I Know That Externally We Have To Pretend Like All Swifties Are Created Equal, But I Really Truly Madly

I know that externally we have to pretend like all Swifties are created equal, but I really truly madly deeply feel that if you weren't a Swiftie in 2016 and 2017 then you just don't get it and you will never get it. Thank you for your support now but... it's different

I am so very overwhelmed with how much y’all have been liking my fics and I want to cry in happiness. Im working on the be my valentine last chapter and another fic that might continue the lee know fic 😭😭😭

Meanwhile if y’all have any requests or anything to say let me know HERE

Be My Valentine | Ch- 5  My Forever Valentine

pairing: Vernon x fem!reader

genre: fluff, angst, slight crack, friends to lovers, non-idol!au, college au

summary: College was hard enough and the thought of spending Valentine’s Day alone and sad was not your style. And the best solution was to go on a platonic date with your best friend Vernon. It goes so well that it becomes a tradition until it gets messy… nothing ever goes wrong by pretend-dating your best friend right?

prev chapter | masterlist 

status: complete

a/n: Here it is, the happy ending I have been waiting to write! Let me know your feedback and thoughts.

warning: swearing

I need to go to Vernon.

You have been telling yourself this for the last eight days. Eight days since you opened the mail. Eight days since any form of denial stopped working and your entire being has been hurting from the hurt you caused yourself. And eight more days till the wretched graduation.

When the thought occurred, you expected your body to act on its own and run to Vernon's apartment but instead, it chose to freeze. You sat there on your desk, staring at the invite, for lord knows how long. First came the realisation- you were a fool in love and an idiot in denial, then came the anger- how could you do that to Vernon, and finally the hurt- the 'what ifs'.

What if Vernon has moved on? What if he realised he doesn't really love you? What if he has found someone else and is finally happy? What if you hurt him so bad that he gave up on finding love and happiness? What if you have lost Vernon forever?

The moment these thoughts seeped into your brain they seemed to slowly traverse your entire being. You felt the pain in every fibre of your being. In every nerve ending, every memory, every muscle and every breath you couldn't fully let go. You remember the last time it was this hard to breathe, the last time you were so entirely alone that the whole wide world felt like it was closing in on you. The last time when everyone around you left you to pick up your own pieces.

It had been years since then. You had Liv and Vernon since the last time. Thank god you still have Liv but there are only certain things even she could help with. And not to mention that she has finally found the little ounce of excitement in her life since her job began and you have no heart to dampen that with your own wounds... again. She still found ways to help- by sharing her happiness with you. By being your support system yet again, even when she has a tough time herself.

You feel guilty, along with every other negative emotion flowing through you. Unfortunately for your compartmentalising brain, you have a few weeks of break before you start your full-time job. What wonderful luck this life has to offer! But life doesn't stop, rather you don't like to stop, and because you seem to be unable to fix the one thing you need to, you end up fixing everything else.

You spend your days fixing. cleaning and rearranging the entire apartment. The minute the first heavy thought occurs, you put on your cleaning gloves, pick up your toolbox and set to work. In the last four days, you have dismantled and rearranged multiple furniture pieces across the apartment. Liv understood it is your coping mechanism and entertains the change the apartment goes through every time she is back home. She is grateful you leave her room alone and you are glad she doesn't ever question your antics.

The heaviness in your chest now returns and you immediately shake your head and focus back on the task hand- wearing your old overalls and start painting the walls of your room. Yep, you had officially gone there.

Just as you had managed to get done with the first coating, your stomach grumbles reminding you that you haven't eaten in a long while. As you remove the rubber gloves and head toward the kitchen the doorbell rings. Groaning loudly you go to open the door, ready to snap at the person on the end, but the person on the other side of the door leaves you frozen.

You blink once, twice and thrice. You open your mouth but no sound comes. Because there he is, Vernon, standing in his grey hoodie and jeans, the headphones around his neck as usual, hair messy, eyes heavy and a small tight-lipped smile on his face.

"Hi."

Once again, your mouth opens, and no sound comes out. His voice sends your brain straight to overdrive and you stay there staring at him. You see him raise his eyebrows and sigh. Eventually, he reaches out, your heart is beating erratically and shakes you by the shoulders slightly.

"Hey loser are you alright?"

"Uh- I- Huh?" He just laughs at your exemplary articulation and lets himself in. You are confused but gain your senses enough to close the door behind him and follow him into your house.

