Back On My Bullshit Y'all. Implausible Historical Scenario: Southern Alexander Hamilton (pt 1: Lavien

back on my bullshit y'all. implausible historical scenario: southern alexander hamilton (pt 1: lavien & laurens version)

Part 2: Washington's son dramatic-ass version

my favorite hobby is shoving historical figures into impossible scenarios so i can get them to do what i want. once again made up some convoluted series of events just to create a hamilton wildly out of character- god forbid, a southerner who might even get along with thomas jefferson. here's the first implausible scenario that make it possible.

Alexander goes to live with his half brother Peter Lavien.

Peter Lavien was the legitimate child of Rachel Hamilton’s first marriage. He moved to Beaufort, South Carolina in 1764 at eighteen and became a prominent merchant and member of the church. However, he returned to St. Croix in 1769 to settle his mother’s estate, aka get everything that she had wanted to go to James Jr. and Alexander. In 1769, the two boys were taken in by their cousin Peter Lytton (who died), and then Lytton’s father, who also died a month later. Probable that this happened after Lavien had once again left St. Croix, but let’s just imagine that he for some reason takes pity on the boys - and takes them with him. Nothing makes sense here, roll with it.

It would be even sadder and morbidly funny if he only took Alexander. I say this because in his 1778 last Will and Testament Lavien left “Alexander Hamilton and his brother Robert Hamilton” a fairly substantial amount of money. One brother must’ve left a greater impression on him and maybe poor James Jr. hears this half brother who took his inheritance say “Alex and Robert can come with me” and goes “Who tf is Robert, fuck this” and peaces out. 

Now, politically: Extrapolating since I’m not sure how prominent “prominent merchant” is, but maybe this means that Alex has the chance to meet prominent southerners early on, who like many others, are charmed by his energy and precocity. Does this mean he has more affection and allegiance for South Carolina than he did in real life for St. Croix? Does his politics and economic experience change? Assuming that like Washington, wartime experience is enough to make him a nationalist and he still had some experience at Cruger’s (and maybe helping Lavien) and thus does not have differing economic beliefs, his enemies would lose out on a major attack: perceived bias to the North. His connection to the Schuyler family would still serve, but maybe without as much weight, since he has those southern connections. 

I love the idea of a South Carolinian Alexander Hamilton who grows up in a fairly secure American home with a steady guardian. The personal implications! The family drama of being forced to rely on a half brother who resents you for taking his mom, and who you resent back for taking your inheritance! Does this give him more issues, less issues? No idea! Even worse, Lavien was apparently a Tory, so there’s that. Two brothers who perhaps got closer over the years, split apart again by political differences. “I take pity on a bastard brat and you repay me with this?” type shit. Lavien moved out to Georgia in 1777, and apparently died in 1780 or 1781 which means Hamilton would’ve been a prominent aide de camp to the commander in chief, and potentially married into a great New York family when it happens. How would he react to that?

And I can’t give up the idea of Colonel Alexander Hamilton of South Carolina meeting John Laurens of South Carolina. Maybe I push it further and say they meet early on and become childhood friends, even.

This is really stretching it but idc, they get to be childhood friends and Hamilton gains the favor of Henry Laurens. Maybe they even go to Europe together, wreak havoc on everything, and then disobey both Laurens' worried father and Alexander's Tory brother to join the army as aide de camps.

Maybe in this universe, Hamilton is chosen to go to South Carolina instead of John Laurens and their fates are switched. Maybe Henry Laurens who still wants to keep his kid out of danger asks Hamilton to go in his stead and pushes Washington about it, and Hamilton, wanting a command, readily agrees. Maybe that continues on after Yorktown, when Hamilton returns to South Carolina. Maybe Laurens has to learn that Hamilton died in a skirmish through a letter from his father and vows to continue on their shared dreams and Hamilton's plans, becoming the influential but even more abrasive leader of the federalist party. i want to see the switch, where it's the more idealistic laurens who isn't a good politician either (the two of them are a disaster) enters the public arena to be slandered and corrupted - laurens who is isolated from his fellow southerners and who seems to be mourning someone constantly and washington knowing exactly who it is. a laurens who looks back and yearns for a promising, brilliant young man who could've done so much more if he only had the chance WAIT WHO SAID THAT-

implausible historical scenario: southern alexander hamilton (pt 2: washington's version)

Part 1: Grows up with Lavien, tragic lams version

here's the second scenario that would make southern A. Ham a possibility:

The rumors are true and he actually is Washington's son - I know, I know, I can hear Hamilton rolling in his grave already. But there's a reason the rumors circulated, it's really fucking interesting!

We know for a fact that the real Washington was minding his business 1754-1757, far away from Nevis - but he did go to Barbados with his brother in 1751. Let's pretend that he went back in an impromptu trip or that Lawrence managed to eek out a few more years, so they actually went later than 1751 (Unrelated, but him catching smallpox there + being exposed to Lawrence's tuberculosis might be the reason he was potentially infertile. If so, then the timing works out and doesn't conflict with his inability to have kids with Martha.) Maybe their ship was blown off course or needed some supplies, and stopped at Nevis. For whatever reason (my entertainment), he makes a series of questionable choices. Some people speculate that Alexander might have been the son of Stevens. I personally don't find this likely, but I can switch Stevens with Washington. I can and I did.

There are two main pathways I can see.

