Life Tip #37

Life Tip #37

always stock up on soap you can store in your bags so that way, if somebody particularly repulsive stands to close to you or tries to talk to you, you can just dump it on them! 

pros: they now smell nice, have to find water to wash it off and get away from you, it’s not inconveniencing enough to be charged with assault, and it’s relatively cheap. 

cons: ??

Life Tip #43

with halloween growing closer and closer, it’s time to pull out the list of amazing fun-filled family-friendly classic halloween movies! choose from titles such as:

1. the nightmare before christmas - the heartwarming story of a guy who stepped out of his comfort zone and ruined everything! truly inspiring!

2. mickey mouse’s house of villains - classic disney villains learn that if at first you don’t succeed, try again! and fail again!

3. it’s the great pumpkin, charlie brown - heartbreaking! a kid reserves a seat for a giant pumpkin and he fails to show up. you hate to see this kind of thing.

4. hocus pocus - trying to impress your crush goes terribly wrong. a big fucking mood.

Life Tip #34

always pay over the amount required for your purchase so when they give you your change back, you can delude yourself into thinking that they’re handing you free money and be happy :))))

Life Tip #29

with Valentine’s Day nearing towards us, it’s time to start saving up to buy yourself an entire box of temporary tattoos because you’re never too old to fall into the scams of corporate marketing!! and since when did you ever have to stop receiving cute gifts anyway, put that entire box of Hello Kitty glitter tattoos on your arm, you gorgeous fucker

Life Tip #26

is someone creepy asking for directions! give it to them! the directions to the nearest ditch. so they can fucking die in it. 

Life Tip #33

learn to wear high heels because not only will you be able to boost your height, but it makes amazing clack clack noises when you walk on solid floors and cute squishy noises when you step on the feet of your enemies!!