implying that my perception is wrong and it’s my fault I don’t trust them)
they demand to decide how I should perceive their actions (they insist I should find their hurtful actions funny, charming, acts of good intentions)
they minimize and dismiss my feelings, concern, worry, anxiety, fear (you’re exaggerating, you’re dramatizing, get over it, get over yourself, people have it worse, you’re lucky, you should be grateful)
I can’t openly tell them when they’ve hurt me, I know it will make them angry/sad/upset
they make me comfort them when they hurt me
they get angry at mere implication that they did something wrong, and will fight to prove me otherwise, and punish me for making such accusation
they use my lack of knowledge in certain areas to make me look extremely dumb and ignorant
they belittle and put down my ideas, opinions, experiences and thoughts
they sometimes act like they don’t remember something they said or did to me that was really hurtful
they sometimes act like i did things they did (they will smash a vase and then ask me who smashed it, or why did I smash it the next day)
they insist they didn’t do or say things I can clearly remember them doing or saying, they demand my memory is wrong and that I must be imagining things (I would never do/say that!)
Body control
they make comments about my appearance that lowers my confidence
they make blatant requests and demands about how I should look/dress/take care of myself
they make demands and requests to what I should do with my own body
they talk as if it would be stupid for me to make my own decisions
they insult my body features, criticize my appearance, my weight, my dress choices
they insult features I feel really insecure about, and it makes me feel worse
they laugh at my appearance in front of others, and try to get others to notice a flaw
they compare me to others to show me how I should look, act and behave (why aren’t you more like x?)
Am I in an abusive relationship/friendship? Checklist. Bold the ones that happened to you, italicize if you’re not sure. Originally written for relationships, later realized most points are applicable to friendships as well. (some are relationship specific, so you can ignore them if you’re checking for friendship, also this works for marriage as well)
Physical abuse
they sometimes push me, kick me, and/or intimidate me physically
they’ve hit me before, and I’m scared they might do it again
they make it clear that they want to hit me
they’ve been hitting walls, throwing things around me and at me, kicking objects or furniture, making it clear they’re barely controlling themselves not to hit me
they sometimes corner me/trap me with their body so I can’t escape (during arguments or otherwise)
they left painful marks on my body (from gripping my body too tight in anger, from pushing me to fall down, from rough treatment, dragging)
they sometimes hurt me but it’s only because they have short temper/alcohol problem/tough day at work/other things they deal with
they sometimes hurt me but they make it clear it’s only because of something I’ve done/said or something I failed to do or say
they’ve choked me, restrained my movements, pinned me down and refused to let me go even though I was struggling/paralyzed
they’ve ignored my cries of pain and kept hurting me
I’ve been in hospital before due to the injuries they’ve caused me
they sometimes make me feel like my life is in danger
Social abuse
they hate my friends, and want me to spend less time with them, or completely cut them out of my life
they’ve affected me to drop more than one friend from my life
they’ve managed to isolate me from family members, friends, acquaintances and people I used to enjoy spending my time with
they get angry if I enjoy my time out with friends/family, and call my socializing derogatory names, as if hanging out with people was a luxury I’m not supposed to enjoy
they lie about what people have said about me/think about me, in a way that makes me feel humiliated and hated by everyone
their behaviour towards me changes drastically based on who we’re with, they’re completely different when we’re alone compared to when we are in someone else’s company
they lie about our relationship to others, in front of me, and I feel I’m not allowed to challenge them
they threaten me in private to how I’m supposed to act when in public
they humiliate me in public and in front of their friends
they tell people to “just ignore me” and teach them how to dismiss me and my feelings
they talk badly about me to their friends and family and/or mine
they lie to others about what I’ve said and done, making sure I look awful
they make decisions for me and relay them to others without my permission, making sure I look selfish/rude/inconsistent/cruel if I don’t follow through
they mock my talk, walk, behaviour, opinions and features in front of others
they allow others to insult and humiliate me, and they dismiss it all as jokes
they allow others to say offensive, triggering and cruel things to me and they encourage it
they use my reactions to prove to others how I’m overemotional, too sensitive, hysterical or crazy
Emotional abuse
they yell at me even when I’m already crying
they make me feel as if no matter how much I try, I’m never good enough
they call me ugly/lazy/worthless/miserable/toxic, and act like they’re allowed to because it’s the “truth”
when I really need their help/support/comfort, they’re emotionally unavailable, or show no interest in helping me
they make me feel guilty and ashamed if I’m not there for them at any moment, and accuse me of caring too much about other people and activities, when I should make it all about them
they use every opportunity to talk about themselves and ignore whatever I say as if I only said it to offer them a chance to talk about their own issues, even if their issues are much smaller
they intentionally leave out some vital details about their life and feelings, only to use them later to prove how neglectful and ignorant I am of their issues, regardless of how much I listen to them
they make me participate in activities I don’t enjoy, benefit, or feel comfortable doing
they exclude me on purpose from activities I would have enjoyed doing
they get angry if I don’t readily quit my own activities for the sake of accompanying them on theirs
when planning, they always assume and take for granted I’ll do all the heavy and unpleasant work
they refuse to do a same favour for me that I’ve done for them in the past
they purposely do their part of the work badly so I would never ask them to do it again
they purposely manage activities so that I end up doing more unpleasant and draining work
it’s always assumed I’ll sacrifice my goals and needs for the sake of theirs
they seem to forget I have need for attention, affection and support, and no matter how much of it I give to them, I rarely or never get any in return
they don’t do anything for me, to the point where I feel neglected, lonely and sad as if I’m not in a relationship at all
if I point out they neglect me, they get angry and act as if I’m expecting the impossible from them, and accuse me of neglecting them instead
they’ve cheated on me before
they’ve cheated on me and decided it was my fault, because I wasn’t doing enough for them
they’ve cheated on me and demand forgiveness
they flirt with others when they know it makes me insecure and scared
they lie about the time they spend with others and make me feel guilty for doubting their lies
they go over my stuff, look thru my phone/computer/other private device, and make arguments to why they have the right to do it, and why I’m not to be trusted
they accuse me of cheating, flirting, and wanting to have relationships with others, to the point where I’m not allowed to look or talk to another person without getting punished for it
they feel they have the right to punish me, and often let me know they’re deciding just how dire of a punishment i have deserved
they insist on keeping the relationship secret to everyone, and I’m not allowed to let anyone know I’m even talking to them
they lied to me about having other relationships or being married
they make me feel like I’m hard to love
they frequently remind me of how much I am to deal with, and how much they have to sacrifice because of me
they frequently remind me of my every bad feature to remind me that I’m a burden to them, and that I should be grateful they still tolerate me
they keep promising they will never hurt me again, but they still keep repeating it
I always have to be reminded of how tough they had it and all the reasons they have for acting hurtful the way they do
I always have to focus on their problems, and push mine under the surface, theirs just seem to be more important
I always have to be considerate and hide my pain in order to not make them feel guilty
I always have to forgive them and keep acting like nothing bad happened when they hurt me
I’m sometimes scared of them, but I push it down and remind myself of the nice things they did
I’m sometimes worried they’re going to hurt me, but I remind myself of their potential to love me
I often feel used and exploited by them, and like they’re only with me to get something out of it
I keep waiting for them to return my love and act more supportive towards me for a long time
I sometimes want to break up but every time I start feeling this way they do something to make me feel too guilty to leave, or give me more hope that things will get better if I stay.
