Giovanni Is Just The Worst Boss (part One)

Giovanni Is Just the Worst Boss (part one)

This is a darker fic. I was twelve when I wrote this and I honestly can't remember what spurred me to write this.

Content Warnings: Mentions of abuse; injuries (including burns); workplace violence mention (that will be shown later); James's cover stories for his injuries sounding way too similar to real-world cover stories; misunderstanding of medical issues and injuries; Meowth gets kind of weird about James's feet at the wrong time (wouldn't be a past!me fic without misplaced possible sexuality)

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Meowth’s point of view)

The day James came back to the cabin with a black eye, Jessie and I got worried.

“Where did you get that black eye?” I asked.

James looked at me and said, “I ran into a wall.”

Since this was a reasonable excuse, I didn’t say anything else about it. But the black eye looked painful and hard to see through.

And he didn’t actually run into a wall.

-O-o-O-

We sent James to the boss the next day. We had to choose a member of our team and send them to the boss for further orders every day for the next five days. James said his meeting with the boss went okay, so Jessie and I sent him because he wouldn’t start a fight.

To our surprise, one of James’s teeth was knocked out. We noticed it because it was one of his side front teeth.

Butch would have a field day if he was there.

“James, what happened? Why is one of your teeth knocked out?” I asked.

“It was a loose tooth,” James said. “I pulled it out.”

Two injuries in a row. And humans don’t usually get loose teeth in their late teens.

Something’s up, I thought.

-O-o-O-

James’s mouth had mostly healed by the next day. We sent him to the boss because the boss called him there.

When he came back, I didn’t see any injuries. But James was limping.

“Why are you limping?” I asked. “Did you sprain your ankle? You should stay off it. Let me—”

“No. Nothing happened. I’m fine,” James said. He tripped over his foot and fell.

I decided to seize the opportunity to examine James’s legs and feet. I took off his boots and socks. His feet were delicate and soft. They looked graceful and rather slender. Maybe James seemed so clumsy because his boots were slightly too big.

Anyway, there were no injuries on his feet.

I rolled up his pant leg. Nothing on his left leg. But on his right leg, there was a burn mark.

“James, why did you try to hide something like this? How did you even get this?” I said.

“I tripped over a Charmander’s tail and it burned me.” James sounded dead serious. He had a serious look on his face. I looked closer at his eyes. I could’ve sworn I saw tears.

Something told me that burn mark wasn’t from a Charmander.

-O-o-O-

The boss called for James again. James went to his office. I wished and hoped that James would not come back with an injury.

It didn’t work.

James came back with his arm in a cast. His eyes were completely glazed over and his hair was a little messed up. He was blushing slightly. Other than the flush on his face, he looked drained.

He saw Jessie staring at him and said, “Victreebel bit my arm and broke it.”

I thought this explained the cast and his skin being washed out. I thought James had been poisoned.

He wasn’t.

-O-o-O-

The fifth day we had to send James to the boss was the day we found out why James was injured.

James set off for the boss’s office looking pale and drained. He came home with a nosebleed.

“How did you get a nosebleed?” I asked.

“I fell out of a tree,” James said.

Both Jessie and I stared at James for a minute. Then Jessie said something that threw a wrench in all of James’s stories.

“If you fell out of a tree, then how did you climb up the tree with a broken arm?” Jessie asked.

James looked us both in the eyes. Then he ran into the bathroom, crying.

“I don’t think he was ready for that question,” I said.

“I don’t think those injuries are by accident,” Jessie said.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Serious moral of the story: Workplace abuse is wrong. Actually, any kind of abuse is wrong.

Not-so-serious moral: Meowth, bro, not the right time for foot stuff!

my brain trolls me

me: I think this male character is intriguing and want to see how he and his companions would react in a variety of situations, so I'm going to write a fanfic and

my dumbass brain:

KNOCK HIM UP

KNOCK HIM UP

The Book of Moltres James: The Annunciation to the Virgin Moltres James (part two)

In which our Man-Mother of Everlasting Blaze is born anew in the purifying flames of the fire chicken. We're getting real weird with this one.

