The Pull Of You

The Pull of You

Brace yourselves, guys – this shit’s heavy. I wrote this during a moment of depression, so expect heavy themes here. 

This piece is connected to Conflicted, so if you want to know what happens after that, then click that link below.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: The aftermath of Essie’s affair with Jaehyun complicates her dynamic with her house mates, most especially her boyfriend Johnny. That’s already a given, but how do they resolve this? Or will they ever do? 

POV: 3rd person. 

Word count: 3,000 + words 

Warning: Aside from the drama and angst this piece exudes, there is also a mention of cutting here. Please don’t do it, kids. Don’t be like who’s still trying to recover from it. And of course, smoking again if you’re sensitive to it. 

Recommended listening: If you concluded that I’ll recommend The National here, then you are correct. I listened to ‘The Pull of You’ and ‘You Have Your Soul With You’ repeatedly while writing this. Lyrics from the song are in bold and italic. 

–––

The affair ruined her. Essie slowly descended into madness, her conscience guilty, and her thoughts spiraling out of control with a million thoughts.

She couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t afford to see Jaehyun behind Johnny’s back. It lasted for a week, and she had to tell her lover that she had to end this.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can continue this anymore,” she sobbed, “I want to love you both, but I can only love one of you. I should only love one of you.”

“I know, mon amour. I understand,” was Jaehyun’s reply as he rubbed her back. “I know this wasn’t meant to last long, I know that you love him more than me.”

“I’m so sorry, Jay. I really am. Maybe in another lifetime, we could’ve been,” she sobbed even harder this time.

Jaehyun spent the whole afternoon comforting her and gave her his last kiss before they went their separate ways. “I have no regrets, I am happy that we became together for a moment,” he whispered.

Essie didn’t reply, she was already a mess that couldn’t be fixed.

\\\

In the next few weeks, Johnny noticed that his girlfriend wasn’t acting her usual self. She didn’t talk to him that much and was always holed up in her room.

Although he did his best to be the most caring and patient boyfriend a girl could ever have, Essie wasn’t responding to any of his sweet gestures. He hadn’t heard her speak more than a few words. She didn’t even greet him or say thanks.

As much as he wanted to confront her, he knew that he couldn’t handle the sight of her crumbling in front of him. He let her be for the moment, hoping for the day that she will be back to her usual jolly self.

However, he felt hurt when he saw her conversing with Mark. She looked fine as he saw them talking in her bedroom, as there was a small space open in her door that he could peek through. The younger guy was listening intently to her story, and he observed how she was more animated compared to the past few weeks.

When Johnny saw Mark emerge out of Essie’s bedroom, he wasn’t able to ask his other housemate what he was doing there. Mark walked away with his head bowed, as if he was avoiding any conversation with his hyung. This left Johnny standing on the hallway with his mouth agape, his eyes fixated on the closed door of his girlfriend’s room.

What could have he done to deserve this?

\\\

Mark felt conflicted about the stories that his dear Essie noona told him. He wasn’t sure if he was the right person to listen to this kind of story, but he had to now that she and her boyfriend weren’t on speaking terms lately.

Essie told Mark of her affair with Jaehyun. It only lasted for a week, but she felt horrible that she was able to do it. She never expected that she would end up like her father. She should not tolerate cheating since that was what tore her family apart.

“I love them both, Mark,” she wiped a tear from her eye, “but I don’t know how I can tell John about this. I don’t know what to do if he leaves me. And I don’t know if I can pursue a relationship with Jaehyun further now.”

He just held her hand and squeezed it, not knowing what to say. “I’m sorry if I told you this, but I needed someone to talk to. This might be a lot for you to process, but what do you think I should do?”

When he saw how wrecked she looked, his heart ached. “I…I don’t know. I really don’t know,” were the only words he said before Essie cried for the hundredth time that week.

\\\

Essie didn’t come out of her room the whole day. That worried Johnny because even if they weren’t on speaking terms, she still slipped out of her room to eat (lately it’s only once a day) or use the bathroom.

It was already late in the evening, and the itch to confront her resurfaced. He took a deep breath and walked toward the landing where his keys were. He had the key to all of the rooms, hers included. It was time to take action.

He opened the door to her room and saw her bundled in her comforter. He almost dropped his phone when he noticed that there were bloodstains on it.

He rushed to her side and saw that the blood came from her wrists. They were still bleeding. He extracted a pair of scissors on her bed and threw it away. She had hurt herself.

“Maaaaark!” He shouted, trying not to let panic get to him. “Mark Lee, come here immediately, please!”

The younger guy peeked into Essie’s room and was shocked to see the bloodied comforter. “I’ll call 911,” he said, immediately fishing his phone out of his pocket to call the hotline.

Johnny unwrapped Essie from her beddings and examined the wounds she created. They were a bit fresh, and they still bled. He noticed that she wasn’t breathing regularly anymore.

He was crying throughout the ordeal – the medical staff had to calm him down, and Mark had to step up to take care of the situation.

He didn’t know why Essie ended up like this. She wasn’t talking to him for weeks. He gave her space, and he tried his best not to be mad at her. He was a kind, understanding, and caring partner. But she was being selfish, and it broke his heart day by day.

Now, he might lose her because he wasn’t strong enough to break her walls.

Is this how I lose it? Everything at once?

