Normalcy

︎ ︎︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ⚢ normalcy ⚢

a/n: a little ramble before i finish writing my longer fic, click link for the long and context. cw: cheating, mental health struggles.... i haven't written a full thing like this in weeks so pls be kind 🪽

ex!ellie who was your first love. after spending your adolescence contemplating your sexuality — the sight of her erased any contemplation that existed.

ex!ellie who you dated all throughout highschool, the first girl you ever introduced to your mother, coming out to her in the process.

ex!ellie who treated you like an angel in the beginning, spending nearly every day with you, constantly showering you in adoration.

ex!ellie who you shared a dorm with in college, strengthening ur relationship for a few months until things suddenly fell apart

ex!ellie who introduced you to her new classmates, inviting you to every party she went to. you, who denied most of the time.

ex!ellie who you argued with about said parties over a hundred times. begging her to stay inside with you for one night, and to focus on her studies. ellie, denying and telling you it wasn't a big deal.

ex!ellie who spends the night in another girls dorm after the argument. her behaviour shifting faster than you could keep up with. laying alone that night, you couldn't manage the horrible feelings your brain brought apon you. your heart sank, making it impossible to fall asleep.

ex!ellie who didn't mention that night going forward. she didn't apologize for being mean like she always did after a fight. her cold demeanour sent you into a state of insanity — you couldn't understand how you were losing her so fast.

ex!ellie who you don't speak to for days on end. you've never fought like this before — at least not without cracking within few hours, let alone a day. not speaking was crushing you inside, but the shift in her behaviour and the thought of her layed up next to a random girl she met the same night — over you, her highschool sweetheart, broke you harder than anything.

ex!ellie who confirmed your worries. mindlessly scrolling through her phone as she slept in your dorm, on her side of the beds you had pushed together — it didn't talk long for you to come across messages that sent knives through every bone in your body. how could she do this? over one argument? was she getting bored?, a million questions ran through your head as you layed back on your side. you couldn't cry despite how bad your heart wanted to. tears were already wasted on days worth of confusion and frustration, this, only gave your mind the testimony it required.

ex!ellie who you continued to give the silent treatment as you moved out of the shared dorm. putting in a request with your college the same week you saw the messages, it was accepted with quick availability — just what you needed. ellie, attempting to message you and call you for days, apologizing, confessing, and begging you to come back. but it was no use, you couldn't face her. she was everything you ever wanted, but the horror filled ideas you had for years of her ever being with someone else had became reality, and it ripped you to shreds.

ex!ellie who left you distraught. if it wasn't for dina and jesse being there for you — who knows how bad it would've gotten. for nights on end you'd cry yourself to sleep as your fingers called out to her — but there was no one there. no one to hold, no one to kiss, no more ellie — and for a while, you were hopeless. everything you did, everything you thought about, was surrounded by the image of her. despite ignoring her, despite cutting her off, despite merging back into society normally with the guidence of your best friends, ellie was always in the back of your head, always coming into thought somehow.

ex!ellie who moved to boston after graduation, with regret filling her soul. that was though, what you thought to be, the end of it. you had grown up together, had every first milestone and event shared with one another. but just like that, it was over. and while you thought you could move on, she could never let you be.

ex!ellie who never left you alone in her head. moving away didn't mean she forgot about you — in fact, she thought of you more than ever before. stalking your social media's, constantly asking dina for updates, desperate for an ounce of you. she felt brainless. a night of reckless fun, cost her the girl she dreamt of marrying. was it really worth it? was a taste of something new really what she wanted? was she that strived in the moment? or was she just angry?

ex!ellie who begs dina to let her speak to you every time d comes to visit. dina, who typically refuses to even tell you that ellie is still thinking of you after these years. she doesn't want you to hurt again, not while you've grown so much and healed. but on the other hand, seeing ellie so desperate, breaks her heart. it's a hard decision to make, but she gives into ellie's protests leisurely, subtly trying to remind you of the college days — praying you'll bring her up. and when you don't? she loses her mind, blurting out whatever she can about ellie and her wishes once given the chance.

ex!ellie who is beyond shocked when dina tells her that you agreed to speak to her. though not in person, talking to you over the phone was better than anything she could have ever imagined.

ex!ellie who slowly withers her way back into your life. with one awkward phone call and long story apologies being the start of it all. after exchanging recaps of your recent years spent apart, you can't help but become venerable. your body still ached for her, there were so many questions you needed answers to — and ellie was desperate to answer, desperate to make up for the damage she caused.

ex!ellie who you ghost once in a while. not answering her calls or texts, relapsing into the silent treatment that was once normal between you too. you told her that speaking so often wasn't good, you didn't want to rush back into any friendship between you two, any relationship, and she couldn't complain.

