Azure Lion: Its Impossible To Make A Sentence Without The Letter A.

Azure Lion: It’s impossible to make a sentence without the letter “a”.

Lady Bone Demon: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form sentences without the use of the first letter of the English lexicon. Here is one more to further disprove your theory.

Macaque: F**k you.

Azure Lion: Honestly, why are the people of today are so obsessed with this “top” or “bottom” thing? Why can’t they just be appreciative of the fact that they have a bunk bed?

Macaque:

Lady Bone Demon:

Macaque: I’m gonna tell him.

Lady Bone Demon: Don’t you dare.

Macaque: So, what’s your cat’s name?

Lady Bone Demon: Ebony.

Macaque, yelling to Azure Lion: TRY EBONY!

Azure Lion, on the computer: DIDN’T WORK!

Lady Bone Demon:

Macaque: What’s your favorite number?

An Unnecessary Evil

Why are girls allowed to say girlfriend to refer to a platonic friend but boys can't say "this is my boytoy Twink male wife Jason?

another part of the Au “where everything is exactly the same but Lady Bone Demon destroys everyone with facts and logic”

“You’ve been busy.”

Appearing strong when weak was, what Macaque considered a key component when in a bad spot. His “brothers” always considered him the most cowardly among them. Usually, he would roll his eyes and snark that he was rather the most intelligent- able to keep a cool head. He’d need it.

“Tell me,” The Lady’s voice was boundlessly more undone- calm, yet accompanied by a second presence that echoed her words aloud. “What madness overcame you that you would forsake your oath?” She asked, the pitch of her tone dropped.

“When did you decide to betray me?”

The answer to that question was certainly nothing that the bone witch wanted to hear- that he had not a moment of hesitation in tossing her key to the side, not ever any intention of freeing her in the first place. What was he supposed to say? That it didn’t count because he crossed his fingers?

“Listen, Lady Bone Demo-” He started, with a casual tone and a smile laced with nonexistent nonchalance, but The Lady was in no mood to hear whatever seat-of-his-pants lie he was planning to give her.

Sharply, her eyes flickered open, a blue gleam enforcing her stony glare as the winds pushed him back. He had to cover his face, anchoring his foot down to the ground so that he wouldn’t be pushed back by the sheer force.

“Have you forgotten who I am?” Her voice was louder now, and clearer, no longer accompanied by the eerie whispering. “What I am?”

He clenched his teeth at the sound of her voice splitting into many at the last sentence, each one ringing in his six ears.

“Were my instructions, perhaps, unclear to you, Liu’er?” At the mention of his traditional name, he felt similar to a child who’s parent who just called them downstairs with their full name. A fight-or-flight instinct within him begged him to inch away into the shadows, but he knew all too well how that would end.

“Did I cause you pain during your resurrection? Or perhaps, you felt yourself above a task so unbelievably simple as freeing me from my prison tomb,” She said, staring down at him, before vanishing in a blur of blue, before reappearing in front of him, mere inches away from his face just as quickly. “In exchange for something so unbelievably meager as your soul!?”

Again, her voice seemed to contort, and this time, he really did step back, trying to get as far away from her as he could. He stumbled backwards, bumping into the chest of the lady’s puppet, who sent him a wide, unnerving smile that reminded Macaque of a young child amused at a sibling or classmate getting in trouble.

He placed his hand on Macaque’s back, shoving him forward with surprising strength. The wind was knocked out of him for a moment, but he mustered a confident smirk, looking up at the bone demon, who stood before him, arms folded behind her back.

“So…” He said, a conscious effort going into keeping his voice steady, “You want something.”

“From you? No.” The lady said tersely, eyes cooling back into her host’s deep brown ones as she turned away. “There is nothing I have to gain from the presence of someone who is unable to insert a key into a keyhole.”

With her back turned, a white circle opened up beneath Macaque, chains in her signature blue color shooting out of it to entangle his limbs, dragging him inside. “Wait!” He huffed, yanking on the bindings, trying to stay afloat. “So you’re just going to kill me because I didn’t open your stupid cage!? You dragged me all the way out here so that you could get even!?”