\\\

Essie’s thoughts continued to consume her.

I don’t deserve to be loved.

I have been a bad partner.

I have become like my father.

I am a whore, a slut, a bitch, or any derogatory names you could call me.

I am not worthy of Johnny’s love, nor Jaehyun’s.

I am the most selfish person on this planet.

I deserve to die.

She had no energy to get out of bed or even eat properly. She only had one meal a day, the portions becoming smaller each day. The last thing she ate was a single cracker.

As she buried herself deeper into her sheets, the desire to cut returned. Wordlessly, she got up from the bed and grabbed the nearest scissors she could find.

She shut her eyes and dragged it across her wrist first to see if it was sharp enough. She saw thin lines etched onto her skin, with one of them oozing a prick of blood.

She tried again, this time harder and slower. She let out a small grunt as she felt the metal digging into her skin. She felt the blood gush out, which was both a painful yet wonderful experience. She did it again to her other wrist albeit shakily, for the blood was making her lose her control.

They were thick gashes on each wrist, and she gave a faint smile at her work.

I wish all these thoughts would stop now, she thought as she closed her eyes. She felt faint, which she hoped would lead to her losing her conscience until she never gets it back.

\\\

When Essie opened her eyes, she was at the hospital. It was a sight she never thought she’d see or experience. There were bandages on her wrists, and she felt a twinge of pain when she tried to move her hands.

“You’re awake,” a voice beside her croaked. It was Johnny, who looked worse for wear. She tried to say anything, but her mouth was too dry. She settled on looking at him instead, observing the dark bags under his eyes and his messy hair.

“Do you need anything?” She shook her head. “Water?” Another shake. “Come on, baby, please,” he said, on the verge of tears.

She could only stare at him, her mind still processing everything that happened for the past few weeks.

“Why won’t you talk to me still? What did I do? I want to know if I hurt you in any way, so I know how I could make it up to you,” he started, tears falling from his eyes.

“You’ve been talking to Mark, but not me. Are you hiding something from me?”

Those words made her heart pound loudly against her chest, and she tried not to break from her poker face.

“Baby, whatever it is, please. Let me know. I’ll understand. Whatever you did, I’ll forgive you. Just talk to me.”

Still, Essie would not budge. She just stared at him crying, unable to say anything for fear of him breaking further than her.

I cheated, John. With your best friend. I’m sorry.

A tear slipped from her eye, which Johnny didn’t notice as he continued to weep in front of her.

There was a knock on the door, but that didn’t stop him from crying. The door creaked open, revealing Mark in his trademark baseball cap.

He was about to say anything but noticed that his hyung was close to bawling.

“I guess I’ll be back later,” he mumbled, about to close the door. That was when Essie found her voice back, even if it was hoarser than usual. “Mark,” she started, “please stay.”

The younger guy was surprised at this, and he re-entered the room. Johnny’s eyes widened that his girlfriend wanted to talk to his other roommate instead of him.

“Sorry, Johnny hyung, but can you excuse us for a second?” Mark whispered, still not making eye contact with him.

“I can’t believe this,” Johnny muttered, glaring at his housemates for a second before storming out of the room.

He went out of the hospital to calm himself down, and for the first time in ages, he lighted a stick.

\\\

Everything came back to her once she started speaking to Mark. The younger guy updated her on what happened, and he saw how her face was coming back to life with various expressions. Her eyebrows knitted, her mouth frowned, and her eyes expressed the most emotion of them all.

“Mark, I still don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to him, not like this,” she murmured, looking at her bandaged wrists.

“You have to now, Essie noona. Please. It’s breaking him too. If you don’t want him to leave, you have to do it,” he said, softly tapping her arm.

She cried again, and Mark took this opportunity to excuse himself and find Johnny so the lovers could finally talk.

\\\

It took Mark an hour to find his hyung. He tried calling, but he wouldn’t answer. He had to resort to calling their other friends. Eventually, he found him through Yuta. “He’s at that coffee house with the nice smoking area,” the Japanese guy said before he hung up.

It was the place that he went to with his girlfriend. Mark knew that Essie smoked, but she was trying to cut it down. He didn’t know if she had quit, but that didn’t matter now.

As he went to the smoking area, he saw Johnny blowing a smoke ring. “Johnny hyung,” he approached the guy carefully, afraid that he might hurt him due to what he witnessed earlier.

“Mark,” the older guy said harshly and even blew smoke at his face. “What brings you here?”

“I’m taking you back to the hospital. She needs you now,” he took a seat beside him and twiddled his thumbs out of nervousness.

“What makes you think she needs me? She only talks to you now! Tell me,” Johnny said as he put out the cigarette, “are you two in a secret relationship?”

Mark shook his head vigorously. “No, hyung. She already made her choice when she decided to be in a relationship with you. I will never do that to you, to her, or anyone.” His voice was firm.

“Then, why is she talking only to you? I’m always here for her. Mark, please tell me, what’s wrong? Why isn’t she talking to me?” The older guy was in tears again, his sadness and frustration about the situation coming up again.

“It’d be best that she explain it, to be honest. I don’t even know what to say,” Mark rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Please, Johnny hyung. Have a bit more patience. She’ll talk.”

“I’m doing the best that I could, Mark Lee. I hope I still have some patience in me left,” were Johnny’s last words before he went back to the hospital.

