I Love How A Lot Of Queer Ppl Have The Same Experience Of Toning Down Ur Identities/labels For Cishet

i love how a lot of queer ppl have the same experience of toning down ur identities/labels for cishet people so tag this what you actually label yourself v.s what you tell cishet people

To any fic writers who worry they are wasting their time... I read a fic for a relatively small and inactive fandom about three years ago. And there was one specific scene where a character watched another dancing like an idiot to a beyonce song and it was so sweet and loving that even now years later I have that song on one of my spotify playlist so every once in a while it will play and remind me of that fic, and every time it does I smile and feel a little happier.

The stats on a fic will never really tell you if your writing touched someone. There's no numerical way to show you what impact you made. Maybe you are wasting time, or maybe you are writing something that someone will remember for a long time, something that will never fail to make them smile.

watching that documentary that flo and reiky put out and seeing their energy towards each other just reminded me HOW WE LOST KES AND LUCAS TOO EARLY IN LIFE. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them i miss them

18/31 days of skam netherlands : favourite edited sequence pt. 2 // watskeburt?!         Props voor de Heist Rocker / En de watskebuuurt 

Fondly Yours, Lucas.

a vds one shot. you can find more on my ao3.

( @ apolloswords )

feel free to comment/message me any suggestions for one shot ideas!

Lucas is an aspiring artist, who gains inspiration from the musical works of a piano player who lives above his apartment. Too shy to say anything, he invites his mystery muse to his upcoming art showcase. 

Both Lucas and Kes didn’t say anything. They continued to study the set of paintings in front of them, the canvas sizes ranging and the colours all swarming madly together, contrasting and contradicting with each other. Both boys had on a similar expression. Lucas’ hands were on his hips and Kes’ arms were crossed, with a hand tapping on his chin. But their furrowed brows and bitten lips were exact replicas of each other which in the end only meant one thing.

Neither of them had any idea what to do.

“You don’t have to say anything you know. You could just leave it as it is. Which is nothing.” Kes suggested without taking his eyes off the set of paintings.

Lucas shook his head in disagreement. “No, I can’t do that. I’d practically be taking credit for someone else’s work.”

“But technically it still is your work. I mean, it is your work.” Kes defended. “Are you supposed to credit inspiration?”

He sighed. It’s not like most artists did credit inspiration- but this was different. It would be wrong of him to pretend all of this work was simply something he created on his own.

From his own mind.

“I can’t do that.” Lucas firmly stated, turning his body a bit to face Kes. “You know I have to credit this person somehow.”

Kes sighed, knowing he was right. Shrugging, he also turned away from the paintings to look at him.

“You know, you could just actually tell them.” He finally stated.

Frowning, Lucas gave him a weird look in response. Tell them? He thought to himself. Tell them what exactly? That the only reason he managed to get out of such an artist block for his upcoming showcase was because after one week of living in his new Antwerp apartment, he heard the most lovely melody playing from the apartment above him? That he spent countless hours listening to what was able to be heard from his own apartment, and thus eventually leading him out of the block to create art work based on the beautiful music? How he longed to wait for the beautiful piano keys to be played everyday, and being immersed in so much more? How he never thought his synesthesia could manage to give him more of a world than the one he actually lived in?

There was no way he was able to admit any of that to the musician upstairs.

“What would I even say?” He asked Kes, trying to make sense of the rambling of worried thoughts in his head.

“The truth? An explanation? A thank you?” He replied, huffing out a light laugh after every suggestion, subtly pointing out how obvious the whole situation was. “Face it Luc, you know this will eat you alive if you don’t do it.”

Kes was right. He knew Kes was right. But there was no way he was going to openly admit that.

“I am way too shy for that.” Lucas pointed out instead. “Besides, wouldn’t it be a little creepy? Some new neighbour of yours just coming up, knocking on your door and telling you they made not one, not two, but a whole painting series on some of your piano playing? I’m going to sound like a stalker.”

