Sometimes I Think About How Jin Ling Goes By That Instead Of Jin Rulan And I Just Vividly Picture His

Sometimes I think about how Jin Ling goes by that instead of Jin Rulan and I just vividly picture his young mistress persona going like "yeah my not uncle was an unaware pining cut sleeve and my mom kind of just enabled it so... juijui and I just try to pretend it didn't happen -- it's cringe af" and I die a little in both grief and hilarity

Wei Ying often kisses Nie Huaisang on the mouth, a gentle and quick peck, when they part ways. It makes them giggle gleefully. He always kisses his sister on the cheek, the two of them closing their eyes in a glowing affection. He sometimes kisses his brother on the forehead, even holding his cheeks tight so he can't escape, then scampers off when Jiang Cheng halfheartedly swings for him, his face bright red and bashful. He occasionally kisses Wen Ning at the temple, Wen Qing on her knuckles, even Wen Yuan gets a raspberry on his chubby child cheeks more often than not. He once blew cheeky air kisses at his sister’s husband, somehow filled with a disdainful tolerance, the act an utter mockery of affection.

He does not kiss Lan Zhan. 

Modern AU, post-college, mutual pining. Gratuitous kissing. Soft, no angst, lots of yearning. And then smut. I fed myself.

The discourse around "Wei Wuxian was oblivious" or "Lan Wangji was mean and didn't show his feelings" makes me so tired.

Clearly, many people have not loved someone so much it terrified them, loved a person in such imminent danger that every interaction became tense and difficult. The desire to remove that person from danger, control the situation (or even the person themselves), see them safe makes you yourself a different person entirely.

And on the flipside, the sense of belonging and care so absent and broken that you cannot see what is in front of you. Trust so destroyed (in yourself and others) that you no longer do the work (as you were trained to) to see beyond the cruelty and control as a facade for love and care. To see yourself as a sore and soft creature, encased in a hard weaponized shell that has to fight everything every second to survive, until it no longer seems worth it.

There is no nuance in either perspective, just a profound amount of fear and a drive for survival. MDZS is about war, class disparity, violence on a massive scale that also impacts every single relationship. One of the many reasons I love the story so deeply is that, yes, we see the connection between the two and the potential for so much, but the very reasons they are soulmates -- their values, sense of justice, intensity, dedication, sincerity, etc -- are also the exact reasons there was no option for them to be together under the onslaught of systemic violence.

They both understood that in their own distorted ways, and did not have the time or space to discover what they could make together instead. I think if they had even an iota of a chance to do so -- so close, teased at in LWJ's visit to Yiling with A-Yuan -- they would have tried. But they didn't.

It's all painfully human and real and I love mxtx for that.

Just finished Waiting for Spring by thievinghippo despite actively not giving af about baseball and had that postfic high of the closure and relief that so often comes with Wangxian. I love them so much. I love how well they can be put into so many AU and still be them. Different authors always highlight different themes from MDZS, whether it's A-Yuan, WWX's exile or sense of justice, LWJ's moral growth or clan challenges, all the side characters, family dynamics, betrayals, grief, hope... I eat it all up.

(And whew the quality smut of this fic and the fandom overall is definitely a huge plus.)

New chapter of Teacher's Pet up. I can't believe this is up to 75k and I'm just starting to get somewhere with the main relationship now. (I also can't believe I picked up writing this fic again after a 4 year break.) I'm having so much fun? What the hell.

It has been very interesting to get into the heads of different characters, their voices, humor, ways of speaking and relating, to write something so indulgent yet also take it seriously. This fic is exceptionally personal to me, really coming from my own teen self (over a decade later)... but through anime characters. Who want to be super heroes. I love the absurdity of it all.

It's been so fun to dive back into MHA again, it is such a different flavor from MDZS. I'll return to my MDZS fics and I still am way more over there than MHA, but it's fun to have them both! I was worried they'd switch off (that weird anxiety of hyperfixations breaking and leaving me bereft of a source of dopamine, ya feel).

And ah, fic engagement is the best.

Another chapter of Teacher's Pet up with a second part I may post later today or tomorrow. Steadily escalating the ShinZawa relationship is giving me life, my sadomasochistic heart is thriving. But now it is starting to make me wonder... It is a multi ship fic and ShinZawa has always been listed as endgame (krbk as well) but the ShinBaku relationship is now pretty developed. Breaking them up is going to be a bummer!

(Alt ending: ShinBakuZawa lol)

(But then that begs for other alts: ShinKiriBaku, ShinKami, ShinBOWL, ShinMonoTetsu... I could go on. ShinJirouMomo. Sigh.)