ex!ellie who you couldn't stay away from. it felt pathetic, you had stayed away from her for years yet now that you were speaking again — you struggled to ghost her even for a day. as much as you wanted to be angry at her for calling and thinking everything would just go back to normal once she apologized again — you couldn't be mad... you wanted to forgive her, everything in your body forgave her. there was no more hatred, no more disgust.. your love for her was dateless. and it had regrown just as you prayed it didn't.

ex!ellie who you visited in boston after months of talking on the phone. with as much courage as it took, you gave into her so naturally. you questioned her, yourself, and the forgiveness you had granted her. but seeing her in person, feeling her skin against yours for the first time in years — pervaded your heart with nostalgia that was almost sickening. she was supposed to be your girl, and you were supposed to be hers, was it really all time wasted?

ex!ellie who tries her hardest to make it up to you, who comes clean about the kids she shared with another girl that night after your argument. though she had admitted to her infidelity once before — face to face, she detailed what had happened. knowing it was nothing more than a kiss, gave you a sense of closure that caused tears as she spoke. did she really give you up over a kiss? you asked yourself a million times, and ellie, asked the exact same thing.

ex!ellie who understands things will never be the same as she lives with the guilt of breaking apart years worth of your relationship. though you've began allowing her into your life again slowly, she can't help but ponder where you could have been if this mess didn't happen. if you weren't tied to her so desperately, if you never forgave her and moved onto another women, maybe you'd be married now — with your body never craving the desire to say her name. or maybe, if she had apologized that night, if she had came back to you, maybe you'd be the ones tying the knot. maybe you would've moved to boston with her. the possibilities of "what could've been" send her over the edge every once in a while. your days in boston slowly brought back the strong feelings she had for you, if they had ever disappeared in the first place. she caught herself doing things she would've did back then — gently caressing your face, fighting the urge to kiss your finger tips as your hand was placed so perfectly just inches away from hers. everything felt so natural, it was almost painful for her to stop herself... you two were connected, through skin and through minds, your hearts longed for eachother. you're so close, yet so far away — terrified to get attached to her again, terrified to love the girl that taught you what love meant.

a/n (again): not editing this sorry, just listening to that song and wanted to write what i felt uhmm kinda shitty but oh well lols!

If you see this on your dashboard, reblog this, NO MATTER WHAT and all your dreams and wishes will come true.

i have no clue how to promove myself in this app

Good Luck, Babe!

e.w & fem!reader

cw: comphet, depression, pills, mention of sex, mostly angst, homophobia, mention of vomiting (non-descriptive), sad comphet lesbian failure, no use of y/n !!

n/a: first fanfic post on tumblr lol, I hope my lesbians like it!!

HELP PALESTINE 🇵🇸

HELP UKRAINE 🇺🇦

LEARN ABOUT THE SITUATION IN VENEZUELA !

# part2

The years go by, two, three, you don't have the count, the years where you pretend a repulsive happiness, It feels disgusting, every time he touches you, kisses you. You vomited again, you felt a pain in your head again, he was next to you, asleep, his closed eyes only made you think about your unhappiness.— He was just another victim of a one night stand, one of the many nights since you started sleeping with men.

You're stupid, but you preferred this to what your happiness felt like, guilt, the guilt of true love chasing you,— “Hey baby.” Ellie, oh my dear friend, your most precious wish was to be called like that again, you need to call her.

Suddenly your head hurt again, You wanted to call her, it had been months or maybe years since you called her, since you felt the tips of her fingers touching from your breasts to your belly, her emerald eyes that only reflected love, the love you would never feel again.

“Princes.. come back to bed.” He spoke in a tone that almost sounded cynical, you hadn't realized that you were no longer by his side, you were in front of the sink, looking at your pathetic reflection, seeing what you had become.— “Wait a second, handsome.” You sounded hypocritical, but you always were, you didn't care. You saw the mess in the bathroom for a few seconds, realized that maybe the emptiness that that beautiful woman with emerald eyes and freckles like constellations, that emptiness would never go away, never.

You wiped your mouth, your cheeks full of runny mascara, you took your face out and touched up your makeup, you walked out of the bathroom.— “I think we should continue another day.” You didn't let your companion respond when you decided to leave the motel room. Something about that moment made you feel dirtier than usual, you still had the urge to vomit, cry... Maybe call her. But no, because that desire felt sinful, it's not like you were a believer in every being, but you could still remember every second where you received the worst treatment just because of rumors of your sexuality, especially from your family and university “colleagues.”

