Fuck Me!

fuck me!

WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY??????????????

wanna know the old me?

here. check this site http://ithinkiminlove.onsugar.com/

it was me from february of last year xD lol twas funny reading my old blog... i cant imagine how crazy i am, how emotional i am... lol too much drama i would say. i can pass for a very exaggerating drama queen OTL OTL OTL

it was just an accident (?)...

here i go again... gonna share what happened in my dream last night. hmmm i DNW it to happen in real life but idk why i reacted to it that way...

in my dream i was in an accident. actually, i died too. idk the cause, who was at fault but i died. sad? idk. well, im not sure if it was a dream or just my imagination... it's kinda bothering me since i was thinking about it for awhile. and the main thing thst puzzles me the most is why i kept trying to go back to sleep after i woke up from that dream... instead of like crying maybe(?) cause im pretty sure people who had nightmares wakes up and cry after. like they're scared and all. or like they sweat so much. but in my experience this morning, i tried going back to sleep. i really tried so hard. maybe cause i am unconsciously curious as to what happened to me and what will happen after my death. i don't know! it's scares me that i did try going back to sleep... i should be talking to someone and share this so i can get some comfort but nope! im not going to. they'll thing im weird and crazy. *sigh*

i just hope this will not happen again.... not that i am scared but its bothering me the whole afternoon... =/

Depressing stories are depressing & contagious.

I was on my other tumblr just lurking and looking for things that may caught my interest... There was this post from a girl whining abt what happened to her today... So i was like 'cool' but then she posted a more 'dramatic' post on how idk if it was her family or friends but yeah they kinda forget abt her. Well thats what she posted. She was like yeah im happy abt it and i can feel that twas full of sarcasm and all. She then said she would also forget abt them since they already forget abt her...

I then felt like thinking abt my friends back in PI. Do they miss me? Am i still part of the group? Do they even know me? See i told you... Sadness is contagious. Why not post something that will bring a smile to the readers instead of making them feel sad and lonely too...

But i respect her. Its her freedom to post whatever she wants... And the same thing goes for me and everyone else. It is just that i felt like every statement we have will have an impact to someone... And its kinda sad that i had the negative effect from it.

Anyways, i hope that she'll feel better. And for me, i guess i'll be more careful next time when posting something...

Good night!

Umpe, hwaiting! Be strong and get well soon!

Kanina i woke up not feeling to start this day... I got to eat lunch, shower, and watch tv pa nga e... But nung mga oras na un... I was thinking. Trying to come up with a realization but i came up with my assumptions that i am sick and maybe dying at a young age... Sad right? Since then, different scenarios kept playin on my head. Idk why but i feel like there is really something wrong happening inside me. I kept in thinking abt this the whole time. Even my dad was kinda bothered by my actions and how quiet i was... But i cant just tell my family something is bothering me coz i do now want them to get worried abt me. They already jave tons of problems and i do not want to add up to that. So yeah i kept it to myself and i will keep it to muself until the day i die or get diagnosed with an illness or sth... It is a sad reality but thats how cruel life is...

And then my cuzzo messaged me and told me Umpe was hospitalized coz she wasnt feeling well... Right then my heart sunk. I teared up. Trying to suppress my loud cries... I pretend to be strong... I walk up to my mom and told her what happened to Umpe. She doesnt look as nervous and worried as i am but its good that i get to inform her and all...

So yeah after that i got too emotional... Posting it on my fb status, twitter and tumblr... Asking friends to pray for her because i am too weak to face this hardship once again. And fortunately, my friends were telling me to be strong, they love me and they'll be there if i need someone to talk to... I felt a little relieved but still worried for Umpe...

Rn, she is at the hospital. Hopefully, she gets better soon. Lets pray for her. I dont want to be in this same postition again. I am afraid i wont be as strong as before...

I love Umpe so much and i really hope she gets better soon...

Feb02

Panu ba yan february na naman... 12 days until hearts' day and as usual i have no special man to celebrate that special day... Gaaah until kelan kea ako magsosolo??? Sna dumating na ang prince charming ko soon. I cant wait to celebrate hearts' day everyday ^^