Jessie Team Rocket - Tumblr Posts

The Book of Moltres James: The Annunciation to the Virgin Moltres James (part two)

In which our Man-Mother of Everlasting Blaze is born anew in the purifying flames of the fire chicken. We're getting real weird with this one.

Part one is here.

This fic includes/will include: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (but since it’s the human form of the spirit of Moltres, maybe it’s okay?); mpreg/male pregnancy; loose understanding of religion, cults, and the occult; lack of medical knowledge; bizarre focus on James’s virginity; mentions of blood; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; unrequited blueshipping from Meowth; original characters; odd ideas about romance; ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-o-O-

(James's point of view)

I wanted to die.

I knew I was Pokébestial and in love with Moltres. I wanted to be with him, but he was dead. Even if he were alive, I couldn’t do it with him because I valued my virginity.

I didn’t know Moltres was in love with me until one fateful day.

I was fine until Jessie, Meowth, and I got in the van. I had been driving for about five minutes before I felt like I was going to vomit. Jessie and Meowth noticed.

“Why are we driving so slow?” Jessie asked. I pulled over.

“Hey, you okay, Jimmy?” Meowth asked.

I grabbed an empty paper bag and threw up in it.

“Jessie, I think you better drive,” Meowth said.

Jessie and I switched places.

“Maybe it’s just carsickness,” Meowth said.

“No, I never got carsick. Why would I start now?” I said.

When we got home, I went to the bedroom to lie down. I overheard Jessie and Meowth talking.

“No way! That can’t be what’s happening to James!” I heard Jessie say.

I went to the hallway so I could hear more clearly.

“I know the signs,” Meowth was saying.

“What signs?” I thought.

“After what happened while we were on the Shuckle potion, it wouldn’t be surprising if James was pregnant.”

Oh my gods.

“You did that with him?” Jessie said.

“No, not like that. I mean, I didn’t do it with him. But maybe some magical Poké-force was attracted to him and did it.”

You are crazy, Meowth.

“That could be possible,” Jessie said.

Please stop talking about that! I silently screamed. I ran back to the bedroom. A few minutes later, Meowth came in.

“Want any water?” he said, holding up a glass of water.

I just stared at him, dazed.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

He knows! He knows I overheard him and Jessie, he knows what I’m thinking. I just know it, I thought.

“James, there’s a special doctor you can go to,” Meowth said.

-O-o-O-

“A midwife?!”

“It’s just for a checkup,” Meowth said.

We were standing in front of a small building.

“They check for interspecies pregnancies in case anything really weird happened,” Meowth said.

We went inside. We were the only people in the lobby except for the receptionist. We already had an appointment. The doctor came out. He led Jessie, Meowth, and me into the exam room.

“According to what the receptionist told me, you’re here to get a pregnancy test,” he said.

I nodded.

“Okay.”

I had to lie down with my legs spread. The doctor used his machinery to look around my nether regions. When the test was done, the doctor looked over the results of the test. He looked completely surprised.

“Would you come in my office for a minute?” he said.

I went into the office with him.

“Have you had sexual intercourse with any Pokémon?”

“No, I’ve never even had sex. Why?”

“Because these test results are positive.”

I was shocked. “But that can’t be….”

“The test results are positive and you show all the signs. Also, my machinery detects that the child is of legendary Pokémon ancestry.” Then, he leaned in closer. “I think a greater force did this to you,” he added.

“What…?”

“This isn’t just a regular hospital. We study magic here, too.”

“Oh.”

When I walked out of there, I still had questions, but the doctor probably couldn’t answer them.

When we got home, Jessie and Meowth went to talk privately. I went into the bedroom, dazed.

Then, suddenly, a voice called me over to the window.

It was Moltres!

“Moltres!” I whispered, running over to the window.

“It’s me, James,” Moltres said. “I returned to tell you I did this to you.”

“You mean I’m…? O Mighty Moltres, it is an honor,” I said, bowing.

