Nfnsng - No Fear, No Shame, No Guilt

We are told that suicide is an act of the greatest cowardice, that it is only possible to a madman, and other absurdities of a similar nature; or they make use of the perfectly senseless expression that it is “_wrong_,” while it is perfectly clear that no one has such indisputable right over anything in the world as over his own person and life.

Arthur Schopenhauer, On Suicide (via man-of-prose)

The Return

Finally, we stand face to face after waiting so long. It seems an eternity has passed. I cup your sweet face in my gentle hands and look into your beautiful innocent eyes. I see the soft, gentile creature that I have missed so very much. I am overcome with emotion. 

I cautiously advance toward you not wanting to alarm. Has it been that long that you would be alarmed? My sense of time and appropriacy has been altered during my long absence and the experiences I have endured. I slide my right hand down to the small of your back and cradle your head in the other. My fingers filter through your soft hair as I pull you close to me. 

You drape your arms over me and lay your head softly on my shoulder. The smell of me brings back memories of happier times; times you thought were gone forever. It feels so good to be loved again; to be cared about; to be desired yet respected. It's been such a long, long time. You stain my shirt with your silent tears. You hope I don't notice but I do. How could I not? I know you so well. No, nothing has changed. I respond by pulling you even closer never wanting to let you go. 

My face slowly brushes your delicate cheek. I had never forgotten that sensation while I was away. The smell of your hair evokes memories of the last time we held each other like this, before I was so unjustly taken from you. My fingers slightly tense at the thought but quickly relax once again as I accept that the ordeal that tore us apart is finally over. I am grateful but ridden with guilt as I think of the many friends I have lost that will never return home to hold the girls they loved as I am holding you now. You know what I am feeling and whisper a calming "shhhhh" in my ear. You know the sorrow I am feeling and you feel it also. And now you cry as you clutch at my back, hanging on for dear life. I could have easily been one of those that never made it back. 

Oh, how I have missed you. Words cannot describe the torture of being parted from you for so long, wondering every day if I would ever see you again. But here I am. And now those seemingly endless days of worry and fear have finally ended and I am in your arms once more. You are my dear, sweet girl. 

I slowly pull my head back as you raise yours from my shoulder. I look again into your eyes with gratitude and relief. I lightly touch your nose with mine and we smile remembering this seemingly insignificant little thing we used to do. It isn't insignificant now. I gently touch your lips with mine for the first time in so many years. No, nothing has changed. They are just as soft and precious as they were the last time we kissed. Such a simple act yet so powerful in its ability to express the deep love that we have for each other. I was in hell and now I have returned to heaven.~ Trabue Gentry

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