\\\

“Baby, you said you needed to talk to me?”

The six-footer was now seated beside his love, who looked more alive than he saw her earlier. She nodded, opening her palm and moving it toward his direction.

He took this as a cue to hold her hand, which he did. He was gentle in picking it up, slowly slipping in his fingers in between hers.

“Can you tell me why you hurt yourself? Can you tell me everything why you haven’t been talking to me in ages?” His voice cracked as he asked.

“I…I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I really am. I am truly, deeply sorry.”

“I know it’s easy to say I forgive you, but I don’t know if I can accept it just yet. You really hurt me,” Johnny’s grip tightened. “But I know you still have a lot to explain. Can you start?”

She looked at him with teary eyes, slowly untangling her hand from him. She didn’t know where to start. She didn’t know if she could say what she has practiced in her mind while she was waiting for him to return.

I had only one thing to do and I couldn’t do it yet.

///

It took some time for Essie and Johnny to repair their relationship. She wasn’t able to tell him what she really wanted to say when she was at the hospital. They just held hands and cried.

Once she was discharged, Johnny was hands-on in taking care of her. He didn’t leave her alone – he accompanied her to the bathroom, he slept beside her, and he was there for her when she had to go out of the house.

In one instance, they had to return to the hospital for a follow-up check-up and an appointment with the psychiatrist. They held hands as they went to the car silently. Essie didn’t talk that much, and if she did, she only gave single statements.

Johnny’s patience was wearing thin, but he prayed that the Lord give him more. He didn’t want to lose the love of his life, even if she still hasn’t told him everything yet.

From all the things that she said, he only knew that she was apologetic for everything.

Something's leaving me behind

It's just a feeling in my mind

\\\

It was during their ride to the hospital that Essie finally cracked.

“I’m sorry that I broke your heart,” she wept, looking away from him.

It had started raining outside, and they were stuck in traffic.

“I already forgive you for that,” he squeezed her hand. “Stop apologizing so much. I got it.” He bent forward to look at her face in the car window and saw that her eyes were red and puffy.

“It’s more than what you think, John. I really am sorry.”

He let go of her clammy hand and placed it on the steering wheel. Could it be?

A moment of awkward silence enveloped the car. They weren’t listening to any of their playlists lately. Music took a backseat in their lives as Johnny was intent to fix things with Essie.

“Who did you do it with?” His tone was serious, making the hairs on the back of Essie’s neck stand up.

“Jay,” she whispered as she sat up straight. “It was Jay.” She repeated with certainty.

“Jeong Jaehyun,” Johnny growled his best friend’s name. It made sense to him now. No wonder he wasn’t talking to him despite leaving multiple voice calls and private messages. “How dare he do this to me? But how could you too, Essie?” The instant change of tone of his voice made her heart ache.

It was one of the most painful things that she heard him say, along with the pleas that he said when she was at the hospital.

“I’m really sorry, John. There are no excuses for what I did. I gave in to temptation when I could’ve avoided it…” Essie’s voice cracked at each word she said, and she was in tears again.

“How long did it last?” Johnny’s question cut through her like a knife. He wasn’t dilly-dallying around.

“For a week. I couldn’t take it anymore…” She distracted herself by studying her hands since she didn’t want to cry all day. She knew she would cry more during her appointment with the psychiatrist.

“Essie…” He breathed, his eyes intent on the traffic sign. It was still red, and he was wishing that it would change to green.

“I’m sorry, Johnny. My sincerest apologies. I am remorseful for what I did. Please forgive me more for what I have done,” she said, taking a glance at his face.

Even if it pained her to see his reaction, she had to know how he felt.

He had an inscrutable expression as he continued to drive. Of course, it hurt him that his best friends cheated on him. Jeong Jaehyun, a man he considered his brother, had an affair with the woman he wanted to marry and have a family with.

He had to right to be angry about this. But he didn’t feel it right now. Instead, he felt defeated. Deflated. Depressed.

His love for Essie was too much that he wanted her to get better soon so they could fix their lives together.

Processing anger can take a toll on someone, and he didn’t want to feel that just yet. He would get angry later on. That could wait.

He took a look at Essie, who has now fallen asleep. He gave her a small smile before focusing his attention back on the road.

We're connected by a thread

If we ever get far apart

I'll still feel the pull of you

–––

FIN

P.S. I hope you didn’t make a drinking game out of all the times I mentioned hyung here!

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Here’s another piece I’ve written during depressing times, and I hope you’ll like it as much as you like my fluffy and sometimes sexually awkward stories. 

Get ready to see guitar-playing Mark Lee again here, so here’s a photo of that for you. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

–––

Summary: Although I’m not her biggest fan, I never thought that Sulli’s death would leave an impact on me. This piece was inspired by her passing last year, and my favorite comfort song whenever someone precious to me dies. 

POV: 3rd person this time. 

Word count: 1,300 + words 

Warning: There are mentions of self-harm here since Essie hasn’t been cured of it yet. 

Recommended listening: The title of the piece should already be a giveaway, but as always, I’ll put it down below so you can listen to it repeatedly while you read this. 

–––

Essie couldn’t believe it. One of her close friends, Yuki, committed suicide. There wasn’t any alarm or warning. She didn’t notice that her friend was struggling. Yuki was always smiling, comforting her every time she ranted about her life. Although they didn’t always meet, their phone conversations made up for it.