Part one is here.

This fic includes/will include: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (but since it’s the human form of the spirit of Moltres, maybe it’s okay?); mpreg/male pregnancy; loose understanding of religion, cults, and the occult; lack of medical knowledge; bizarre focus on James’s virginity; mentions of blood; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; unrequited blueshipping from Meowth; original characters; odd ideas about romance; ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-o-O-

(James's point of view)

I wanted to die.

I knew I was Pokébestial and in love with Moltres. I wanted to be with him, but he was dead. Even if he were alive, I couldn’t do it with him because I valued my virginity.

I didn’t know Moltres was in love with me until one fateful day.

I was fine until Jessie, Meowth, and I got in the van. I had been driving for about five minutes before I felt like I was going to vomit. Jessie and Meowth noticed.

“Why are we driving so slow?” Jessie asked. I pulled over.

“Hey, you okay, Jimmy?” Meowth asked.

I grabbed an empty paper bag and threw up in it.

“Jessie, I think you better drive,” Meowth said.

Jessie and I switched places.

“Maybe it’s just carsickness,” Meowth said.

“No, I never got carsick. Why would I start now?” I said.

When we got home, I went to the bedroom to lie down. I overheard Jessie and Meowth talking.

“No way! That can’t be what’s happening to James!” I heard Jessie say.

I went to the hallway so I could hear more clearly.

“I know the signs,” Meowth was saying.

“What signs?” I thought.

“After what happened while we were on the Shuckle potion, it wouldn’t be surprising if James was pregnant.”

Oh my gods.

“You did that with him?” Jessie said.

“No, not like that. I mean, I didn’t do it with him. But maybe some magical Poké-force was attracted to him and did it.”

You are crazy, Meowth.

“That could be possible,” Jessie said.

Please stop talking about that! I silently screamed. I ran back to the bedroom. A few minutes later, Meowth came in.

“Want any water?” he said, holding up a glass of water.

I just stared at him, dazed.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

He knows! He knows I overheard him and Jessie, he knows what I’m thinking. I just know it, I thought.

“James, there’s a special doctor you can go to,” Meowth said.

-O-o-O-

“A midwife?!”

“It’s just for a checkup,” Meowth said.

We were standing in front of a small building.

“They check for interspecies pregnancies in case anything really weird happened,” Meowth said.

We went inside. We were the only people in the lobby except for the receptionist. We already had an appointment. The doctor came out. He led Jessie, Meowth, and me into the exam room.

“According to what the receptionist told me, you’re here to get a pregnancy test,” he said.

I nodded.

“Okay.”

I had to lie down with my legs spread. The doctor used his machinery to look around my nether regions. When the test was done, the doctor looked over the results of the test. He looked completely surprised.

“Would you come in my office for a minute?” he said.

I went into the office with him.

“Have you had sexual intercourse with any Pokémon?”

“No, I’ve never even had sex. Why?”

“Because these test results are positive.”

I was shocked. “But that can’t be….”

“The test results are positive and you show all the signs. Also, my machinery detects that the child is of legendary Pokémon ancestry.” Then, he leaned in closer. “I think a greater force did this to you,” he added.

“What…?”

“This isn’t just a regular hospital. We study magic here, too.”

“Oh.”

When I walked out of there, I still had questions, but the doctor probably couldn’t answer them.

When we got home, Jessie and Meowth went to talk privately. I went into the bedroom, dazed.

Then, suddenly, a voice called me over to the window.

It was Moltres!

“Moltres!” I whispered, running over to the window.

“It’s me, James,” Moltres said. “I returned to tell you I did this to you.”

“You mean I’m…? O Mighty Moltres, it is an honor,” I said, bowing.

“I chose you because you were the purest Moltres Witness. Also, you are a virgin and still will be after you have the child.”

Then, just like that, Moltres disappeared. Just before Moltres disappeared, I saw a ghostlike figure of a person. The person had red-streaked yellow hair and was wearing golden robes.

