I Am A Younger Sister So I Know The Hurt

i am a younger sister so i know the hurt

but i am also an older sister– i understand the rage.

looking back at it all, i think that i was reaching for heaven when i was not even an angel in the first place. but as a human, is it really wrong to ask for something more? to want something more? to argue those things, and pray to God. as myself, am i asking for too much?

"you already told these things to your past lovers."

"meeting you made me thank all there is to worship that nothing ever worked out in the past."

with every stroke of your brush,

i bend a little more

i want you a little closer

and closer

and inside

and with every step of each foot,

i get excited with the position that you're about to put me in

lay your hands on my body just for the paint to mark on me

but never my sweat on you

i am your muse

i pose for you

my master,

claim this body as your greatest masterpiece

and inside the art gallery,

i'll stare at the most painful memory

drawn by the hands i keep on reaching

seen by the eyes that refuse to look into my soul

how can your art not interest you

like how the creation wonder about its creator

i am beyond lucky to have captured your face always

for even the camera rarely gets the shot

time and time again,

it looks like there is a chance until there isn't

it feels magical and one of a kind until something snaps and it starts to look like any other

time and time again,

my weary bones cry and hope

hope this one stays the way it smells

hope the eyes still meet mine

hope this one is the one

my tired mind–

forced to go blank as happenstance confirms it's nowhere to be found

it was a rainbow because there was a constant rain

the colorful forest in my mind

turns gray as my heart sinks

there is a flood again

and the cloud's weeping and there is raging in the sky

the guardian became so mad

she went to heaven, lost it all

the heaven's gate was loud from her banging

but there was no one there

"I am slow and I am not as great as you, and I thought it was okay for you!"

but there was no one

she came back to earth

there was a man

he looked heavenly

and he did not look at her