You took a taxi to your apartment, a small rented place, just what was needed for someone in their 20s who's tired of living. You left your stuff on the floor, bags with supplements, a bunch of pills that had been prescribed, you only knew you had to take one a day, maybe you would have known if you had listened to your psychiatrist, but maybe you were wrong, but maybe you were immersed in the pain of feeling like you were crazy.

As soon as you entered your room you fell into bed, your face felt the silk of the pillows, you remembered that before these same sheets had the smell of her shampoo, remember when she came out of the shower, remember when she kissed you on every part of your body, when the owner of the apartment complained about the constant moans she heard. And even though it sounds good, that wasn't love, no, it was just a sinful desire, a sinful desire that you were never satisfied with.

A wish that you knew neither of you was satisfied.

She told you, she told you this would happen.

All that for nothing? So many years where they were together for nothing, but you were a coward, you preferred to be with him and sleep with him over and over again than to be with Ellie, accept that maybe and only maybe Ellie was your one and only true love.

You opened your eyes suddenly, how could you think that? Of course not, Ellie only brought depression into your life, maybe if you hadn't met her everything would be better, were you lying to yourself?— “I need to call her.”

You picked up your home phone, you just wanted to hear his voice, you wouldn't use your phone for that, you dialed his number on the buttons of the old phone. You waited for a few minutes, you felt your hands sweating,— “Hello?” Oh fuck, you could die right there, die just from hearing her voice.

“Hi? Who's there?”— Now what? You were frozen, and as soon as you heard a grunt of annoyance you reacted.— “No! Ellie, don't hang up, it's me.. me.” Shit, why did you do that?

“Baby... I thought that... I thought I would never hear your voice again, oh girl.” Shit, she actually called you like that again, You could have started crying, standing there, pathetically as you were, so you just hung up the phone almost just by feeling inertia.

The phone rang again, she called you back, you answered almost immediately.— “I want to see you. Ellie, I need to see you, when do you have time?” Ellie seemed to think about it, as she remained silent for several seconds.

—“When do you need me?” You sighed with relief,— “Now. In my house, now, I–” You couldn't finish the sentence, tears were coming out of your eyes, unable to help it.—“Please Ellie, my baby..”

—“I'll go, don't worry, stand strong my brave girl.” Ellie hung up the call, and now reality returned to your shoulders, What had you done? You let yourself be carried away by the thousand feelings of the moment, letting yourself be carried away by the nostalgia of just hearing a nickname.

Now you were in front of the door of your apartment, like a dog waiting for its owner, staring, the minutes passed like hours, and you felt like you were losing oxygen, you tried to regulate yourself, you couldn't even get ready, your eyes were watery, your hands were shaking. But there was no room for regret anymore, the doorbell to your apartment had already rang, and there was no escape from your own misfortune.

—“Hello baby, sorry I'm late.” You threw yourself into her arms, crying, sobbing, you hugged her tightly as if your anguish would disappear just by feeling her.— “Shh, shh, it's okay, I know, baby, I know.”

And suddenly you felt someone knocking on your door, your teary eyes looked around only to notice your wet cheeks and your loneliness, the loneliness in your room, in your house, in your empty dreamy heart, the heart that only dreamed of the moment when it could see that girl again.

n/a: i was kinda afraid of posting this but yk, idk if I should give this a good ending.

Guys hear me out... rockstar!Ellie x pregnant!reader🙏🙏🙏

(I don't know how to write someone steal my idea please)

Accelerating fury

A Hunger Games Ellie au

In this specific au the hunger games didn’t end with Katniss,, just bc I wanted this to take place after ^•^. I mainly focus on the reader/you until the parade with all the costumes and chariots, but I PROMISEEEEE Ellie comes into play😭🙏 plz I just love to yap. This isn’t the plot of the original Hunger Games! It’s very similar but I did tweak it to be different so! Know that if you read!

Reader is from district 8 (textiles)

Ellie is a badass from district 2 (masonry)

((Btw the photo of the dress I included is the dress that reader wears,, I am OBSESSED w Lolita fashion !!))

C/w: uhhh it’s the hunger games sooo… death? No smut in this one (everyone throws tomatoes at me). SLOWWWWWW BURNNNNNN. If you don’t like yapping and plot don’t read😭 No use of Y/N. Cursing bc ms collins couldn’t😘 Strictly lesbian reader.

W/c: 5k

𓆟. ° .• .𓆝 .• ° . 𓆟 . ° .• .𓆞

It started like all the stories you had ever heard. The same girl from every year, Maria Miller, gave her speech about the Hunger Games. How everyone was oh so excited for this year. Apparently President Snow and the gamemakers had something special planned, as if they don’t say that same thing each time.