Could they be Moltres’s human incarnation?

I told Jessie and Meowth the whole thing.

“Moltres did it?”

“The spirit of Moltres came back and told me.”

“Moltres? It would be okay if Meowth did it or even one of the twerps, but if Moltres did this to you, it might be some sort of evil spirit.”

“Jessie, don’t preach. Moltres isn’t evil.”

It wasn’t easy, but I finally convinced Jessie that Moltres wasn’t evil and he did it because I was a virgin and I was pure.

-O-o-O-

(Meowth’s point of view)

James was seven months pregnant with Moltres’s child.

He got emotional at times.

He seemed to be getting weird cravings for chicken blood.

We had found out James’s child wouldn’t be a Moltres, but a human.

James still worshipped Moltres every day.

One day, James got a fever. Jessie and I took care of him so his unborn child wouldn’t be harmed. We later found out that James was feverish because Moltres was a fire Pokémon. That’s also why the child was unharmed by the fever.

Once, I saw James streaking his face with blood and chanting to Moltres under the full moon. It was pretty weird, because I thought James wasn’t the gothic type.

Another time, I saw him crying in bed.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Why did Moltres have to die? Who would be so cruel to run over the Mighty Moltres?” James sobbed.

At that moment, I wished I knew.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Apparently James's conception was an Immaculate one.

Level Nineteen and Pregnant: A Pokémon crackfic

For a change, here's a recent fic. Hopefully, it's not a badfic.

Of course, it contains blueshipping and mpreg. And TMI from Meowth.

-O-o-O-o-O-

James fidgeted on top of the toilet lid, but kept his eyes locked on the plastic stick in his hands. The suspense was worse than waiting for a blastoff. "Has it been a minute yet?"

Meowth checked the stopwatch. "Not even close." He glanced up at James. "Jimmy, don'tcha know a watched pee stick never turns?"

James's gaze never shifted. "That only applies to pots. Besides, I want to see the exact second the blue line appears."

Meowth scratched his head. "What difference does that make?"

James pushed his hair out of his eyes. "Maybe the speed at which it appears will indicate whether or not this test is even reliable." He sighed. "I really don't want to tell HQ's doctors about this."

Meowth reread the test's packaging. "It does say 'Ninety-nine percent more accurate than other brands.'" He blinked at the tagline. "Maybe I shoulda swiped some of those other brands."

James shook his head, as if to clear it. "The clerks would want to know what a Pokémon wanted with human pregnancy tests. We'll work with the one we've got." He hazarded a glance at the stopwatch. "Has it been a minute yet?"

Meowth checked and shook his head. "Thirty seconds left."

"What is taking you so long—oh." Jessie stopped short when she saw the box in Meowth's paws. "This certainly complicates our mission."

"Tell me something I don't know." James fidgeted again, then sat up straight. "It's changing! How much time is left?"

The beeping of the stopwatch was his answer. Meowth was on his shoulder in seconds. "What's it say?"

James squinted at the test's screen. "It's….half a blue line? That can't be right." He skimmed the instruction sheet. "Thin line, thick line, two lines, no lines—they say nothing about half-lines!"

Meowth examined the test. "Maybe this one's defective." He put the test down.

Jessie grabbed the test and examined it further. "I don't see any signs of damage. Are you sure you followed all the instructions?"

"Positive," James said. "I peed all over the blasted thing!"

Jessie dropped the test as fast as she'd picked it up. "If only Meowth were that thorough about Poké-protection."

"Hey! I double-bagged my meat," Meowth protested.

Jessie glared. "Mew damn it, Meowth! You're not supposed to use two condoms at once!"

"You're not?!" both Meowth and James asked, surprised.

"Not unless you want them to tear from rubbing together." Jessie gave an annoyed sigh. "This is why we need Sex Ed as part of Team Rocket training."

James squinted at the half line again—had it lengthened?— and asked, "So, Jess, could I be half-pregnant?"

