A Report! From Inside The Walls Of Mallmart

A Report! From Inside The Walls of Mallmart

“Aunt Belle told me that the old broom closet in the back is haunted by a creature with long dark claws and a big, big smile!”  Jenna’s face was enthusiastic, as she often got when telling these stories. I looked between the two of them. Even at six years old, I found myself feeling rather skeptical. Monsters don’t exist. “It has sharp teeth, bigger than ours, and it melts into the shadows like its body is missing. It likes to steal away the souls of kids who don’t say prayers with the rest of the adults in church.” Axton adds on. Now I knew they were just messing with me. “Does not!”

“Does too!” 

“Why don’t we find out? It’s right outside in the hall. We can go in together, and if the monster doesn’t show itself, we’ll know it was a lie.” Axton and I stop bickering to see Jenna was already several paces down the pews, making her way out of the room. ‘Don’t do it,’ I thought, as I watched my younger self follow after her, eager. Fiddling with warm, plump fingers that still had life in them, gnawing on my bottom lip because I still had a naivety, a childish tendency towards believing in these wild tales, if they were told with enough conviction. 

I wake up to a crack of thunder. Today, is the story of a Mallmart Associate.

"And now, Jordan B. Peterson's he who wrestles with god tour!" The radio chimes, as my father drives down the road in tunnel vision. I sit there, teeth clamped tightly shut as his religious playlist continues on in the background. "Your cat is going to die, Ciara. You're just sitting there emotionless like a psychopath. Did I raise a psychopath? Okay, nice talk." He ended his monologue sarcastically, but there was no pause. No time for him to take a breath in between and no chance for me to get a word in edgewise. The storm in Okaloosa County continued, and it left destruction in its wake. "Bah, forget this!" He clicks the next video. "Indigo children are more important than ever now that-" 

"Well, I'm going to leave now."  I considered tucking and rolling as soon as I saw the Mallmart sign. My father, who has never been touchy and feely, suddenly clamps his hand down on my shoulder, wiping his hand off on my back. "Get out then," He says, meanwhile some juvenile part of my brain screams, 'Get his germs off of me!' I clawed at the spot he touched as I made my way to those sliding doors, grimacing. This day seems much longer than usual. Shouldn't I have been working by now? My skin still itches even after itching at it in a rather dramatic fashion, and the lights overhead flicker ominously throughout the store. 

The store, despite its stormy ambiance, was bustling with life inside. Everyone seemed in high spirits today. I wondered if today was going to be nice or even normal, as I made my way towards the backrooms. Immediately, I was greeted with a palette of team lift stock. "Ms.Shoggoth, since we are understaffed today we took the liberty of setting aside all the team lift products for you to put out in advance. Your deadline is by lunch at 11 o'clock," A crack of thunder punctured this, and I stared into the cold dead eyes of management. 

Well, fuck.

Workplace Injuries with Madame Macabre

When joining our happy family, you may wonder what body parts you may be sacrificing in order to work at Mallmart. In our stocking team, you will be expected to dodge moving shelves, work at a quick pace, think on the fly, work dangerous machinery, inhaling chemical fumes, and potentially lift heavy stockloads. This can lead to back injuries, ulcers, vomiting, arthritis, carpal tunnel, muscle spasms, superficial surface injuries such as cuts and bruises, blackened veins, chipped teeth, concussions, darkened veins, loss of consciousness, stress incontinence, or internal bleeding.

In case you were wondering, reader- I am checking off a lot of these listed like a bucket list already. Every time I lift, I think about what will happen when I finally get my degree and leave this place. Everytime, it leaves my future feeling a little more bleak. "I brought my guitar in today even though it's raining-" I overheard Aiden say, and I found myself wondering why he would bring a guitar to a retail store when not only is there no time to play it since we are so busy… also, where did he store it? There was no way a whole guitar was fitting in the small locker spaces that were outside the breakroom? Did he just lay out the guitar in the break room? That was playing a dangerous game, but even as I thought about it, the day was moving as slow as possible. But it didn't matter because soon, it was lunch.

"Taylor, you seem in a good mood today~" 

"I know! I have some good news… I have a boyfriend now," I stare at her smiling face. She was absolutely glowing.

".....wut?"

"He's from Norway, he works in aqua medicine, and at the end of this summer, I'm going to be moving in with him!"

"In Norway…?"

"Yeah!"

"Taylor, that's…" I swallowed tightly, "That's so wonderful, when are you set to go?" I asked, smiling sweetly- or at least I hope that's how it was taken. "I am leaving on August 2nd, and honestly I can't wait to get out of this hell hole. The farther I can get away from Niceville, the better,"

"You're going on a whole adventure to be with your soulmate? Lucky! This sounds just like 'Love in the Villa' or something," I swooned. Taylor deserved a knight in shining armor to sweep her off her feet after what she had to endure at this store, and I was happy for her. Very happy. 

