(Credit: Unknown)

(Credit: unknown)

"Healing from pain is a choice. You have to consciously decide that you deserve to feel free, that you deserve to let go of the weight that has been holding you down for too long."

—s. mcnutt

Been reading this for about a year I think. loving every bit of it

Dreaming Too Late

           “Oh!” I sat up in bed, surprised by the strength of the thump of the baby growing inside me. I settled my hand over my belly and rubbed in slow soothing circles. “You’re killing me, sweetheart.”

           The bathroom door opened and light spilled out. It took a moment for me to recognize Matt’s silhouette. He was pulling his hair up into a knot. “Y/N, what are you doing up?”

           I leaned back against the headboard and sighed. “She kicked me awake.”

           He crossed the room and climbed up onto the edge of the bed. There was just enough light for me to see the outline of his face and the smile he wore. His right hand curled over my belly, thumb firm on the spot that somehow calmed our baby girl. “Come on, sweet pea,” he whispered beside my belly. “Give your mom a break. It’s going to be hard enough while we’re gone.”

           My heart stuttered as I remembered. No wonder he was awake so early. They had an hour drive to Los Angeles before they had to catch a flight to Japan. Today began a month and a half long loop with New Japan. They’d be on the road from the time they landed to the time they got on the plane to come home.

           It was the third time they’d had to leave since we’d found out I was pregnant.

           I ran my fingers over his hair, trying to memorize the feel of it before he left. Earlier in my pregnancy, it wasn’t so bad when they were gone. But now—three months before she was due—I was starting to worry. And not just worry, but miss them and mourn for the moments that they didn’t get to see.

           They’d been there the first time we’d seen our little girl’s face on the monitor in the doctor’s office. I’d been in absolute awe at the fact that I could see the curve of her sweet little nose and each of her fingers and toes. Matt and Nick had just cried. When we left the doctor that day, we had three sets of the ultrasound photos. One was on the fridge of each house. The last was divided between Matt and Nick, who kept them in their wallets and took them along when they traveled.

           “It’ll be fine,” I said softly, even though I wasn’t sure if I meant it. “It’s just six weeks.”

           Matt pressed a kiss against my belly. “I’ll miss you every second of it.”

           “Hey,” came Nick’s voice from the doorway, “we’ve got to… Sunshine, why are you awake?”

           He mirrored his brother’s earlier movements and climbed up onto the bed on my other side. The moment he saw Matt’s hand on my stomach, he nodded. “Ah, she must know we’re leaving.”

           I grinned and leaned against him. “Something like that.” I tipped my face upward and he gave me a soft, lingering kiss that made my entire body feel warm. He skimmed his fingers down my cheek. “Be careful. Please.”

           “We will,” he murmured, smiling sadly. “Trust us.”

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remember to:

take any medications you may need

eat if you’ve forgotten to or have been putting it off

take a good shower if you haven’t yet

take a break if you’ve been overworking yourself