Jessie only face-palmed. "Let me see those instructions."

While she read the instruction sheet, Meowth mused over his newfound knowledge. "Come to think of it, maybe I got the wrong kind." He looked up at Jessie. "Do they come in different sizes?"

"Of course," Jessie said. "Some pocket rockets blast off further than others."

"And some have a French tickler head," Meowth boasted. James gave a weak nervous laugh.

"Too much information, Meowth." Jessie continued to read through the instructions. "You dingbats, you're supposed to wait two minutes for it to work, not one!"

"Mew's Tongue," James swore before sliding off the toilet to vomit into it. Jessie went to hold his hair back.

"I guess we don't need that test anymore," Meowth said.

"He could just be nervous. Two minutes have probably passed by now. Go check the test," Jessie told him.

Meowth picked the test up and looked at the screen. The line had lengthened to reach the other end of the screen. "Well, there's the thick blue line."

Both Jessie and James's shoulders sagged. "Seriously?"

"As blue as James's hair."

James wiped his mouth. "It's lavender."

-O-o-O-o-O-

Blueshipping, why can't I quit you?

James and Meowth Do A Fluffy Experiment

That last story was a bit of a downer. I'm posting a fluffy fic this time around.

This fic contains:  Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (warning because some people might be disturbed by it, even though Meowth can consent in this story); unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; lack of medical knowledge; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; odd ideas about romance; Dr. Fuji is miraculously alive somehow; unusual usage of words at times

-O-o-O-o-O-

Meowth went into the bedroom. It had been a long day and he just wanted to sit around and watch TV. Team Rocket’s latest plan failed. That little twerp, Ash, sent them blasting off again.

Meowth heard James come in.

James was the one reason Meowth stayed with Team Rocket. Meowth secretly loved James.

He saw James walk into the bedroom. He looked at James’s long, graceful legs.

James saw Meowth and smiled at him. It was a sort of small, shy smile. James had been shy around Meowth lately.

James got in bed. Meowth didn’t blame him for wanting to go to bed. It was 11:00 PM and James had gotten up at 6:00 AM that day.

Jessie came in. “Where’s James?” she asked.

“He’s in bed,” Meowth said.

“Okay, then. I won’t wake him up.” Jessie left.

Meowth sat, watching James sleep. He thought of kissing him in his sleep, but then he thought, “That’s not right.”

“Someday, I’ll tell him I love him,” Meowth vowed.

-O-o-O-

James got up, got dressed, and fixed breakfast.

He sat and waited for Meowth and Jessie to get up.

Meowth walked into the kitchen.

James felt like kissing Meowth. He was madly in love with Meowth. If James were also a cat, he would want to have Meowth’s kittens.

Little did he know, he’d get the chance.

After everyone had come to breakfast and eaten, they got a call from Team Rocket labs. They wanted to see James and Meowth.

They went to the labs. Jessie had come with them, but she wasn’t allowed to come in. She had to wait in the lobby.

James and Meowth went into the room where Dr. Fuji was waiting. He gave them a pill.

“Here. This is for our new experiment. James, you take this pill. Meowth, you have sexual intercourse with James. We’re trying to see if humans can have Pokémon offspring,” Dr. Fuji explained.

James was nervous, but happy. He would get to sleep with Meowth, and possibly confess his love to him!

James didn’t think the pill would actually work.

Meowth was happy. Maybe James would see how much he loved him while they were having sex.

They went home.

“What did he want to talk to you about?” Jessie asked.

“He wanted us to do an experiment to see if humans can have babies with Pokémon,” Meowth said.

“That’s weird, but okay. Which one of you is going to take the pill?”

“I am,” James said.

Jessie knew James had a crush on Meowth and Meowth had a crush on James.

“Good luck,” Jessie said.

“Thanks,” James said.

-O-o-O-

It was 9:00 PM. Meowth was waiting for James to get ready to do the experiment.

James was in the bathroom, staring at the pill in the bag. He wasn’t sure he wanted to do this.