"Hey you two, shush I'm going to play you something-" 

"Aiden Gossman, did you put your guitar in a supply cabinet?" Aiden froze, mid taking his guitar out of the cabinet that stored our emergency cleaning equipment and first aid kits. "Maybe…? Anyways, you'll understand why in a second, Ciara!" And then, he played the guitar. It was Wonderwall, by Oasis, and though the storm was tearing holes through the very heavens, for a second it was calm in Mallmart. Although we had our differences, although the anomalies of Mallmart seemed insurmountable at times, we would somehow be okay.

"Play another one!" Someone cheers as we clap. At this, Aiden goes red in the face. "Uh, I only know how to play Wonderwall, guys…" The rumble of the dark skies above us brought us back to reality in an instant. "So," I stretch in my seat, gazing over Aiden and Taylor. "When the storm comes to kill us all-"

"What is up with you and the idea of us being killed by this storm dude!" Aiden cut me off, as Taylor giggled in the background. "Well, honestly I am kind of hoping that the storm will get me before I get a hernia at this job…" 

"That would be so cool-"

"Aiden, do you think before you speak?"

"No no, hear me out Ciara! What you do is you do your stretches before shift so that when you get a hernia- because it will happen- you'll get paid leave and Mallmart will have to cover your medical bills, and when you come back… you do it again. It's brilliant!"

"... You're a monster…" At this point, Taylor was dying of laughter. "Well no storm is getting me! I've been around the block, I survived Katrina." I stared at him, gobsmacked. "Taking a walk in your suburban neighborhood doesn't count as being around the block, Gossman!" Now both of them were laughing… great. "All I'm saying is, we got a whole lot of storms coming. I'm not going to get taken out by one in literally May." 

"But if the storm does get bad enough that we're locked in the store-"

We went around in circles like this for the rest of lunch break. It wasn't until the end of my shift, that I saw I had a missed call from Jenna from 2 o'clock that afternoon. Jenna knew that I worked during that time, so it must be important. Luckily, when I called back, Jenna immediately answered. "Ciara, I don't know if I can keep this baby," It was clear in her voice that she had been crying. Her voice was raw and strained, like an animal had dug its claws into her. "And- and…. It's already been so long, and can I even get an abortion at this stage? I don't even know if I can handle that, doing it alone," I swallowed down the anger I felt, that our family was turning their back on her when she needed support more than ever. "Just say the word and I'll find a way to go up north. You are not going to be alone for this, I swear it."

"No! No you already sent so much money, I can't ask that of you. I can't make you." But she wasn't- making me, I mean. I knew what I was offering when I had asked. If you were in my position, would you not do the same? Is carrying the whole world on your back not enough, Jenna? These words are left unsaid, but they're somehow still exchanged through the silence all the same. "I don't know… I want to sleep on it, I think."

"Of course, take all the time you need." Through the emotional fatigue, she asks something that takes me off guard. "Do you remember the night you passed out in the church's broom closet, Ciara?"

A bit cautiously, I responded, "Yeah. Yeah, I remember Jenna."

"Do you ever feel like… Like that day cursed us, or something? Like it left our very souls stained?" 

"Where is this coming from? Why are you asking me stuff like this?" At the hackles raising in my voice, Jenna just lets out a dejected sigh, as if all the oxygen is being sucked from her lips. "I'm sorry I brought it up. Forget it…"  

A Report! From Inside The Walls of Mallmart

There were so many strange things my parents told me as I was a child. Right down to how I was born, and now that I'm an adult, it's difficult to sift through what is real and what isn't. They said my mother had tried to have a child before me, and she had almost died during the pregnancy. That the fetus was not living, that it was shriveled and covered in tumors and that they had prayed and God had gifted them when they had thought they were unable to have children. This was possibly the more believable of the strange things that they claimed after this. Tales of my father and uncle and grandparents before my time being in contact with higher powers, tales of indigo children and aliens and the end of times coming. And by the time I finally got out, I didn't know which way was up and which way was down. I did the only thing I could think to do. I moved to Niceville, because I was scared.

Because this is the story of Aiden Gossman.

I knew Aiden Gossman was in trouble the moment he showed up, late, to work. I scowled at his cargo shorts and brand logo printed shirt, his open toed shoes- these were not up to dress code. How many times do you have to beg someone to follow the rules? Do my words mean nothing to him? Was what I was thinking bitterly as I watched him trudge along as if he wasn't a full half hour late to work. How was he not panicking? It was infuriating. Yet there he was, and here I was, scanning sporting goods in the thick of the backrooms. Well, if he wasn't going to care, I wasn't going to care either. No more ranting from me, that's for sure. I let out a sharp breath through my nose as if to let go of the pressure building in my head. 