You scoffed, and crossed your arms as the same video began. After all this time you basically had the thing memorized. ‘War. Terrible war.’ you repeated to yourself. The few friends you had snickered to the side of you, and you playfully bumped them to get them to shut up. There were so many capitol officials here today. The peacekeepers were easily more than tripled. They wanted absolutely no distractions from Maria - they saw today as regal as the balls you hear about that go on in the capitol. You looked down at your clothes and smoothed them out. Thankfully since your district was textiles, you actually had something decent to wear, unlike the kids you see from district 12.

And you were well off enough to only have your name entered the minimum number of times, not more times for food like some of your friends with large families had to do. You only had this year, and then next year, and you were done. They cut you off after you turn 19, and then you never have to worry about the Hunger Games again. Well, unless you happened to get pregnant and have kids. But there’s no chance that was happening. You’d rather play dead at a necrophilia convention than have sex with a man.

“Well, as usual, ladies go first.” Maria snaps you out of your endless stream of thoughts and you look up to see her hand already rustling in the bowl of names. You reach over and hold the hands of your friends at you side. Your friends have a tradition of holding hands during the reaping. You’ve been doing it every year, and none of you have been picked. Knock on wood.

Maria digs around in the fishbowl full of names, you look over nervously at your friend Riley. She’s one of the people who had to enter more for extra food. You gulp and look ahead as Maria begins her painfully slow process of opening up the paper and reading the name.

It started how every living victor describes it. They say the more you hope it doesn’t happen, the more likely it will. The more you repeat ‘please don’t say my name’ in your head, the more likely your name will be called.

Maria opened her mouth and your blood went cold. You felt that horrid feeling one only feels when something disastrous happens. You had only felt it once before, when you late girlfriend was taken away by peacekeepers, about two years ago. At least you weren’t the one being dragged away to be hung. At least then you knew you were going to survive.

Everything around you went fuzzy as dissociation swept in. You couldn’t hear your friends gasping, or Maria calling out your name a second time. You barley felt the ones you loved letting go of your hands, until you realized you were carrying yourself down the rows and rows of people right to the stage.

Your thoughts about mundane things drew in as you stood there waiting for the male tribute’s name to be called. You thought about your cat, and your friends. The plans you had made for the rest of the week. The new job you were going to start soon, after you had the courage to quit your old one.

Before you know it, Maria is already back at the mic and talking to the crowd, “Everyone, please give a big hand to the tributes chosen to represent district 8 in this year’s Hunger Games!”

You didn’t even see the male tribute come up. You slowly look to your right and see a guy named Jesse. You’ve met him before, went to school with him and took a job together. You knew him, but you didn’t really know him. That would probably make it easier for you, if he was one of your friends then you’d be obligated to protect him. At least when he dies you can keep going. Fuck, now is not the time to think about that. You mentally scold yourself for being so grim.

~

Right now you were following an Avox down winding staircases and hallways to meet your stylist. You’ve heard rumors saying she’s supposed to be one of the best, always coming up with unique and astonishing outfits every year. I mean, that makes sense, she was styling outfits for the textiles district after all. The Avox leaves you in a little room to wait.

Suddenly the door opens and a girl steps inside. She looks only a few years older than you. “Hi. I’m Dina. I’ll be your and Jesse’s stylist.” She actually holds out her hand, and you shake it. She grabs a stool and sits down in front of you. “Now, I’m guessing they already told you about sponsors, right?”

You nod. Your mentor, Tommy, already told you all about them on the train to the capitol. You’re trying to use your organization skills from your job to your advantage. You’ve been thinking about what angle to take: wether you should paint yourself as a smart stow away or a sexy young lady. No matter what you thought of, it had already been done before. Even if you had never seen it televised yourself, your mom and dad had told you stories passed down of a beautiful singer from one of the first games who poisoned everyone, the man who used the force field to his advantage who then made the gamemakers mad, and the girl from a few years ago with the bow and arrow who did everything to save the one she loved.

“Great.” She claps her hands together. “Tell me a bit about yourself. I like to take direct inspiration from my tributes in order to give you guys the best shot.”

You can’t say anything. You just stare at her. The way you pictured it, only frilly old people worked in the capitol. This girl seemed so.. normal. No fancy jewelry, no over the top hairdo, no long spider lashes. She’s not even wearing work clothes.

“How did you end up here?” You ask. You’ve been wondering, but you never meant to actually say it out loud. “Oh shit, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that, you don’t have to answer.” You look away from her.