He pauses in the living room, takes in all the changes and turns back to look at you with a dumbfounded look- eyebrows shot up, a ridiculous smile playing on his face- telling you that he has confirmed you're a weird human.

"Did you do all this?" He asks his hands pointing to the room. You nod. He nods as he processes the information.

"Are you hungry?" This question throws you off and you look at him to see if he is joking. Then you notice he has lifted his left hand which is holding a bag of takeout. You want to refuse but your stomach rumbles again, giving you out. He smiles and walks to the kitchen. You watch as he opens multiple cabinets, trying to take cutlery, struggling because everything has been altered in the kitchen. Eventually, he figures it out and you follow him to the couch. He puts the food and cutlery down and sits on the couch, and you follow suit.

This is giving you many flashbacks, you and him on the couch, the same place you had watched countless movies together, gossiped together, cuddled together, and eventually the place you broke his heart. He seems to have either forgotten or chosen to ignore the memories that linger in the air between the two of you like the smell of a wet towel trapped in a closed space. He gives you a plate and you notice the noodles and dumplings from your favourite Thai place. His plate also has the same food. You give him a thankful smile, hoping the pain doesn't seep out of you, and he gives you a cheerful and casual smile as he digs in. You follow suit.

The silence is palpable but only you seem to feel it as Vernon looks as relaxed as he's ever been. He closes his eyes and enjoys the food and a soft hum of approval leaves his mouth. You realise you haven't swallowed the food in your mouth and gulp it down with great difficulty- the way it has been for weeks now.

"Congrats on your job." His words make you choke on your food.

"Uh- I- Thanks." He nods, the smile on his lips.

"Are you not going to congratulate me?" His eyes are widened in childlike wonder and your stomach flips. "Wh-What?"

"Do you not know?" You shake your head in negative, too guilty to speak. His smile falters and he scoffs as he takes another bite of the dumpling. He raises his eyebrow and eyes you to see if you are joking and when he realises not, he slumps back on the couch running a hand through his hair.

Giving a dry laugh he looks back at you again. “I got into the research program.”

“Oh. Oh? Oh my God! Oh wow! Oh my God Vernon, that’s amazing!”

Just as your mind catches up with the news, the joy takes over your body and in a very practised way you move across the couch in one stride and hug him. You’re hugging him, squealing in joy, too happy to realise that he’s frozen and stuck between you and the couch. Once the excitement in your body dies down, you realise the position you’re in and embarrassment crawls up your face as you slowly get up and make your way back to the other end of the couch. Your face, hands, legs and everywhere is burning up and you stuff your face with a dumping in hopes of hiding it.

“Thanks.” He says and you look up to see a shy smile playing on his face. His smile really could light up this whole city and it certainly lightens your heart.

You both remain silent. It’s much less palpable now. A lot more comfortable.

Eventually, you decide it’s high time you sort this out. It is more painful realising he’s right here and yet he’s so far away. To realise all you could have and that you are holding it back for yourself and him.

“We should talk…”

He looks up with raised eyebrows. Not saying a word or indicating any sort of acknowledgment. You still continue with your point.

“We should talk about us.”

“What us?” You whip your head so fast at his words that you are certain you’ve cracked a bone. He looks stoic, with not a hint of… any emotion at all.

“Us… you and me.” You sound dumb.

“You are you and I’m me. That’s all.” He says in a straight tone and you do your best to observe a pinch of any emotion he might’ve been subtly displaying but you find none.

“Vernon.” You sigh and put your head in your hands on your lap.

“What do you want me to say y/n?” He sounds resigned, again.

Your eyes are wet and you blink back the tears. You will not break down without saying what you need to.

Slowly lifting your head from your hands you look up at him.

“Vernon, I’m sorry. And- No don’t say anything for now.” You stop him before he can interrupt. “I fucked up. Big time. I agree. I was just... I was scared. I was scared of hurting you and losing you. I was scared a lot. I still am." You pause to gauge his reaction and he is looking intently at you, doing a fantastic job keeping his emotions at bay. The lack of protest feels like permission to keep going, so you do.