“I chose you because you were the purest Moltres Witness. Also, you are a virgin and still will be after you have the child.”

Then, just like that, Moltres disappeared. Just before Moltres disappeared, I saw a ghostlike figure of a person. The person had red-streaked yellow hair and was wearing golden robes.

Could they be Moltres’s human incarnation?

I told Jessie and Meowth the whole thing.

“Moltres did it?”

“The spirit of Moltres came back and told me.”

“Moltres? It would be okay if Meowth did it or even one of the twerps, but if Moltres did this to you, it might be some sort of evil spirit.”

“Jessie, don’t preach. Moltres isn’t evil.”

It wasn’t easy, but I finally convinced Jessie that Moltres wasn’t evil and he did it because I was a virgin and I was pure.

-O-o-O-

(Meowth’s point of view)

James was seven months pregnant with Moltres’s child.

He got emotional at times.

He seemed to be getting weird cravings for chicken blood.

We had found out James’s child wouldn’t be a Moltres, but a human.

James still worshipped Moltres every day.

One day, James got a fever. Jessie and I took care of him so his unborn child wouldn’t be harmed. We later found out that James was feverish because Moltres was a fire Pokémon. That’s also why the child was unharmed by the fever.

Once, I saw James streaking his face with blood and chanting to Moltres under the full moon. It was pretty weird, because I thought James wasn’t the gothic type.

Another time, I saw him crying in bed.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Why did Moltres have to die? Who would be so cruel to run over the Mighty Moltres?” James sobbed.

At that moment, I wished I knew.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Apparently James's conception was an Immaculate one.

The Book of Moltres James: He's Going to Need Burn Heal for His Soul (the fourth and final fraction)

He'll probably also need burn heal for another part of his body, but I'm not going to say which one.

Parts of this story are....very 2002.

Part one

Part two

Part three

This fic includes/will include: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (but since it’s the human form of the spirit of Moltres, maybe it’s okay?); mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky understanding of religion, cults, and the occult; lack of medical knowledge (especially when it comes to "natural medicine"); bizarre focus on James’s virginity; mentions of blood; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; definite out of character moments for the twerps; Butch and Cassidy are probably out-of-character, too; unrequited blueshipping from Meowth; original characters; bad ideas about romance; birthing scene; JAMES EATS THE PLACENTA (offscreen); ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-o-O-

The next day, James found out something he really shouldn’t have to deal with in his condition.

He found out who had been driving the truck that hit Moltres.

He was at the convenience store with Jessie, buying diapers. There was no one in the store except for the girl working there and two old ladies.

Butch and Cassidy walked in. They saw James in the diaper section and couldn’t help tormenting him.

They didn’t know Jessie was nearby.

“So, James, how does it feel to not be a Moltres?” Cassidy said.

“Actually, you’re wrong. In the real fortune-telling book, I was still a Moltres. So how does it feel to know I don’t care about your insults?” James said.

“Well, you will care—after we tell you about the death of Moltres,” Butch said.

“What do you know or care about the death of Moltres?” James retorted.

“You know that truck that ran over Moltres? What was on the truck?” Cassidy said.

“A black ‘R’.”

“Haven’t you figured it out? We didn’t know until it happened. But we looked back and saw this giant yellow fiery chicken,” Butch said.

“You didn’t….” James said.

“Oh, yes, we did.”

“And you’re proud of it.” James’s tone was dark.

“Yeah, we sure are.” Cassidy laughed in James’s face.

Then Butch and Cassidy walked out, laughing evilly and somewhat hysterically. The two old ladies stared at them.

James was left in a state of shock. He paid for the diapers.

“Jessie, we have to leave the store, now,” James said. He saw Butch and Cassidy hanging around outside.

“Why? What’s the rush?” Jessie said.

“We just have to.”

Jessie thought Officer Jenny was there, or James was about to go into labor, so she followed James out.

“Where are you going?” said a froggy voice.