“Wow. No one’s uh.. ever asked me that before.” She laughs shyly and when you look up, she’s nervously fidgeting with the bracelet she has on. She clears her throat, “My older sister took care of me when my parents died. This used to be her job. We had family debt, so when she died, I took it on.” She sighs, “That’s about it.”

“I’m sorry about that.” You try comforting her. There’s really no use. There’s no cameras here. It’s just you and her. You really don’t have to please anyone, but you’ve decided in this moment not to be overtly cruel just to win. If you were going to do it, you were going to do it right.

She smiles softly, “Thank you.“

“Uhm, do you seriously not have a plan yet? Like, for what I’m gonna wear?” You try getting back on track, there’s really no time to waste. If you do this wrong, you only have a few days guaranteed left to live.

She smiles, “Nope. I do my best work in the middle of the night. There’s a reason why everyone oohs and ahhs at my designs.” She winks.

“And there’s a reason you haven’t been fired yet.” You try testing the waters.

“Damn, you sly dog. Gonna have to let Tommy know we got ourselves a wild one.” She laughs and rubs your head, like how dads do.

Huh. If all capitol citizens are like this, this is gonna be easy.

~

The next day, you and Jesse briskly follow the same Avox to get dressed in whatever Dina cooked up for you.

“She uh, she ask you to talk about yourself too?” Jesse prompts, keeping his hands in his pockets.

You nod, “Yup. Quite the character huh? Not really what I was expecting when I picture a capitol official.”

You glance over, look him up and down, and snort. He couldn’t have been bothered to change out of his pj’s. “Hey don’t look at me like that.” He throws his hands up. “We’re going straight to get into costumes. Needa save my energy for the arena.”

The mention of the arena makes your heart drop. You were so entranced by the yummy food and cool technology you forgot why you were in the capitol in the first place. Jesse goes silent after that, keeping his head low as he continues to follow the Avox. You don’t know why, but you just now realize he must be scared too. You also realize you never actually told Dina about yourself, so you assume she must have taken inspiration from some of the conversations you guys had.

You guys finally arrive and meet Dina in front of a dressing room with huge mirrors. “You’re up first, Jesse.” She smiles and pats him on the shoulder. They disappear into the changing room, leaving you to sit with your own thoughts on a little chaise. You hear Jesse laugh, and think about how nice it would be to get to know him under different circumstances.

“Heya, stranger.” A voice says from behind you, and you instinctively jump. You turn around and see Tommy, your mentor. “Woah there, games haven’t started yet.” He chuckles and you laugh a little. He reminds you of your dad. He won his games awhile back. He’s getting old, and his wife, Maria, is the one who called your name at the reaping. You didn’t realize the two were married until you were bad mouthing Maria, about how she just had to pick your name, when he showed you his ring. You apologized profusely, and he was very kind. He even said that’s not the first time that’s happened since he’s become a mentor. You sure lucked out. The people on your team almost seemed like family, even though you only met them a few days ago.

“What’re you doing here, Tommy? And where’s Maria?”

“Maria’s talkin’ to the gamemakers. She basically runs us here in the district 8 level. Even me.” He crosses his arms and chuckles. He really is like a dad. “Yeah, but I’m here cause I honestly don’t have nothin’ else to do. Only reason I’m still alive is cause I won my games, so now I gotta tell you how to win yours.”

“What about Jesse?” You tilt your head and ask.

He keeps eye contact with you, “I meant Jesse, too.”

“Oh.”

He pauses for a second. “Nah, don’t worry ‘bout it. Good girl, keepin’ your head in the game.” He pats you on the back, a little too hard.

Before you can cringe at the exchange that just happened, Jesse walks out in an all white aristocratic outfit. The shirt has so many ruffles you can’t even count. Must be a pain to iron. The pants are high waisted but are tailored to fit him perfectly. There’s a white bow tie with pearls on it, too. Everything is so simple, yet so fancy. You can tell Dina used some really expensive materials. Probably the most expensive she could find. Jesse even has a little white cane to go with the look.

He does a little spin for everyone watching. “Cool, right? Almost breaks gender norms a little.” He smiles and blushes softly at Dina, who looks proud.

“It’s called Ouji fashion. Used to be real popular couple hundred years ago.”

She faces towards you. “Alright. Now it’s your turn.” She grabs your hand and leads you into the dressing room, “Yours is called Lolita.” She explains.

“Is this all for a certain occasion or anything? Like they’d go to a fancy dinner and wear this?”

“Nope. For fun.” She grins widely and holds open the curtain for you.

Your jaw drops. “Wowww.” is all you can say.

The most gorgeous dress you’ve ever seen in your entire life rests on a mannequin in the middle of the room. You swear to god, you might actually cry. Working in textiles, you could only dream to even ship out a dress as pretty as this.