“No you wouldn’t. If anything, well if it were me, I’d be flattered. It’s not everyday someone makes a whole art collection based on the music you play. If it were a common thing, you would’ve made a collection to Jayden’s guitar playing right now.”

“Have you heard Jayden’s guitar playing? I think it’s the one time my synesthesia actually malfunctions and checks out.”

“Can it do that?” Kes asked curiously.

Lucas shook his head. “No, it can’t. But I definitely have never gotten inspired by it.”

Kes let out a loose laugh, which Lucas couldn't help but smile alongside it. When Kes was finished being so amused, he sighed and tried to give Lucas a small reassuring smile.

“Listen, maybe you don’t have to go up and exactly knock on the door. Maybe you could just go up there and leave a note. Alongside an invitation to the event.” He finally said, and Lucas nodded slowly, taking in the suggestion.

“What if they still think that’s a creepy? Think about it-“ He began to say before he was quickly cut off.

“They think you’re creepy because now you’ve left some invitation to some random event where their musical talents have been exploited by some random Dutch artist who is too paranoid for his own good.” Kes finished off, giving him a teasing smile. “Face it, everything is objectively creepy.”

He groaned, knowing he had made another point. Burying his face in his hands, he squeezed his eyes shut and let out a few deep breaths. As he did this, he could hear some rummaging going on around him, but Lucas wasn’t calm enough to deal with that just yet.

When he did eventually open his eyes, he wanted to shut them again and pretend he didn’t see Kes grinning at him widely, with a small poster with the information of the artist showcase at the museum in one hand and a pen in the other.

-

Hi, I’m your neighbour from down below. I’m an aspiring artist who just moved to the city, and after the first few weeks of living here, I was lucky enough to be able to hear you play such beautiful music on your piano. I managed to make my new art collection based on your music, and it is actually being showcased this week at this event. If possible, I would love for you to come and see the collection, as well as getting to know you. I hope to see you there.

Fondly yours, Lucas

-

Now, Lucas was a nervous wreck. He was constantly biting his nails and wiping his clammy hands on his dress pants, hoping it wouldn’t stain. But he couldn’t help it, it had been an hour since the showcase started and his mysterious piano player was no where to be seen.

“They aren’t coming.” He told Kes, as he bit his nails a little more. “They probably thought I was a creep and I bet you that they’re planning on moving out as soon as possible.”

“Would you stop that?” Kes replied, gently taking Lucas’ wrist and bringing it down, so he wouldn stop biting his nails. “You’re going to eat your whole hand at this point.”

“I told you it was a bad idea.”

“Maybe they were just busy. Busy with their own musical showcase.” He patted Lucas on the shoulder assuringly and tried to offer him a small smile. “Come on, let’s go over to the drink table to calm your nerves.”

They headed away from Lucas’ exhibit, and casually made their way to the refreshments. Along the way, Lucas got a few taps, nods and smiles, all actions to show they were clearly impressed by his work. He thanked them politely, but this only made his guilt overwhelm him even more. At one point, he almost considered backing out of the exhibit because he couldn’t handle it anymore.

Kes poured them both a glass of champagne and Lucas suddenly felt someone come up and throw an arm around him. Startled, his pressing thoughts escaped him as he looked over to the person dangling off his shoulder.

“Hello boys.” Jayden greeted with a wide smile. “Have we found Lucas’ mysterious muse yet?”

Snorting, Lucas swatted his arm off his shoulders gently. Kes just rolled his eyes and gave Lucas the glass of champagne, which he downed quickly. Jayden looked between them, still waiting for an answer.

“Doubt they’re coming.” He finally stated, after the champagne gave him a quick buzz. Jayden frowned and Kes just sighed.

“Cheer up Luc, you still got a great exhibit. Makes it look like I’m tripping on psychedelics without even doing so.” Jayden said.