I feel if I leave them I’ll be doing the same thing everyone else has done to them, and I don’t want to be that person.
I feel obligated to stay because they’ll have nobody without me.
I feel like I owe them too much to leave them.
I feel like I’m here to prove to them that not everyone is awful, and that they can get what they need in life, and to restore their faith in humanity, and for this I’ve been enduring everything they did to me.
I feel like nobody will ever love me again if I leave.
I feel like I wouldn’t be able to survive without them.
I’m scared they’ll hurt me if I leave.
I’m scared they’ll hurt themselves if I leave.
they’ve threatened to hurt me, or hurt themselves if I leave
Psychological abuse
they insult me and/or call me names and slurs, and play it off as a joke a moment afterwards
they insist i don’t have a real reason for getting upset/offended/hurt
they humiliate and blame me for having problems and struggling with life
they insist that I caused all the problems for myself and I wouldn’t have them if I wasn’t so stupid/incapable/slow/mentally ill/lazy/problematic
they insist my problems are “made up” or just me dramatizing my situation
they question my choices until I start doubting them myself
they claim I’m too emotional and irrational to be making any choices
they call me “too difficult” or “too complicated” to deal with, and to love
they make me responsible for their feelings and actions towards me (if they do something it’s because “I made them do it”, if they feel angry it’s because I “provoked” them, if they feel unsatisfied it’s because I haven’t done enough for them)
they use my chronic illness/mental illness/psychological issues against me, to prove that I’m not a full person worthy of love, and that they’re supposed to be praised and rewarded for dealing with me
they use my past trauma/past experiences to explain why I’m distrustful and why I perceive them the way I do (implying that my perception is wrong and it’s my fault I don’t trust them)
they demand to decide how I should perceive their actions (they insist I should find their hurtful actions funny, charming, acts of good intentions)
they minimize and dismiss my feelings, concern, worry, anxiety, fear (you’re exaggerating, you’re dramatizing, get over it, get over yourself, people have it worse, you’re lucky, you should be grateful)
I can’t openly tell them when they’ve hurt me, I know it will make them angry/sad/upset
they make me comfort them when they hurt me
they get angry at mere implication that they did something wrong, and will fight to prove me otherwise, and punish me for making such accusation
they use my lack of knowledge in certain areas to make me look extremely dumb and ignorant
they belittle and put down my ideas, opinions, experiences and thoughts
they sometimes act like they don’t remember something they said or did to me that was really hurtful
they sometimes act like i did things they did (they will smash a vase and then ask me who smashed it, or why did I smash it the next day)
they insist they didn’t do or say things I can clearly remember them doing or saying, they demand my memory is wrong and that I must be imagining things (I would never do/say that!)
Body control
they make comments about my appearance that lowers my confidence
they make blatant requests and demands about how I should look/dress/take care of myself
they make demands and requests to what I should do with my own body
they talk as if it would be stupid for me to make my own decisions
they insult my body features, criticize my appearance, my weight, my dress choices
they insult features I feel really insecure about, and it makes me feel worse
they laugh at my appearance in front of others, and try to get others to notice a flaw
they compare me to others to show me how I should look, act and behave (why aren’t you more like x?)