It’s all white, like Jesse’s, but what it lacks in color, it makes up in texture. There’s so many details to it. Your head spins trying to figure out how the hell Dina did all of this in one day. It’s got this beautiful big skirt that looks like it can swallow you whole. Long sleeves that flare at the end. And lace everywhere. There’s absolutely every accessory you could ever wish to own: earrings, necklace, little lace gloves, stockings and heels. Not to mention the headdress with pearls all over it to match Jesse’s tie.

You carefully reach out to touch the fabric, almost like you expected it to melt, like snow. “I’m wearing… that?”

Dina pretends to look around the room. “Who else could it be for?”

She talks as she helps get you undressed and into this thing. “I think it really says something about you guys. Like, ‘Hey. We’re from textiles alright, and we don’t play around. We’re here to knock you off your feet!’ Well, both figuratively and literally.” You try smiling a little, but every time someone mentions other tributes, you feel sick.

Once you’re finally in the outfit you walk out to show Tommy and Jesse. Dina opens the curtain back up, and everyone gasps as you slowly walk out. Maria’s there too, and she immediately runs up to hug you.

“Alright, guys.” Dina claps her hands together. “It’s go time.”

~

You and Jesse stand together, slowly looking at all the tributes.

“Fuck,” he mutters, “There’s so many of them.”

You nod. “They seemed so small on TV…” you trail off as you look around at each costume. They just keep getting better and better, but you think Dina was right in getting to know you and Jesse. You think your costumes fit you the best.

Everyone’s in a blob, so you can’t tell who’s from where. Dina shows up behind you and leads you two to the 8th carriage. Before you get on, she points around and tells you who’s from which district.

“Sorry, Dina. I’ve never been around horses before.” Jesse says as he tries to get up into the carriage.

“You’ll get used to it.” Dina smiles, and goes to take her place backstage.

“Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the 81st annual Hunger Games! I’m your host, Caesar Flickerman, and today we are awaiting the tributes for the famous carriage parade…”

As he drones on, you can’t help but keep looking at the female tribute Dina said was from district 2. You scoff to yourself, she must be a career. The capitol should, in theory, make them illegal. But they love the drama they stir up. You take a deep breath, flattening out the dress near your hips and fluffing up the skirt, all while keeping your eyes locked on the girl a few carriages in front of you. This has to be perfect.

Jesse sees you staring her down. He nudges you a little, “Her name’s Ellie.” He starts, even though you didn’t ask. “Saw it on tv on the train here while you were sleeping. Supposedly she got blackmailed into volunteering. Her dad fucked with the wrong crowd and this girl threatened to kill him if she didn’t volunteer. At least, that’s what I heard anyway.”

You simply hum in response, closing your eyes and continuing to make your dress look as neat as possible.

Not satisfied with your response, Jesse states, “She’s pretty, right? Not my type though.”

You look up at her again. “Yeah, no. Not my type either.” You lie through your teeth. Damn, if you had seen this girl anywhere but here, you’d wanna be buried in her thighs. What, who said that! You clear your throat and try to focus. It’s gonna be easy. Just wave and flash that pretty smile and the sponsors will love you.

You see the first carriages start to go, and you hear Caesar announce, “And they’re off! Wow! Look at them go!”

You take one more deep breath before your carriage starts to be pulled out of the shadows and into the stadium.

“Would you look at that! District 1, never failing to impress.” Caesar goes on, he sure can make anything sound like the best thing ever. “And here comes district 2. I hear we have a bit of an outlier this year.”

All of a sudden, the girl, who appeared to just be wearing a normal suit, spreads her arms out and metallic wings emerge. She doesn’t even smile. She just smirks, and the crowd goes wild.

You look up on one of the big screens and finally get a clear view of this Ellie girl. She’s wearing just a plain black suit, and behind her are those giant metallic wings. You squint your eyes. The camera zooms in and you see the wings aren’t just made of hunks of metal, they’re made of guns. Your jaw drops, but then you remember you’re on live television, so you immediately straighten up.

“That’s crazy.” You mutter to yourself, but Jesse must have heard it because he nods in agreement.

“I love it, I absolutely love it!!” Caesar goes on, and the crowd never stops cheering for her, even as more carriages come through.

You take your eyes off the screen and look at her in front of you. She’s absolute eye candy and she doesn’t even look like she’s trying. Your stomach and chest twist out of jealousy. If these people don’t cheer for you and Jesse just as loud… there’s going to be a problem.

