Chris Looked In The Mirror. Gosh. He Needed To Front More.

Chris looked in the mirror. Gosh. He needed to front more.

Maybe what he needed was no fly. Maybe he needed a neoprene ring. Maybe it needed to be latex instead. You know what, now he was thinking about it, maybe it was Maybelline after all. If we could just get a final answer there, we could all move on.

With that jingle still lingering in his ear, Chris decided he would check in with their Euro pal, Gustavio to gain some clarity around the otherwise questionable brand of makeup. As Maybelline’s first male Cover Girl, that smoking charmer could easily do an inside job.

Chris paused to think.

That dreamboat Gustavio was a really good in, like a really good in. Now that he was really thinking, Gustavio got in Chris and Brad every time they saw him. Like every time. Was there anyone that man didn’t do twice?

Chris and his bf were always the first to tell anyone it really was that good with Gustavio. The first time was truly biblical, but the second… Well, let’s just say you stop waiting for Jesus after that second coming!

After a smiled chuckle followed by a low and long ‘hmmmmmm,’ Chris caught himself in the mirror once again. He was fronting BIG time.

“Sweet!" His boyfriend Brad would be all over this. The awesome part was that he was gay just like Chris so such gifts never went to waste.

Where was that man anyway? They needed to be gay together for this inside job w/Gustavio…

Chris paused to take another hard look in the mirror. You know, these affirmation sessions were really cranking out some good sh*t.

"Easy?” No. That wasn't correct. “Difficult?”Nope. That didn't feel right.

Brad kept guessing.

"Shoot! What was that word?” Brad could not get it past the tip of his tounge.

“It’s what happens to my boyfriends hee-haw when he wears silk underwear. It gets… blank.”

It was then his neighbor Becky chimed in with the option for Brad and Chis to adopt but not before clarifying the term “hee haw” referred to the Peter of his Mary.

It did.

With that resolved, the conversation then moved on to the newest color, electric gray. Becky couldn’t remember which of the two made it up. There was no way that was real.

Brad and Chris’ neighbor Luke made it big when he coined the term ‘mankini’ on National Bartender’s Day.

It was somewhat fitting given his dad invented the rear windshield wiper on St Patricks Day. Until his father’s stroke of luck, Luke drew lines on his socks with marker after every third wash.

Brad and Chris were more than Pumped to do a pool scene for their pal Lisa in West Hollywood. They shot it for her little dog too.

They also needed to replace the framed photo of them in full coverage speedos on the side table in the living room. It was nearly summer in L.A.!

What did his neighbor Luke mean? Chris tried his best at everything. How could that possibly go wrong?

Luke put down his phone and let out a sigh. He then informed Chris ‘trying’ was exactly the problem. “Chris you were born adorable. You don’t need to be anything. Just be.”

Chris was still confused. “How come Brad didn’t get a lecture?”

Luke then informed Chris his boyfriend Brad wasn’t any more subtle or less offensive, just out of frame.

Chris didn’t understand the phrase ‘getting in your own way.’

What the hell was that supposed to mean? How can one get in the way of where they haven’t been yet? It just didn’t make sense.

Two minutes later after a 54 year old man flashed him a $100 for a lap dance, Chris suddenly wondered if the phrase was meant to say he was fat.

Oh god. Was he?

Chris quickly counted his abs. All 12 were there. Whew! That was a close call.

Chris thought to himself out loud while shaking his bon bons in the face of the flasher. “You know what’s in the way? That stupid phrase. That’s what.”

With that, the 54 year old mentioned to Chris he hadn’t said anything yet.

Chris retorted, “200. Follow me.”

And off the 54 year old went ten minutes later.