I'M PREGNANT AND NEED TO NOT BE. PLEASE HELP

I'M PREGNANT AND NEED TO NOT BE. PLEASE HELP

fuck okay so I can't believe I'm making this post, but here we are.

despite birth control and my best efforts, i'm pregnant.

i can't handle this right now for a lot of reasons-- i'm going through a divorce, i'm deeply in debt due to the marriage i'm trying to end, barely staying afloat as it is working multiple jobs. i'm multiply disabled and so far have been EXTREMELY sick every day to the point of being unable to function. i don't have the time, money, physical and mental health, or resources to deal with a pregnancy, let alone a baby.

on top of all that, i have an infection they can't treat while i am pregnant, so they're trying to get this terminated as quickly as possible. i have an appointment set for Tuesday, 3/28/23 at 2pm.

my insurance does not cover abortions except in proven cases of rape or incest. all this to say, I need to somehow scrape together $600 by Tuesday for the abortion itself, plus cost of transportation. it's also been difficult to eat lately and i've been living off yogurt and the few other specific things i can keep down, so help restocking the fridge would be amazing.

i am of course gratefully accepting donations but am also just getting started as a content creator and i'm happy to do custom pics/vids etc as well.

c*shtag/v*nmo are both $wanderingivy

contact me privately for more info

please boost if you can

Lunar: I had a thought, but unfortunately I had a second thought. They ricocheted off each other and I can't find either anymore

"Decretum"

SPOILER WARNING FOR PUELLA MAGI MADOKA MAGICA!

You know that scene from Madoka Magica? You know, when Sayaka battles Elsa Maria? You can find it on Youtube.

It kind of funny to me that watching/listening to it on loop almost symbolizes something my family and I are struggling with.

Sayaka, exhausted but charging into battle? That's like me coming up with an idea to at the very least improve the situation when the pain hits like a brick wall.

Her getting so easily thrown back again and again? That's my reaction to my family, both of whom come from the around the 1960's, the age where hiding your problems was the norm and that you're apparently weak if you can't fix all your problems by yourself.

Kyoko coming in to save Sayaka? That's my therapist and I, except I don't want to keep having to fight (unlike Sayaka), and my therapist is guiding me instead of trying to take over (unlike Kyoko).

Sayaka rushing in and decapitating the witch? It's me feeling like I've finally come up with an idea that will AT THE VERY LEAST make things a little better. Not to mention Sayaka's "knight in shining armor" motif. I don't necessarily want to be a hero, though. I just want the pain to lessen just a little. I want to say that I'll lessen the pain for everyone, but in the end I think it really is just me.

Her beating Elsa Maria to death? My anger and frustration when my parents say I should just let the family member that's struggling deal with it themself, and won't even give my ideas a listen all because they don't want to "look at the past". I can understand that because I don't like doing that either, but now sometimes you HAVE to face your past.

Madoka quietly pleading for Sayaka to stop? That's me in the aftermath of the arguments. I just want to pain to STOP. It's a pain I struggle with so hard and I can barely escape. I don't know how to deal with it and the thoughts of despair circle in my head in an endless loop and no matter what I do or how hard I try the thoughts WON'T STOP. They will circle for HOURS on end. No exaggeration, either. I don't say things like that unless I mean it.

And then it happens all over again...

I'm sorry if this makes no sense, especially because I can't give any context as to WHAT the situation is, but... I needed to do this and get it all out.

Would you believe me if I said that I genuinely forgot all about this conversation? ^_^;

I am SO SORRY for that! That's not really a common thing for me, I promise. I guess I was just like "okay, I'll let what I read sink in and then reply" and then it just... I completely forgot. I was probably distracted by... other things going on.

ANYWAY! Things certainly have escalated since we last talked, haven't they?

I just finished watching the most recent episode of The Sun and Moon show and when Moon put Sun in "timeout" essentially until he gets "his head on straight" my mind was (lovingly) screaming "MOON, YOU IDIOT!"

I think having to "lock him up" truly was a necessary thing to do, but isolating Sun with all of his negative thoughts isn't going to help AT ALL. He's just going to be trapped in front of a mirror, his mind going in circles. He doesn't understand these negative feelings or how to deal with them. I can't objectively say what he's been thinking deep down, past all the anger, but here I go:

"I'm not good for anything. I really am pathetic and stupid."

"I just want to be USEFUL. If I kill Eclipse, then maybe I can finally be that... even if it kills me."

"Moon deserves better than me. I'm the "dumb, happy one" so how could I ever really give anything back to him aside from being a joke?"

"I'm hurting Moon when he's already struggling. What kind of brother am I?"

"I hurt LUNAR. That's all I'm ever gonna do: HURT PEOPLE I LOVE!"

"I KILLED someone for making fun of me. I thought they deserved it but Moon's right. All I did was steal their chance to change."