The first one most closely matches historical rumors and reality: no southern Hamilton. Washington leaves the West Indies oblivious, Ham comes to NYC, everything plays out the same - but at some point they figure out that he's his dad. People have already written a lot about this, but musical based, and for good reason. There's a lot of angst you can get out of it. Does Washington watch silently as Hamilton courts Elizabeth and is welcomed into the Schuyler family? Does Washington know that his son only had one friend at his own wedding? Worse, does Alexander still view James Hamilton as his dad, and beg him to come while ignoring the general? Do they work together better or worse than they do in reality? The possibilities! Imagine a world where there isn't a Reynolds Pamphlet but there is a Washington Pamphlet where Alexander confesses that he is the illegitimate son of the president after the Democratic Republicans got hold of some information. All of this is extremely soap opera, and almost embarassing in its drama but idc, it's fun.

Second, more divergent one: Yes, Alexander is illegitimate, but they find each other way earlier. It certainly wasn't uncommon for men of Washington's status to have bastards, and some did acknowledge their illegitimate children. Here, he'd be acknowledged, and raised in Virginia with the Custis kids (assuming Martha still marries George in 1759). I find this scenario intriguing for both the personal and political repercussions.

Personal repurcussions: would Hamilton have less issues if he was Washington's kid? Certainly his environment would be more stable, and Washington (given his frustration with a lazy Jacky Custis) would've been proud of such an intelligent, promising boy. People would be less eager to criticize/demean Hamilton (at least to his face), and he wouldn't be insecure in his class or geographical origin. I can also see him learning more political finesse and control if he grew up in Virginian society and with a steady, dedicated father. Would he have worked better with Washington if they were actually an acknowledged father-son relationship? Would Washington have planned to give Mount Vernon to him, since the Custis children already have their inheritance?

Now, if we assume that Hamilton’s policies remain constant, then his opponents lose even more major weapons than the Lavien world: perceived preference for the north and background. But then it also complicates Washington's legacy as general and president. Some historians argue that Washington having no perceived biological heir had some role in the trust people placed in him. If people know that Hamilton is his son, illegitimate or not, who has followed him through the war and into government, that's going to cause uneasiness. Maybe even do more damage to Washington's reputation than any real-life accusations of monarchy ever did, because this one actually has some weight. Ironically, it could be that this forces Alexander to be out of the running for the Secretary of Treasury position - having to work in the shadows, because the country is suspicious of anything and everything that looks like a king. More resentment!

But what if his beliefs do change? We get to see a Hamilton with connections to the south, just like the Lavien universe, but on crack. Because now his guardian isn’t just any southerner, he’s George Washington. It’s likely that just like Washington, going through the war would end up with him being a nationalist. But economically? If he didn't get that experience as a clerk in the West Indies (the period he said was the most educational of his life), or as an assistant to his merchant half-brother, then would he have the knowledge/insight to create his financial plan? Washington was on the same page as Hamilton, but Hamilton was doing the actual system-building. Going further, maybe growing up at Mt. Vernon happily and having only faint, distasteful memories of his tragic childhood in the West Indies actually makes him rear away from reminders of that life - maybe he has a fondness for agrarian lifestyle and lounging by trees reading philosophy, and an inherent dislike of merchants, business opportunists like james hamilton, trading, commerce. Maybe, god forbid, he ends up thinking a lot like Jefferson.

Who knows? A young Virginian Hamilton who has very close ties and pride connected to his country, meets an idealistic Thomas Jefferson and goes: "You are my role model and now I will emulate everything about you." People forget that Jefferson was 12 - 14 years older than Hamilton, it’s possible! The two didn’t hate each other right away! I can see them in this world bonding over Virginia and their intellect - perhaps, even if Hamilton veers towards being a nationalist, the lack of dispute on financial matters is enough for them to maintain a good relationship. There's even a possibility that Hamilton, like Madison, is a nationalist and writes the Federalist Papers but switches to the Jeffersonian side once Jefferson comes back. Certainly Madison and Jefferson would spend a lot of time trying to convince their wayward, fellow Virginian friend. Imagine a world where Washington is the biggest federalist and opposing his own son, who is in cahoots with a different Virginian in undermining his own presidency.

*Pats improbable scenario: this baby pumps out so much melodrama.

my awesome chill professor who indulges my tangents and has really interesting points as a past avid admirer of jefferson: i find it amusing that many of the reviews and conclusions drawn from commentary that point out jefferson's flaws is "he wasn't an angel or a demon, just a guy :(". huge amount of slack, don't you think? he's the king of pr.

me: so you're saying that jefferson uses the "i'm just a girl" defense?

professor: accurate. jefferson's just a girl! he tried his best. support his rights and his wrongs.

i just saw a really interesting tweet that basically said "look i don't know why people are blaming lin manuel miranda for manipulating the public into thinking hamilton was hot and rad. i live near his grave, and years before that musical came out, teenage girls were bringing flowers because they thought he was cute."

can anyone else confirm or deny? there was definitely a subset of history fans who were interested in him before the musical but i was too young to get into it back then so i have no reference.

the idea of random teen girls bringing flowers for a dead founding father because "you're better looking than franklin i guess" is hilarious though 😭

remember the glorious day when someone corrected aaron burr's wikipedia page and finally revealed to the world that he was responsible for jefferson's miku binder? nobody ever say again that burr gets a bad rep because of the duel.

Link to one version of the page

friend sent me these two photos unprompted with the text "welcome back alexander hamilton. red locks big nose and beautiful anime eyes iktr. my man my man my man."

congrats leland francis fraser. you have ousted tom blyth as my friend's alexander hamilton of the month, private subsidiary of white boy of the month.