He raised a brow at him. “Are you okay? My art doesn’t look like a psychedelic trip at all.”

“The blending off all the colours is kind of trippy.” Jayden shrugged.

“No? Jayden, the shades are much softer and so is the blend. And the art doesn’t even remotely look psychedelic-“ He began to explain before Kes quickly patted his chest to stop talking. Lucas gave him a confused look.

“Guys shut up.” Kes whispered, looking over into the direction of Lucas’ exhibit. “Look.”

They all turned their heads to where Kes was indicating, and Lucas felt a lodge in his throat. There was someone standing in front of his work, simply admiring it. But this boy had such an allure to him that Lucas found himself admiring him like he was the exhibit.

The boy was nonetheless, beautiful. He radiated both an enticing yet soft feel but his features and expression made him look quite mysterious. Lucas could only make out what he saw from the boy’s side profile, but he didn’t need much to look at to know he was beautiful. Dark raven hair flowed down over his eyes, with dark brown eyes wandering over the artwork with such focus. His skin had a warm olive tone to it, but to Lucas, it reminded him of a braze touch of gold. He wore a black button down shirt he wore fitted over his body accentuated his broad shoulders and chest, and Lucas could practically feel his face turn red as he tried not to gawk at him.

“You should definitely talk to him.” Kes suggested, and Lucas was surprised to also see him and Jayden equally starstruck.

“Are you crazy? What would I even say?” Lucas whispered-yelled at them, shaking his head.

“What if that’s your mystery muse?” Jayden suddenly said, and Lucas could feel himself begin to panic again.

“Then there is no way I am going over there. He can read my artist information on the postcard.” He said, but his friends only shook their heads.

“You have to go over there. Even if he isn’t your mystery muse, he is arguably very cute and I know you’re going to regret not making a move.” Kes mentioned, and Lucas just sighed.

“Must you always be right?” He mumbled, hoping it was out of earshot.

“Took you long enough to admit.” Kes winked as he gave him a playful smirk.

“Luc! Go!” Jayden whispered-yelled, lightly pushing him out of their small circle.

Stumbling a bit and feeling his face go hot as a few people looked at him, he straightened himself up and took a deep breath. When he felt rational and calm enough, he slowly made his way towards the boy. The boy still hadn’t taken much notice of him, as he was still very focused and captured by the series of paintings in front of him. Lucas could feel a leap in his chest. There could be two reasons the boy was so focused. One, the paintings were questionable at best and he was wondering how a showcase could even choose an artist like him to have an exhibit worthy enough to be presented in the spotlight. Or two, the paintings were actually endearing enough to a decent level of adornment, and the boy was just simply captivated by it.

Please let it be the latter. Lucas pleaded in his nervous thoughts.

Finally, the moment came. Lucas was only a foot away from the boy, and they were both the only ones standing in front of the exhibit. He studied him a bit closer, wondering how he should go about this.

Should I say something? Tap him on the shoulder? Wait until he notices me? I wonder what he thinks of the paintings. Lucas thought to himself.

“Good.” The boy spoke suddenly, startling him. When Lucas didn’t reply right away, the boy lifted his head up and turned to him, flashing him a rather charming smile. “They’re really good.”

“Holy shit,” Lucas gasped. “Did I say that out loud?”

The boy huffed out a laugh, which was warm and light. Lucas could feel his face go hot all over again and he wanted to bury his face in his hands.

“You did actually. But it was rather cute if I say so myself.” The boy assured, his voice soothing and sweet like a spoonful of honey. “Are you the artist?”

“Yeah, that’s me.” He replied shyly, biting his lip and trying not to stupidly grin at the compliment.

He watched the boy smile widely, then shaking his head lightly before looking down. “That is really good to know.”

“It is?” Lucas asked, tilting his head and feeling rather confused.

The boy lifted his head back up, with another charming smile. “Yeah, actually, it is. I was looking for you.”

“You were? Why?”

