Can You Find That Fic About OP Humping Megatron's Fusion Cannon Again??

Can you find that fic about OP humping Megatron's fusion cannon again??

Sure, here it is. I'm starting to feel kinda jealous of this cannon's tempestuous love life.

Well, the fanon on sensitive medics' hands must have a bit more potential than just foreplaying with them.

Pharma must have at least considered the possibility of calibrating his sensors and training the whole neuronet in a way that will give him the ability to use his fingers as a complete spike substitute. So he could cum not only from the excitement of touching Ratchet, but also by fingering him and feeling the stimulation. Rubbing on Ratchet's nodes must give the right feedback to get his mind foggy. And how this valve must spasm, making the digits inside stiffen in familiar but shockingly new pleasure.

Oh, and Ratchet would absolutely HAVE to acknowledge Pharma's genius. This new horizon of medicine, to which the better doctor is gallantly leading his beloved colleague.

Shame that Ratchet's never shown any sign of interest. And without him even breakthroughs such as this feel worthless.

Mother of god, this fanon of Rodimus shooting like a fucking machine gun (while he's not, in fact, a gun, ironically) is one of the hottest things this fandom ever came up with. And I agree with it with all my heart and everything.

Robot premature ejaculators superior.

Rodimus being a valve mech bc his spike is so sensitive that a few tugs is usually enough for him to blow his load

he used to get teased for it by previous partners which made it hard for him to interface for a while since he didn't want to spike and end up getting grilled again especially now that he's a captain

but that's not a problem for Megatron

Megatron loves it bc whenever Roddy is getting to squirmy or too needy when he's trying to slowly take him apart he just starts jerking him off until he's overloaded like 6 times and can hardly string a sentence together and even tho there's a big ass puddle of transfluid beneath him and even more on him he's still rock hard bc he's got like no refractory period

Rodimus bent over begging to be fragged harder while Megatron gently rocks into him and grinding against his ceiling node and kissing his gestation tank wanting to have a romantic night of intimate connection

after Roddy tries one too many times to grind himself back against him Megatron releases the grip on his hip to reach around to his weeping spike and poor Rodimus he whimpers and apologizes promising to behave but Megatron knows he's lying and just saying that so that he isn't pulled over overload after sweet, agonizing overload until his circuits are nearly completely fried

he'll go limp drooling and begging Megatron to fill him up instead and that he just wants to be full which Megatron is more than happy to comply with pulling him in closer and working his way to his own overload popping through the opening to Roddy's gestation tank just as Roddy overloads one last time but from his valve this time and his whole frame shakes with the intensity

Megatron would go to pull out and Roddy would sob lightly wanting him to stay right there and he does just adjusting them both to lay on their sides where they recharge an absolute mess but they'll clean up in the morning

Megatron also enjoys making Rodimus spike him on occasion just to experience his desperate quick thrusts filling his valve with pumps of transfluid every couple of minutes but determined to keep going until Megs overloads too and with how much Megs loves getting his pussy creamed luckily it doesn't take long enough to kill him

there's just something so charming in that determination and the feeling of thick transfluid trying to gush back out of his valve before being replaced and then some is so debauched that he can never get enough of it

on rare occasions he'll ride Rodimus' spike until he's begging for mercy and gets to feel that fat valve cycle down around him nearly passing out when Megatron squirts

Why punctuation is important I saw a "bed, wed, behead" post with TFP Megatron without a comma between "bed" and "wed". A Freudian slip occurred, and my train of thoughts was unstoppable as usual. Megatron, the bed-wetter? Well, weird, I've never considered. But, eh, logical.

I recalled a German movie about Hitler hiring a Jewish man to help him improve his eloquence. And there Hitler was portrayed as a nervous addict pissing his bed. It is this type of comedy that makes you wonder what the bloody hell you are watching and WHY, and makes you wanna put your brain in a dishwasher. But now I think maybe it's a legit way to portray a dictator?

Not to mention that being high can make your body betray you in the lowest ways. So, Dark Energon can have an unforeseen side effect.

And all that because of one missed comma. 

(I'm not sure if I should tag this as kinky stuff. At this point, it's not kinky, but maybe we could explore this side in this blog later.)

[This post is sponsored by Minimus Ambus, your favorite grammar Na… oh no, not now.]

Bulky TFP Shockwave is insanely hot, yet I'm still trying to figure out how exactly we should explore his deadly otherworldy allure. There's something that captivates me the most. Oh boy, his damn HAND. Let's do some in-universe Shockwave hand fetish.

Maybe it's Starscream's nervous alertness going worse near his rival, maybe it's his millennia-long sensual (and sexual) deprivation, maybe a secret third option (Soundwave applying some sort of Wi-Fi Zersetzung mental control technology to destabilize him and make him more obedient by slowly uploading lewd thought-viruses into his operating system).

Whatever, it's just Shockwave's damn hand. An unpaired mechanism, elegant and graceful. Its exquisite shape would fit Knock Out better. It's a palm of a medic, or a dancer, or a sculptor, or a massagist. 

