I Cried Today In Front Of A Friend. It Wasn't On Purpose, And I Didn't Want To. I Was Feeling Depressed,

I cried today in front of a friend. it wasn't on purpose, and I didn't want to. I was feeling depressed, trying to say something when I trailed off and my eyes started watering. we were just hanging out.

we sat in awkward silence for a few minutes before she started strumming her guitar that was in her lap. I started crying more, quietly. and we continued like this for a while.

"is everything alright?"

and I said, "yes, this is pretty normal" in a very small voice.

she stared playing a song for a while, and made a few jokes that I tried to smile at. she also offered me a tissue from her bedside table.

I ended up sitting in her room quietly crying for an hour. when it was time to leave I tried to explain in as few words as possible, "I don't know if I've told you this before. I try not to mention it. but I've struggled with depression for a long time and I didn't realize I'd feel this way when we said we'd hang out yesterday." and after more silence, "did you know?"

"yeah, I figured."

and then I got up to leave. we said goodbye and I walked to my car and drove home.

I sat in her room, crying, for an hour.

she didn't ask to talk about it. or acknowledge it until the very end.

and I know it's terribly unfair of me to feel this way, but I'm angry. I'm so upset that she didn't even say anything. she tried to cheer me up yeah. but- but it wasn't that kind of a day.

and now my head hurts, and my heart hurts, and my eyes hurt because I've been crying all evening.

so... I don't know how I'll face her tomorrow (we're going to an event together.) because I'm angry and hurt and it's so incredibly unfair of me.

Tags

depressed bad day cried in front of someone for the first time in a long time right now i just feel so down and empty and sad

consideringempty

5 years ago

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