Hi Everyone, Our 18 Month Old Cat, Smudge, Has Been Diagnosed With Mediastinal Lymphoma. Any Donation,

Hi everyone, our 18 month old cat, Smudge, has been diagnosed with mediastinal lymphoma. Any donation, big or small, would be greatly appreciated to help pay for his rapidly increasing veterinary expenses. Thank you❤️

gofundme.com

Donate to Smudge's Fight Against Lymphoma, organized by Brooke Lord

Hi! My name is Smudge, I’m 18 months old and a strong little boy. Everyone I run into says… Brooke Lord needs your support for Smudge's Figh

Dear diary...

I wish I had the words to express the amount of pain I'm currently in.

It's a different type of loneliness being lost in your head.... No one to speak to, and that sinking feeling that you're falling further into the darkness. When you're all you got, but you talk down to yourself constantly. You'll never be good enough.. no one stays because of you.... All I have is me and I'm not even on my side..

Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.

It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.

Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.

It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.

This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.