Whenever she was left alone in the house, one of the people she would always call was her. Pretty, timid, and kind Yuki. She looked delicate on the outside, but it turns out she was even more on the inside.

Essie learned the news from Aoi, a common friend of theirs. The girl was crying over the phone, and it took a couple of tries for Essie to understand the situation.

“Yuki’s dead, Essie. She hanged herself.”

The phone slipped out of her hand first before her body came next, hitting the cold floor with a hard thud. They were of the same age.

As she picked up the phone again, Aoi had already dropped the line. She sighed in frustration and wept at the sofa.

Good thing she was alone – she screamed at the top of her lungs first before bursting into tears once more.

\\\

Essie was a horrible mess the day after. She didn’t talk to Johnny or Mark. She was staying at their apartment for now since hers was under repair.

At first, the two guys chalked it up to PMS. But when they found out from Nini what happened, Johnny was the first to bang on Essie’s door.

“Baby, please open up,” he pleaded, close to tears at how his best friend had suddenly shut him off.

Essie wasn’t responding. She was curled up in a ball on her bed, still in her pajamas. Her mind was clouded with all the bad thoughts she had been repressing.

When someone takes their own life, she always had the itch to do the same.

She had a new pair of scissors on her desk. She also had a sharp letter opener inside one of her drawers. There were many objects that she could draw blood from.

She tuned out the world to listen to her diabolical yet devastating thoughts until it bored her to sleep.

\\\

When she did get out of her room, she saw Mark on the couch with his guitar. Her mouth was itching to say something, but it never came.

She did her best to move silently so he wouldn’t bother her. She just wanted to be alone, but at the same time, she couldn’t be left alone.

Both guys didn’t know of her suicidal tendencies, and if they do, they would never leave her side.

As Essie rummaged through the fridge (it was a bit far from the couch so she didn’t mind if Mark could hear the clinking of glass against plastic), she heard him strum the introduction of one of her favorite songs.

Love of mine, someday you will die                    

But I'll be close behind and I'll follow you into the dark

He always surprised her with the songs he sang with his guitar as of late. She couldn’t help but get teary-eyed again as he sang the melancholic song.  

Yuki was one of the people she truly cherished. They were childhood friends, just like with Nini. Although the latter was her forever classmate, Yuki became her close friend when they always joined the same clubs. They joined the choir, the dance club, and even the bookworm one. They kept in touch even if they went to different high schools and colleges. Now that they were both working, they still called each other almost daily.

However, all of that is gone as she took her own life yesterday.

If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied

And illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks

Then I'll follow you into the dark

She got a pitcher of water from the fridge and closed it gently, still wanting not to be heard by Mark. On the contrary, the younger guy knew she was out of her room. He had a keen sense of listening, and he was familiar with how her footsteps sounded.

To sympathize with her situation, he decided to play a song that he thought fit the situation. He found one in her playlist, and it took him an hour to learn it.

And the soles of your shoes

Are all worn down

The time for sleep is now

But it's nothing to cry about

'Cause we'll hold each other soon in the blackest of rooms

He heard her sniffle, but he had to finish the song. He closed his eyes to concentrate, hoping he did justice to one of Death Cab for Cutie’s masterpieces.

As he strummed the last chord, he waited in silence if she would go to him or not. He was shocked that she did, holding a glass of water.

“Thanks for playing that, Mark. That was beautiful,” she started, her voice hoarse from crying.

He patted the space beside him, and she sat. She put the glass on the table first before she got a pillow to cover her rumpled pajamas.

“I’ve heard about Yuki…” he said, rubbing the back of his neck out of nervousness. He didn’t want to make her cry with his words. “And I thought of singing this song because I’m also empathizing with you…” He looked at his guitar as he ended his statement, afraid of her reaction.

“Thank you again, Mark. That’s sweet of you,” he heard her say gently, and he also heard the rustling of fabric. He suddenly felt warm, and he saw that her hand was on top of his.

“M-May I?” He asked, looking at her hand and his. She nodded, and he clasped it in his clammy hand. She didn’t mind it at all – it was the thought that mattered.

They held each other’s hand for a moment, feeling each other’s warmth. Eventually, he had to place the guitar on the floor as they faced each other. He saw how depressed she looked – her eyes were puffy and red, and there were tear stains on her clothes.

He wanted to hug her right then and there, which took him a lot of courage to do. It took him a few minutes before he pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms around her. He cradled her to his chest, and she buried her face on his shoulder.

Their embrace comforted her, and he even gently rocked their bodies together. “I’m here, Essie noona…I’ll always be here for you,” Mark said softly, one of his hands combing through her curly locks.

The older girl continued to cry, her face still on his shoulder. Her arms were loosely wrapped around his neck, which he had to adjust from time to time as he could feel them getting limp.

This was the closest they have ever been, and deep inside, he wished this moment would never end.

Alas, all good things come to an end – Johnny texted him that tomorrow morning was Yuki’s funeral. He texted Mark because it was futile to talk to his best friend, even though the information he was sharing was for her.

If only his hyung knew that he and Essie were having a moment right now…

As he told her of this information, the girl could only nod her head and broke off from his hold. She trudged towards her bedroom, and he helped her, one arm looped around her shoulder.

