I Have An Eating Disorder But I Don't Want To Die.

I have an eating disorder but I don't want to die.

I don't want to die. People think that girls with an ED want to die. I want to live but differently.Being skinny is never just about being skinny, it's about ascending and floating above this heavy world that we live in.

Things I love to do when I am bored:

Drawing and filling colouring page

Play PS3, mostly games like Tomb Raider

Staying with my twin sister to laugh

Going to ride my bike

Going for a super long walk with my headphones

Reading distopian novels

I don't have time to be depressed, I'm busy running after usless academic success

Being desperate and christian, feels like I'm in a constant battle.

I wonder why life is so painful. Then I look at other's people life. I stop to ponder and realize, that it's my life that's painful not theirs. Their life is drowned in satisfaction from the earthly life. I wish it would satisfy me but everyday feels like another episode of cries and gnashing of teeth.

My mind longs for violence against what God chose to bring to life. Against myself.

My heart longs for thoughts of eternity that the Lord planted.

It's the alive me and the unalive me. It's the battle of the pain and the battle for love. It's the lost girl and the found daughter.

I am so anxious, I wish a bus could hit me so that I wouldn't have to end it myself

I wish I was without a body.

ps: pics are not mine