To Any Fic Writers Who Worry They Are Wasting Their Time... I Read A Fic For A Relatively Small And Inactive

To any fic writers who worry they are wasting their time... I read a fic for a relatively small and inactive fandom about three years ago. And there was one specific scene where a character watched another dancing like an idiot to a beyonce song and it was so sweet and loving that even now years later I have that song on one of my spotify playlist so every once in a while it will play and remind me of that fic, and every time it does I smile and feel a little happier.

The stats on a fic will never really tell you if your writing touched someone. There's no numerical way to show you what impact you made. Maybe you are wasting time, or maybe you are writing something that someone will remember for a long time, something that will never fail to make them smile.

i love how a lot of queer ppl have the same experience of toning down ur identities/labels for cishet people so tag this what you actually label yourself v.s what you tell cishet people

I’m Really Glad You’re Home.

a vds one shot. you can find more on my ao3.

( @ apolloswords )

feel free to comment/message me any suggestions for one shot ideas!

Jens feels a tad bit jealous over Lucas and his new boyfriend.

hello everyone! this one shot can be read as a stand alone, but it is actually a “deleted scene” from one of my longer fics; home (love, vds) (occurs between chapters 4 and 5). if you’ve already read it, thank you!! i hope you enjoyed :) and if not, i hope you find this one shot intriguing enough to check it out! happy reading <3

Jens should feel happy.

He was back home, visiting for the holidays. Visiting for Christmas, which was his favourite holiday. He was in Jayden and Liv’s flat, surrounded by cozy winter decorations, Christmas music in the background, mugs of hot chocolate laid out and it smelled like sweet cookies all over the place. The string lights were turned on, almost making the entire place feel like they were perched on the branches of a Christmas tree.

He should feel happy. He was surrounded by all his friends, the people he missed so much while he was in San Francisco. Moyo was in the corner, trying to flirt with sweet Engel, who seemed to have no idea what he was saying. Janna was showing Aaron something on her phone, which he seemed rather confused by. Jayden waiting for Liv’s cookies to finish baking as he sipped on his second hot chocolate. Robbe and Sander excitedly decorating the tree in the middle of the room. Kes and Isa sweetly cuddled up on the couch, Isa teaching Kes how to tie a bow with a piece of ribbon she had found. And Lucas, sitting on a couch from across the room, a wide smile on his face that had his eyes brighter than any Christmas lights Jens had ever seen.

And that was the exact reason he wasn’t at all happy.

Because Lucas wasn’t alone. In fact, he had a certain someone who was curled up to his side, as they talked to Ralph, who looked at them with pure adornment and awe. Like they were just the cutest couple to exist.

It made Jens’ stomach churn and a bitter feeling in his mouth, even if he tried to down the taste of sweet hot chocolate. There was nothing like Belgian hot chocolate, but there was also nothing but the impending pit of doom he felt as he narrowed his eyes onto the boy who had Lucas wrapped around his finger.

Feeling the frustration take over his entire body and not wanting to seem rather depressed in the midst of the party, Jens placed his mug down on the table and got up. Only Kes from the couch caught his movement and he raised a brow.

Shaking his hand, Jens indicated at the joint that he had tucked in the back of his ear. Kes nodded slowly, but he still didn’t look very convinced. Deciding not to explain any further, Jens grabbed his jacket and pulled his hoodie over his head before heading out.

The cold air hit him straight in the face, instantly making his skin feel prickly against the weather. As he sighed, a small cloud of air left his mouth. He instantly wanted to go inside for a split second, to actually feel warm but recalling the way Lucas was snuggled and pressed up against his boyfriend gave him the coldest shiver down his spine.

In that case, he’d stick to being outside.

Deciding he really had nothing better to do, he pulled out the rolled joint from behind his ear and dug into the pocket of his jeans for his lighter. The flame gave him some temporary warmth, relieving his ice cold body for a few seconds as he began to burn the end of the joint. After taking a few puffs, he felt the weed slightly burn his chest in a rather nice way.

He only managed to get a few minutes to himself, until he heard the door swing open. Jens didn’t really have any expectations to who it was, but he did seem surprised when he saw Kes’ curly hair flowing in the brisk wind.

“Hey.” Kes greeted, adjusting his thicker jacket over his hoodie.

Jens only nodded in response, still not in the mood for talking.

Pursing his lips together and tapping his foot lightly on the ground, Kes raised a brow.

“You know Liv has no problem with you smoking inside right? We do it all the time.” He stated.

Jens just shrugged again. “I needed the air, a quick breather I guess.”

“Yeah?” He replied, rather amused. “Is that why now you’re filling your lungs with weed?”

This managed to have Jens cracking a small smile as Kes walked a little closer. He offered the joint to him, which he gladly accepted. The both of them leaned against the railings for a bit, looking into the lights of the city as they let the weed hit their systems. Jens never really spent much alone time with Kes, unless they were skateboarding together. But that didn’t call for much deeper conversations, especially not one he felt was going to happen right now.

“You seemed kind of distracted back there.” Kes noted. “Are you alright?”