Financial abuse (relationship/marriage specific)
they decided I spend too much and used it to take control of finances
they insist on controlling the finances and income, and dismiss me as too incapable to deal with such things
they don’t like me having a source of income and insist I should become financially dependent on them (maybe they framed it like “you don’t have to work, I’ll take care of you”)
they’ve managed to make me financially dependent on them, and they’re using it against me
they demand I don’t have equal rights to decide and manage our finances since they’re the only one bringing the income
they withhold money from me unless I do everything they want and expect of me to do
they make priorities to spend on luxury for themselves, while dismissing my necessities (basic clothing, food, hygiene items, healthcare needs, current project needs)
they decide how much I’m allowed to spend and I have to show proof of it
they lie to me about finances and our current standing
they spend large amounts of money secretly (on gambling, prostitution, alcohol, drugs)
I was forced to pay off their debts/credits/payments for their own belongings
I was forced to save them from financial trouble, and they only made more financial trouble
I’m forced to support them due to their unwillingness to work/losing a job on purpose
they emotionally/psychologically abuse me if I don’t give them full rights to my finances
Sexual abuse (tw rape)
they sexualize my behaviour, take my words and actions sexually when they’re not meant to be, and accuse me of “provoking them”
they get upset and angry if I refuse them for sex, or if I refuse to do a certain act
they punish me for refusing, withhold affection, care, resources from me
they don’t accept me saying “no” to sex, and will keep pressuring me
I don’t always feel like I can easily say no to them, they make me feel like I owe them sex
they’ve told me I’m ungrateful, cruel, selfish and withholding for refusing
if I said yes to something they assume it’s a yes for every time they want it, I’m not allowed to change my mind afterwards
I’m forced to give them sexual favours for holidays/birthdays that I don’t enjoy or want to do
they pressure and coerce me into sex acts I’m not sure I want to do, or I’m sure I don’t want to do them
they’ve been pressuring me to include other people in our sexual life, when I don’t want to
they’ve physically forced me into sex without my consent before
they touch me when I don’t feel comfortable with them doing so
they don’t stop touching me when I tense up/freeze
they’re rough and inconsiderate during sex, and don’t seem to care if they’re hurting me
they don’t stop when I’m hurt, overwhelmed, in pain, crying, making pained noises, paralyzing
they use sex to lash out their anger, and end up hurting me
they humiliate, insult, call me derogatory names and slurs, and emotionally abuse me during sex
they’ve inflicted injuries onto me during sex
they’ve done things I specifically told them not to during sex
they’ve done things to me during sex that I mentioned before to be uncomfortable with
they’ve put me in position where I couldn’t refuse to do a sexual act
they control me during sex, and will get angry or forceful if I don’t obey
they refuse to offer any gentleness and physical care during sex
they refuse to be gentle and considerate to me except after they’ve already hurt me sexually
they demand a lot of sexual attention but refuse to give any to me
they demand a lot of touch and physical affection but refuse to look at me or touch me the same way
they will call me disgusting/undesirable/ugly/unlovable and refuse to touch me, at the same time demanding that I give them what they want sexually
they’ve done things to me without my knowledge (while incapacitated, asleep, unconscious)
they’ve filmed our sexual contact without my knowledge, and/or shared it with others
*even if you seek out or derive pleasure from sexual abuse it will still inflict psychological injuries, and any person who would harm you during intimacy is not safe for your well being
If you bolded more than 7 items on this list, you are dealing with an abusive partner/friend. This is not a complete list of abusive behaviour, but it’s as extensive as I was able to make it. If you can think of more abusive behaviour not listed here, add it to the list! Also, if you have confirmed you’re in an abusive relationship with a man, your next reading should be “Why does he do that”, download it here.
i don’t expect people who, and i pray never will, haven’t experienced any forms of sexual assault to empathize with those who had but watching how far the liberal mind will go to satisfy their sense of moral superiority and put the political views they stand for over survivors, living beings, in your own timeline is a horrendous experience and i genuinely can’t stand that i can’t avoid them, they’re in every corner of my phone screen! every day there is a new video of them cheering in the streets, screaming his name, saying how much they love him. the same people who picked the leader of their own nation fully knowing whom they’re dealing with e.g. and i quote SEVERAL people ‘’he has less rape allegations, his behavior is questionable but far less questionable and creepy than what we had to put up with for four years’’, the same people who tweet those corny #IBelieveHer threads and in the same breath throw away the possibility of him being a monster that i believe he is, automatically throwing tara reade, every other woman that had come out against him and literally every other survivor under the bus, like i never asked to be put on this godforsaken planet but the least i could ask for while i’m still alive is to share that same planet with less or no people like that but that will never happen! i stopped asking and begging years ago now i wish evil upon them all and i could not care less if it comes back to bite me in the ass lol a lot of you are evil and sadistic, a big portion of this stupid fucking planet is
Kurt Cobain Will Have His Revenge on the Straights
Had a video call with my brother Chuck the other day. Things got heavy:
KATE: Was Kurt Cobain a trans woman?
CHUCK: What?
Kurt Cobain. Rock musician. He was in a band called Nirvana.
I’m familiar with him, yes.
Was he a trans woman?
Um. No?
OK. Why not?
I mean, he wasn’t. It’s like asking why he wasn’t an astronaut.
He wasn’t an astronaut because he never went to space. Why wasn’t he a trans woman?
Because he didn’t transition. I mean, he didn’t ever say he was a woman, didn’t ever say he was trans. So no. Kurt Cobain wasn’t a trans woman.
So someone is trans if they say they’re trans. Self-determination.
That’s what you’ve told me. Is that wrong?
No, that’s right. We know ourselves better than anybody else can know us. If we say we’re trans, nobody can say we aren’t.
And Kurt Cobain never said he was trans.
So was I trans in 1994?
I don’t know, were you?
Yes, but if you’d asked me in 1994, I would have told you “no”.
So if I tell you I’m trans, I’m trans…
Right.
But if I tell you I’m cis, I might still be trans?
If you tell me you’re cis, I believe you.
That’s not the same thing as “I’m cis”.
That’s a really good point. This is sort of what some queer people are getting at when they say “gender is a construct”.
Come again?
Well, you’re cisgender, right?
As far as I know, yes.
Aha.
Hmmm?
You hedged. “As far as I know” isn’t the same thing as “yes”. “As far as I know” opens up the possibility that you could be trans and not know it.
It doesn’t seem terribly likely.
That’s an interesting statement. Early on in transition one of the biggest problems I had was dealing with the sheer unlikelihood of my being trans. I mean, I knew trans people existed. I knew somebody had to be trans. I just couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that it would be me.
Do you think this is why you’re on this whole “Kurt Cobain was a trans woman” kick?
Hey now, I’m just asking questions. You know. Like J.K. Rowling is “just asking questions”.
Kate, you are literally wearing a T-shirt that says “KURT COBAIN WAS A TRANS WOMAN” on it right now.
Am I? Oh, shit. I thought I was wearing my “Skip school, take hormones, kill God” T-shirt. To your question, though - yeah, I do think that’s part of it. Honestly, the hardest thing about growing up trans was believing that nobody in the world had ever experienced what I was experiencing. I didn’t have any role models. I didn’t wonder if I was the only one. I was convinced of it.
So being able to say that this incredibly gifted songwriter, the voice of a generation, was a trans woman like you…
I need someone like that. I need to not be the first of my kind.
Of course you’re not the first trans woman.
No, but before a couple of years ago almost every trans woman would tell you they always knew, unquestionably and innately, that they were women.
So it’s not just about him being trans, but specifically his being a trans woman who didn’t know he was a trans woman.
An egg. Right.
Why Kurt Cobain, anyway? What’s so special about him that you’re trying to induct him into the Egg Hall of Fame?
