hamlets-ak

🧚‍♀️ ◦ léa ◦ 20 ◦ she/her ◦ fr/gr ৎ୭

401 posts

Loving Someone Doesnt Save Them *

loving someone doesn’t save them ༊*·˚

m.list ◦ askbox

synopsis: in which harry appears on your doorstep & asks questions about R.A.B.

It was a tragedy for everyone else, for everyone who only knew him by his last name; but for you, it was like ripping out a part of your heart and then leaving back shattered pieces collided with the weakest glue. No one prepared you for this - he didn’t prepare you. Even the night you last saw him; he gave you a kiss on the lips, a smile, and said: « Goodnight. »

If that sick feeling was a bottle you would've broken it, if it was a wall you would've torn it down, if it was a piece of paper you would've cast it into the fire. But no, your heart was sobbing for days, months, years, and you were doomed to spend the rest of your life with a hole inside your chest that couldn't be filled.

You hated him, mostly because he said he loved you and because you had plans and he gave you his ring as a promise with a kiss and a « don’t worry everything’s going to be fine. » How could you love someone that didn’t prepare you for this? That didn’t tell you to hug him tighter that night or to say that you loved him one last time before he left once and for all. Maybe you didn’t know him as much as you thought and for the rest of your life, you would always have an unanswered question; why didn’t he give you a sign.

After eighteen years you were able to forgive him. But you never forgot about him.

You started a family away from London in the countryside, away from everything and everyone. Your husband - a muggle - didn’t know about your past and you had never opened the door of that haunted house filled with screaming voices of friends and family. Your kids were your priority, two happy little girls that wanted to play in the garden all day under the sun.

However, the sun had abandoned you the last few months and the sky was always veiled, misty with storms and rains. No matter the attempts of the Daily Prophet to reassure you and quieten your concerns, you knew something terrible was about to happen. You had seen it happening before, spreading and destroying everything in its passage. Everyone you loved was dead because of this.

And all of your suspicions came true when on a rainy afternoon thunderous poundings were heard on your door.

Your husband was in town and you were working in your office as your girls were playing in front of the fireplace. It was only natural for you to feel a knot in your stomach and your body instantly freezing.

« Mom, someone’s on the door! »

You left your typewriter aside and got out of your office. The shape of a person was printed on the glass, a man. You weren’t expecting any guests and your husband had car and keys with him.

« Girls, why don’t you go upstairs? », you smiled at them. They both looked at you unsurely with that childish expression of concern and the need to protect their mother.

« Is something wrong, mommy? »

« No, no, love, » your voice came out gently as you held their soft cheeks. « Just go upstairs. » They obeyed your words hesitantly, giving you second glances over the pile of toys gathered on their hugs, and turned to the upper floor.

Once they were out of sight, you ran to your office to get your wand and then back to the entrance. With a quick move, you raised your wand and the door opened wide, letting you point to the person that was standing there.

« Hi, » he said not really paying attention to your wand. It was a young man, a boy not even eighteen years old. « I’m looking for Y/N L/N. » For a moment you stayed there, your blood running cold in your veins, frozen, with your heart skipping beats. It couldn’t be, it was some kind of sick joke.

Your lips separated studying each and every one of his features. Rain was pressing down short black curls, droplets dripping down his half-closed eyes, and trailing lines across his dark skin. He had glasses on, foggy and stained; the same kind of glasses your best friend wore years before he was lost - murdered. But it couldn’t be him. He took them off and wiped the water with his fingers before your gaze met a deep brown, honey set of eyes - Lily Evans’ eyes.

« Harry? », you let your wand drop. He stared at you.

« You know me? »

« Don’t just sit there, come in, » you opened the door wider for him to pass inside, letting the sound of it echo behind you. Your eyes examined him. You hadn't seen him since he was only a baby.

His stare roomed the house as he gave you his jacket, seeing pictures of your children, you, your husband.

« I’m Harry, Harry Potter, » he turned back tenting his arm forward.

« I know, » you smiled at him and shook his hand. You kissed both of his cheeks and gestured to the living room. « I’m Y/N. » Your eyes kept staring at him until you caught the uneasiness in the air, so you took a seat on the armchair. « Can I bring you anything, Harry? »

« No, no, thank you, » he shook his arms sitting on the couch across from you.

« I suppose everyone tells you, you are just like your dad. Except for the eyes, of course. Those are Lily’s. »

« You knew my parents? » You smiled.