Automatically, he gave another shrug. “I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“Sure.”

Kes studied him for a second, still not convinced. He began chewing the insides of his cheek, trying to avoid his questioning gaze and just hoped he wasn’t going to be very perceptive.

“Did you meet Ivo?” He ended up asking, and Jens felt his fists clench at the question.

“Yeah, Luc introduced him to me at the start of the party. I didn’t really know he was seeing someone.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Lucas didn’t tell you when he first saw you?” Kes asked, as if it was of great importance.

“He might’ve mentioned it, but I was tired and didn’t pay much attention.”

That was a lie. Jens knew about Ivo for awhile, since Lucas and him had made it official. He’d also clearly seen the social media posts about him, the cheesy selfies with cheek kisses and endless flirting in the Instagram comment sections. Then upon their first sleepover since his arrival, Lucas had told him about Ivo. It would be hard for him not to know.

He just didn’t think it would’ve lasted this long. Sure, maybe a few weeks of dating was possible, but he didn’t think they would end up rekindling their relationship. And he definitely didn’t think he’d be coming home to Lucas having a boyfriend who he wasn’t entirely fond of.

“They started dating awhile ago.” Kes explained. “We were kind of surprised at first, since you know, we knew all the rumours.”

“Rumours?” Jens asked with confusion. “What rumours?”

Kes tilted his head as he passed Jens the remaining joint, indicating he could finish it. “You don’t know the rumours?”

“No? And if I don’t know them, I hardly think Luc does.”

Sighing, Kes shook his head and looked away for a second, trying to figure out how to explain everything.

“Ivo is notorious for cheating.” He explained. “Ralph told me that he was constantly on Grindr during him and Lucas’ last relationship. He even messaged to meet up with Ralph himself, and Milan recognized his profile too. Obviously neither of them hooked up with him, considering the fact that he was underaged. But when Lucas introduced him to them the first time, they immediately told Jayden who then told me.”

Jens felt his chest burn even more, and it was definitely not from the weed. His face felt hot with fury and he didn’t realize that the end of the joint was almost burning his cold fingers.

“Why haven’t any of you told Luc?” He asked, his voice dropping to a low whisper.

“We didn’t really think it mattered. Lucas was so over the relationship when they broke up, he hardly even moped. There was no point in trying to tell him it was bad, he just didn’t care anymore.” Kes added. “Besides, we didn’t think they’d run into each other in the future, let again date. You could imagine our surprise when he showed up again, dumb crooked jawline and all.”

This made Jens snort out a small laugh. “I was just as surprised.” He admitted, before frowning. “But why don’t you guys tell him about all that now? In case he gets hurt again.”

“We told Ralph about it.” He said. “Ralph did a through Grindr search to make sure he wasn’t on it and he isn’t. And he might be grilling him right now with questions. Plus, it feels a little shitty. Lucas seems sort of happy right now, and after all the things with his family, we would feel bad if we ruined this for him.”

“Yeah, but wouldn’t you feel bad if he gets hurt again and you guys knew about it?”

“Ralph says he has no suspicion to Ivo cheating. We might bring it up but it seems kind of intruding you know?”

He sighed. Kes did have a point. Neither of them could assume Ivo was the person he was before. The least they could do was hope for the best. Jens let out another sigh of defeat as he got rid of the blunt.

“Kes, can I ask you something?” He asked, looking down at the ground as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket. He didn’t need to lift his head up to know Kes was studying him again.

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Is Luc happy?”

There a pause. A hesitation. A space between the question and answer that definitely prompted an assumption that he wasn’t. Jens lifted his head up now, to read Kes’ expression. Kes looked away, furrowing his brows and now avoiding Jens’s gaze as he tried to formulate a response.

“I think so. He looks fairly happy.” He admitted. “But, sometimes he still looks a little off. Like he has something lingering within him that he can’t let go.”

“What do you mean by that?” Jens asked curiously, unsure what this cryptic answer could mean.

Just as Kes opened his mouth to respond, the door flung open and took them both by surprise. Their eyes widened as they looked at who had abruptly walked into their conversation.

Lucas’ eyes widened back, clearing reading their expressions and knowing he had walked into something. All of them were rather stunned to speak, not sure how to go about this.

After about a minute or two of awkward silence, Kes coughed and eyed the both of them.

“I’m going to go check on Isa. Make sure she didn’t spike her hot chocolate too much and isn't throwing up in the toilet.”

“Yeah,” Lucas replied awkwardly. “You may want to hold her hair back in the next few minutes.”

“Fuck.” Kes muttered uber his breath, brushing by the both of them in a hurry. Soon enough, he did disappeared back inside and they were left alone.

Chewing the inside of his cheek, Jens tried to rack his brain to figure out what to say to Lucas. He wanted to be angry, to show some sort of annoyance and frustration. Detest towards his best friend and his best friend’s stupid boyfriend. Anything that would show he himself wasn’t very happy.