"I was scared because I thought I would lose you entirely if this goes wrong. I thought by not acknowledging my feelings and denying yours, I could make us stay together for a lot longer. Romantic relationships haven't exactly worked that well in my life or even around me. I grew up knowing only instability. When I met Liv and you, I didn't expect you both to become so close to me, to become my found family, in a sense. With Liv, it was easier since there were no confusing big feelings involved. With you... I wanted to keep it easy and safe. Since the day I realised there might be even the slightest of feelings, I did my absolute best to push it down so that I don't lose you. I did everything I could to convince myself that I can't, I shouldn't have feelings for you. I pushed it down so much that my response the other day became an instinctual fight or flight response."

You breathe heavily after saying all that in one flow. You needed to say more but also take a pause because it feels like too much. Your eyes are wet and heavy again, and your knuckles hurt from how hard you were pressing your nails into your palm the whole time. Hanging your head low and closing your eyes, you just take a few breaths and try to unclench your fists.

Right as you are about to give up on unclenching them you feel a weight on your fists. You open your eyes to see Vernon kneeling in front of you and opening your fists and looking at the marks your nails have left on your palms. You continue looking at your fists, unable to meet his eye, as he starts rubbing soothing circles on your palm. He then lifts your palms and kisses lightly on the scars. This is when you break.

The tears are streaming involuntarily as you stare at him, him still trying to soothe your fists with small teardrops trailing down his own cheek. You are on the couch crying, him on his knees holding your hands and teary-eyed. Funny how life can come full circle.

He straightens up and finally meets your eye, glistening with tears and a million emotions you can't bare to identify as you wipe away your own tears.

"When?" Might sound foolish but you know exactly what he is referring to- the first time you began to live in denial.

"The first Valentine's date."

Vernon stares at you for a few seconds, as if to test if you are joking, and breaks into a small smirk.

"So it did work." Now you break into a smile, you are most certain you are blushing too.

"Yeah, very well in fact." This time both of you let out soft and shy giggles. He clears his throat.

"Y/N, I know this is scary. But scary might not be bad. We are scared to lose someone only if they mean that much. I mean I was shit scared, and then the fear turned to anger, jealousy and every ugly emotion ever. But at the end of the day, I was willing to fight. I still am. And I will as long as we have something to fight for. I am not promising you a forever of sunshine and rainbows because we both are not stupid. But I promise to talk things with you, as long as you do too. And to fight for us, for you, for this." He says pointing to the air between us.

You smile and nod, wiping your face with a renewed vigour.

"I really should've just let you talk that day huh?" It's a rhetorical question but Vernon shrugs in agreement earning himself a pout from you.

"Jokes aside, I need you to know that what I said that day was not true... I love you." His eyes light up, his mouth slightly opens in surprise and your heart swells at his reaction. You lean a bit forward, suddenly courageous, and hold his face in your palms.

"I love you Vernon, a lot. A lot more than I can comprehend now that I spent a good two years suppressing it. Turns out I did a very bad job at that." He nods with a big smile lighting up his face. Chucking, you continue. " I loved you from the start as a friend and then began loving you more. And God, even after all this effort and hurt to try and stop that- I didn't succeed. Now I am glad I didn't. I just... I am still shit scared, but I want to be scared while I'm with you. Like you said, I'd rather be scared of losing you than not have you at all."

He's sobbing and smiling into your hands and you are sobbing into his hands that have now moved to hold your face. Eventually, he pulls you into a hug and you reciprocate with such force that both of you end up crashing on the floor- side by side, still in each other's embrace.

He brings his face towards you, you close your eyes and the world comes to a standstill as your lips meet. Your heart seems to untangle itself and even though you are physically out of breath, you feel free to breathe now. He pulls back to see your face, his million-watt smile on full display, as you return it with an equally bright one.

"I love you so much y/n." The words and the emotions in his eyes make you go weak in the knees. You wouldn't mind feeling that giddiness every time. You giggle into his arms in glee.

"Vernon, you asked me to be your platonic Valentine then-" He visibly cringes at the mention of platonic, "- and now, I want you to be my Valentine forever."

"Oh wow. Cliche much. Maybe we can go to the Graduation together first and then talk about Valentines- which is more than ten months away." He scrunches his nose in mock distaste as you playfully hit him and snuggle in closer to his side.

"But yes, you are stuck with me- Valentine and all." He means it.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be." And you meant it.