The puppet lunged forward, grabbing Macaque by the hair and holding him down, smile wide with giddy anticipation of Macaque’s imposing death (the strange fellow didn’t seem to like him very much). The Lady turned her head, eyes narrow.

“Even?” She echoed, before her lips quirked upwards into a smile, and her brows creased before she let out a shrill laugh.

“If I wanted vengeance, my champion, then I wouldn’t grant you a painless death such as this.” She flickered out of view again, appearing in front of him as she crouched down to meet his eyes, a cold smile decorating the soft features of the child she was possessing- an eerie contrast.

“I would shrink you,” She said, holding her fingers close together to intimate being tiny.

“And find a nice jar to leave you trapped in for a few centuries. I’ll even find a nice blanket in the color of your choice to make sure you never get to look at the face of another sentient being. With that being the alternative, ask yourself,” She leaned down. “Wouldn’t you rather die?”

His lips parted in mild horror- but only for a moment as she leaned away from him. He struggled against the puppet, thrashing about, as if that would save him. “Wait, what do you want!?” He yelled. “I can find Wukong, and his brat too!”

She stood, turning away. “Goodbye, Six-Eared Macaque.” She said coolly. “Your magic will be going towards an excellent cause. You will be much happier in your next life.”

Macaque released a grunt of distress at her retreating form. Was that supposed to reassure him or something?

“Wait!” He yelled, disliking the frantic tone. Was he really about to die? “Damn it, Baigujing, listen for once!” After that, it was silent for a moment. The pull of the chains seemed to ease on his limbs, and the thrall was no longer shoving his head into the pit of doom.

“…You may speak.” She said tiredly, probably of him and his refusal to die with dignity, and baffled with the audacity he had to use her traditional name like they were old chums. “Do be quick about it. I do not have all day to listen to your pointless excuses.”

“Why do you think I didn’t free you? Probably because you never make room for reason in all your crazy ramblings about destiny,” He sneered.

Maybe insults weren’t his best option, but in Lady Bone Demon’s actions, there was always method to her madness. Maybe he could find some way to compromise if he could just get through to her, he could at least get out of this Scott-free.

“Is that so?” She hummed, turning her head to look away. “I suppose you would feel that way. I understand why many try and fight destiny- it is oftentimes cruel. What I do not understand why they fight the only solution to that problem.”

“The only solution is destroying the world?” He snapped. His voice came out a lot less “understanding” than he intended. We’re his acting skills slipping? She chuckled.

“And I suppose you’d prefer I leave it to it’s devices?” She mused. “That I allow war, famine, and crime to endlessly continue when I have the power to stop it all?”

“So you’re a Good Samaritan now? Let me guess, taking over this city was a necessary evil?” He mocked her aristocratic manner of speaking, able to rise to his feet again, as the chains had gone limp.

“Quite correct,” The Lady said, a hint of amusement in her tone. “And you, Six-Eared Macaque? Was destroying this city to get to Sun Wukong a necessary evil?”

He stopped, eyes knitting together at the question. “How do you…”

“My servant made it a point to update me on current events worldwide upon being freed from my tomb.” She answered quickly. He couldn’t see her, but he knew she was smiling.

“Don’t tell me the cat has your tongue now, Liu’er. What happened to all your newfound self-righteousness from before?”

He grit his teeth. “So, I’m not the crème de la crème of purity and goodness.” He said, fists clenched tight enough to draw blood. “You certainly aren’t any better than me. You’re the one who brought me back to life.”

She lightly laughed, and Macaque grew angrier by the second. She was still going to kill him after this, wasn’t she? He needed to get the upper hand, but…

“You’re quite quick to blame others, I notice. I presume that is also my fault that my little host was orphaned in that attack of yours?”

Macaque’s eyes widened. What? “What…?” He repeated his thoughts aloud, no louder than a whisper, but it didn’t go unheard by The Lady.

