Barryhairry - Slappy Dem Cheeks Genst Me Lap - Tumblr Blog

the 60′s spidey animated television series was truly a gift

alright folks, who's your weird regular? we have "snake guy" who always has a snake crawling on his arm (i've posted pics of it on here before)

Scorn. Anger over powered by sadness yet I don’t shed a tear. I feel like a ghost, I don’t understand what it is to be alive, I feel like I’ve never been alive. Only concern with what is the proper response to the people around me.

Looking like I’m a person seems to be more important than experience.

I am angry, yet I don’t care. I’m worried that I am no longer a suitable candidate to be worth anything. Am I even in control of me? I regret when I am fully authentic and stare out my eyes feeling like I’m going to fall. Or realizing I’ve been falling this entire time.

I don’t care to be “human” anymore. I’m- I just exist. Like the wind. Like the fowl smell of the air. Like the awkward silence when I don’t know what to say. Like the impatience I see in everybody’s eyes. Like all the negative, but not negative, but actually positive in a big picture kind of way, things.

I exist. That’s enough for me.

Forty minutes till four hours left. I think of all the people I could consider “doing me dirty.” I think of the people on tv and boom who have such strong egos that would cuss, scream, and abandon those we have done such similar things to me. I don’t consider myself a door mat. I don’t think of myself a push over kind of person. I think of myself as kind, considerate, patient, and unique. That’s my ego, I’m happy to appreciate my uniqueness. I maybe not the most gentle to some in my life. But I have the tough love that encourages initiative and listening to their own judgment. I’ve had people in my life that have bruised my feelings with such things and I reluctantly thank them. I shan’t feel sorry for being that rough, but safe fall for others.

Go ahead, tell me I’m wrong! Go a-fucking-head. I’m stronger than any of you for staring back in the face of your ignorance. And you don’t even care to know that you are. I know that I am not wrong or bad, because disobeying your expectations and standards is life. Sorry for disappointing you, it’s my best talent.

Hello hopeless feeling, it’s a pleasure to see you again. How have you been? How’s your family and love ones, are they well? Good. Good.

Oh me!? *polite laughter* well, let’s not waste time asking questions we know the answers too.

Well, thank you so much for asking. I am currently working on a t shirt. It’s this soft material that feels amazing for launge wear, and it has this fun, see through pattern on top that is illuminated by the soft fabric underneath. I just triumphed over my battle with the collar. Ugh, I have wasted enough material just to forfeit and close the shoulders slightly to make the neck line more attractive.

When I did, it transformed to a more fitted shirt that accentuates my shoulders. Completely unintentional but I’m happy to have a project nearly done.

Oh dear furrowed brow, may we settle the score. Let bygones be bygones. Let’s understand one another. You see, I welcome you. I understand you. I understand you do not understand me. That is why you wrinkle and alter the expression of all my friends and close ones. I know better than to ask you why. That is the wrong question isn’t it? Id ought to ask, “how do you do?” Yes, from now own I shall shake your hand, lock arms, and we shall walk side by side in the garden. Admiring the flowers and the greenery, and you may explain what it is you wish to correct of me. And I shall curtsy and smile and say, “I thank you, friend. That is incorrect of me, I shall make haste to do right, immediately.” Or, “I do apologies, it would save time and trouble if I complete this task just before I begin to relax, now wouldn’t it?”

Oh furrowed brow, you do look out for me, now don’t you? I thank you and, again, I welcome your presence. Just like a fire alarm. The sound is oh so unpleasant and in the first second it does trigger anger. I can see the similarities, you warn me with such an unpleasant expression the same as a fire alarm warns me of a fire, like the breaks of a car, or a panic attack. Unpleasant necessities that are important for real tragedies to come. If I were to continue behaving too authentically I could very well dirty up the house or harm the atmosphere. Terrible crimes, I know.

Well, you learn something new everyday and I am putting the effort in to learn to accept you as my friend. Thank you for being in my life furrowed brow.

Wanna live in this world

Yea! I watch anime!

Go off. You stand up to me, I deserve it. Say the satisfying one liner, put me in my place, go off. Don’t even fascinate about my perspective, go off. I admire you. I am so in awe of you. Wow, you are so so strong. You are so strong, and right, and smart. And a big dummy like me can’t even come how big, smart, and good you are. Me? Well I’m just bad and dumb and stupid and lame, now, aren’t I? I’m just a lame dummy that doesn’t understand because all I want to do is have nothing to do.

God, you’re right about that. You’re so right about that. All I want to do is to have nothing to do. I dream and ache for boredom. I yearn for nothing. Then I have the opportunity to find something to do. I may allow my inspiration take me like the waves at the beach. Please god. I wish to bored days and to waste time. Please god. Give me the opportunity to be lazy. I wish for nothing more.

I don’t care to be smart. I don’t care to be a project to work on. I want freedom from expectation. I want freedom from critique. Is that heaven? No responsibility. I can only dream.

Everything is sooooo funny. Everything is so funny about me. My reaction is the peak of humor. The peak of comedy. My singular reaction. My response, my cause and effect, my damn reaction is what everyone and everything is after.

I must be so powerful then. I must be the comic relief to the real world. I must be a Devine entity that exists along with nature, time, space, the planet, gods, I must be something that no one can explain. I can’t.