He knew things. Things cis guys don’t know. Things I didn’t know until after I started transition. He understood women, what we’re like, what we experience. “Pennyroyal Tea”. “Rape Me”. I just have a hard time thinking of a cis man who could write songs like that.
It wouldn’t be the only way in which he was exceptional.
True. Ahhh. I don’t know. I mean, I know, I can give you all the reasons, but there’s something in his eyes.
Something in his eyes.
All the pictures of him. No matter what he’s doing. If he’s grinning, or sad, whatever he’s doing, you can see something trapped there. Trapped and in pain, wanting to get out but not quite knowing how.
Huh. You, uh, know that what you’re doing is pretty much the textbook definition of projection, right?
Maybe. Chuck, do you think I’m happier?
Since you transitioned?
Yeah.
Of course. Absolutely. Night and day.
Everyone says that, and honestly, I see it. Even in pictures, you know? I see it. You’ve seen some of my transition timelines, right?
You do look really different.
It’s not just me. Every single person who transitions looks like that. We look so much happier, so much more alive, so much more us. I don’t understand how anybody can hate us.
I don’t get it either, Kate.
And when I look at any timelines, I look at the before photos… and I see something in their eyes. Transmasc, transfem, doesn’t matter. There’s something trapped wanting to get out. Every picture I’ve ever seen of Kurt Cobain looks like the “before” picture on a transition timeline. It’s just that with him, there aren’t any after pictures.
And it’s not just the eyes, either. The way he dressed, the whole “grunge look”. It’s just literally egg fashion. We dress with total disregard for our appearance or how we look because no matter what we do it’s wrong.
“Egg fashion”, egg this, egg that… isn’t it a little bit anachronistic, judging him by 2022 standards, 2022 values?
Is it? Chuck, I was alive in 1994. I was an 18 year old egg. I know what that feels like. I know what that looks like. I lived that. Why didn’t I come out as trans in 1994? Because I didn’t have the opportunity. Because self-determination needs to be informed, and none of us were. None of us. Look. You know what he said to Melody Maker in 1991? “I knew I was different. I thought that I might be gay or something because I couldn't identify with any of the guys at all.” That’s what he said.
Holy shit. Really?
Really. September 14, 1991.
Hold on, let me look that up. Oh, yeah, I see it. Look, if you look at the full quote he’s just saying he’s not a jock. Like he didn’t fit in with the jocks.
Well, what about the dresses?
What dresses?
Kurt Cobain wore a lot of dresses. Like, a lot, both onstage and off. On MTV in 1991, he said “It’s ‘Headbanger’s Ball’ so I thought I’d wear a gown.” He said in a 1993 interview, “I personally like to wear dresses. I wear them around the house sometimes.” This is not some shameful secret he kept hidden from the world. He was open about this. He was proud about this.
Yeah, but… it’s just clothes.
Except it’s not just clothes. Listen to his songs. Listen to his lyrics. “Should have been a son”. “I’m a lady, can you save me?” “Everyone is gay.” The original lyrics to “All Apologies” from his journals – “Boys write songs for girls. Let me grow some breasts.”
I mean they’re song lyrics. There are all kinds of ways to interpret song lyrics.
Sure. All kinds of ways. You ever read Michael Azerrad’s biography of Cobain, Come As You Are?
Nope.
Azerrad spent weeks talking to Cobain. He was Cobain’s biographer, but also his friend. And he has his own interpretation of the lyrics. For instance, Azerrad talks about all the lyrics about guns, and to me, now, I look at that, and I think of how he died, but Azerrad, when Kurt was alive, he looked at it another way. He thought it’s about dicks. “To paraphrase Dr. Freud,” he says, “sometimes a gun is just a gun. But not this time.” He talks about “Come As You Are”, where Kurt keeps singing “I swear I don’t have a gun.” That’s not my interpretation. That’s never been my interpretation. That’s what this cis man says. More than one cis man. Kurt says Dave Grohl’s dad, he said the same thing. Yeah. There are all kinds of ways to interpret lyrics.
“By this time,” Azerrad wrote, “one begins to wonder how Kurt rationalizes being a man at all. His first response is revealing. ‘I don’t know,’ he says. ‘Castration.’” I don’t wonder how Kurt rationalizes being a man. I rationalized “being a man” in all kinds of ways. What strikes me is that he needed to rationalize being a man. Had to come up with some kind of excuse. It just strikes me kind of funny.
Kurt’s songs have meanings. The lyrics to “In Bloom”, Kurt was pretty explicit about that. The lyrics he wrote have meanings. “Heart-Shaped Box”. You know what that refers to? When Courtney Love was flirting with Kurt, Michael Azerrad says in Come As You Are, “She gave Dave (Grohl) a package to give to Kurt – little sea shells and miniature teacups and a tiny doll, all packed into a small heart-shaped box.” A tiny doll locked away inside a box shaped like a heart. That was what I felt like before I came out. A tiny phantom doll. Kurt and Courtney first kissed after a show at the Cabaret Metro in Chicago. Rumor was that they fucked against the bar, but they denied it. What actually happened, Azerrad says, is that “Courtney had a bag of lingerie with her for some reason and Kurt ended up modeling the contents.” And then they went to Kurt’s hotel room and they fucked.
You’re making it sound…
Maybe it was. Because you look at that and you think that if it was like that, it was perverted and wrong, because that’s what you were told, that it’s a sick fetish thing, and I look at it and it isn’t. To me, that’s normal. That Kurt Cobain was sexually aroused while wearing Courtney Love’s lingerie, that’s normal.
Kate, he was a punk! He hated jocks, and wearing a dress pissed off jocks, so he wore dresses. He talked about wanting to wear a dress and piss on a redneck A&R man’s desk! You think that was some kind of sex thing?
Sexuality is part of being a woman. Part. Rage – and Kurt Cobain had a lot of rage inside him – that’s another part. Am I interpreting, am I looking at things from my perspective as a trans woman? Yes, certainly, just like you’re interpreting, looking at it from your perspective as a cis man. When cis people interpret things, their conclusion is never “they were trans”. Never.
Ed Wood wasn’t a trans woman. He was just a transvestite. He was a man.
Pete Burns from Dead or Alive wasn’t a trans woman. Sure, he got all sorts of feminizing surgeries, but he never said he was a woman. Man.