“James, are you in there?” Jessie asked.

“Yes,” James said softly.

“What are you doing in there?”

“Taking the pill.”

“Are you almost finished?”

“No, I haven’t taken it yet.”

“Why not? Are you all right in there?”

“No.”

“What’s wrong?”

James opened the door a crack. Jessie could see he had been crying.

“I can’t do this, Jessie. I’m too nervous,” James said.

“You’ll get over it,” Jessie said.

“I’m afraid of what will happen. I know it’s unlikely, but what if it works? Meowth will think I’m a slut and—”

“James, why would he think you’re a slut if he did it to you? You can do this. Meowth is in there, waiting for you. I bet he’s probably nervous, too. But you’ll do just fine with this experiment.”

James smiled. “Thanks, Jess.”

“You should take that pill and confess your love to Meowth.”

James took the pill and went into the bedroom.

“Are you ready?” Meowth asked.

“I guess,” James said.

James got into bed with Meowth.

“James, I really love you. If this experiment works, I will be there for you all the way,” Meowth said.

“I-I love you, too,” James said shyly.

There was an awkward silence.

“What if it doesn’t work?” James asked.

“Then we’ll have better luck next time,” Meowth said.

This puzzled James, but then Meowth said, “Let’s do this.”

James smiled shyly at Meowth. He forgot about his nervousness.

Meowth deflowered James for the rest of the night.

-O-o-O-

James woke up quietly the next morning.

“Was that all a dream?” he thought.

He saw Meowth in bed next to him and realized it wasn’t a dream.

He didn’t know what time they had to report back to the lab, but he was sure he had to do it that day.

“Meowth, wake up,” James whispered.

“Huh? What’s happening?” Meowth was still half asleep.

“Do we have to go to the lab anytime soon today?” James asked.

“I don’t know,” Meowth said.

Their phone rang. James got out of bed and answered it.

“Hello?” he said.

“James, you and Meowth have to report to the lab soon,” Dr. Fuji said.

“Okay, we’re on our way,” James said.

After they hung up, James and Meowth got washed up and dressed really fast. They told Jessie where they were going and went out the door. They got to the lab five minutes early.

“James, come in here for your test,” Dr. Fuji said.

James went in. When he came out, they were analyzing the results.

“James, Meowth, we have your test results now,” Dr. Fuji said.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: "Deflowered" doesn't mean what you seem to think it means, thirteen!me. Also, Dr. Fuji is dead. You should know this.

A Worse Pill to Swallow: The Return of the Jilted Jessiebelle Plot

Jessiebelle kills Dumbledore Meowth! The resurrection ritual will blow your mind!!!1eleven!

Here lies the thrilling conclusion to "A Worse Pill to Swallow."

Part one is here.

Part two is here.

This fic contains: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; bizarre anti-abortion overtones; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; weepy!James (but can you really blame him, considering what twelve!me did to his life?); dickish!Jessie; generic boyfriend!Meowth; random “Jessiebelle does dark magic” plotline that goes absolutely nowhere; odd ideas about romance; loose understanding of the occult; possibly demonic kitten plotline that goes nowhere; kitten birthing scenes (make it double!); Twerps witness the miracle of Pokébestial childbirth; major character death (that gets undone by the most bullshit of methods); questionable song parody; JAMES EATS A PLACENTA; desecration of grave; ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-

*They all get ready for bed. That night at about 12:30 AM, Meowth is woken up by James shaking him.

James: Meowth! Meowth! I think it's time! Meowth: Breathe and push. (takes James's pants off)

*James starts breathing and pushing. He screams because of the pain.

James: It's not easier the second time! It just hurts more! Meowth: Hold my hand, Jimmy.

*James holds Meowth's hand. His pain increases.

James: (squeezes Meowth's hand) AHHH!

*James's other hand is in a fist.

Meowth: Push, James! James: (crying) I'm trying to!

*Team Twerp is spying on them.