They turned around and saw Butch and Cassidy. Jessie realized why James wanted to leave.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. Trying to run away. That’s not very Moltres-like,” Cassidy said.

“And what were you doing in the diaper aisle? Do you wear diapers?” Butch said.

“Wait, he doesn’t. But I bet he and Meowth got together and did it and the kitten needs it!” Cassidy said.

“I knew you looked like you gained weight,” Butch teased.

James turned red.

“Leave him alone. Does he really need you to deal with? He lost Moltres and he’s going to have a baby. Don’t you think you should just piss off?” Jessie turned to James. “Let’s go.”

“Coward!” Cassidy screamed.

Jessie turned around. “Who are you calling a coward?!”

James tugged on Jessie’s shirt sleeve. “Jess, we should go.”

They got in their unmarked van and drove away.

“They ran over Moltres,” James said flatly.

“They did?!”

James nodded solemnly.

They were silent.

“Why does Cassidy have to be such a bitch? Like, who does she think she is, insulting you like that—”

“Jessie….”

“What is her problem? She needs to just shut the fuck up.”

“Jessie….”

“Maybe I should give her a good beating next time she does that.”

“Jessie! I think it’s time!” James cried out.

Jessie sped up. “We’ll be home in a second,” she said.

They got to the cabin. Jessie got out the van. “Can you walk?” she asked James.

“I think so….” James got out of the van and doubled over.

“You can’t walk,” Jessie said.

She tried to help James, but he resisted. “I want to do it myself,” he said.

Jessie ignored him. She picked him up and went into the cabin. She put him down on the bed. Meowth walked in.

“What’s wrong with James?” he asked, sounding worried.

“He’s in labor. Call the doctor,” Jessie said.

She went back to James. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” James was almost in tears.

“Maybe the doctor could give you some painkillers when he gets here.”

“No, Jessie.”

Jessie looked at James. “You don’t want painkillers?”

“I’ve never needed any unnatural medicine in my life.”

“What?”

“Not all medicine is man-made, Jessie. Most of it is made out of plants. But I’ve only taken medicine that has no chemicals in it.”

“What about the times when there wasn’t any natural medicine?” Jessie said.

James’s eyes glazed over. “I managed without it.”

Jessie remembered all the times she called James weird for running out to get all those weird plants. She wouldn’t help him find the plants because she was working on their plans. Meowth, who thought dandelions were flowers, wouldn’t have been very helpful. So James had to go out alone and find the plants himself, while he was in pain. If he didn’t find the plant he needed, he would just come back and suffer. Meowth would try to comfort James, but Jessie made them both work, so they hardly had any time to rest.

If Jessie had known James was so uncomfortable, she wouldn’t have teased him.

“Natural medicine is better for him anyway.”

Both Jessie and James turned to the door to see who spoke. It was the same doctor who gave James the check-up.

The doctor went over to James, who was having another contraction. “Just breathe,” he said.

James was breathing, but it sounded more like sobbing.

“All right, you’re ready to push!” the doctor said.

Meanwhile, the twerps heard a scream.

“What was that?” Misty said, scared.

“I think it was a scream,” Brock said.

They ran, following the screaming.

Back at the cabin, James was experiencing childbirth.

“You’re almost there! I can see the head. Now, just push really, really hard this time!” the doctor said.

James screamed and pushed. That last push did it.

“Congratulations!” the doctor said. Everyone heard the baby cry.

James cried. “I wish Moltres was here to see his child.”

Unknown to James and the others, a yellow-clad figure with red-streaked yellow hair floated outside the window.

“Worry not, James,” the figure said mentally. “I did.”

James got the telepathic message and looked toward the window. The figure smiled at him. The next thing James knew, the figure turned into the spirit of Moltres and flew off. James’s eyes filled with tears of joy as he held his child.

The doctor went into the other room to talk to Jessie and Meowth. James sat in bed, feeding the child from his breast.

