Gloria (pictured Above) Is A Rescue From Festival Farms, A Battery-chicken Operation That Harvests Bows

Gloria (pictured above) is a rescue from Festival Farms, a battery-chicken operation that harvests bows and basket filler from Party Chickens. Please, next time you are out shopping for gift wrap, make sure the bows you purchase are certified Vegan to help end this cruel exploitation of a beautiful bird.

Back during the second World War, so many women were required on the assembly lines that a new source of labour was needed to cover their more traditional roles. We are all familiar with the Stork’s wartime role in neonatal care, but less well-known is just how heavily the Secretary Bird impacted the expected duties of a secretary. Before the war, a secretary was expected to coordinate schedules and handle confidential information on behalf of their immediate superior. After the war, secretaries were largely ornamental, expected to be long of both leg and eyelash with somewhere between a six and seven foot wingspan (so famously portrayed by Christina Hendricks in AMC’s smash-hit docudrama Mad Men).

Improvements in emergency medicine are saving thousands who would otherwise have died of their injuries. As a result, the Academy of Bird Sciences is now recommending the official collective noun be downgraded to an Aggravated Assault of Crows.

Now unfortunately extinct, the Portrait-Sitting Chicken was a very important breed for aspiring models back during the early days of photography. Unlike oil painting where both artist and model could take breaks while working on a single image, early cameras required models to sit perfectly still or risk completely ruining the image. While not ordinarily photographed themselves, Portrait-Sitting Chickens were used to train aspiring models to remain perfectly still or risk having an angry flapping mess tangled up in their hair.

Yusuke Murata (a leading paleontologist) has completed years of dedicated reconstruction work, and proven once and for all that the Tyrannosaurus Rex was in fact more fearsome than anyone could have possibly imagined. These fierce beasts were at least twenty times cuddlier and flooftastic than even the most adorable snugglebugs known to modern science, and woe betide unto those who smoosh their faces into its adorable feathery tum tum as the Tyrant King knows no mercy.

Unlike others in the family Ardeidae, the Great Blue Heron completely lacks cervical vertebrae. This (in combination with a great love for limoncello and diet primarily consisting of small fish and rodents) has earned it the sobriquet of ‘Avian Danny DeVito’.