Once she was settled on her bed, he tucked her in and planted a kiss on her temple. “We’ll go there with you if you want,” he said as one of his hands found its way into her hair again. He loved combing through her hair and seeing how satisfied she is whenever he took out some difficult knots.

“Yes, please. I need you two,” she murmured. Mark continued to play with her hair until she fell asleep.

“Sweet dreams, my dear Essie noona,” he whispered before closing the door to her room.

–––

FIN

Welcome to my Playground!

Hi guys, I'm J. 

I've been lurking Tumblr (years after I was an active user of the platform) for K-pop fanfiction to read, and now I've decided it's time to show the world my contribution. It was in late 2019 that I fell in love with K-pop again, in the process discovering Super M, NCT 127, and EXO. (I was a huge fan of Super Junior and still love SHINee.) Right now, I'm more biased towards NCT 127 as most of the fics I have written have the one and only Johnny Suh in mind. 

Most of the time, I write these fics during my free time at work or whenever inspiration hits (and I'm in front of my computer or laptop). But really, I get away with writing fics while I'm at work so please don't judge me, lol. 

I hope my silly stories make you feel things (good or bad, but I hope it's the former), and please tell me about it. I'd love to converse with fellow writers and readers and get inspired by your comments and suggestions.

  Here's to improving my craft and getting to know like-minded individuals! 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

Housemates (Johnny)

I like to make it up to you, guys – here’s another installment of my Housemates mini-series featuring NCT members. Yes, you read it right – NCT, which means there might be members from other sub-units that you’ll get to read about soon.

Since I started with Mark, I’m going to continue with his funny and lovable hyung – Johnny Suh, also known as the Love of My Life. Just look how cute he is in the GIF below!

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

–––

Summary: Like the first story, it was inspired by an Instagram post of NCT members as your roommates or housemates. This came from the second part.

If this piece can come with a subtitle, it would be: Essie Park is PMS-ing so bad, but deep inside, she appreciates what Johnny does for her. In short, she’s really grumpy here, and you might find her a bit annoying.

POV: 2nd person still.

Word count: 1,400 + words 

Warning: Since someone’s not in the mood here, expect a twinge of angst in one of the scenarios. But as always, this is fluffy and sweet as a cotton candy.

–––

When you and Johnny started as roommates, it was quite chaotic.

You woke Mark up, or whoever was sleeping in the other spare room, with the sound of plastic containers falling from the shelves. If not that, you were chucking them at the six-footer who seemed intent to annoy you by hiding important things on the high shelves.

“Younghooooo! Why did you put the remote control here?” You screeched, grabbing the device from the top shelf. “Are you planning to hog the telly all by yourself? Well, you aren’t!”

You jumped off from the counter and clutched the remote tightly. Johnny tried his best to hide his laughter, but he couldn’t. He loved seeing you annoyed because he knew he would be forgiven when he apologized with a lot of aegyo.

\\\

Your body clock was also ruined the longer you stayed at his place. “Let’s have lunch?” He asked from across the room as he rummaged the fridge for something to eat.

You looked at your phone’s watch and rolled your eyes. “Johnny, it’s quarter to 3 in the morning. Let me repeat: in the fucking morning. Are you out of your mind?!” You had already raised your voice in annoyance, but he was unbothered by it.

“I don’t find anything I’d like to eat here,” he said as he closed the fridge door. “How does Panda Express sound?”

“Whatever, dude. As long as you’re paying.”

\\\

While you were viewing your friends’ Instagram Stories on the couch, a notification popped up that Johnny sent you a message.

It was a snap of him winking with his hands clasped in front of him. Can you please get the carton of ice cream from the fridge? Let’s share it too~ was the caption that accompanied it.

You looked to your right and saw him intently watching a video on his phone. “What the hell, dude? Really?” You grumbled, which he ignored. His face was too close to the screen.

You shoved your phone in your pocket first before you got what was asked of you. It was a carton of ice cream good for sharing, and it was your favorite flavor – mint chocolate chip.

“Here you go, your highness,” you said, handing him the ice cream and a spoon. He paused what he was watching and patted the space beside him.

You obliged and ate the ice cream beside him. Eventually, you joined him in watching, and he pulled you close to him.

“Thanks, baby,” he said as you focused your attention on the subs on the screen.

“No problem. But next time, you can press pause and get whatever you need by yourself, okay?” You said without looking at him, your tone firm.

He responded by tightening his hold on you and kissing the top of your head.

\\\

There was a time that you were so tired and wanted some peace, but your housemate didn’t give you that.

Johnny decided to throw a surprise party by inviting some of your closest friends – Key, Ten, Taemin, Kai, Jaehyun, and the rest of their crew. The apartment was filled with handsome men, which isn’t bad, but you weren’t in the mood to interact with them at the moment.

You were speechless as Yuta took off your coat for you, and Jungwoo held your purse. “Come on in, princess! The party has just started!” Johnny greeted you, who was wearing a red velvet robe similar to what Hugh Hefner wore.

Your eyes narrowed to slits, and you folded your arms in front of you. “A party? You do know that I’m tired as fuck after coming home late for the past few days?” You hissed, making the tall guy approach you cautiously.

“I know, baby! But a little party never hurt somebody!” He tried to convince you by shaking his booty a bit, hoping that his party mood will rub off on you.