But Jens couldn’t do that. Not when Lucas was looking at him with his big blue eyes filled with worry and concern. Not with the tip of his nose and apples of his cheek turning a bright pink dye to the cold. Not with the way Lucas looked like his small body was shivering beneath his hoodie and jacket, looking so frail and vulnerable against the winter wind. Jens wanted to just envelop him in his arms and protect him from everything harsh around him.

That included his stupid boyfriend.

“Are you okay?” Lucas asked, finally breaking the silence.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Jens found himself saying. His tone wasn’t snappy or upset, but rather lost. Like he didn’t even try to mask his feelings right now.

Lucas frowned. “You just seem kind of distant tonight. And I know how much you love Christmas and missed all of your friends, but you seem like you don’t even want to be here.”

He sighed. There was no reason Lucas couldn’t read through him; after all, they were best friends since they were young. They practically did everything together, and that included growing up together. Both of them knew each other like the back of their hand, neither of them even thought about hiding secrets from each other.

“I’m just a little tired. Jet lag.” He lied. Jens didn’t often lie to Lucas, but when he did, it felt like a stab in his chest.

Lucas nodded while biting his lip. It was his tell, the expression that let Jens know he knew he was lying, but wasn’t going to push any further. Instead, Lucas walked a little closer, leaning against the rail and looking out into the city in the distance.

Jens didn’t follow his gaze, instead he studied the boy in front of him. The way his messy curls fell over his face, the tips of his ears turning pink and a small gentle smile forming on his face. Even when he traveled across the world, saw different people, experienced different things and saw different sights, nothing compared to Lucas. Sometimes he found himself longing for him late at night, which only made him feel the distance between them even more.

Lucas turned his head slowly, looking at Jens with his wide sparkly eyes. The smile on his face seemed to be a little bigger and warmer, it’s warmth seeping slowly into Jens’ body, making him feel fuzzy vibrations to the tip of his fingers.

“I’m really glad you’re home.” He whispered, his voice light and airy against the night.

Even when Jens wanted to simply just be angry, he never could feel that way around Lucas. He always found comfort in him, a sort of solace. It pushed past all the angry thoughts in his head, all the envy.

“I’m glad I’m home too.” He whispered back, grinning slowly. “I don’t think Christmas would feel very Christmassy alone in San Francisco.”

“It would probably be nice there wouldn’t it? I don’t know much about American Christmas but, maybe it’d be nice.”

“Maybe. But they don’t have Christmas markets or the overall feeling of Christmas. I mean it’s there, but it’s also very heavily commercialized you know?” Jens explained, thankful that his brain managed to ramble despite all the overwhelming feelings within it. Biting his lip, he continued.

“It just isn’t home.”

Smiling, Lucas leaned his head on Jens’ shoulder. At first, he wanted to push back, to flinch away, unsure if that was crossing any boundaries between Lucas and Ivo’s relationship. But then he remembered this wasn’t his gesture; it was Lucas’.

And if Ivo was going to be jealous over their friendship, over a friendship that had lasted for more than a decade, than he would just have to deal with it. There was no way Jens was going to let someone like him get in between him and Lucas.

Besides, he knew if things ever fell apart between them, Lucas would need Jens for comfort. Jens just had to wait for his stupid boyfriend to fuck up, and then he was out of the picture.

For now, he would just let Lucas lean on his shoulder. Let the smaller boy rest his head upon him as he looked up to the stars above. The stars that twinkled every night, in every part of the world. Sure, maybe it looked a little different but as long as they were under the same sky, they would always be together, physically or emotionally.

He leaned his head on top of Lucas’, feeling the vibrations of his humming beneath him. It was peaceful, calm and tranquil. Feelings that he hadn’t felt the second he stepped into the apartment and saw Lucas with Ivo on the couch.

“Jens? You know you can tell me anything right? Anything that bothers you.” Lucas whispered again.

Letting out a heavy sigh, he thought about it. For a split second, he wanted to tell Lucas everything. Starting from their shared kiss at his eighteenth birthday to the way he looked for pieces of him in every person he met, trying to find someone for his heart to attach to. To the way he was so excited for Lucas to visit, before he royally fucked that up. And even to now, when he saw Lucas after weeks and slept over the second night he came, where they talked about the Christmas party and Jens learned about the dreaded Ivo.

But even amidst all the trouble they’ve encountered, both of them knew it felt wrong to feel so distanced and apart. So in the end, they always found their way back to each other.

Jens felt his heart settle a bit. Maybe it was because now he felt assured that no matter what, it would always be them in the end. So he decided to hold back in his confession, letting his cheek rest against the soft curls that began to also dance in the wind.

“I know.” He reassured. “I’m just happy to be home.”

“Me too. I’m happy you’re home as well.”

Home, neither a place nor a feeling to him.

Home was wherever Jens found himself with Lucas. Home was wherever he was with him.

Jens was more than happy to be back.

“jens? you can let go now.”

“i don’t think i can ever let you go.”

“you’re a sap. i love you.”

“i love you too.”

i haven’t made a manip in awhile; but i really do adore this one <3

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CVw1B9DgHXA/?utm_medium=copy_link

favorite outfits: sana bakkoush ♧ skam, season 4