Be My Valentine | Ch- 2  It’s a Success!

pairing: Vernon x reader

genre: fluff, angst, slight crack, friends to lovers, non-idol!au, college au

summary: College was hard enough and the thought of spending Valentine’s Day alone and sad was not your style. And the best solution was to go on a platonic date with your best friend Vernon. It goes so well that it becomes a tradition until it gets messy… nothing ever goes wrong by pretend-dating your best friend right?

prev chapter | masterlist | next chapter

wordcount: 2.6k

a/n: So glad for the positive reaction to Chapter 1, hope you like this as well. Would love to hear your feedback about this!

pictures from Pinterest!

I am going to murder Vernon, ugh!

That is the singular thought in your brain as you stare at the tickets in your hand- a ticket to the amusement park in the city.

After the showdown of his "rejecting" your very public proposal hours prior, he got excited to plan the platonic date. You regretted the minute you agreed to let him do it, losing bets to Vernon was getting very annoying for you.

In your defence you could never say no to his smile- his whole face really did light up and his eyes disappeared into thin crescents.

"UGH!"

You groan out loud for the fifth time since he gave the tickets two hours back- 10 minutes after the drama at the library. It still surprises you how he had the amusement park tickets for the 14th of February ready. The previous day you had texted him at 3 am in the morning so he couldn't have bought the tickets before you met him in the library at 10 am.

Oh shit. What if he had another plan?

Did Vernon have a date that you didn't even bother to ask about? But then he could've easily said so, why did he agree? Even if he did have a date- probably a first date, why on earth did he plan an amusement park date?

Another groan involuntarily leaves your throat. This was not what you had in mind when you suggested this platonic date. You just wanted to have a nice dinner, some luxurious wine and get the couple's discount by pretending to be a couple. But of course, Vernon had to choose the one place you would hate.

Sigh. It's going to be a long weekend.

The next couple of days were surely one of the longest and most dreadful days of your life. Vernon on the other hand had seemed way too chirpy and happy the entire time. He constantly had a shit-eating grin on his face, even when he almost failed a pop quiz trying to tease you about the dangerous rides. But once he sees the panic rising on your face he always drops the teasing and comforts you- usually with food, which worked efficiently.

As the day came closer you kept begging Vernon to change the plan but he refused to budge. He did however agree to take you on one only one of the big rides- the rollercoaster.

Which is the reason for your current turmoil- to eat or to not eat. Throwing up definitely would not be ideal for a platonic date but you didn’t want to starve either.

After a good half an hour of pacing around your dorm room and eventually giving up on food, you dress in your most comfortable outfit. You wait in the room until your roommate and other friends leave for their V-Day plans, not wanting to be questioned about your outfit choices and plans for the night. You did not want to relive the taunting that you got from your roommate while explaining the whole ordeal. According to her, platonic dates between best friends never end well, but little does she know how close and amazing you and Vernon are.

Haters gonna hate hmmph!

*ping*

The notification interrupts your train of thought and you see a message from Vernon.

Come down. Don't be late.

Always the charmer.

Gathering your things you go down to the dorm entrance to see Vernon standing in his black hoodie and jeans, hands in his pockets and hair all fluffed up as he paces around looking at the ground.

"Hey", you drawl out as you reach him. He looks up and smiles his brilliant hundred-watt smile, cheeks pink from the cold and those cute crescent eyes coming out in full glory.

"Hey there. Ready to go?"

You nod nervously, "More than I'll ever be."

He holds your hand in his, rubbing circles around your palm to calm you down. He started doing this accidentally when he first saw you having a panic attack in your first semester. It has been a constant habit since.

Walking along in silence, hands still intertwined, you reach the amusement park ten minutes later. You had seen it before from the outside but nothing could’ve prepared you for how big the whole place was. There must have been a dozen giant rides including a roller coaster, a giant wheel, those rocking boats and even a pretty carousel. There also seemed to be a lot of smaller stalls with games like claw machines, hoop games and more filled with plushies as prizes.

That’s definitely one thing I want to do today.

You felt kinda good about this, so you turn to look up at Vernon’s face and he is looking around all excited. Smiling at the rides with childlike wonder with his mouth wide open in a gorgeous smile and his eyes lit up with excitement.

Your stomach rumbles and before you overthink about it, you disregard it as hunger.

He finally looks down at you and his eyes are immediately filled with concern.

“Hey is this really okay with you? Or do you want to go somewhere else?” He enquires in his soft, low voice.

Even if you weren’t okay with this you would never have the heart to deprive him of this experience which he clearly wants so bad. For god’s sake, he even had the tickets ready with him. Plus this place was not filled with as many over-emotional and horny couples as most other places tonight.