I’m crazy. I’m insane and so abnormal because everytime I open my mouth I get the furrowed brows and wide eyed astonished bewilderments that sent people into fight or flight. I’m so extraordinary, aren’t I? Someone and something terribly interesting to a lot of people, good and bad.

I think I am so full of unique opinions but those not on the same wave length, make me see so stupid. I must prefer a laugh than a scoff at my wild ideas and responses.

I’m just crazy.

Weird ass Jim Henson movie on tubi beebop geebo goomby tube

He fucking died!

A defending silence. A silence so loud I need earplugs. I’m drowning in the tension. I’m in a cube with closing in walls. Small talk I’ve loathed in any other situation, please be my saving grace. This threatening awkwardness shall not be the end of me. That would be too merciful. I have to suffer through this car right, be thankful, then move on with my life. Even typing this out feels rebellious. Should I be sitting in silence, I feel the overwhelming urge to make myself invisible. Don’t make a noise. Turn invisible.

I understand why. I have those feelings too. It’s exciting and is beyond an escape. It’s a transition out of reality. Time is non existent, it’s out of body, it’s like amnesia. Get lost and forget about what you were just worrying about. And it’s great. And I don’t care. Some people, most people obsess over it. Make it their life’s mission, promise to one another it’s a sacred thing. Some people, it’s all they do and it inflates their ego like a hot air balloon, they soar over everyone else because they are so sure of themselves and their abilities. And I don’t care. You can do it til you feel superior to yourself and like you’ve accomplished something. I don’t care. You can eat that fruit, jump that waterfall, pull off that bandage, smash the mirror. I don’t care. You can feel guiltless. I don’t care. The world is our oyster and I can do whatever I want, I’m aware of the consequences. You don’t want any consequences from me. If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t want any from you. So I get it. Have it. Keep it. Take it. “All good things are wild and free.” God I want to be free. Free from guilt and expectation. Free from myself, my own worry, fuck I feel it killing me. A virus, no, my worry is my cigarette. Inhale, take that big ass drag, exhale those years of life away. We all have those vices, some more ingrained than voluntary.

I smoke negative thoughts and they fester inside me.

I don’t care about what you want. I don’t care what anyone wants, I don’t care what the fuck is expected of me because I know exactly what it is. It’s me! It’s me. It’s fucking me, my time, my money, my labor, my hands, my voice, my strength, my awareness, my reaction, my love, my damn fucking promise, my damn ass fucking bitch ass permission. My permission to use me. Feels good huh? Feels good to have me. Let me have me, bitch. I don’t care.

Instead pretend things are going as planned. Nothing to worry about if everything is going to plan.

People are different, my emotions are just thoughts, people are different, I’m on vacation, I don’t live here. People’s stress are theirs and theirs alone. I don’t need to raise my awareness and vigilance just because people argue and disagree. People do what they want and I do the same. So I choose not to be upset for anyone’s stressors. Trust and believe I have enough for myself and then some.

People are different, my emotions are just thoughts, people are different, I’m on vacation, I don’t live here. People’s stress are theirs and theirs alone. I don’t need to raise my awareness and vigilance just because people argue and disagree. People do what they want and I do the same. So I choose not to be upset for anyone’s stressors. Trust and believe I have enough for myself and then some.

*inhale*

*exhale*

*internal thoughts* : I’m not awkward, no ones awkward. If anyone perceives me as awkward, they’re wrong and judgmental. It’s ok to be honest and authentic, always.

Update: finished the audiobook and the movie is way more entertaining. It also gave a better ending bc the kids just finally escaped out a window I think, and regret not stealing and running away sooner. The movie has them fucking kill their greedy selfish mom. The book ends with them taking evidence of poisoning with them and it alludes to revenge getting to the villains eventually.

Status update: currently listening to flowers in the attic. Incest is the over all theme but the brother and sister fucked. The brother intentionally r-ed the sister but the sister wanted it too. They were 15 and 18 but have been kissing for like a year

The movie saved a lot of the gross shit

I had a dream that I went to a German restaurant and I sat at my own table even tho that I went with my family. Amberlyn reid sat in front of me and I guess we met before bc she was happy to see me. She annoyed me by trying to make me laugh but never succeeded. She wouldn’t stop and I was growing tired of trying to remain kind, then she began doing that childish thing where when the reaction she’s looking for wasn’t happening she began being physical. Smacking my arm, pushing me, throwing things at me. Then, as I was manspreading, I saw her smug face, thinking she was being innocent, and she cupped, grasped, and got a good feel of my balls.

I made a huge scene, with no anxiety because I felt in the right, raising my voice and letting the whole restaurant know that I was calling the police. No one was interested, even my family ate their food and went home. The 911 girl on the phone was gaslighting me and downplaying my experience too, like “ok was she being serious though? Like she wasn’t playing around.” Then the police got there and didn’t care and she sat there and finished her food.

Then on my way home I got pulled over for a not serious reason and they were like “can I search your car?” And I was like sure I got nothing to hide. The they found a syringe and hard drugs. I was like “that is literally not mine but whatever I got to pay the consequences no matter what.”then my dad bailed me out.

Status update: currently listening to flowers in the attic. Incest is the over all theme but the brother and sister fucked. The brother intentionally r-ed the sister but the sister wanted it too. They were 15 and 18 but have been kissing for like a year

The movie saved a lot of the gross shit

Status update: currently manifesting effortless revenge