“I wasn’t trying to…” He trailed off. “But you did.” The Lady finished for him, titling her head upwards as she sighed. “I’ve seen selfishness and hatred far more intense than yours, Six-Eared Macaque.” The wicked amusement she had garnered earlier had faded. She turned to look at him, finally.

Her eyes seemed far too tired, and filled with far too much anger to be on the face of a little girl.

Her tone was cool as she looked above him, at the night sky. “But it will all be over soon.”

For a moment, all was quiet.

“Why’d you pick me?” He asked, after a moment. The Lady, seemingly brought back down to earth, hummed in question. “Anyone could have opened your tomb. But you went out of her way to pluck my soul out of the Diyu, specifically. Why?”

The Lady’s expression morphed into one of annoyance. “You’re only wondering this now?” She asked crossly. His expression didn’t change.

“I had decided not to tell you what I had planned to happen to you in your next life, but I suppose, if it will give you closure,” She hummed. “I can answer your last question.”

She’s really set on killing me… He thought wearily.

“There is one person who exists in this world who, with certainty, will not exist in the new one. Do you know to whom I am referring?”

“Wukong. Right,” Macaque answered. “Yes,” The Bone Lady sighed, closing her eyes. “But in the absence of the Great Sage, there will be a void that will need to be filled.” She spat the words “Great Sage” out as if a worm she’d found in an apple. (He understood finding the title obnoxious. Great Sage, Equal to Heaven? Give me a break.)

A void? Macaque thought for a moment. As in, an empty space that would need to be filled- someone to replace Wukong as the monkey king. MK? But…

Macaque’s head shot up. “You mean-!?” The Lady cut him off with a smile. “Interested now, are we?”

The next thing he knew, the chains were gone.

Royal Christening (A Hero is Born, #1)

I found this Risen Shadow/Fallen Sun au by @lavender-descendentheart wherein Lady Bone Demon finds Sun Wukong under the mountain and frees him, so Tripitaka is forced to settle for Macaque when about to go on the journey, that just REACHED my heart, so I had to write out like… like a first chapter for it.

Whatever this is. MK will be referred to as Xiaotian because what else do you want from me? You want me to call him SK for “Shadow Kid”? I’m not calling him SK. I’m not a vsco girl. And Xiaojiao Long for Mei because I just like that better than “Mei Dragon” to be completely honest. This note is because authors be writing these fanfics, using the Chinese names and then expecting people to just… KNOW who everyone is.

Qi Xiaotian was just a delivery boy. Nothing more, nothing less.

He was an orphan, with no memory of his life before meeting the noodle shop’s owner, who’d taken him in- of course, not without grumbling about how he’d have to pull his weight around the shop in exchange.

Xiaotian didn’t have any complaints. It was sometimes a hassle, but it was fun sometimes and it was certainly heaps better than being on the streets without a thing to his name. He was happy to do anything asked of him.

But a delivery to an unfinished construction site- that was halfway underground? He had to draw the line somewhere, right?

“An order’s an order, kid,” His boss, and as far as he was concerned, surrogate father “Pigsy” (that wasn’t his real name, but that didn’t make it any less fitting.) had told him gruffly, pointing his spoon matter-of-factly.

“I can’t have a costumer giving me a bad review! That’s exactly what the competition wants.”

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic, Pigsy,” Tang had said, leaning on the pig demon’s shoulder without a care, spinning around a chopstick with his free hand. “It’s raining cats and dogs! You can’t make Xiaotian go out in all that! Your noodles are the best in town!”

A cartoonish vein popped up on Pigsy’s forehead as he shoved Tang off of his shoulder. “Yeah, I bet!” He’d barked. “That’s why you’re always around here freeloading, ain’t it!?”

The moment another one of their typical childish arguments began, it became apparent to Xiaotian that he wasn’t getting out of this strange request- for noodles… underground.

Unfortunately, his little delivery boy cart wasn’t exactly accommodated to rides underground, especially considering the seemingly constant poor weather in Megapolis.