« Oh, I didn’t just know them, we were friends - best friends. I have so many stories to tell you. »

« I’d love to hear them all, » Harry said.

« And I also have a photo album. » You haven’t seen that grin and that spark in a pair of eyes for years, and the truth was, you had missed them more than words could possibly describe. « But first, you have to tell me the reason of your visit, Harry Potter. »

His cheerful expression slowly faded, clouds passing by his features. Fingers fumbled in the pocket of his jeans and without losing any time he brought out a necklace, a locket - the locket.

Your eyes exchanged a look between the locket and Harry, fear marked on your face as he offered it to you and you just shook your head pulling back.

« Where did you get this? », you asked not being able to change your gaze away from that devilry.

« Do you recognize this? », Harry questioned. You raised your eyes slowly shaking your head.

« Harry, I don’t know where you found this or what you intend to do, but please stay away from it. »

« What do you mean? »

« Where did you even find it? Did you go to the cave? » Harry furrowed his brows. You realized at that moment, he probably didn’t expect you to know and maybe it was for the best to stop yourself. But you had questions and you were sure the same applied to him. « Is this the one? »

« No, this is the fake one, » Harry said opening it and bringing forward a small piece of parchment. He offered it to you which you took hesitantly. You read it. A slight smile twitched on your lips. The handwriting, the damn handwriting, and that R.A.B. that had always been his way of signing notes or letters. « R.A.B. », Harry spoke. « Regulus Ar- »

« Arcturus Black, » you interrupted him. His eyes looked up at yours that rested on that old parchment. Your fingers traced the surface of the last words he left in this world. You rubbed your sight, a hot sense lurking behind, ready to blur your vision, and pressed your lips together tightly. « Regulus Arcturus Black. » It had been years since the last time you spoke his name out loud. You had forgotten the sound of it. It was nothing more than words in your head, but when said those three words, magically, it took life again.

« The locket belonged to Sirius’ brother, » Harry spoke as you gave him back the note. A mischievous smile slowly appeared on your face that made the boy feel uncomfortable facing someone who knew the person he was trying for months to do an introspection to.

« Is that the reason of your visit? » Harry looked at you with the fullest and deepest stare. He spoke quietly but steadily sure of what he was saying.

« You knew Regulus Black. You knew what he was trying to do. You knew everything. »

« I didn’t know anything, » you replied.

« I don’t believe you, » Harry said. You furrowed your brows and allowed your looks to meet. It was interesting talking to him. He had Lily’s straightforwardness and sharpness, and James’ expressions.

« Why are you here? How did you find me? »

« I found letters of yours in R.A.B.’s room. » With these words the muscle of your jaw clenched. You never imagined that your personal writings would be read by someone other than him. The feeling of anger was boiling under your skin. The only thing that held you back, that didn’t erupt the volcano inside you, was that he was a kid. « Hard to find. They were very well-hidden. »

« And how did you find out my name? », you asked. You always signed with a pseudonym that only a few selected people knew about.

« Professor Lupin helped me with that. » That's when you let a small smile appear on your face again and sat better back on the armchair.

« Professor Lupin? », you chuckled. « The old bastard... »

« I need to know, » Harry said seriously which brought you back to the conversation. « You knew Regulus Black. You knew. »

« I’m afraid you are losing your time here. I knew Regulus, » you told him. « I didn’t know. He didn’t let me know. »

« Why? »

« Because he loved me. » Harry didn’t speak just watched your expression change. He watched the way your jaw muscle broke, that bitter smile on your mouth and your head lightly shaking. You bit your lower lip and shrugged. « Because he knew exactly what he was doing. And because he knew exactly how it was going to end. » None of you spoke after that. « I don’t know anything, Harry, truly. He never prepared me or anyone else for this. »

« I don’t understand why he did that, » his voice cut those few seconds of silence. He shook his head, eyes fixed to the ground, giving to your piercing stare glances every now and then. « I don’t understand him. »

« You know, » you breathed out. « At first I was mad at him - maybe I still am a little - but through the years, I realized that that was his way. Regulus just followed his heart without giving any explanation to anyone. He acted with his senses and his emotions and did the things he considered right. Regulus didn’t care about the price. He could even pay with his life. »

« Sirius told me he was a stupid idiot whose only ambition was to join the Death Eaters. »

« Sirius loved him, Harry. But he didn’t know him at all. Nobody knew him really, I’m afraid. »

« What about you? »

« Barely, » you shrugged sadly. « He didn’t let me know him, he just let me love him. But does it matter now? Loving someone doesn’t save them. »