Oh, Starscream very well remembers this palm mercilessly grabbing his helm, almost shoving his head onto the giant metal thorn. Honestly, in reality, he would prefer not to stay in the same room with any of Shockwave's limbs, whether it be his cannon or this inappropriate hand. In the realms of his mind, though…

He's staring, again. Shockwave's dexterous digits are waltzing over the console, each movement precise, swift, smooth, and hypnotic at the same time. Starescream's wings give a very interested twitch. These fingers could as well be examining his moving parts, let's say, to check if everything is in order. Knock Out's competence sometimes seems questionable. They could be studying methodically Starscream's rivets, and gears, and circuits. The best Decepticon flyer must tick perfectly.

And maybe he could open his spark chamber, so… No, it absolutely has nothing to do with the real Shockwave. Starscream would rather join the Autobots before letting him anywhere near his insides. But receiving a little manual exam from these skillful digits sounds like what the best Decepticon flyer and, remember, second-in-command deserves. At least to make sure he didn't mess it all up while dosing himself with the Dark Energon.

At this point, Starscream is shivering slightly, his knees frail, his vents shallow and quick. His gaze never leaving Shockwave's digits, now plugging some device into the console, connecting the wires. They could be on his cockpit, tracing the seams with their sharp talons on the way to their target between Starscream's legs. Just where his most delicate machinery was all heated up, preparing him for the interface, his slender spike ready to be enveloped by these strong fingers. Oh, Starscream will craft any absurd explanation for Shockwave to continue his ministrations. Like, seekers can die from arousal if they're not jerked off or finger-fucked to completion. He'll lubricate in Shockwave's grip like a good bot. It'll appear absolutely logical to make him squirt.

He has to forcefully abort his spike's attempts to free itself from under his codpiece armor. It's hot inside his housing, maybe even leaking. That also applies to his valve, cycling behind his closed panel. Shockwave's pointy fingertips will prickle them carefully, spreading his soft, sensitive flaps, opening him up before the unblinking red optic. They'd point at his nodes, pressing them like they're typing a passcode. They would intrude, like Shockwave breaks into people's bodies and brains with his instruments and his cold, mismechanical mind. They would be his sweetest torture, until Starscream actually screams, jetting fluids helplessly, his legs shaking.

And, oh, in reality, his legs are shaking. Shockwave is still facing his console and multiple screens, paying zero attention to what's happening behind his back. And there is Starscream, seized by the sudden spasming tension, stretched out and muting himself with his own hands over his throat and mouth, and dripping on the floor between his heels. Wings fluttering. Clearly overloading.

With a sharp hiss and click, his treacherous spike is also out to shoot its thin but impudent release. Leaving him no excuse in case Shockwave turns around. Strascream's spark, a nanosecond ago flaring with charge, goes ice-cold along with his drooped wings. He's damned. Betrayed by his processor and all his systems. Doing this… this without a single touch, just fantasizing about Shockwave fingering him. Now any cortical psychic patch session will be the end of the great commander Starscream. 

He needs to get out of here. Now.

"Starscream?" Shockwave's plain, mechanical voice creeps under his plating instantly, as always cold and passionless. But Shockwave's finials jiggle, bearably visibly, as in interest. "Is everything alright?"

Soundwave and his mind games be damned.

Well, I'm not even gonna watch Earthspark anymore (I tried, I failed, I'm good with it), but my god, I have to make a point. Why I understand those who're tired of Starscream being a piece of shit. It seems to me that all these people who are openly pissed about Starscream being an evil bastard again are not ignorant of the fact that he's canonically a villain in every continuity, except for SG. It's hard not to notice that he's such a traitorous baddie he's got his own evil trope on TV Tropes.

Starscream being the traitor to Megatron's big bad, whose part in the story is to overthrow his leader (well, to be accurate, to try and fail and get his ass kicked), is a core principle of almost any TF narrative. An absolute law of the TF universe.

Look, there's no Jesus' character arc without Judas betraying him. (Some may argue that Judas didn't betray him, he just SOLD him, but, eh, still not nice.) I absolutely love how it was reflected in L. Andreyev's "Judas Iscariot", where it clearly pains Judas to betray his master. But he has to. Otherwise, the story won't happen, the purpose won't be fulfilled, the act of providence won't be done, the myth of Christ won't happen. And from my postmodern point of view, I admire how well this aspect of the myth creation was nailed. Even if I'm doing some crazy hermeneutics here.

So, Starscream being evil, betraying Megatron, and becoming the leader of the Decepticons is fine. It serves the narrative. The problem is that his characterization does not evolve. Cartoon G1 Megs is a far cry from what we're getting now. By this moment, he's been a proletarian, a revolutionary, a gladiator, a poet, an activist, an atoner, Optimus' friend, the Autobot's ally, the American government's ("humanity's") ally. Bad guy, good guy, misunderstood guy. It's all Megatron.

And Starscream? Oh, he's a motherfucker with a heart of a jerk, vile, cowardly, incompetent, prone to gloating, morally inferior, having no goals aside from being the leader for the sake of being the fucking leader. Yeah, they experimented with his personality, his goals, and his methods in Armada. In IDW Starscream was doing better before it turned out to just serve Windblade's arc. But it's not much in comparison with what Megatron's getting.

It's too early to tell in which direction they're gonna take Steamcream in TF: One. But I'm inclined to expect him to follow his usual characterization and tropes. A despicable, corrupt asshole, while Megatron seems like a nice guy turned rebellious and violent under oppression.  Again, it's the authors' favorite boy Megatron and their whipping boy Starscream to pin all the lowly evil shit on.