I Got An AU For Yall Today.

I Got an AU for y’all today.

Behold the 💙 White Lily 💙 Au

The fact that I have yet to see anyone make an au where Lady Bone Demon and her host have a wholesome relationship is a crime against nature, a crime against humanity, AND A CRIME AGAINST ME, SO YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT I’M GONNA DO IT MYSELF.

Thus the birth of ✨ The White Lily Au ✨

See I already had this very, very bad write-out attempt of it on wattpad but we’re gonna ignore it because it’s an hour and thirty seven minutes of GARBAGE

Anyhow, in this AU, Macaque does his friggin job for once and frees LBD like he was supposed to, albeit a little tiny bit late. I thought it was weird that the mayor waited 500 years before freeing her if he had the key, so for this au, we got the mayor HUNTING DOWN MACAQUE’S GOOFY SELF and dragging him to that tomb.

“you’re gonna open this tomb and you’re gonna like it, you ding dong dingaling”

So Macaque becomes a whole tomb raider to get the mayor out of his business, watch out LaUrA CRofT

And boom, 400 years early, our girl is back.

Because Macaque was WAY BETTER as a villain we’re gonna keep him that way. In this au, LBD plans to use Macaque to replace Monkey King in her new world, sounded like a good deal to him

But how can LBD complete her very nefarious plans without a proper host? Because she was freed 400 years early, her body hasn’t decayed yet, so she still has her original form, but it’s still pretty weak from imprisonment.

So an idea pops into her head. She should get a host! And since she’s got the extra time on her hands, she can afford to be picky!

She wants a host who’s strong enough to handle her full power, but she also wants a female child, as a disguise and to make people feel bad for trying to attack her. A willing host was preferred but definitely not a necessity. Kind of difficult to have all of those at the same time, so what does she do? She adopts a child, planning to train them to handle her full power so that she can have the perfect host to carry out her plans. She sees only one viable candidate for the position.

but so sorry for her, that candidate is an OBNOXIOUS 💙 GLUTTONOUS 💙 ANNOYING 💙 SPOILED 💙 PRETENTIOUS 💙 WHINY 💙 BRAT 💙 who just RADIATES youngest child energy, and is excellent at WHINING ❤️ COMPLAINING ❤️ THROWING TANTRUMS ❤️OVER THE SMALLEST LITTLE THINGS AND RUINING ❤️ MACAQUE’S LIFE.

LBD has her work cut out for her, because Bai He is a standard spoiled preschooler and the Lady Bone Demon hasn’t even SEEN a child in eons, much less understand them.

Anyhow this AU is adorable, with Macaque as the angsty oldest son, Mayor is the weird middle child and Bai He is the annoying youngest who always gets away with everything while LBD tiredly raises them all.

Au Where Everything is Exactly the Same but The Lady Bone Demon destroys everyone with facts and logic

It’s not even really an au. It’s just me being angry that the show hyped up Lady Bone Demon from the first season just to have her get murked by Sun Wukong.

“Even now, I sense you do not have what it takes to defeat me”. Girl what

So boom, collection of short stories in which I will rewrite scenes with her, and finally the fight between her and Sun Wukong, which will absolutely NOT be written in chronological order!

The first part is here, I will add more as I go.

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Name Calling

Alan Keane from TAWOG is definitely a Lady Bone Demon kinnie and no one can convince me otherwise This might become the first part to an au

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An Unnecessary Evil

Why are girls allowed to say girlfriend to refer to a platonic friend but boys can't say "this is my boytoy Twink male wife Jason? another

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The End

No these beginnings will never have anything to do with the story. Except for this one i guess Did you know that The Lady Bone Demon never

Name Calling

Alan Keane from TAWOG is definitely a Lady Bone Demon kinnie and no one can convince me otherwise

This might become the first part to an au where “Everything is exactly the same but The Lady Bone Demon destroys everybody with facts and logic”

“You freak! You evil freak!”

The former queen shrieked, trying desperately to claw her way away from her imminent doom. She could scream as many names as she wanted, but there was no escaping her fate.

“You heartless witch!”

The Lady Bone Demon then stopped, turning the innocent dark eyes of her host to meet the Spider Queen’s frazzled form.

“Heartless?” She repeated. She hummed to herself, contemplating the accusation. “Perhaps.” She finally said. “No more so than you, I’d say, but perhaps.”

Th Spider Queen’s earlier gumption slowly faded away as the bone demoness drew closer. “Get away!” She yelled, but her face betrayed the authoritative tone, displaying nothing but utter horror, and the gravity of the situation had only just begun to settle in her gut.

The demoness crouched down, resting her hands on the queen’s shoulders. The coldness of her hands seemed to seep in through her broken armor like ice water. The queen shivered, but even through all her pride and ego, she knew that there was nothing she could do.

The Lady sighed, smile dropping. “This is the problem with the people of this world,” She mused, dragging her nail across the queen’s armored shoulder. “They prefer to rely on their hearts rather than their heads, tossing around abstract, unreasonable concepts like “heartlessness” as if it were confetti.”

The last word differed from the rest of her tone, a hostile sneer as she rose to her feet, golden leaf in hand.

She approached the cauldron, holding the petal in her hands as she gently blew on it, the wind guiding it into the eldritch stew. She folded her hands behind her back, turning to look at the queen.

“I know you are intelligent underneath all that armor, My queen. Perhaps if you had listened to your head instead of being greedy, selfish and ungrateful,” She turned back to glance at the fallen ruler, disdain clouding her eyes as they gleamed a wicked blue. “We would not be here, calling each other names.”