No matter the season, it was either foggy, raining, or snowing, which made it especially hard for a delivery boy such as Xiaotian. Scientists yet to have come up with an official theory for why the whether was so bizarre despite the location and season, but there’s been talk of a constructing a weather station to control it.

Matter of fact, he thought as he finally came across his destination, ready to climb down underneath the unfinished building and deliver his boss’ noodles, that was the very building he would be trespassing beneath this afternoon.

“Hoo boy,” he said aloud, a little bead of sweat rolling down his face at the sight of the undone building in front of him.

The heavy rain helped nothing, and since none of the workers were out, perhaps because of the violent storm, it looked throughly abandoned, thoroughly unstable, and thoroughly creepy.

He cracked a nervous smile, hesitantly walking forward and ducking underneath a wooden scaffolding, crawling into a hole that looked like it was about to become a basement.

He checked the directions on his phone (all of which had been manufactured waterproof, as the constant rain called for a lot of accommodations.) and hummed unsurely before taking a left, poking his head through a recently dug out hole.

As for what he saw- well, he wasn’t really sure what he expected in the first place.

It was just a cave, with pipelines for the unfinished building above lining the ceiling- but inside that cave was an entire squadron of mechanic-seeming… bull demons, all of which looked exactly the same, as if they’d been mass produced.

A tiny squeak of surprise escaped him, but none of the bull… robots seemed to notice.

Their appearance reminded him of one of the many stories Tang had told him while he cleaned up the shop- the story about the Demon Bull King.

It was no more than historical fiction, of course, but it described an epic battle, a raw display of aggression between two demons, the Monkey King and the Demon Bull King.

Monkey King emerged victorious, sealing the Bull King underneath a mountain with his staff before he vanished, never to be seen again until finally being defeated by the famed Six-Eared Macaque. (The details of that second battle were unknown to him until Tang got another bowl of free noodles.)

He shook away his thoughts, scrambling to find his phone. He hoped with all his heart that he’d found the wrong underground hideout beneath an unfinished business.

Of course, that was not the case.

At a genuine loss for what to do next, Xiaotian just sat there for a moment, awkwardly wedged in between an unfinished bathroom and a freaking underground lair.

”It feels like I’ve waited an eternity for this moment,” Over everything else, the sound of a feminine voice stood out to him. “Is everything in order?”

“Just making the final adjustments, mother.”

Xiaotian flinched, turning his eyes in the direction of the female voice, which was then followed by a male’s.

The woman was tall and dark haired, with an impractical but impressive horned headset and a traditional dress you wouldn’t see on anyone in the modern day.

The boy was much younger, her son, he inferred, and had red hair tied into a high ponytail and small glasses, along with a random scar on his upper cheek.

He didn’t recognize either of them, but one of them had ordered noodles, and Megapolis was a big city after all. Most of Pigsy’s shoppers were regulars. First time for everything, he guesses.

He used his teeth to hold the bag, laying both hands flat against the stone to force himself out of the hole. With an alarming lack of grace, he fell, rolling into the dirt.

He quickly recovered, however, pushing himself off the ground. “Hey!” He yelled, dusting the dirt off of his red hoodie.

“Huh?” The boy’s expression contorted into disgust at the sight of Xiaotian. “What are you supposed to be?” He demanded, as if Xiaotian were some creature that just crawled out from underneath the bed.

“Oh! Uh, I’m Xiaotian.” He smiled sheepishly, holding up the bag of noodles. “Here from Pigsy’s Noodles? Order for two classic bowls, right?”

“Not right, you oaf!” The redhead seethed, slapping the noodles to the ground. “Nobody here ordered your peasant food.”

In the corner of his eye, Xiaotian noticed one of the Bull robots start to seemingly sweat nervously, but the redhead didn’t see it. Instead, he pointed an accusatory finger at Xiaotian.