Prince Nelson adopted a female persona, feminized his voice, and recorded a song about wanting to be a woman's girlfriend, but he was also a Christian and believed that being queer was wicked and sinful, and that's the identity of his we need to respect. Man.
Richard Wright, who wrote the Phish song “Halley’s Comet”, spent most of the 1980s telling everyone he knew he was a transsexual lesbian named Nancy, but after being consistently treated like shit changed his mind about that, so none of that counts for anything. Man.
Dave Carter was on HRT when he died, but he was just questioning. He didn’t tell anybody for sure that he was a woman. Man.
Quentin Crisp said just before he died that if he was younger, he absolutely would have transitioned, but wanting to transition isn’t the same as actually transitioning. Man.
All men. Always, always men, whatever they do, whatever they say. I know how that works. I was told all these same things about myself for decades, all these same reasons, and now, I don’t know, I guess people will make a personal exception for me, but for everybody else, the same old assumptions, the same old arguments, they still apply. They’re still legitimate.
I thought we were talking about Kurt Cobain.
And the only way to do that is to talk about him in isolation. There’s no larger context to consider, no bigger picture. I can’t really know. I can’t really judge.
I mean, everybody else does. I guess I can’t tell you not to. But all of this circumstantial evidence, all of the dresses and the lyrics that you I guess know the real meaning of – none of that makes him a girl.
Sure. And nothing can make him a girl. Because he’s dead. Because he killed himself.
Oh, here we go. After thirty years and countless speculation, you have at last uncovered the real reason Kurt Cobain killed himself – gender dysphoria. Do you have a book deal yet?
Working on it. And yes, people say a lot of stupid things about Cobain’s death, like it’s this big shock that this guy who hated himself and wanted to die killed himself.
Right. He was pretty well-known for being a heroin addict, which isn’t exactly something that improves one’s quality of life.
Sure, but why did he start heroin?
I don’t know. Why does anybody start heroin?
To help him cope with his eating disorder.
Wait, what? Eating disorder?
You don’t know about that? He had stomach problems, for a long, long time. He could only eat certain kinds of food, certain kinds of food that wouldn’t make his stomach hurt. Doctors looked but they could never find any organic cause for it. Nobody took it seriously. So he self-medicated with heroin. “It was my choice,” he told Azerrad. “I don’t regret it at all because it was such a relief from not having stomach pain every day.” I know, though. Lots of cis guys have eating disorders. Doesn’t mean anything.
Kate there’s a lot of interpreting going on here.
Yeah, I guess there is. Is that necessarily a bad thing, though? Is that necessarily wrong? Like. You’ve seen The Matrix, right?
Only the first one.
Yeah, that’s fine. So you know how important The Matrix is to a lot of trans women, right?
Yes, but I’m not really sure why. Just seems like a retelling of Plato’s “Allegory of the Cave” with extra fight scenes.
It’s pretty trans, though, right?
Clearly. It was directed by two trans women.
And trans women who watch it – eggs or otherwise – find their own lives and experiences reflected in it in ways that cis people, like you, don’t.
I guess, but the fact that it was actually made by two trans women carries a little more weight with me.
OK, but what if the Wachowskis had died in 2000? In, like… a car crash or something? Does that mean The Matrix isn’t a trans film?
Well, no, because it’s still a film made by two trans women.
A film made by two trans women that speaks to the trans experience, and that is recognized by living trans women as speaking specifically to the trans experience. The only difference is that, in this scenario, nobody knows the Wachowski Sisters are trans women. And we can’t prove it. We can’t possibly prove it, and nobody is going to just believe us when we say it’s a trans movie, that the Wachowskis were trans women, because they didn’t say it, they didn’t say the special magic words. Self-determination. You know what self-determination meant to Kurt Cobain? I remember seeing Courtney Love on television reading his note, I remember her interrupting to say that he was an asshole, that what he was saying was bullshit. She didn’t respect his self-determination.
Um…
“Pennyroyal Tea”. Cobain told Azerrad “It's a cleansing theme where I’m trying to get all my bad evil spirits out of me and drinking Pennyroyal tea would cleanse that away.” Pennyroyal is an abortifacient – but, Azerrad notes, only in lethal doses.
Hell, not just that song. The whole album. In Utero. The collage on the back cover, the one Cobain described to Azerrad as “Sex and woman and In Utero and vaginas and birth and death". The occult symbols surrounding it, taken from Barbara G. Walker’s The Woman's Dictionary of Symbols and Sacred Objects1. There was something inside Kurt Cobain, something inside him waiting to be born, but he was told, over and over, that it was a monster, so he killed it, the only way he could. By killing himself.
That could have been me. That could so easily have been me. I was told all the same things he was. We all were. When I was 27? When I was 27, I was addicted to benzos, benzos they prescribed me because I was trying to bury, trying to kill this thing, this thing I had inside of me. I was a zombie. Walking dead. When I quit, I quit cold turkey. Nobody told me about the withdrawal syndrome. Nobody told me it could have killed me. And if it had, everybody would remember me, everybody would think of me, as a cis man. Forever. They would perpetuate the Lie. That’s why I transitioned, why I chose to go through all the shit I went through. The writer and musician Margaret Killjoy, in 2017 she talked about what she went through the day before she came out:
“All I could think was: ‘Oh god, I don’t want to die a boy.’”2
I felt the same way, came out for the same reason. I figured no matter what I did, I was dead. I didn’t do it live, but to at least have an honest death. I genuinely believed transition would kill me.
It didn’t, though! You’re alive and you’re beautiful and I’m so, so glad for that. It didn’t kill you.
It could have. Still could. Transition has helped, has made it easier for me, but it’s not that way with everyone. People have been kind to me, in ways that they aren’t kind to other trans women. Others of us… aren’t so lucky.
Who are we respecting, exactly, by remaining silent about our shared experiences, our shared perspectives, things we see that you fucking don’t, that you can’t see? Of course I can’t prove it. I can’t prove that I’m trans. You can’t prove that you’re cis. Cis people, though, cis people never have to prove anything. Their prejudices are the null hypothesis3. If I was to go out there and say that Kurt Cobain was a cisgender man, would anybody say I was wrong? Would anybody object or complain? Even though my saying that is an anachronism, is meaningless. The word, the concept, it literally didn’t exist when Cobain died. Have you ever heard the word “agnotology”?