Team Twerp had watched the whole thing through the window.

“What the hell?!” Ash screamed.

“Shut up, Ash! He’ll hear you,” Misty said.

James looked up. “What are you twerps doing here?”

“James….What did you just do?” Misty asked.

Ash climbed through the window.

“Take another step and I’ll slap you with the umbilical cord.” James’s tone was dark and ominous.

“James, please don’t tell me you just gave birth to the child you’re holding,” Misty said.

“Fine. I won’t tell you.”

“I don’t think you should become a parent,” Ash said. “Maybe you should give the child up.”

“You’ll get this child when you pry her from my cold dead arms.”

“Who’s even the father?”

“Why would you care?”

The doctor came back in. “Who are these three?” he asked.

“No one important,” James said.

“Did he really give birth to that child?” Misty asked.

“Yes. I helped him,” the doctor said.

“Maybe you three should go now,” Meowth said.

The twerps left.

“You should get some rest. You’ve been through a lot today,” Jessie said to James.

James put the child in a basket.

“He’ll be a good Moltres Witness,” Meowth said.

“It’s a girl. Her name is Twilight,” James said.

The doctor took out a dried plant, a pestle, and a mortar. He ground the plant up and mixed it with water.

“Here, drink this. It’ll help get rid of the pain,” he said.

James drank the potion.

“Natural medicine never fails to do its job. It lasts longer than synthetic medicine,” the doctor said. “And I saved the placenta. You can eat it for strength later.”

“No wonder you was always so healthy,” Meowth said.

They were silent for a while. James finished drinking the medicine.

“I just realized something,” James said. He must’ve been feeling better. “I don’t think I can fit into my Moltres costume.”

Everyone but James face-faulted.

“Well, at least I can lose weight by catching Pokémon,” he continued.

“You can’t, at least, not yet. You should try not to do anything that physical for six weeks.”

“Six whole weeks?” James exclaimed.

“Six to eight weeks. And you should try to stay off your feet.”

James lay back down, sighing.

“Get some rest, James,” Meowth said, tucking James back into bed.

Then the doctor left and James went to sleep.

-O-o-O-

James sat, nursing the tiny blue-haired baby.

He loved his daughter, Twilight. “If only Moltres could see her….”

He suddenly got the urge to look at the window.

He looked and saw the spirit of Moltres, in human form.

“Hello, James,” Moltres said.

“Moltres! You’re here!” James cried.

He went over to the window.

Moltres noticed Twilight. “Is she our child?” he asked.

“Yes,” James said.

“She’s beautiful. Just like her man-mother,” Moltres said.

“Look, Twilight, this is your father,” James said, showing Twilight to Moltres, but not in a Michael Jackson-ish way.

“Now you don’t have to be sad about her not knowing her father,” Moltres said. He hugged James. “I must go now. Goodbye, James.”

“Goodbye, Moltres.”

-O-o-O-

Epilogue (editor's note: PRAISE THE MIGHTY MOLTRES THIS SHIT IS ENDING)

Jessie, James, Meowth, and Twilight live happily in their new house.

Jessie, James, and Meowth got a new job where they get paid $1,000 a week so they have money to buy a small house. They all quit Team Rocket to set a good example for Twilight.

The twerps are not at war with Team Rocket anymore. They live next door to Jessie, James, and Meowth and visit them regularly.

Butch and Cassidy will probably feel the flames of Moltres and not in a good way.

James still goes to the temple of Moltres. He takes Twilight there, so she knows how great her father was.

James is an official Moltres Witness convert. He hopes Twilight will follow in her parents’ footsteps.

And as for Moltres, well, he’s out there. Moltres may just be reincarnated. James was never sure of that.

But he’s bound to find out!

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Eat the placenta.

E A T ~ I T ~ F O R ~ S T R E N G T H

Giovanni Is Just the Worst Boss (part one)

This is a darker fic. I was twelve when I wrote this and I honestly can't remember what spurred me to write this.