“Well,” the boy began to say, as he reached into the back pocket of his dark dress pants and pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper. “I am the recipient of this invitation.”

As he watched the boy unfold it gently, Lucas widened his eyes upon recognition. It was the small poster advertising the showcasing, and when the boy flipped it around, Lucas noticed the familiar blue ink and his own handwriting at the back.

“Oh my god, you are my mystery muse.” He mumbled, still rather shocked and overwhelmed at all of this.

“Mystery muse?” The boy asked with a light laugh, and Lucas felt his face go red for the millionth time tonight.

“Sorry, it was a dumb nickname my friends and I gave you. When we didn’t know who you were.” He stuttered, trying not to trip over his words while also deliberately trying not to pass out.

“Ah, a nickname.” The boy winked. “Well, if it interests you or your friends, my name is Jens.” He reached out his hand to offer a handshake to him. “It’s nice to meet you Lucas.”

“Likewise.” Lucas replied, shaking his hand back. He couldn’t help but let out a small grin when their hands touched, and especially with the way Jens squeezed his own with a rather affectionate feel.

“So how did you manage to have my piano playing inspire all of this? Considering we’ve never actually met.” Jens asked, gesturing towards the collection in front of them. “I’d read the information on your post card but, I think it would be much better to hear it from you personally.”

“Oh well,” Lucas began to say. Usually explaining his artwork didn’t have him feel so shy and reserved, in fact, it was probably the time he felt the most confident. Trying to ignore the emerging blush on his cheeks and the racing heartbeat in his chest, he turned away from Jens to look at the artwork.

“I have synesthesia.” He began to explain. “So that means I can perceive some senses through another sense. One of which is where I can perceive music not only by hearing it, but by seeing it as well. When I moved into the flat underneath yours, I was able to hear your piano playing quite often. It was usually rather faint, but something about it triggered my senses to see all these shades of colours working together.”

“How did you manage to depict that through your art?” Jens asked, pointing out at the intricate detail in the paintings. “It looks like a series of events.”

“You’re right, it is.” Lucas sad, brightly nodding his head in excitement. “A lot of the music you played managed to remind me of some certain memories in my life. Though I kind of altered it as a whole experience, so the audience can sort of view it as if it was their own experience as well.”

“I can’t believe you managed to make something out of a few random melodies. Like, I can almost tell which pieces I played and which painting resembles it.” Jens said in awe. “You are extremely talented.”

“Thanks.” He replied shyly. “You’re also extremely talented. I never perceived music this intensely before.”

Both boys smiled at each other, silently showing that neither of them had experience this. Lucas couldn’t help but notice that Jens was an art work in himself, one that Lucas’ senses would never fully perceive. He was just too ethereal to be seen that way. Jens was more than just a pretty face, with every turn of his head, flicker of his eyes and the slight movement of the upturned corners of his lips, Lucas began to believe he was illuminated by every star in every galaxy.

“Oh honey, read this.” An older woman said to who Lucas assumed was her husband. The couple weren’t paying much attention to him or Jens, just the paintings themselves. And the postcard that held all of Lucas’ information.

“It says that this artist has synesthesia and was inspired by the sound he heard from his neighbour upstairs in their apartment building.” She explained, quite excitedly.

The older man smiled softly at her. “Well, that sounds like a story for soulmates doesn’t it? How one’s music managed to intertwine with the memories and artistry of another’s. How lovely that their souls have danced together before they have even met.”

After sharing a few more adoring compliments at the work, the couple shyly headed along to the next exhibit. Lucas knew Jens had heard what they had said, and he hoped it wouldn’t scare him away. It’s not like it really meant anything, considering they had just met and soulmates was a rather broad description for them.

They both blushed at each other and let out awkward laughs.

“Soulmates huh?” Jens asked, with a small smirk. “I think that’s a lot to say for our first meeting.”

“I agree. We’ve only been talking for a few minutes.” He replied.