Ash: What the crap?! Brock: This is weird. Misty: ….Maybe we should've camped out in a cave.

*James is pushing as hard as he can. He feels a kitten coming out.

Meowth: Push! James: AHHHH! (pushes)

*The push makes three of the kittens pop out.

Kittens: Meow! James: If I could get this last one out….(straining) Just one more left, Meowth….(squeals, pushes) Meowth: You're almost there! James: (weakly) Help, Meowth…. Meowth: Push, James! James: (pushes) EEEEE!

*A little kitten pops out.

Kitten: Meow! James: Ohhh….(falls back into bed)

*Meowth bites off the umbilical cords, then goes back to gingerly patting and rubbing James's hand.

James: (tired) So I didn't have ten kittens. Jessie: You do realize you just gave birth in front of the Twerps?

*James blushes, smiles sheepishly, and sweat-drops.

Meowth: You should just rest, James. It's late and you just had four kittens.

*Meowth gives the kittens bottled milk pumped from James's nipples. He scrapes the afterbirth onto a plate for them to eat. James goes back to sleep.

*The next day….

James: (sing-songishly) Oh, kittens! It's feeding time!

*James opens his shirt and picks up a kitten. The kitten bites James on the nipple and glares at him.

James: He hates me. I birthed him, and he hates me. (teary) What did I do wrong? Meowth: The others like you.

*All the other kittens sniff and lick at James.

James: I think they're just hungry. Meowth: I'll take care of this one for now. (picks up a milk bottle) James: I'll feed the other three.

*Two of the kittens suckle from James. The third one drinks a bottle of James's milk. The kittens take turns drinking from bottles and suckling from James, like the last litter did.

*A few weeks later, James takes a ride on Meowth's rocket again. A few weeks after this, James wakes up in the middle of the night to vomit.

*Minor detail: the snowstorm has kept up and Team Twerp is still stranded there.

*James gets out the pregnancy test for Pokémon and pees on the grey oval. Meowth notices James isn't in bed with him and gets up. He sees a light under the bathroom door.

Meowth: (knocks on door) Jimmy? You okay in there? James: (spaced out) Meowth? Meowth: Yes, James? James: (spaced out) Would you believe me if I told you that I'm pregnant again? Meowth: This is the third time. James: (spaced out) I know.

*There is silence for a minute. James is thinking about how his life got to this point.

James: Meowth? Will you please come in and nurse me? I'm about to get very, very sick.

*Meowth "nurses" James and makes sure none of the "sickness" lands outside the toilet. That's pretty much all he can do at this point.

Meowth: You definitely have a kitten in there. James: How many this time?

*Meowth gets out the "Kitten 2000 Pregnancy Test," a test that tells how many kittens a Meowth (or a James) will have. James pees on the grey oval. After a minute, a blue "1" appears.

James: Finally….A single birth. Meowth: But it'll probably seem equal to at least three kittens. James: (sighs) I'm used to it.

*James gets off the bathroom floor. He will probably be back there soon.

James: I guess I'll go back to bed. Any suggestions on what I should do?

*James is standing with a hand on his hip. His blue hair looks wet and his white pajamas look translucent because of the sweat. Meowth has a few ideas about what he wants to do with James in bed, but he wisely keeps them to himself.

Meowth: I think you should stay in bed—I mean—off your feet for a while.

*James sits down on the bed, feeling the kitten move.

James: I don't know why, but I'm really nervous this time. Meowth: You shouldn't be nervous. You're practically a pro at this. James: I just feel like something very bad is about to happen.

*Let's skip ahead to see why James is so nervous.

*Jessiebelle breaks in and kills Meowth with an occult knife.

James: No….He can't die. I'm still pregnant with his kitten. Jessie: He's gone, James.

*Like James is going to settle for "he's gone."