Finally, it’s your turn. There’s big lights shining on you as you emerge into the light of the stadium. You wave your hand like how you and Dina practiced in the mirror. You want to give almost a regal look, so you give a small, elegant wave. At the same time, Jesse raises his cane to the crowd, almost like he’s saying ‘Hello. How do you do? I’m very fancy, yes. I’d love it if you sponsored me.’

“How charming! Oh my, I love it! That is amazing!” You smile when you hear Caesar praising the two of you.

You reach the middle of the stadium, and bust out the move you know is sure to get a good reaction: you smile wide, but keep it classy, and start blowing graceful kisses into the crowd. When you’ve done that enough times, you pick up your skirt in one hand, put your other hand up to your heart, and bow graciously.

The crowd absolutely eats it up.

You come back up from the bow and look in front of you. You can’t even hear what Caesars saying, because you lock eyes with Ellie, who’s turned around to stare at you. You can’t exactly tell what her expression is, because she’s so far away, but you swear you can hear exactly what she’s thinking:

‘I’m going to kill you.’

~

That night, you lay awake in the plush bed of the room you’re staying in. Maria keeps saying ‘your room’ ‘your bed’, and it honestly annoys you a little bit. They’re not yours. You’d rather be back in district 8, in your own actual bed. You roll over, trying to get comfortable, as you need to sleep and conserve all your energy for the games. Oh shit. The games. You groan, reaching over to grab a pillow and hugging it to your chest. Why are the games still a thing? They should’ve ended years ago. You remember there was almost an uprising all over Panem. That girl Katniss maybe? Your brain is too foggy, you can’t even think straight.

You hug the pillow tighter. And what was with that girl Ellie? You made a mental note to watch her during training tomorrow, to see what she does.

You sigh, and reach up to rub your head. Now with thoughts of Ellie, there was no way you could sleep.

~

“How’d you sleep?” Jesse asks the next morning. After breakfast the two of you walk with Maria to the training center. She keeps telling you that if you’re on time, you’re late, so you guys always end up at every place at least 15 minutes early.

You shrug your shoulders, “Fine I guess.” You don’t want to tell him that you couldn’t really sleep, or all the nightmares you had, or what you had to do to stop thinking about Ellie.

“It’s weird. It’s way too quiet.”

You look up at him. “Where?”

He gestures around the ginormous building, “Here. In my room.”

You laugh a little, “Oh, so it’s your room now?”

“Cmon. You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Oh, look. We’re here.” You nudge Jesse a little, trying to lighten the mood. He just shoots you a disappointed look.

You, Jesse, and Maria sit side by side on a little bench outside the training center. There’s already a couple people there, but not too many. Now that you’re closer to the other tributes, you can really evaluate them in your head. You look at them one by one, saying things to yourself like ‘Oh I could definitely take him in a fight.’ And ‘I’d feel bad but that 12 year old would get absolutely hounded.’

As each new pair of tributes arrive, you do the same thing. Eventually, everyone is there but two.

The head trainer comes out and taps her foot. You look around. Of fucking course it’s her. The one person you actually wanted to see. You hear a laugh in the distance and look up to see Ellie, her mentor, and the district 2 male tribute casually walking to join the rest of you. Huh. You’d think she’d wanna be here early to scope out her prey or something.

You slowly look her up and down, you hope she locks eyes with you so that she knows you’re staring. You cross your arms and mutter to yourself, “I could take her.”

Jesse seems to have a talent for hearing you when you don’t mean to, because he asks, “In a fight or…?”

You gasp and punch him. You both laugh, and you feel grateful he’s not the vengeful type.

The head trainer explains all the rules for today, and even though you hate being here, it’s actually pretty cool to see how it all works.

You and Jesse decide to split up. You’ll focus on survival, and he’ll focus on combat. Then, when your time is halfway done, you’ll come together and tell each other what worked and what didn’t, and you’ll switch.

It’s a pretty nice plan, considering some of the tributes from the same district are already starting to get sour with each other and split up. You hope that doesn’t happen to you and Jesse, you’re actually starting to really like his companionship and company. You sigh and start to look around at what to do first. There’s the plant matching game, the fishing area, or maybe you should focus on shelter instead of food?

You start to head over to the makeshift tent area, when something off to the side catches your eye.

You see Ellie all by herself, squatting in the area where people learn to make fires, with a little switchblade. You cock your head to the side, and look around. No one’s paying any attention to her.

All the other careers from 1, 2, and 4 have already teamed up, like they always do early on. They’ve come up with a game where if you fall on the monkey bars, or can’t shoot a perfect arrow, you have to stay behind an extra 3 seconds by the cornucopia.