“We could change that.” Jens said, dropping his voice a few octaves so Lucas was the only one who could hear him.

“How so?” Lucas asked, his voice almost in a whisper ad he tilted his head in confusion.

“Well, maybe after all of this, you could come over to my place. You know, the apartment right over yours?” Jens replied with a smirk.

Lucas couldn’t help but beam. “Yeah? And what would we do?”

“Chill, you know. Talk paintings, music or whatever. Whatever soulmates talk about. But I’d like to get to know you before I agree that the couple was right.” He suggested, shrugging nonchalantly. Lucas couldn’t help but beam even more, which only made Jens smile wide with the tip of his tongue rested between his teeth.

“I could do that. I’d actually very much like that.”

“Good.” Jens smiled. “I’d give you an actual formal invitation, but I think it’s nice being able to see you smile as a response.”

He watched as Jens turned around, looking over his shoulder. Jens reached out a hand, indicating that he was about to take Lucas somewhere.

“Oh, I can’t go now. I still have to stay until the showcase ends-“ He began to apologize but Jens only shook his head and let out a small laugh.

“No, I get that. I’m just wondering if you’d like to show me around more of the exhibits. I came late because I was trying to read up on art and shit but, none of it really sunk into my brain.”

“Would you like me to show you around?”

“I would love that. It’d be my pleasure.” Lucas said, gently taking his hand. “You seem rather fond of this whole soulmates thing.”

“I am fondly yours Lucas.”

I’m Really Glad You’re Home.

a vds one shot. you can find more on my ao3.

( @ apolloswords )

feel free to comment/message me any suggestions for one shot ideas!

Jens feels a tad bit jealous over Lucas and his new boyfriend.

hello everyone! this one shot can be read as a stand alone, but it is actually a “deleted scene” from one of my longer fics; home (love, vds) (occurs between chapters 4 and 5). if you’ve already read it, thank you!! i hope you enjoyed :) and if not, i hope you find this one shot intriguing enough to check it out! happy reading <3

Jens should feel happy.

He was back home, visiting for the holidays. Visiting for Christmas, which was his favourite holiday. He was in Jayden and Liv’s flat, surrounded by cozy winter decorations, Christmas music in the background, mugs of hot chocolate laid out and it smelled like sweet cookies all over the place. The string lights were turned on, almost making the entire place feel like they were perched on the branches of a Christmas tree.

He should feel happy. He was surrounded by all his friends, the people he missed so much while he was in San Francisco. Moyo was in the corner, trying to flirt with sweet Engel, who seemed to have no idea what he was saying. Janna was showing Aaron something on her phone, which he seemed rather confused by. Jayden waiting for Liv’s cookies to finish baking as he sipped on his second hot chocolate. Robbe and Sander excitedly decorating the tree in the middle of the room. Kes and Isa sweetly cuddled up on the couch, Isa teaching Kes how to tie a bow with a piece of ribbon she had found. And Lucas, sitting on a couch from across the room, a wide smile on his face that had his eyes brighter than any Christmas lights Jens had ever seen.

And that was the exact reason he wasn’t at all happy.

Because Lucas wasn’t alone. In fact, he had a certain someone who was curled up to his side, as they talked to Ralph, who looked at them with pure adornment and awe. Like they were just the cutest couple to exist.

It made Jens’ stomach churn and a bitter feeling in his mouth, even if he tried to down the taste of sweet hot chocolate. There was nothing like Belgian hot chocolate, but there was also nothing but the impending pit of doom he felt as he narrowed his eyes onto the boy who had Lucas wrapped around his finger.

Feeling the frustration take over his entire body and not wanting to seem rather depressed in the midst of the party, Jens placed his mug down on the table and got up. Only Kes from the couch caught his movement and he raised a brow.

Shaking his hand, Jens indicated at the joint that he had tucked in the back of his ear. Kes nodded slowly, but he still didn’t look very convinced. Deciding not to explain any further, Jens grabbed his jacket and pulled his hoodie over his head before heading out.