James: No. He can't be. He's not. This is just one of my crazy dreams, isn't it? Isn't it, Jessie?! This is just a dream, right?! Right?! Jessie: James, he's dead for real. James: Oh, no….(sits down heavily) No! (starts crying) Jessie: Don't cry, it's not good for the kittens. James: (weakly) This must've been why I was so nervous. (screaming and sobbing)

*The next day is a cold, cloudy day. The weather makes Meowth's gravesite look like a barren field. James comes out of the cabin, dressed entirely in black. He's wearing a black cloak with a small red "R" on it. He looks sad and his unkempt hair is blown limply by the wind. Basically, he looks defeated. He walks over to Meowth's grave and kneels down.

James: Why, Meowth? Why did you have to die? You never got to see your kitten. I'll never get to see your face light up at its birth. Sure, Jessie will help me, but now I'll need a photograph to compare the kitten's looks to yours.

*James stands up. He starts singing quietly.

James: (singing to the tune of "American Pie," the Madonna version) You left me singing….Why, why did Meowth die? We've got kittens, you were smitten by Jessiebelle's knife. We're down to two, with Jessie and I. I can't continue being a bad guy. I can't continue being a bad guy….

*The twerps are watching from a distance.

Misty: That's a nice song. James: (blushes) Thank you. (sighs) Meowth used to love helping me sing the kittens to sleep.

*They stand there silently.

Misty: I should be getting back to the group. James: Goodbye, Misty. Misty: Goodbye, James.

*James goes back into the cabin. His face looks drained of color, except for a red flush because of the cold wind. He goes into the bedroom and lies down in bed. He dreams Meowth's spirit comes back. He wakes up, quietly.

James: Meowth's spirit came back to me. Maybe Meowth will, too.

*James feels the time to give birth coming closer until one stormy night….

James: The kittens are coming! Jessie: Push! James: (pushes and screams) I know I can do this! (pushes) Kitten: (pops out partially) Meow! James: OH MY GODS! (screams, pushes)

*The kitten pops out fully. This time, James must bite off the umbilical cord.

Kitten: Meow! James: He's beautiful. (gets teary-eyed) But Meowth won't see this. (starts crying)

*Jessie comforts James and holds him as he breastfeeds the kitten. A little while later, he and the kitten share the placenta as a snack.

*The next day, after the kitten is more alert, James takes him outside to see Meowth's grave.

James: See that? That's Meowth's grave. He helped give you life. (softly) Unfortunately, you'll never get to meet him. Kitten: Meow? James: He was murdered. (starts to cry) Kitten: Meow. (snuggles up against James)

*The little kitten meows and smiles up at James.

James: (sniff) I love you. And your father did, too. (holds kitten close, starts crying again)

*After a while, James stops crying.

James: (dark voice) I cry too much. Jessie was right. Every single day, I cry.

*James's tone scares the kitten. The kitten starts to cry.

James: (near to tears again) Now I've scared my own kitten. (to kitten) It's all right, I didn't mean to take that tone of voice. I'm sorry I scared you. (sniffles)

*Tears run down James's face. He cradles and rocks the little kitten. The kitten stops crying.

James: It's all right. Don't cry.

*He is answered by a quiet snore and a small meow while breathing. The kitten has fallen asleep.

James: (smiles sadly) How sweet. He snores like a combination of me and….(voice trails off) I don't know what I'm going to do if I end up mentioning….I can't even say my own teammate's name. Am I too traumatized?

*Jessie comes out to comfort James. Wobbuffet comes out of his Pokéball.

Jessie: Get back in, Wobbuffet!

*Wobbuffet goes over to Meowth's grave and pees on it.

James: (gasps) Wobbuffet! Show some respect!

*The dirt shifts. A paw punches out of the earth, followed by the rest of a very dirty Meowth. Jessie and James are surprised.

James: Meowth? You're….you're alive?! Meowth: Apparently, Wobbuffet urine has regenerative properties. (looks at James) Is that the new kitten? James: Yes. I'm sorry you didn't get to see his birth. Meowth: (smiles) Don't worry. I saw it.

*A simple, happy ending to a complicated Pokébestial story.

-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Wobbuffet should pee on my music taste; maybe it'll get better.