"I don't deserve to live. Not after what I've done. I can't go back no matter how much I want to. There was ONE thing I was good at and I destroyed it."

"Nobody needs me anyway; they'll have Earth. She'll take care of the kids even better than I ever could. Creator said so himself... he's awful but... he created me. And then he replaced me so easily."

"It would be better for everyone if I died."

These are just guesses, though. I could be WAY off, but these were the thoughts I believe have been going through Sun's head.

But Moon better not leave him alone for long, and he's GOTTA stop telling Sun to just go back to being himself and instead:

ASK. SUN. QUESTIONS. ABOUT. HOW. HE. FEELS. AND. WHY.

And Moon better listen well.

YEEEESSS SUN AND MOON PLAYING SPOOKY'S HOUSE OF JUMPCARES!

I am so, SO HAPPY that they played a game as "old" as Spooky's! Games shouldn't have to float alone in the void when people move on to newer games!

It was a fun episode, and I definitely am glad I watched it (sometimes I skip the gaming videos; I don't know why, either). The Sun and Moon Show's story is getting a bit... too intense for me right now. There's nothing wrong with it! I love what they're doing! It's just that watching an intense story WITHOUT knowing how things turn out just doesn't get along with anxiety. I want to wait until something finally looks up, y'know?

ALSO WAS THAT THE DRUM SOUND EFFECT THEY USED IN OLDER SPONGEBOB EPISODES? LOOOVE IIIT~!

Not to mention they both said "bye" to Spooky at just about the exact same time, with the EXACT same inflection! Sure it's just a single-syllable word, and the whole thing could've been a coincidence, but with it coming from these versions of Sun and Moon... it's pretty self explanatory! :D

You mean the thing with Bloodmoon? Oh, MAN that was genuinely creepy...

...I LOVED IT! 😁

The shots of him and Sun in the mirror, the "we can even move your arm", the fact that he could have survived but it could also be Sun losing his grip on reality, or it could be an entirely new Bloodmoon all together. I started the show in October, I think, so I don't know much about before then without reading about it from comments and such.

But something just seems off with him (them?). I don't think I've ever really heard Bloody swear or anything near that, but then there's that line "you are nothing more than a p*** stain on a rug" (ew).

It just doesn't sound like Bloody. Aren't they meant to be sort of childish is a really twisted way? He/They could really be anything at this point.

Also, I was just being silly asking about Sun's reaction. I wanted to say something that could make sense in context but still sounds completely random to anyone reading it. XD

Buuut if they did have a solid meaning, I'd say the volcano erupting would be Sun yelling and ranting right off the bat until his anger starts to be overwhelmed by pain, while the tsunami would be him starting off quietly, then his voice starts to rise with his rage and pain and THEN he yells and rants before falling apart.

By now it seems like anything could happen, but I have some catching up to do.

And with whatever direction they take...

I JUST WANT TO GIVE SUN A HUG, A CHANCE TO TALK, A NIGHTLIGHT, AND ENOUGH PILLOWS AND BLANKETS TO MAKE THE BEST PILLOW FORT EVER.

I just finished watching the most recent episode of The Sun and Moon show and when Moon put Sun in "timeout" essentially until he gets "his head on straight" my mind was (lovingly) screaming "MOON, YOU IDIOT!"

I think having to "lock him up" truly was a necessary thing to do, but isolating Sun with all of his negative thoughts isn't going to help AT ALL. He's just going to be trapped in front of a mirror, his mind going in circles. He doesn't understand these negative feelings or how to deal with them. I can't objectively say what he's been thinking deep down, past all the anger, but here I go:

"I'm not good for anything. I really am pathetic and stupid."

"I just want to be USEFUL. If I kill Eclipse, then maybe I can finally be that... even if it kills me."

"Moon deserves better than me. I'm the "dumb, happy one" so how could I ever really give anything back to him aside from being a joke?"

"I'm hurting Moon when he's already struggling. What kind of brother am I?"

"I hurt LUNAR. That's all I'm ever gonna do: HURT PEOPLE I LOVE!"

"I KILLED someone for making fun of me. I thought they deserved it but Moon's right. All I did was steal their chance to change."

"I don't deserve to live. Not after what I've done. I can't go back no matter how much I want to. There was ONE thing I was good at and I destroyed it."

"Nobody needs me anyway; they'll have Earth. She'll take care of the kids even better than I ever could. Creator said so himself... he's awful but... he created me. And then he replaced me so easily."

"It would be better for everyone if I died."

These are just guesses, though. I could be WAY off, but these were the thoughts I believe have been going through Sun's head.

But Moon better not leave him alone for long, and he's GOTTA stop telling Sun to just go back to being himself and instead:

ASK. SUN. QUESTIONS. ABOUT. HOW. HE. FEELS. AND. WHY.

And Moon better listen well.