The cold air hit him straight in the face, instantly making his skin feel prickly against the weather. As he sighed, a small cloud of air left his mouth. He instantly wanted to go inside for a split second, to actually feel warm but recalling the way Lucas was snuggled and pressed up against his boyfriend gave him the coldest shiver down his spine.

In that case, he’d stick to being outside.

Deciding he really had nothing better to do, he pulled out the rolled joint from behind his ear and dug into the pocket of his jeans for his lighter. The flame gave him some temporary warmth, relieving his ice cold body for a few seconds as he began to burn the end of the joint. After taking a few puffs, he felt the weed slightly burn his chest in a rather nice way.

He only managed to get a few minutes to himself, until he heard the door swing open. Jens didn’t really have any expectations to who it was, but he did seem surprised when he saw Kes’ curly hair flowing in the brisk wind.

“Hey.” Kes greeted, adjusting his thicker jacket over his hoodie.

Jens only nodded in response, still not in the mood for talking.

Pursing his lips together and tapping his foot lightly on the ground, Kes raised a brow.

“You know Liv has no problem with you smoking inside right? We do it all the time.” He stated.

Jens just shrugged again. “I needed the air, a quick breather I guess.”

“Yeah?” He replied, rather amused. “Is that why now you’re filling your lungs with weed?”

This managed to have Jens cracking a small smile as Kes walked a little closer. He offered the joint to him, which he gladly accepted. The both of them leaned against the railings for a bit, looking into the lights of the city as they let the weed hit their systems. Jens never really spent much alone time with Kes, unless they were skateboarding together. But that didn’t call for much deeper conversations, especially not one he felt was going to happen right now.

“You seemed kind of distracted back there.” Kes noted. “Are you alright?”

Automatically, he gave another shrug. “I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“Sure.”

Kes studied him for a second, still not convinced. He began chewing the insides of his cheek, trying to avoid his questioning gaze and just hoped he wasn’t going to be very perceptive.

“Did you meet Ivo?” He ended up asking, and Jens felt his fists clench at the question.

“Yeah, Luc introduced him to me at the start of the party. I didn’t really know he was seeing someone.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Lucas didn’t tell you when he first saw you?” Kes asked, as if it was of great importance.

“He might’ve mentioned it, but I was tired and didn’t pay much attention.”

That was a lie. Jens knew about Ivo for awhile, since Lucas and him had made it official. He’d also clearly seen the social media posts about him, the cheesy selfies with cheek kisses and endless flirting in the Instagram comment sections. Then upon their first sleepover since his arrival, Lucas had told him about Ivo. It would be hard for him not to know.

He just didn’t think it would’ve lasted this long. Sure, maybe a few weeks of dating was possible, but he didn’t think they would end up rekindling their relationship. And he definitely didn’t think he’d be coming home to Lucas having a boyfriend who he wasn’t entirely fond of.

“They started dating awhile ago.” Kes explained. “We were kind of surprised at first, since you know, we knew all the rumours.”

“Rumours?” Jens asked with confusion. “What rumours?”

Kes tilted his head as he passed Jens the remaining joint, indicating he could finish it. “You don’t know the rumours?”

“No? And if I don’t know them, I hardly think Luc does.”

Sighing, Kes shook his head and looked away for a second, trying to figure out how to explain everything.

“Ivo is notorious for cheating.” He explained. “Ralph told me that he was constantly on Grindr during him and Lucas’ last relationship. He even messaged to meet up with Ralph himself, and Milan recognized his profile too. Obviously neither of them hooked up with him, considering the fact that he was underaged. But when Lucas introduced him to them the first time, they immediately told Jayden who then told me.”

Jens felt his chest burn even more, and it was definitely not from the weed. His face felt hot with fury and he didn’t realize that the end of the joint was almost burning his cold fingers.