No?
It means making a false claim to ignorance. Claiming that we don’t know something that we do. That we can’t know something that we can. We know things now, Chuck. We know what the symptoms of gender dysphoria are. We know what it does to people. How eggs think. How eggs act. How eggs die. But we pretend we don’t. We still pretend. We pretend suicide is an individual act, even when we know it’s not, that the reasons for it are wholly personal. We pretend that when someone dies by suicide, their reasons for doing so die with them. And they don’t, Chuck. We’re still dying, still dying for the same reasons Kurt Cobain did. It’s not just that we aren’t allowed to recognize ourselves. We aren’t allowed to recognize each other. Individual choice or social contagion. Those are the options we’re given. And neither of them are right. Neither of them are who we are.
Kurt Cobain wrote, thought, talked, died like eggs do. I don’t care if he never said the magic fucking words. We know our own. We recognize each other. And if someone is alive? If someone is alive I will go my whole life without ever breathing a word. Because as long as we’re alive, we do choose, and that means we can choose ignorance. What I think, what I want, for someone else, for us, it doesn’t matter. I do that, I follow that code, for the benefit of one person – the egg themselves. Once they die, all bets are off. Omerta no longer applies. Kayfabe no longer applies.
To be queer is to be erased, to experience erasure. I still hear straight men arguing, as if they have any right to argue, as if they know, that Emily Dickinson was not a lesbian. Emily Dickinson! I’m supposed to listen to people who say this shit? I’m supposed to take them seriously when they say well, actually, calling Dickinson a “lesbian” is historically anachronistic, we can’t apply the standards of the present to the past, and Jesus fuck have you read her letters? She liked girls. She really liked girls. Kurt Cobain was a trans woman. Kurt Cobain was every bit as much a trans woman as Emily Dickinson was a lesbian. Refusing to say it isn’t “respect”. It’s perpetuating the crime perpetrated against Cobain, against every other trans woman who ever killed herself because of the lies we were told about ourselves. No more. Kurt Cobain was a trans woman. I can’t, as an individual, say that. I don’t have the right. No trans woman can say that, individually. But collectively? All of us together? The things we see in each other, we see those things in him too. Not all of them, and not all of us. Absolutely not all of us. But enough of us. Enough that we have the right. We have the right, and I will fucking say it, and if you don’t like that, you can go fuck yourself.
Kate, are you ok?
I’m fine.
Do you want a hug?
Fuck you, Chuck.
OK, well. I’m, uh. Gonna go to the other room. You should, uh. Drink some water. Stay hydrated. Love you, Kate.
Love you too, Chuck. Sorry.
Shhh. It’s OK, Kate. It’s OK.
1 Diane Purkiss criticizes the occult nature of Walker’s encyclopedia in "Women's Rewriting of Myth", in Carolyne Larrington (ed), The Feminist Companion to Mythology, London, 1992, p. 444: “In Donna Haraway's influential terms, these women may wish to be goddesses, but they are cyborgs all the same”. The work she’s referencing is Haraway’s “A Cyborg Manifesto”. Haraway was, it happens, an academic advisor to the trans woman Sandy Stone, and her “Cyborg Manifesto” was a pivotal influence on Stone’s “The Empire Strikes Back: A Post-Transsexual Manifesto”, one of the foundational works of transgender theory.
2 Margaret Killjoy, https://birdsbeforethestorm.net/2017/06/im-not-even-going-to-try-to-pass/
3 Natalie Reed, https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/
THROUGH A RAPIST’S EYES” (PLS TAKE TIME TO READ THIS. It may save a life, It may save your life.)
An Article from Neena Susan Thomas
“Through a rapist’s eyes. A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interview…ed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:
1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.
2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.
3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.
4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.
5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.
6] Number three is public restrooms.
7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.
8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.
9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas,or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.
10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.
POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:
1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can’t believe it is so cold out here, we’re in for a bad winter. Now that you’ve seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.
2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.
3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.
4] If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh – HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.
5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.
6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.
7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.
FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL ….
1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.
2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.
4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE.
5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. ( DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) .
b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
c. Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)
6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).
7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!
8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.
Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it’s better safe than sorry.
If u have compassion reblog this post. ‘Helping hands are better than Praying Lips’ – give us your helping hand.
REBLOG THIS AND LET EVERY GIRL KNOW AT LEAST PEOPLE WILL KNOW WHATS GOING ON IN THIS WORLD. So please reblog this….Your one reblog can Help to spread this information.
THIS COULD ACTUALLY SAVE A LIFE.”
Succubussensus
A term for individuals whose mindsets resemble that of a succubus or are related to succubi.
Lolisensus
A term for individuals whose mindsets resemble that of a loli or are related to lolis.
Shotasensus
A term for individuals whose mindsets resemble that of a shota or are related to shotas.
Rapistsensus
A term for individuals whose mindsets resemble that of a rapist or are related to rapists.
Sexslavesensus
A term for individuals whose mindsets resemble that of a sex slave or are related to sex slaves.
————
Anyone can use this (no DNI post), as long as it isn’t misused. Only repost with a link to this post as credit (only exclusions being archives).
Also, please tell us if someone has coined this before. We often don’t notice/know.
if someone has coined this before, take it as either a recoin or redesign.
————
[Sensus coining post for y’all]
Get mad, stay mad, die mad, bitch <333
-Nora&Shroom
Try to have some respect the queen just DIED. It's not like she was evil or anything
And why should I do that for the head of a family that oversaw the British Empire's legendarily brutal concentration camps in colonialist Kenya during the 1952-1960 Mau Mau rebellion, has personally and repeatedly shielded credibly accused rapist Prince Andrew and tried to get the scandal to go away, personally paid Andrew's financial settlement while the family treated Meghan Markle terribly and gave her none of the same protection, exerted a huge amount of control over UK public finances without any transparency or disclosure (while also receiving huge amounts of that money), got to personally edit laws according to her likes and dislikes, enjoyed sweeping legal immunities that are described as a "threat to UK democracy," is the most visible figurehead of British colonialism even as her descendants put on a horribly tone-deaf Caribbean tour (twice in one year!) that was basically about unreconstructed imperial imagery of the kind that is poisoning Britain, while the entire country buys into the fantasy that she is an impartial, uninvolved, kindly and benevolent grandmotherly figure....?