“Come on, Essie! Have some fun with us!” You heard Taemin say, waving to you with that bashful smile of his. You noticed that he held a glass of whiskey on his other hand.

His words made you reconsider, and later on, you were singing with Ten and Key on the couch, while Mark and Haechan laughed at how you butchered the song.

You saw in the corner of your eyes that Johnny was pleased. You gave him a thumbs-up, and he returned it with a wink as well.

\\\

“Shut the fuck up, Johnny! Some of us are trying to concentrate here!” You screamed, banging on the bathroom door.

Your housemate was singing ‘A Pocketful of Sunshine’ (a la Emma Stone in ‘Easy A’), and it was distracting you.

You were working on your sideline at the dining table, and you heard how grating Johnny’s voice was from where you were. You knew that he didn’t sound like that – he sounded angelic when sang – but there were times he liked to sing badly on purpose to annoy you or anyone else in the apartment.

Unfortunately, Mark was immune to his hyung’s 'bad' singing. “Just let him be, Essie noona,” he said, biting his lip so he wouldn’t laugh. If you were easy to annoy, the younger guy was easy to laugh.

“But he’s distracting me! I need to get my work done!” You whined, and at this time, Mark was getting teary-eyed from holding in his laughter. “You can borrow my noise-canceling headphones if you need some quiet time,” he offered, going back to his room to get them.

“There’s no need, Mark,” you heard Johnny say, “because I’m done.” A few seconds later, he emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his bottom half. However, it was a bit too low for anyone’s liking – the outline of his pelvic bones were showing.

“Jesus Christ, Johnny! Can you raise that towel higher?” You complained, backing away from the bathroom. “Mark, I’ll still need those headphones, please!” You rushed back to the kitchen where your laptop was waiting for you.

Johnny chuckled at your flustered figure but did what you told him to once you were back on your seat.

\\\

After a devastating day at work, you just wanted to throw yourself on the floor once you arrived home.

The tears that you tried to contain spilled once you arrived at your doorstep. You cursed when you couldn’t find your keys. As you fumbled at your bag for it, you heard someone approach the door.

You didn’t have to look up to know who it was and went in once the door was opened. You thanked the person almost inaudibly before throwing your bag on the couch and ran toward your bedroom.

Johnny was concerned and bothered at this sight of you.

He went to your room a few minutes after you have cried it out on your pillow. “Hey, are you okay?” He asked gently, approaching your curled-up figure slowly.

“Isn’t it obvious? Of course, I’m not,” you mumbled on the pillow, clutching it tightly until your knuckles went white.

“Essie, what’s wrong?” This time, he was sitting on your bed and stroking your back.

“A really bad day at work,” you replied, still not turning to face him. You didn’t want him to see your smudged makeup and puffy eyes.

You were surprised when he flipped you over to face him. You covered your face with your hands, so he doesn’t see how terrible you looked.

“Tell me about it,” he said, taking off your hands off your face as he pulled you towards him. You shut your eyes as he led you towards his chest.

“I’m just doing my job, but people at work have to be mean about it…” You started your story and eventually forgot that you were conscious of your face.

You saw him listening intently to your rant, and you felt your insides grow warm. It was nice and touching of your housemate to do this for you, even if you have been grumpy with him for the past few days.

Once you were done, he enveloped you in a hug and patted your back. “There are days like that, and there will always be people like that,” he said. “Let it all out, and then move on from it, okay?” He was stroking your hair, and this made you relax in his arms.

You stayed in this intimate position for a while, and you wondered if you will have more moments like this in the future.

–––

FIN

Jamming with Mark

Ever since this Relay Cam – I know there were previous instances of him showing off his guitar-playing skills – I knew I fell in love more with Mark Lee.

I can imagine him pursuing this path in the future, and you bet that I’m going to buy his solo acoustic album. Not that I don’t support Rapper Mark, but I am so whipped for this side of him. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

–––

Summary: Essie and Mark bond over a jamming session, where feelings are left to linger with the songs he decided to play for her. In short, here’s Mark as a guitar-playing crooner and some of the songs I wish he could play. 

POV: 2nd person. 

Word count: 900 + words. Wow, this is the shortest piece so far! 

Warning: There’s not much to say, but the lyrics of some of the songs are in bold. I just want to emphasize them just because. 

Recommended listening: Oh boy, we’ve got a lot here! I’ll list all of the songs at the bottom of this page for your listening. I hope you do imagine Mark playing this too! 

–––

You always pegged Mark as an R ‘n B-kind-of-guy. You weren’t surprised when you heard him cover Justin Bieber’s ‘What Do You Mean?’ on his guitar one time.

However, when he visited your apartment after being abroad for a couple of months, you didn’t expect him to play one of your favorites.

There was tension in the air when he started strumming ‘All Flowers In Time Bend Towards the Sun’ by Jeff Buckley and Elizabeth Fraser. You felt your heartbeat loudly against your chest, and you had to put a hand over it to calm it down.

That song was heartbreakingly beautiful, and sometimes you felt guilty listening to it. The song was demo leaked after the death of Buckley, never intended for a release. It felt like a secret between two people (who were ex-lovers in real life) that you weren’t supposed to know, but there it was for everyone to listen to.

He looked at you as his signal to start singing. Fraser’s part came first, and you did your best to emulate her famous vocalization. You closed your eyes, feeling the song to the bone.