“Yeah, I’m good. This looks really fun!” You say with all the enthusiasm you can muster but he catches on to the slight tremor in your voice and doesn’t look entirely convinced.

You sigh and turn fully toward him and hold both his hands in yours. “I’ll be fine. This doesn’t look half as scary as I thought it would be. Don’t worry so much Vernon. Now let’s go and enjoy our platonic date”

You flash him your most sincere smile and he nods in acceptance as he returns the smile to you.

After looking at all the rides both of you decide to get over with the scary ones first- you eventually gave in and agreed to do them all (blame Vernon’s puppy-dog eyes). After those, you both decide on having food and end the night with fun small games.

Starting with the giant Ferris wheel and doing the roller coaster and pendulum boat ride all back to back definitely was not a good idea but you powered through them all by literally clinging to Vernon for support the whole time. While he was laughing and screaming in pure joy and thrill, looking funny and cute at the same time, you were screaming for your life out of pure joy- pretty sure you looked horrendous in comparison.

But all the junk food and the three plushies you won at the smaller stalls later definitely made up for the anxiety. Especially watching Vernon, the renowned genius, struggle with the claw machine as he tried to win you the yellow chick rabbit plushie made you giddy with happiness.

After a long time, this entire evening was spent without both of you bickering with each other. You still did taunt him at every opportunity you got- after you were done being shit scared. He was happy and talkative the whole time- a rare sight indeed. His exuberant smiles and excited shouts, when you both won the whack-a-mole game, were priceless.

This was definitely one of my best ideas. EVER.

You feel proud of your ‘genius’ as you walk back to the campus with Vernon, both of you silently enjoying your ice creams. You see him trying to balance two of the plushies you had won earlier as he tried not to drop the ice cream or the plushies. You smile to yourself, glad this evening went happily for both of you, while hugging the other plushie both of you won.

“Loser, don’t smile at my misery.”

You hear him whine as he catches your smile, mistaking it for mocking. You turn to him and hit him in the arm with the plushie that you’re holding. Before he can retaliate, you take a big bite of your strawberry ice and stick your tongue out at Vernon in mock.

He mirrors your action and you see his tongue is blue from the blueberry cola he is having.

Both of you look at each other for a moment- weirdly coloured tongues sticking out at each other like kids and burst out laughing. You keep walking while laughing like idiots and eventually come near your dorm gates.

Both of you reach a natural stop when you’re a little away from the actual gate. There are crowds of some girls, all dressed up, coming back from their dates and there are also girls in their sweats bringing in takeout to the dorms.

You both lean on the wall near the compound of the dorms, a usual spot for the two of you, finally done with the ice creams and just standing in comfortable silence.

The silence was always comfortable with Vernon, everything was honestly.

“Hey y/n..?” His voice is low and uncertain.

You hum in acknowledgment as you turn to look at him from the plushie in your hand.

“How was the 'platonic' Valentine’s date?"

He looks and sounds extremely nervous, although it’s only noticeable because you are attuned to every change in his tone and his micro-expressions. The slight shake in his voice, the little gulp afterwards and the death grip on the plushies in both of his hands gave it away this time.

You give him a reassuring smile and say your honest thoughts- which is essentially a ramble of every incoherent thought forming in your brain.

“I had an amazing evening! Never thought I’d actually enjoy going to an amusement park in my life. It’s my first time riding a carousel since I was 5 and I loved every second of it. The highlight was definitely those waffles and ice cream. Oh, and winning the plushies was Definitely a huge plus point. I am a genius! This is probably the most genius thing I’ve done in my life. I’m actually very happy. Why aren’t you saying anything?“

You finally end the ramble realising he was very silent and in all your animated rambling while cuddling the cute plushie in your hands, you forgot to check on Vernon.

But there he is, smiling as he stares at you. One corner of his mouth slightly tipped higher than the other, his mouth making a gorgeous bow shape, showing off his teeth and a small strand of hair falling on his face. Just as you can try to move it back he does it himself and for a second your stomach rumbles again as he runs his fingers through his hair- still smiling big.

“How do you always talk so much ?” He half questions and half laughs. You find yourself also smiling involuntarily and immediately straighten up to mock glare at him.

“Oh please! As if you didn’t talk for an hour straight during the rides… that too about your coding projects of all things!”