Nah.
Tw // sexual assault discussions, CSA
"The word 'rape' is really harsh. But at the same time, I had to leave my body mentally in order to stay physically there. Then it's against your will."
I found this quote in a book today (the book is called "Cult Trip" by Anke Richter if you're interested - I do recommend it, but look up the trigger warnings; it contains graphic descriptions of sexual assault). I think it's important for people to hear, especially SA survivors, like we are. <3
Sending love to anyone who relates
tw religion & csa
Pastor, pastor please Why are you taking off your jeans? And your best Sunday shoes To show me what's underneath? There's still people in the pews And my mom's in the other room I don't know what you want me to do But she told me to listen to you Pastor, pastor please I'm only nine you're fifty-two And I thought you didn't believe That gays could be Christian too Listen, listen, listen I swear this won't take long If you think this is right Then I'm fine with being wrong
Host & Protector Amber on host's journey to accepting their system (a rather bitsy post)
(colours used to differentiate who said what)
Host: it's been a long road, and I'm nowhere near done but… One of the hardest things to accept when I realised I have a system was accepting that DID isn't bad. DID systems aren't inherently dangerous. They're not any more likely to be abusers than the general population.
I knew so in theory from watching documentaries, researching, listening to podcast and reading people's experiences with DID. However.. personal experience often outweighs rationed research.
TW, talk of sexual assault, harassment, grooming, abuse, abusers using DID as a scapegoat
I was groomed extensively by a person who claimed to have DID.
Host: I knew they'd tried to SA me however I was told, by them, that they never got to the point of actually doing it, and that their “primary protector” had stopped "their bad alter" from raping me. [Amber: our trauma holders have things to be said about that]
but in doing so, their likely faking of DID, and hiding under a guise of "that wasn't me" "my bad alter did that" "we have bad alters!" lead to me developing a deep-rooted fear of anyone who said they had DID/OSDD, including to the point of denying any possiblity we could have it.
[Amber: when I did call them out on touching us inappropriately, they blamed it on one of their other alters.]
I didn't need Split to scare me into believing DID systems were bad, I had someone I knew, and at the time, respected, do it for me.
From my perspective, everything in my life fell apart.
It was only after I had vanished into our internal world for several months did I start to feel safe to ask questions. I started writing to Amber and everyone else.
Amber: I wrote back pretty much as soon as I saw host had written to me - they'd addressed me by name, so I wrote back and explained my role. And they flipped out even further. We didn't see our host for months.
Not only did they disappear in headspace, but they wouldn't float in and out of the fronting space like they did previously. They wouldn't front, or track in Simply Plural, write, or comment on anything. I thought they'd gone dormant for a while.
Eventually they fronted, and asked myself and a couple of our friends, “Is there anyone in our system who would hurt anyone?”
I and one of our best friends explained that there wasn't. Luckily for us, our host trusts that friend implicitly and combined with my note of "everyone in our system would rather kill themselves than hurt anyone else" they started to believe us. Slowly but surely they started relaxing, and believing me, and being willing to speak in therapy.
And in return, our brain has finally let them appear solidly enough in the internal world that some of us can see and interact with them.
I finally got to hug them.
All I can say right now, I am so fucking proud of how far our host has come in the last couple of years. They've grown, matured and fought through so much shit lately, I couldn't be prouder. I feel like an older sister saying so, but it's so true.
Moral of the story; fakers suck ass. Hosts take time to come around to being in systems. Do your research.
And most importantly, be kind to your hosts and your system members. Take care of them. They may not front the most, they may not be the bravest people on the planet, they may not even know anything about the system, but our role as system members is to love and support our hosts and other sys members, come hell or high water.
Don't be afraid to reach out to people. You don't have to do this with just your system. <3
DONT SCROLL THIS IS IMPORTANT!
im begging anyone who sees this post to prevent rapesexual, im begging you. no one will see this but if you do reblog to get the message out that these fuckers exist and dont deserve to exist heres the flag so you can know who to fucking block, report and tell to fuck off
i dont want this to ruin the pride and help with self esteem of being lgbtq+ so a signal boost from larger accounts might be nice
'but what about women????!!!!' we get it, you hate men and think they don't have valid issues. please get out of the nuanced gender discussion and go back to your elementary school playground shenanigans lookin ass group of man hating 'feminists'
Fun Fact!
Did you know you can talk about the discriminations that men go through WITHOUT saying women aren't discriminated against?
Men, whether cis or trans, should be able to talk about the discrimination they face in some circumstances (especially their suicide rates) without someone hopping into the conversation and saying "BUT WHAT ABOUT WOMEN?!"
Yes, women have problems, but we can't act like they're the ONLY people who have problems.
Male suicide rates are something to be concerned about! 22.8 out of 100,000 is still a lot! That's 75,924 out of 333mil people (the population of the USA in 2022) committing suicide! Female suicide rates are SIGNIFICANTLY lower at only 5.7 out of 100,000. That's 18,981 out of 333mil people. Still a lot of people! But, evidently something is affecting men more here, and that needs to be addressed!
And if someone brings up how often women are raped? We don't truly know the actual statistics of either gender because rape goes SEVERELY UNDERREPORTED BY BOTH GENDERS! But male victims of rape (in my personal experience) are taken less seriously, ESPECIALLY if their rapist was a woman, getting comments like "Wow, you were so lucky! I wish I could bang her," or "Don't lie, men can't be raped! You probably liked it anyways!"
I speak as a rape survivor myself who is AFAB and transmasc, who suffered severe social isolation and several suicide attempts after I mentioned to my friends I was raped, AS A CHILD (my rapist was just a month younger than me), and most of my friends took the side of my rapist.
Let people talk about the discrimination they face without being made fun of.