“Why haven’t any of you told Luc?” He asked, his voice dropping to a low whisper.

“We didn’t really think it mattered. Lucas was so over the relationship when they broke up, he hardly even moped. There was no point in trying to tell him it was bad, he just didn’t care anymore.” Kes added. “Besides, we didn’t think they’d run into each other in the future, let again date. You could imagine our surprise when he showed up again, dumb crooked jawline and all.”

This made Jens snort out a small laugh. “I was just as surprised.” He admitted, before frowning. “But why don’t you guys tell him about all that now? In case he gets hurt again.”

“We told Ralph about it.” He said. “Ralph did a through Grindr search to make sure he wasn’t on it and he isn’t. And he might be grilling him right now with questions. Plus, it feels a little shitty. Lucas seems sort of happy right now, and after all the things with his family, we would feel bad if we ruined this for him.”

“Yeah, but wouldn’t you feel bad if he gets hurt again and you guys knew about it?”

“Ralph says he has no suspicion to Ivo cheating. We might bring it up but it seems kind of intruding you know?”

He sighed. Kes did have a point. Neither of them could assume Ivo was the person he was before. The least they could do was hope for the best. Jens let out another sigh of defeat as he got rid of the blunt.

“Kes, can I ask you something?” He asked, looking down at the ground as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket. He didn’t need to lift his head up to know Kes was studying him again.

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Is Luc happy?”

There a pause. A hesitation. A space between the question and answer that definitely prompted an assumption that he wasn’t. Jens lifted his head up now, to read Kes’ expression. Kes looked away, furrowing his brows and now avoiding Jens’s gaze as he tried to formulate a response.

“I think so. He looks fairly happy.” He admitted. “But, sometimes he still looks a little off. Like he has something lingering within him that he can’t let go.”

“What do you mean by that?” Jens asked curiously, unsure what this cryptic answer could mean.

Just as Kes opened his mouth to respond, the door flung open and took them both by surprise. Their eyes widened as they looked at who had abruptly walked into their conversation.

Lucas’ eyes widened back, clearing reading their expressions and knowing he had walked into something. All of them were rather stunned to speak, not sure how to go about this.

After about a minute or two of awkward silence, Kes coughed and eyed the both of them.

“I’m going to go check on Isa. Make sure she didn’t spike her hot chocolate too much and isn't throwing up in the toilet.”

“Yeah,” Lucas replied awkwardly. “You may want to hold her hair back in the next few minutes.”

“Fuck.” Kes muttered uber his breath, brushing by the both of them in a hurry. Soon enough, he did disappeared back inside and they were left alone.

Chewing the inside of his cheek, Jens tried to rack his brain to figure out what to say to Lucas. He wanted to be angry, to show some sort of annoyance and frustration. Detest towards his best friend and his best friend’s stupid boyfriend. Anything that would show he himself wasn’t very happy.

But Jens couldn’t do that. Not when Lucas was looking at him with his big blue eyes filled with worry and concern. Not with the tip of his nose and apples of his cheek turning a bright pink dye to the cold. Not with the way Lucas looked like his small body was shivering beneath his hoodie and jacket, looking so frail and vulnerable against the winter wind. Jens wanted to just envelop him in his arms and protect him from everything harsh around him.

That included his stupid boyfriend.

“Are you okay?” Lucas asked, finally breaking the silence.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Jens found himself saying. His tone wasn’t snappy or upset, but rather lost. Like he didn’t even try to mask his feelings right now.

Lucas frowned. “You just seem kind of distant tonight. And I know how much you love Christmas and missed all of your friends, but you seem like you don’t even want to be here.”

He sighed. There was no reason Lucas couldn’t read through him; after all, they were best friends since they were young. They practically did everything together, and that included growing up together. Both of them knew each other like the back of their hand, neither of them even thought about hiding secrets from each other.