When Mark’s part came on, you heard a difference in his voice. It was a bit deeper than usual, or maybe he’s channeling some Buckley in him.

The world stopped for you once you got to the chorus of the song. It was just you and Mark on the sofa, eyes locked on each other.

“All flowers in time bend towards the sun, I know you say that there’s no one for you, but here is one.”

As you repeat the lines over and over, you noticed that both of you were moving closer to each other.

Before you knew it, the song was done, and you felt breathless. You noticed Mark was audibly breathing as if the song was too heavy for him to sing.

“Wow Mark, I can’t believe you know this song,” you said, breaking the silence.

“Well, I’ve been listening to your playlist for the past few days,” he said, still a bit breathless.

Your eyes locked on each other again, and you felt your cheeks burn at how embarrassed you were feeling right now. You didn’t want Mark to feel that, so you continued to stare into his eyes, and you noticed that there was a glimmer in his.

“Want me to play another song?” His hands slid back to the strings of his guitar, and he steadied himself on the couch.

“Okay, show me what else you learned how to play,” you said, leaning your back on a pillow.

“It feels like I only go backwards, baby, every part of me says go ahead…” You weren’t expecting him to sing another heartbreaking song from your playlist.

He was now playing the most known Tame Impala song (‘Feels Like We Only Go Backwards’) that has been covered by many artists, but his version sounds similar to Alex Turner’s (of Arctic Monkeys fame).

You shut your eyes and let his playing calm you. Despite your attempts to feel chill, the lyrics bothered you a bit. It felt like he was singing it to you as a message.

To be honest, you weren’t completely honest with your feelings for him. He might be younger than you, but he expressed his desire to be with you. He declared, in front of your best friends Johnny and Key, that he will wait for you.

You felt that you were sending him mixed signals. There were times that you reciprocated his sweetness, and there were instances that you ignored them. He was a sweet kid, but the age gap made you feel uncomfortable.

Once he was done singing, you opened your eyes and saw that he looked concerned.

“Essie noona, why are you crying?”

You didn’t notice it until you felt the collar of your sweatshirt damp with tears. You wiped them away and looked away from him.

“Did I do something wrong?” You noticed that he moved closer, but he was hesitant to touch you.

“No, it’s just…me, being dramatic as always,” you said softly, wiping away all your tears. You didn’t mind if your eyes were a bit red, he has seen you in a worse state than this.

“Aw, don’t say that,” he said, and now he held your hand. You let him, and you were bold enough to let your fingers intertwine with each other. “Thank you Marky, you’ve always been kind to me.”

You shared shy smiles before he kissed your hand. You squeezed his in response before you let it go. It was calloused from all the guitar playing, but it felt warm.

“Do you want me to play another song again?” This time, he asked his question with only a few centimeters gap between you two.

“If you have been indeed listening to my playlist, can you play anything from the ‘Submarine’ soundtrack?” You replied with a smirk on your face, hoping this will challenge him.

It took him a moment to play something, as he was remembering the starting chords of the songs. When he found the one he was going to play, he faced you confidently and started playing ‘Stuck in the Puzzle’.

It felt fitting once more, and you didn’t feel attacked by it. You gave him a thumbs-up, and he continued singing, his emotions showing with each line.

“Fingers dimming the light like you’re used to being told that you’re trouble,” he looked at you for a moment before staring at the guitar again, “And I spent all night, stuck on the puzzle…”

You leaned your head on the sofa and looked at him adoringly. You loved moments like these with Mark – bonding over your love for music and discovering new artists to listen to.

How you wish things weren’t complicated with you liking a lot of guys, your best friend Johnny included…

–––

FIN

Housemates (Ten)

Did you expect that I’m going to write about Ten? If not, then surprise! I have a soft spot for him, and here’s my take on him being Essie’s housemate. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

–––

Summary: This installment is inspired by this post, and one of the scenarios mentioned is inspired by an offhand comment I made that shocked my officemate because he never knew I had green humor. Yes, I take a lot of inspiration from everywhere – myself included. 

POV: 2nd person again. 

Word count: 1,300 + words

Warning: Okay, I have to be honest here – Ten might be a bit OOC because I pegged him as someone with a sassy personality that can come sometimes across as something else if you know what I mean. I edited out some parts that imply his alleged sexuality since I don’t want to fight anyone on that. I hope you understand, and please enjoy this piece! 

–––

When you lived with Ten for a week, it was a hell of a ride. Or trip, whatever the kids say these days.

Most of your friends said that the two of you are a terrible combination. Both of you couldn’t stop making green jokes to the point that people wanted to shut you up.

But most of the time, it was Ten who started it. That boy had one of the dirtiest minds, and you loved that side of him because if you were completely honest with yourself, you are a freaky bitch.

“I want some meaty barbecue on a long stick,” he said while you were eating at the dining table with Johnny, Jaehyun, Mark, and Doyoung. He even invited the four men to have dinner with you, so it’s not just the two of you bitches making goo-goo eyes at each other.

You and Mark almost choked on your zucchinis with his offhand comment while Johnny raised an eyebrow at him.

“Isn’t that meaty enough? I made sure to get the meatiest meat of them all,” the Korean-American eyed the barbecue he was eating, which Jaehyun observed as well.

“But what I got isn’t as meaty as yours!” Ten whined, frowning at the barbecue stick he was almost done eating.