@antichauvinismsnowwhite How the Fuck is calling Me a "Psychopath Garbage Can" for "Hating" a LITERAL KIDS/CHILDREN a "BAD" Thing!?!?.... Bitch,Is You Blind!? Cause I'm TRYING to protect Them,even the BAD Ones(NOT those FUCKING Pedophiles,You DISGUSTINGLY SICK FUCKS!! FUCK YOU for saying THAT towards ME!!);I don't hate Them for being Themselves(Kids/Children),I hate Them for not being SUPERVISED by Parents who are SUPPOSED to watch Them(Kids/Children) NOT watching BAD Stuff and BAD Things They're NOT SUPPOSED TO like I don't know.... WATCHING PORN/NSFW!? Also Don't FUCKING compared ME to those DISGUSTINGLY GROSS and UNFUCKABLE Pedophiles/Child-Molesters!!
And just because I "Hate" Kids/Children,I'M a "Child Hater"?.... 💢😡😠👿🤬 God It's like comparing Sex with Rape then SOMEONE had a Fucking AUDACITY to say "Y'all,Throw This Psychopath Garbage Can In With The Rapists" when I'm "Hating" on Rape Victims for not PROTECTING Themselves from the Rapists..
“Age is just a number” means senior citizens can still find love.
“Age is just a number” means middle-aged people can still find love.
“Age is just a number” means 30+ people can still find love.
“Age is just a number” is not an excuse to be a pedophile.
Nothing is an excuse to be a pedophile.
So don’t.
Just don’t.
Rape has become endemic in South Africa, so a medical technician named Sonette Ehlers developed a product that immediately gathered national attention there. Ehlers had never forgotten a rape victim telling her forlornly, “If only I had teeth down there.”
Some time afterward, a man came into the hospital where Ehlers works in excruciating pain because his penis was stuck in his pants zipper.
Ehlers merged those images and came up with a product she called Rapex. It resembles a tube, with barbs inside. The woman inserts it like a tampon, with an applicator, and any man who tries to rape the woman impales himself on the barbs and must go to an emergency room to have the Rapex removed.
When critics complained that it was a medieval punishment, Ehlers replied tersely, “A medieval device for a medieval deed.”
- Half the Sky, Nicholas Kristof
These parasites posit themselves as the civilized alternative to Arab 'barbarism' while they systematically rape & torture Palestinians so consistently that I haven't heard a single survivor not describe torture, and that when this system of rape is challenged they immediately form an armed revolt to defend their right to rape. None of the people who cared about the false allegations of Oct 7 will say anything about this. They will sweep this truth of this sick sick settler society under the rug.
The RG Kar Incident: DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES TO RAPE
I’m unsure of how many non-Indians or even non-Bengalis know of this. Regardless of whether you do or do not, I would request you to reblog this post & share awareness about this. DON'T LET INJUSTICE GO UNPUNISHED.
On August 9, 2024, the body of 31-year-old post-graduate medical trainee, Dr. Moumita Debnath, was found partially naked in the seminar room of RG Kar, a hospital in Kolkata. She had just finished working a 36-hour night shift before this and, out of exhaustion, had fallen asleep while studying in the nearest seminar room on the fourth floor of the hospital.
Her family was informed beforehand that she had committed suicide, to which her mother emphasized on the fact that her daughter could never carry out such an act. On further investigation, it was found that Dr. Debnath had been raped and murdered in her sleep.
According to the Deccan Herald,
“There was bleeding from both her eyes and mouth, injuries over the face and nail. The victim was also bleeding from her private parts. She also has injuries in her belly, left leg… neck, in her right hand, ring finger and… lips. [...] “Her neck bone was also found broken. It seems that she was first strangulated and then smothered to death.”
According to Medical Dialogues,
“There were multiple hairs on the mattress and blood was soaked on the blue mattress [...]”
Later, it was found that Dr. Debnath’s glasses were shattered and her eyes were pierced with the shards of her glasses themselves.
Although one of the criminals (Sanjoy Roy) has been arrested, I am certain that there are others involved. In fact, it has been found that Sanjoy Roy, despite being an outsider, was granted access to PG Kar via personal relations with senior police officers.
The chief minister of West Bengal (despite being a woman herself) as well as members other political parties are trying, behind the scenes, to let this case fade away. Why? Oh right, it's really the privileged, upper class & upper caste sons and brothers of ministers who are behind this! No major crime can happen in a country without there being the hand of one or more influential persons, often politically involved.
Sisters and brothers, দিদিরা ও দাদারা, it would be a sin to remain silent in the face of such a crime. Our brave brothers & sisters pursuing medical practise have ceased working in their hospitals to protest against this grave crime against women, against humanity. We cannot let this injustice go unpunished! A crime against a single woman is a crime against all of us! We were born from a woman, raised by a woman—and now, when we see the honour, dignity and life of women at stake, won’t we join the andolan? Won’t we fight for what is right?
Requesting all Kolkata residents (who can) to join in at least any one of the protests mentioned below. There are provisions for elderly & disabled people. Men are invited to join us as well.
For those who want to join the Reclaim the Night protest at 11:55 p.m., please refer to this list of contact numbers (according to your region) provided by Miru Didi ( @arachneofthoughts )
Take hold of the night! We have always been told to stay wary of nighttime and the dangers, manifested in the form of cruel men, we may face. Not anymore—we must reclaim the night! How much fear is fear enough? If anyone wants to know further details and the phone numbers regarding this first event, please DM me.
Blowing the conch has always been a signal of strength. In traditional Bengali culture, it is almost always the women who blow the conch, be it in Durga Puja or the everyday pujas carried out at home. It was, and always will remain a sign of victory over evil. At 11:55 p.m., all those who cannot join the midnight assembly (the aforementioned event) can, instead, blow the conch from their own houses! Let them know you're not afraid. Let them know you've had enough. Let them know that once a revolution starts, especially one spearheaded by women, takes a long, long time to end.
[Please Note: These protests are not personally organised by me. I simply am in touch and will be attending the protest tonight.]
If you can, please do take the time to sign this petition below (courtesy of Miru Didi @arachneofthoughts) to aid our efforts:
If nothing, please do take the time to share and reblog this post wherever you can! DON'T LET RAPE GO UNPUNISHED!