He smiles a little more brightly at this and sighs happily. “I was doing that to calm you down loser.”

His face is soft and his voice low and deep.

Cue stomach rumbling.

I really need to figure out what’s wrong with my stomach today.

Taking a mental note to visit the health centre the next day, you smile at him. Vernon might be an annoying nerdy idiot but he always cares… a lot.

Checking your watch you decide to head back as it’s almost 10 pm. Just as you bid bye to Vernon, who looks almost disappointed at that, he stops you.

“Do you not want the plushies ?” He questions holding out the plushies in his hand and looking at you earnestly.

“Don’t you want one?” You question back seeing how he’s ready to give both to you.

He considers the question for a minute before breaking out into another of his 'I have a good idea' smiles.

Uh Oh.

“Okayyy, I have an idea… you take the yellow chick one cuz you obviously want it-“, he points to the one in my hand and I nod.

“- I take the unicorn plushie”, he holds up the purple unicorn plushie in his right hand.

“- and the little puppy one…”, his eyes are gleaming so brightly as he looks at the cute puppy plushie in his left hand.

“If you want you can have it." You say hurriedly seeing that he clearly loves it.

He looks confused for a second then pouts as he shakes his head side to side in disagreement.

“No no, I was going to say let’s share it. Every Valentine’s Day we will exchange it. So I'll keep it until our date next year.”

To say he looks proud is an understatement. He might always well have won a Nobel prize the way he is grinning ear to ear. You feel a ball of anxiety rise up from your stomach and you push it back down taking a deep breath.

“Hmm not a bad idea but wait... does this mean we are doing this again next year?”

“Yeah, why not! This one was fun and I don’t mind making this a tradition.” He shrugs casually.

You consider it for a moment, it was not a bad idea. You were touched he wants a tradition with you but you were worried it is going to become complicated eventually. Because what happens when he finds someone better to spend the day with... or if you find someone else, although the chances seem minuscule. You wouldn't mind making this day about your friendship with Vernon, but it still feels like a lot.

Your stomach is rumbling again and you gulp before smiling back at Vernon's expectant face. You really cannot say no to his eager, puppy-dog eyes and that damn smile. The same face that led to him sitting with you on the first day and the face that made you lose so many bets and perform the embarrassing penalties that usually followed.

"Is that a yes?" He is in peak puppy-dog mode and looks at you with all the adoration and something else that you can't quite figure out.

You sigh as you nod to signal yes as you see him reach another level of happiness.

Your roommate’s warning echoes in your head- “Dates with your 'best friend' never end well. I hope neither of you ends up breaking each other’s hearts in this process.”

I can’t break Vernon’s heart. I won't. I shouldn't.

Your stomach does another rumble as you push back the anxious thought and look up to see a very excited Vernon. The smile comes naturally on your face and the only thing that matters is his happiness. It is always him who goes above and beyond for you so the least you can give him is this.

He hands the puppy plushie to you to keep until next year and says, “I can’t believe I’m saying it but your idea was a success. Looking forward to our next date Loser!”

Hours later, you still feel giddy and you hug the plushies tight thinking about the events of the evening as you drift off into sleep with a smile on your face.

remember me...

I wrote this one inspired by never grow up tv, dorothea, young forever (BTS) and Promise (Jimin)

Exclusively Me

remember me…

The garden is a forest now, flowers blooming every morningMy little lake all dried up welcoming the impending droughtI watch as the seasons

“It’s literally impossible to be a woman.

You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow, we're always doing it wrong?

You have to be thin, but not too thin, and you can never say you wanna be thin. You have to say you wanna be healthy, but also, you have to BE THIN.

You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass.

You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean.

You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas.

You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time.

You have to be a career woman, but also, always be looking out for other people.

You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is INSANE, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining!

You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood, but ALWAYS STAND OUT and ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL. But never forget that the system is rigged, so find a way to acknowledge that but ALSO, always be grateful!

You have to never get old. Never be rude. Never show off. Never be selfish. Never fall down. Never fail. Never show fear. Never get OUT OF LINE. It's too hard! It's too contradictory, and nobody gives you a medal or says 'thank you!' And it turns out, in fact, that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also, everything is your fault.

I'm just so tired of watching myself, and every single other woman tie herself into knots, so that people will like us.

And if all of that, is also true for a doll just representing a woman, then I don't even know." -Gloria the barbie movie

this is it. this is exactly it oh my god.