“I’m just a little tired. Jet lag.” He lied. Jens didn’t often lie to Lucas, but when he did, it felt like a stab in his chest.

Lucas nodded while biting his lip. It was his tell, the expression that let Jens know he knew he was lying, but wasn’t going to push any further. Instead, Lucas walked a little closer, leaning against the rail and looking out into the city in the distance.

Jens didn’t follow his gaze, instead he studied the boy in front of him. The way his messy curls fell over his face, the tips of his ears turning pink and a small gentle smile forming on his face. Even when he traveled across the world, saw different people, experienced different things and saw different sights, nothing compared to Lucas. Sometimes he found himself longing for him late at night, which only made him feel the distance between them even more.

Lucas turned his head slowly, looking at Jens with his wide sparkly eyes. The smile on his face seemed to be a little bigger and warmer, it’s warmth seeping slowly into Jens’ body, making him feel fuzzy vibrations to the tip of his fingers.

“I’m really glad you’re home.” He whispered, his voice light and airy against the night.

Even when Jens wanted to simply just be angry, he never could feel that way around Lucas. He always found comfort in him, a sort of solace. It pushed past all the angry thoughts in his head, all the envy.

“I’m glad I’m home too.” He whispered back, grinning slowly. “I don’t think Christmas would feel very Christmassy alone in San Francisco.”

“It would probably be nice there wouldn’t it? I don’t know much about American Christmas but, maybe it’d be nice.”

“Maybe. But they don’t have Christmas markets or the overall feeling of Christmas. I mean it’s there, but it’s also very heavily commercialized you know?” Jens explained, thankful that his brain managed to ramble despite all the overwhelming feelings within it. Biting his lip, he continued.

“It just isn’t home.”

Smiling, Lucas leaned his head on Jens’ shoulder. At first, he wanted to push back, to flinch away, unsure if that was crossing any boundaries between Lucas and Ivo’s relationship. But then he remembered this wasn’t his gesture; it was Lucas’.

And if Ivo was going to be jealous over their friendship, over a friendship that had lasted for more than a decade, than he would just have to deal with it. There was no way Jens was going to let someone like him get in between him and Lucas.

Besides, he knew if things ever fell apart between them, Lucas would need Jens for comfort. Jens just had to wait for his stupid boyfriend to fuck up, and then he was out of the picture.

For now, he would just let Lucas lean on his shoulder. Let the smaller boy rest his head upon him as he looked up to the stars above. The stars that twinkled every night, in every part of the world. Sure, maybe it looked a little different but as long as they were under the same sky, they would always be together, physically or emotionally.

He leaned his head on top of Lucas’, feeling the vibrations of his humming beneath him. It was peaceful, calm and tranquil. Feelings that he hadn’t felt the second he stepped into the apartment and saw Lucas with Ivo on the couch.

“Jens? You know you can tell me anything right? Anything that bothers you.” Lucas whispered again.

Letting out a heavy sigh, he thought about it. For a split second, he wanted to tell Lucas everything. Starting from their shared kiss at his eighteenth birthday to the way he looked for pieces of him in every person he met, trying to find someone for his heart to attach to. To the way he was so excited for Lucas to visit, before he royally fucked that up. And even to now, when he saw Lucas after weeks and slept over the second night he came, where they talked about the Christmas party and Jens learned about the dreaded Ivo.

But even amidst all the trouble they’ve encountered, both of them knew it felt wrong to feel so distanced and apart. So in the end, they always found their way back to each other.

Jens felt his heart settle a bit. Maybe it was because now he felt assured that no matter what, it would always be them in the end. So he decided to hold back in his confession, letting his cheek rest against the soft curls that began to also dance in the wind.

“I know.” He reassured. “I’m just happy to be home.”

“Me too. I’m happy you’re home as well.”

Home, neither a place nor a feeling to him.

Home was wherever Jens found himself with Lucas. Home was wherever he was with him.

Jens was more than happy to be back.