I Wonder If You Know. I Wonder If You Know I Still Fantasize About The Little Things. I Want You In A

I wonder if you know. I wonder if you know I still fantasize about the little things. I want you in a way I dont think Ive ever wanted anyone before, but I know you don't want me. You just want someone to warm the bed at night. But no matter how hard I try, you dont want it to be me.

“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.”

— Khalil Gibran

annnndddddd hes back to ignoring me, live laugh love

mixed signals and mixed feelings

hes been, nice? this is unusual for him, and I think I need it to stop, honestly I think hes just horny and lonely again, I really do not know, but hes been texting me? As someone who just spent the last few days mourning the fact that we hadnt messaged for like 20 days, that was fucking weird, and now were on a two day streak of texting? its, odd, and Im getting such mixed signals. He told me he would bring a plushy I liked today, and then didnt, I dont get it. He also posted about how he wanted to leave when we were sitting together I just do not get it whatsoever. I didnt even know if we were friends until I checked today and he refered to me as one kinda? so I guess we are. Im sure the reason hes being nice again and everything is to be actually friends again because, he missed my friendship, which is valid, but knowing how lonely hes been saying he is makes me, question his intentions. Whats bull is that every time we get closer, he runs away, and then im left confused as hell, this is not the first time hes done this either, its like a pattern and I honestly dont know that to do with it. If he tries to advance further physically I dont know what ill do, I still like him, but Im pretty sure he doesnt like me and is just lonely and horny, and I dont want that, but I still want him? Its so confusing, hes been letting me in too which is cool but im so lost, last week we were hardly speaking. Dont get me wrong Im happy, and i want this to continue going well as it is, I guess I want it to advance too, but that would make things, complicated. I want things to progress but at the same time I really dont. Whats worse is him treating me like im actually worth something makes me fall all over again and its so fucked. Im just so confused yk? I dont think even he knows what it is that he wants and its infuriating.

Worse even still, were staying over at a friends place, together, which might be why hes trying to repair things, to be fair its only for a night, but the last sleepover we had we were all over eachother and this is gonna be,, weird, im sure nothing will happen, even thogh I kinda want it to. One because I dont think he would go there again, and two because our friend is gonna be there, but who knows honestly. I really actually hope nothing will go down because then I have to talk to him about it probably and thats gonna be a whole thing and im so iuughhhhhhh kms. But I miss his body against mine yk? the whole thing is sooooo confusing, and I cant wait much longer im going insane. I want him so bad but I really need for nothing to happen yk?

“People cry, not because they’re weak. It’s because they’ve been strong for too long.”

— Johnny Depp

now i am forced to somehow un-love you. as if i never craved your touch, your kiss, or simply your presence across the room. i am forced to pretend this heart is not longing for your return. we are now two strangers who shared a past, and an imaginary future together. i am forced to dry my tears at night and make myself believe this is for the better. my arms no longer have a home. and your absence will forever torment my soul.

- dee (i am forced to forget us)

Oh to be loved like this