“Do you know who we are?” He hissed. “I am Red Son, the one and only son of the Demon Bull King, and I-”

“Enough of this,” The mother hissed, tired of her son’s rambling. “We’ve no time for games. Be on your way, peasant boy.”

She narrowed her eyes at Xiaotian, who broke into a sweat as he spared her a nervous chuckle.

She turned away, training her eyes on a little hill filled with dead grass, and a similarly wilted tree. In he middle of tiny hill was a staff. “We must focus all our energy on lifting the staff.”

Xiaotian furrowed his brow. Lifting a staff didn’t seem like it would be that hard.

A Bull robot, the same one that he suspected ordered those noodles, quickly scrambled up the top of the hill, pulling on the staff.

Instead of running like he probably should have, Xiaotian watched intently as the Bull robot heaved and heaved, pulling on the staff, but in the end, his arms gave flying off instead.

The Bull’s body landed at… Red Son(?)’s feet. “You fool!” The redhead said smugly. “You think we didn’t try that already? It’s going to take more than a few robots to lift the Monkey King’s staff. Only those deemed worthy can wield-”

Xiaotian cut him off, shoving his palm into the redhead’s cheek to move him aside. “Monkey King’s staff? That is a really realistic model, but that staff isn’t real, you know.” He said lightheartedly, ignoring Red Son’s cries of umbrage as he walked up to the hill, smiling until he reached the staff.

“You just have to twist and pull. Righty tighty, lefty loosey!” He said, quoting the old rhyme.

As he wrapped his hand around the hilt of the staff, a shudder went down his spine- not a chill, but rather a sweltering heat.

“You idiot,” Red Son said, rubbing his cheek. “Get down from there immediately, peasant! Someone must teach you your pla-”

The arrogant boy was immediately silenced when Xiaotian tugged on the staff, pulling it out of it’s spot situated in the ground. As far as he knew, it wasn’t even in there that tight.

The mother gasped as the staff can free, and Xiaotian held it in his hand, above his head in a mock victorious pose. Whispers aligned into an odd term as he held it, brushing against his ears.

“Sun Wukong,”; they told him.

“He did it…!” The mother gasped aloud, but the son wasn’t very amused.

“Then why is nothing happening!?” He demanded, before looking at his mother flatly.

“Mother, are you sure this is the right mountain?”

“No,” The mother said in annoyance, holding her palm to her forehead. “Maybe it was that other mountain with the magical staff, sealing away my husband!”

Xiaotian glanced down at the staff in his hands. There was no way that thing was the Monkey King’s staff, right?

His thoughts were proved wrong in a flash of erupting green light from the ground beneath him, tossing him across the room, clutching onto the staff for dear life.

Out of the ashes of what used to be ground, a giant bull- who could only be the Demon Bull King- the real Demon Bull King, even with a broken horn and a body and face that was riddled with scars from his head to his toe, the demon exuded power that Xiaotian had never seen before.

“Flesh,” he utters, “Bone…” He stared down at his clawed hands, clenching them, simply to test out movement. “I have returned to the realm of the living!”

“Demon Bull King!” The woman said, a wicked grin on her face. “How I’ve missed you.”

“Princess Iron Fan,” The King greeted in return. crossing his arms with what can only be described as ‘something kind of like a smile’. “The years have been kind. How did you free me?”

In response to the King’s question, Xiaotian’s body was quickly kicked away by Red Son, explaining what had happened in quick recession that was barely understandable.

“I-It doesn’t matter though, Father!” The boy sputtered. “If we have the noodle boy, we have the staff, and we have them both right here!”

The Bull King glared at Xiaotian, who backed up in fear and alarm, clutching onto the staff for dear life as Red Son continued.

“Together, we, the Demon Bull Family, will plunge the world into eternal darkness!”

Oh jeez, The supposed Demon Bull Family, along with their little gofers, the robots, turned to give Xiaotian a glaring look, their eyes gleaming in the darkness. Xiaotian stared at the staff in his hands, sweat rolling off his forehead.

This was all his fault, wasn’t it?

Next? 👀