Of course, I was taken out of my thoughts by the crackling of the overhead speakers asking for maintenance in the fitting rooms; there was shattered glass and papers with cryptic encoded messages left in there again. Which in my opinion is pretty rude, you should save that sort of thing for when you're at home, not out in a public space like Mallmart. Today ended up starting like usual, I made my rounds in Sporting goods and housewares. I put out several team lifts. It wasn't until about lunch time that I had noticed that Aiden had not been out on the sales floor all day. "Hello there Kara! Do you happen to know where Aiden has been for the last two hours? I'm hoping he was just assigned to a new department-"

"Haven't you heard? He's been with management since he got here. Everyone's been talking about it and we're all sure he's being canned." 

The first thing I felt was anger. How many times had I warned him and warned him? Exactly what I said, ended up happening and I couldn't protect him from the outcome. So I marched down through the back rooms to find him myself. Sure enough,  Aiden Gossman sits on the floor outside of management's office. His dark shade sunglasses hid his expression. "I told you! I told you this would happen, and you never believed me! Do you not remember our training? They had it written right in the pamphlet they gave us before we started here! I can't protect you from this. I can't go in there and talk them out of it…" I slump down to his seat on the floor

"I may be a bad employee, but I thought I was your friend, Ciara." I can feel his gaze through his shades and 

Oh.

The anger fizzled out as I realized that he was one of the closest things I had to a friend since I moved to Niceville. The choices he made sometimes frustrated me to no end, but I didn't want to see him leave. How could I take it back though? I desperately wanted to backtrack from my tirade, because Aiden inspired a level of humor in the workplace, a level of happiness with his way of talking in the breakroom, of trying to get his shifts cut down early, of bringing his guitar into work and serenading us with a song. "It's fine, Ciara. Seems like hell seems to follow you wherever you go anyways." My mouth wouldn't comply with me, for once I seemed at a loss for words.

Oh I know! I rustled through my lunch bag to give him my soda; It was the closest thing to a meaningful apology I could think of. It was so rare to have sweetness and caffeine in this place of work. Not for the employees, no. "Hey Aiden-" But it was too late to take back what I said. Aiden Gossman was gone.

Dream Study

Before I get into everything, before I explain where things really start to devolve- I feel like I need to give a bit of context. Besides the initial shock, there is a reason I fear those glimpses that I catch in the corner of my vision, looking like my doppelganger. I used to have this recurring nightmare where I wake up in bed, and the house is so quiet and empty. I'm unsure of why I woke up, but still I pull the blankets away to find an outstretched arm from under the covers. Immediately I grab it, and I pull it with me. Now I'm not sure how it happens in the dream. As I recall how things happened, I know my dream logic makes no sense. I'm calling for my parents but my voice is dead in my throat. I keep trying to reach the door to my bedroom, but it's so far. Eventually, I realize that in my haste I never realized the arm was still connected to someone, and when I turn around I'm face to face with myself. I'm gaunt and pale, I'm naked, eyes glazed over they might as well be dark marbles in the sockets. Of course I let go in shock because what the hell, right? At least put some pants on before scaring the hell out of me. But she outstretches her slender boney hands, and she latches onto me. And then she strangles me until I'm dead. Every time, nearly every night for months, it was more of the same. Sometimes I would wake up shouting in my sleep. Sometimes I felt like I'd been in a struggle when I woke up. I didn't understand why it was happening. 

Not going too far into the events of my life that led me there, there was a night that things changed. I wouldn't call the dream lucid, but it was damn near close. I mean, it started the same as all the others. I wake up in the bed of my childhood home, but nobody is there except for the lingering horrors I'm not yet privy to, and it all starts with that outstretched arm. Always does. I turn around with that sickening realization that the arm is in fact connected to a body. In only a way dream logic can work. Now though, I bite down on the arm, and I am feral and cornered. 

And I just keep

Biting. I keep punching. I keep attacking violently and soon the doppelganger, as the only way I know to call it, is on the ground with their intestines pulled out. Their ribs broken away, and I'm eating it. I consume and I consume until I can say there's only one of me. That I feel safe. I think about that dream a lot lately. I feel haunted by it, but most of all

I don't even know which one of us it was that prevailed in the end. God help us all if I'm not me.

So true bestie 💛

The amount of times I have felt the urge to just randomly stop what I'm doing and go digging through the earth to find bugs to eat is impossible to count! And that's without going into my instinctive reaction towards feeling threatened

Also, to my few followers; This has been my lackluster way of coming out as otherkin~

I think nonhumans hold back too much.

Let’s talk about those weird “ugly” urges.

Wanna piss on something to claim it? Tear into raw meat or roadkill without remorse? Hump to show dominance? Regurgitate food and lick inside the mouths of those you love?

Why is it that those who identify as/are animals are so ashamed to show it?

Be who/what you are with pride.

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