It’s absolutely fucking stupid, and they even go and win almost every year. You glance back over at Ellie. Her hair is in a messy half up half down style, and somehow she makes the weird training suit you guys are forced to wear work.

Your breath starts to quicken, but you say fuck it and go to talk to her anyway.

You shuffle your feet a little so that she knows someone’s coming. Now is really not the time to scare her. “Too bad we had to end up here, huh.”

She seems a bit shocked someone’s actually talking to her, with how quickly she looks up at you. “What?”

“Too bad we had to end up here.” You repeat yourself.

Ellie stares at you. “Least it’s not the quarter quell.” She says flatly.

You swallow, surprised that her voice is higher than you expected. You realize you’ve never actually heard her speak before, and you pictured her voice to match her face: rough and a little mean.

But it’s sweet.

You just laugh awkwardly and agree. You don’t want to seem like you’re towering over her, so you sit down on the ground next to her. She only continues playing with her switchblade. You try to sneak another glance at her, and you notice she has so many beautiful freckles up close.

“You do know how to make a fire, right?” You decide to break the silence and ask.

She sighs, “Of course I do.”

You gesture to the pile of sticks and wood in front of her. “Let’s see it then.”

Ellie just stares at them. You guess she’s probably trying to figure out what to do first. “Right. Of course. Fine.” She says, shaking her head. She grabs two sticks and tries to rub them together.

You gently place your hand on hers to stop her. “You need to make a nest first.”

She blinks at you. “Like for birds?”

You laugh a little, “No, silly. Here…” you grab the sticks out of her hands and place them down to build a nest for the fire. Ellie watches closely to what you’re doing. You hold out your hand for the knife Ellie’s holding, and she reluctantly gives it to you. You carve the end of one stick into a point, and then twist it into a log until the fire starts. “There.” You say, and look at Ellie.

She slowly looks at you. “Just never had to make one before.” She mutters.

You don’t mean to stare to be rude, but her green eyes are almost sucking you in. She seemed so cool and able during her first appearance in the parade. But now that it’s just all the tributes together by yourselves, she’s acting almost… apprehensive. I mean, it doesn’t really matter. The goal is to appease the sponsors and mentors, so they can send you gifts in the arena. There’s really no point in making friends if you’re going to kill them.

“I’m sorry about what happened by the way.” You suddenly spit out. You mentally slap yourself for being so awkward and having no rizz.

Ellie sure seems to have a habit of just staring at people until they elaborate.

You inhale sharply, “With your dad.”

She sighs and shakes her head. After a few moments of pause she replies, “Yknow just cause I’m from 2 doesn’t mean I’m a career.”

You nod, you didn’t want to say you could tell in case she got mad and tried to kill you early.. “Yeah… but, it’s not like you had to be here.”

She hugs her knees closer to her. “I mean. I kinda did, actually.”

You cock your head to the side, “What do you mean?”

“To make a really long story short,,, I was forced to volunteer or else my uh, dad Joel, would have died. This girl named Abby has had it out for me. She put her name in like, hah, fucking 200 times for so she’d get called. Told me if I didn’t volunteer to take her place she’d uh… yeah she’d kill Joel.”

You can’t really hide the way your mouth drops. “Shit, man. Wow. That’s- yeah, I’m sorry.” You were never really good at consoling people.

She mutters out a quick ‘thanks.’ You think it’s so quiet it could classify as a whisper.

Ellie goes on, “I mean.. everybody now thinks I’m this total badass cause of the parade. That wasn’t even me. That was my stylist,, hell, he told me what to do and when to do it to get the best reaction.”

“You did look really cool during the parade, to be fair.” And you’re not even lying. You were sure all of Panem was losing their shit as soon as Ellie raised her arms.

She looks at you and softly laughs. “Hah. Yeah, I’m just tired of relying on other people and taking away their credit, yknow?”

You nod. You never really imagined she could be so… thoughtful.

Even though you’re in a death game, you mentally slap yourself for not having proper manners like how you were taught, “Oh wait. I never introduced myself. I’m-“

Ellie quickly puts a finger up to your lips to tell you to shut up.

“I know who you are. I saw your reaping too. And who couldn’t forget that dress you wore.” She whistles, looking you up and down.

Now it’s your turn to stare at her. The conversation is going better than expected, and you hate to say it, but you couldn’t get rid of that butterfly feeling in your stomach. You hoped that if you didn’t win, it was Ellie. And if she did happen to die, it was quick.

You can’t help but look at her lips, although you look up at her again when you ask, “Why are you being so nice to me?”

She looks into your eyes and mutters, “Because you’re the first person who’s actually made an effort to talk to me.”

Part 2 is in the works !

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