Mood: Study Biology In Moscow, Cut Open Frogs, Become A Nihilst And Die From Typhoid Fever At The Age

mood: study biology in moscow, cut open frogs, become a nihilst and die from typhoid fever at the age of 29.

have i ever told you how much i love michelle dockery as mary crawley because i've had a crush on her for, like, almost seven months aND i'm not joking.

nO

maybe you'll feel better if you read some dostoevsky

ah! someone! lend me their computer so that i can play the witcher 3 on it for seven hours straight!

ah, the dreams.

feeling patriotic to a country i wasn't born in and never been to: a novel.

i don't know who this is, but this picture gives me such a strange association with both of the main characters in my imaginary pre-1848-french-revolution world - lefevre and sterling. this guy is somehow the fusion of these two.

when i look only at his face, i see the purest traces of sterling - he seems to doubt what is this he lives in - is it just a place of existence limited by frau charlottenberg's mansion, london and lord appleton, whom he promised to show his father's german sabre... or is it a world, with lefevre, jean-marc, julie's birds, the enamoured violinist from the tavern he almost died in, his french professor who told him infinite stories about venice... and with edith, who made him sacrifice himself for a heartbeat of passion. and sterling is no more than a shakespearean "fair youth", not understanding why should he tear himself in two halves between the world he was born in and the world that was born for him.

and then i look at the whole picture. the whole of it. it's lefevre, surely it is! look at the cloudy weather of this scene, at his dark overcoat, and at the posture he's in. oh, it is surely him. he is lost in misunderstanding sterling, he doesn't know what to do - whether to come together with jean-marc and yves and become the great revolutioner, completing his brother's fate, or to run to switzerland, to sterling's arms and prevent his premature death. because lefevre knew that edith will throw sterling down a cliff if she gets bored. but he also knew that sterling wouldn't withdraw so easily, and that he threw them apart when they were back from france, saying that he, lefevre, didn't understand him because he isn't capable to feel what he, sterling, feels for edith. but the thing is that he is. he feels, or better, he loves sterling. and that's why now he is in a life-or-death inner struggle between heart and mind.