With that, The Spider Queen’s time was up.

Macaque: *Checking supplies for the boat* Compass, check. CB radio, check, sunscreen check-

Azure Lion: Do you have the hot dog costumes?

Macaque: I’m sorry, do I have the what?

Azure Lion: Well, what if we get stranded at sea? One of us might go mad with hunger, and if it’s Lady Bone Demon, we’ll put these on and she won’t eat us because she hates hot dogs!

Macaque: Are you saying that Lady Bone Demon would rather eat us than hot dogs?

Lady Bone Demon: I do hate hot dogs.

Six-Eared Macaque Disstrack

He was honestly one of my favorite villains, but he’s absolutely my least favorite anti-hero 🥰 so enjoy this diss track! :D

Bro 

You literally a demon 

You know you always be scheming 

You can actually fly 

And boy, do you know how to lie 

Like bruh, when everything gets dark

You know this guy got control 

He got a whole ass shadow monster 

Along with disposable clones

Bro, even if you couldn’t fly 

You can still turn into a hawk, I seen you

My guy 

You op as frick 

SO WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS THROWING? 

Pls explain with all of these powers you slid off into a FREAKING pitch-dark hole 

When literally everyone else on board 

Could catch a ledge and keep their hold 

DUDE 

HALF OF THESE BITCHES WERE BEAT UP 

HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY SCREW UP 

THEY AIN’T EVEN HAVE THE STAFF 

THEY WERE BEAT UP AND DOWN ON THEIR ASS  

YOU SHOULDA BEEN ABLE TO DO THEM DIRTY AND FAST 

THE BONE LADY PRACTICALLY HAD THEM GIFT WRAPPED 

SO DUDE 

HOW DID NE ZHA 

DO YOUR JOB BETTER THAN YOU 

LIKE BRO 

WHY DOES THE FANDOM RICHARD RIDE YOU LIKE YOU JESUS ABOUT TO DELIVER A MIRACLE 

NAH, YOU MORE LIKE JUDAS 

WHY EVERYONE PUT THEIR FAITH IN THIS BITCH 

YUH

THAT’S WHY ONLY FOUR PEOPLE CAME TO YOUR WACK ASS PLAY 

‘CAUSE YOU’RE BASICALLY JUST A TRASHCAN, WITH LEGS 

AND NONE OF THEM ACTUALLY WANTED TO BE THERE ANYWAY

YEAH BRO  

UR WACK 

MY GUY IS COMPLETELY INCAPABLE 

OF COMPLETING THE SIMPLEST TASKS 

ALWAYS BE DOING THE OPPOSITE 

LIKE FOR ONCE JUST DO WHAT YOU’RE ASKED 

IF YOU DID THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE, THE BONE LADY WOULDN’T EVEN BE MAD 

BRO LITERALLY THE ENTIRE SHOW 

HAPPENED CUZ YOU AND SUN WUKONG ARE ✨ ASS ✨

Y’ALL NEEDA HOP OFF HIS DICK 

BRO AIN’T A SNACK 

HE A WHOLE ASS BRUSSELS SPROUT 

Y’ALL STOP FEELING BAD 

HONESTLY LBD SHOULDA DONE THIS NIGGA WORSE 

LIKE MAN 

LOST THE FRICKEN RING 

TO FRICKEN TANG 

HOW? HOW DID YOU SCREW THAT UP? 

BRO YOU HAD LITERALLY ONE JOB 

LBD, FIRE HIM 

LIKE WHY DO YOU KEEP HIM AROUND? 

WHAT IS HE FOR 

ALL HE DOES IS BETRAY Y’ALL 

AND WHEN HE AIN’T 

HE’S LITERALLY USELESS 

IT AIN’T NO SURPRISE 

THAT EVERYONE TREATS HIM LIKE SHIT 

Y’ALL NEED TO STOP STANIN 

YOU KNOW THIS SHADOW-LOOKING PRINCESS LUNA KNOCK OFF DESERVE WHAT HE GET 🙄✋🏽

I wrote a short story from the perspective of a doll.

Toy story is a horror movie now

I need help. 

I don’t know where I am, or how I got here, but I can’t stay. One minute, I’m safe. I’m asleep, I’m in my box and the next I’m being dragged around like that loser Raggedy Ann from next door, up and down the walls by this… thing. 

It looks like me, but not like me. It’s huge, first of all, it wears it’s hair in two dopey pigtails.  It acts like it’s a human, but only a rabid beast would treat me the way it does. 

The pretty figure doll it stole from its friend is still under the bed. She talks to me sometimes.

“Your girl is a nightmare,” she says. “How do you handle it?” 

I wish I knew how to answer her question. The twin-tailed beast cut my hair, and often draws on my face. The other day she popped off my hands. 

The figure doll remains forgotten by the beast. She keeps me company at night. 

“My girl’s name was Bai He,” she explained. “I was custom made for her by her mother.” 

I would ask if her beast treated her kindly. She chuckled, and gently asked me not to call her “girl” a beast. I suppose that nickname will be reserved for my beast. 

The beast’s friend came back. It always wears a pink fishing hat. It seemed angry at the beast. I can’t understand their mindless babble, but it tore the room apart until it found the figure doll. 

They wrestled over her, pulling her back and forth like she was a rope until she snapped, right in two. 

The beast’s friend never came back. 

The beast and I were both lonely after that.

Bai He came to mind first for some reason, didn’t have time to switch, I wrote this in ten minutes, so uh… do whatever you want with that