“Teeeeen!” You groaned, your face flushed from the innuendo of his words. He gave you a smirk in response, and you felt your cheeks heat up even more.

“How about you, Mark? Is your barbecue stick meaty?” There was no stopping Ten now that he had been told to by no less than an ally.

The younger guy observed his stick and shrugged. “Just the right meatiness, I guess?” He said before taking a bite.

“Ah, that must taste good,” the Thai commented loud enough for you – and only you – to hear.

You kicked him under the table, and he returned it. “Damn bitch, slow down! I don’t want to die laughing because of your meaty barbecue,” you muttered.

He just laughed at your reaction as he got another barbecue stick to eat.

\\\

“What do you mean we can’t have fruits?!” You grumbled, still browsing the fridge for something to eat. Ten’s fridge was close to being bare, and he almost screeched at you for suggesting to have apples in his chiller.

“Girl, you should know by now that I hate fruits. Like, seriously.” He assumed a serious pose in front of you, hands folded in front of his chest.

“That’s a weird fear to have, but okay? So you fear even bananas then?” You closed the fridge and copied his position.

“If that’s a banana that isn’t yellow and green and comes in different sizes, then yes.”

“Is there any other banana that’s not yellow and green?”

He gave you a wink, and shame on you that you didn’t get what he meant right away.

“You are such a horny bastard, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul.”

Ten cackled at your response before he dragged you with him to the living room.

\\\

You pulled an all-nighter at Ten’s and was ready to call it a night (well, what else would you call it?).

However, the Thai stunner had other plans as he played some upbeat Top 40 song. “Girl, let’s have a dance battle! Whoever dances the most gets to skip all household chores!”

It was your third day staying in his place, and you have been assigned some chores by the host himself. To make your stay more fun and challenging, he decided to hold a dance battle at four in the morning.

“Chittaphon!” You groaned, but in the end, you were dancing along to the choreography of a Latin trap song with no effort at all.

In the end, Ten won – he knew all of the choreographies of each song. Of course, he would win – he set up the game for him to do so.

“You put me in a trap!” You shook him by the shoulders, and he was laughing at how much of a sore loser you were.

“Of course, dear! You’re in my court, so I get to make the rules here. So…” he looked around the apartment for something you can do for him, “please take out the trash.”

“I’ll get you for this, Chittaphoooon!” You swore, raising your fist in the air in annoyance. As always, Ten giggled at your amusing reaction.

\\\

In another similar moment, Ten disturbed you in the wee hours of the morning for something.

At first, he woke you at 2:45 a.m. asking for a phone charger. “But wait, isn’t your phone an Android one?” You asked, halting the search for your charger in your bag.

He looked at the socket of his phone and smiled sheepishly. “Oh yeah, it is. And you have an Apple charger, right?”

You nodded, and he laughed awkwardly, embarrassed that he had to shake you in bed for a charger that’s not even compatible with his phone.

“But can you help me look for it then?” He used his cute voice, which made it hard for you to say no. “Damn you Ten, you owe for me this,” you grumbled as you got up from the bed, helping him find his phone charger in his apartment.

\\\

The third time that he had to ruin your peaceful sleep was when he lost his glasses. It was almost 5 a.m., and he was whining about where he had put it.

“Essie, my sweet girl! I need my glasses! Please help me find them,” he pleaded, almost kneeling in front of you.

“Where did you last put them? Do you remember where?” You asked as you put on your slippers.

“I forgot, I’m sorry! But I really need them! I can barely see anything,” he said while holding your wrist. He led the way on the search for his glasses, his other hand free for touching any surface they come across.

“You know, I’m blind as a bat too when I don’t have my glasses on. So next time, please remember to take care of them!” You decided to lead the search instead of him since you wore yours.

“Yes, Essie noona,” he said too sweetly, making you roll your eyes. “Don’t call me that, Chittaphon. Don’t remind me I’m old.”

“But you said you’re as blind as a bat without glasses, so I presume you’re a dusty old bat with them.”

“Chittaphoooon!”

\\\

When you and Ten stepped out of the house for some shopping, you were a bit annoyed that he relegated you to be his photographer.

“At least you’re not the one carrying these bags, girl,” he huffed, raising the paper bags that he carried in one hand. “Just take photos of me, and I’ll carry your bags in return.”

“Whatever you say, bitch. Now, can you please fix your pose?” You directed him to lean toward the column and give his best Greek sculpture pose.

Once he did, you took multiple snaps. “Yes, yes…work it, uh-huh…that’s fabulous!” Your comments were honey to his ears – he loved getting complimented for his modeling.

“Can I look at my pics?” You handed him his phone back and scrutinized the shots you took. “Oh my, I look gorgeous,” he gushed, sliding through each photo with a smile on his face. “Let’s look for another location at this mall.”

You rolled your eyes at his comment but grinned anyway. You were flattered that he loved your photos. Maybe you should get back into photography, so you and Johnny can bond more through the hobby.

After all, things were looking peachy for the both of you. It seems there is a possibility that you can take your friendship a bit further, but of course, Ten has to know if you and Johnny end up together.

Ah, such feelings complicate friendships, but that shouldn’t ruin them completely. You hoped that Ten would still be okay with you if you admitted that you had a crush one of his closest friends.

–––

FIN