Content Warnings: Mentions of abuse; injuries (including burns); workplace violence mention (that will be shown later); James's cover stories for his injuries sounding way too similar to real-world cover stories; misunderstanding of medical issues and injuries; Meowth gets kind of weird about James's feet at the wrong time (wouldn't be a past!me fic without misplaced possible sexuality)

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Meowth’s point of view)

The day James came back to the cabin with a black eye, Jessie and I got worried.

“Where did you get that black eye?” I asked.

James looked at me and said, “I ran into a wall.”

Since this was a reasonable excuse, I didn’t say anything else about it. But the black eye looked painful and hard to see through.

And he didn’t actually run into a wall.

-O-o-O-

We sent James to the boss the next day. We had to choose a member of our team and send them to the boss for further orders every day for the next five days. James said his meeting with the boss went okay, so Jessie and I sent him because he wouldn’t start a fight.

To our surprise, one of James’s teeth was knocked out. We noticed it because it was one of his side front teeth.

Butch would have a field day if he was there.

“James, what happened? Why is one of your teeth knocked out?” I asked.

“It was a loose tooth,” James said. “I pulled it out.”

Two injuries in a row. And humans don’t usually get loose teeth in their late teens.

Something’s up, I thought.

-O-o-O-

James’s mouth had mostly healed by the next day. We sent him to the boss because the boss called him there.

When he came back, I didn’t see any injuries. But James was limping.

“Why are you limping?” I asked. “Did you sprain your ankle? You should stay off it. Let me—”

“No. Nothing happened. I’m fine,” James said. He tripped over his foot and fell.

I decided to seize the opportunity to examine James’s legs and feet. I took off his boots and socks. His feet were delicate and soft. They looked graceful and rather slender. Maybe James seemed so clumsy because his boots were slightly too big.

Anyway, there were no injuries on his feet.

I rolled up his pant leg. Nothing on his left leg. But on his right leg, there was a burn mark.

“James, why did you try to hide something like this? How did you even get this?” I said.

“I tripped over a Charmander’s tail and it burned me.” James sounded dead serious. He had a serious look on his face. I looked closer at his eyes. I could’ve sworn I saw tears.

Something told me that burn mark wasn’t from a Charmander.

-O-o-O-

The boss called for James again. James went to his office. I wished and hoped that James would not come back with an injury.

It didn’t work.

James came back with his arm in a cast. His eyes were completely glazed over and his hair was a little messed up. He was blushing slightly. Other than the flush on his face, he looked drained.

He saw Jessie staring at him and said, “Victreebel bit my arm and broke it.”

I thought this explained the cast and his skin being washed out. I thought James had been poisoned.

He wasn’t.

-O-o-O-

The fifth day we had to send James to the boss was the day we found out why James was injured.

James set off for the boss’s office looking pale and drained. He came home with a nosebleed.

“How did you get a nosebleed?” I asked.

“I fell out of a tree,” James said.

Both Jessie and I stared at James for a minute. Then Jessie said something that threw a wrench in all of James’s stories.

“If you fell out of a tree, then how did you climb up the tree with a broken arm?” Jessie asked.

James looked us both in the eyes. Then he ran into the bathroom, crying.

“I don’t think he was ready for that question,” I said.

“I don’t think those injuries are by accident,” Jessie said.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Serious moral of the story: Workplace abuse is wrong. Actually, any kind of abuse is wrong.

Not-so-serious moral: Meowth, bro, not the right time for foot stuff!

James and Meowth Do A Fluffy Experiment (part two of two)

This story is slightly less fluffy when you remember that they're having the kitten as part of an experiment for a criminal organization that has mistreated their test subjects, but thirteen!me did not write by that logic.

Also, it seems that Jessie kinda forgot the conversation she had with James the previous night. She probably remembered the Iron Fleet, though.

Part one is here.

This fic contains:  Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (warning because some people might be disturbed by it, even though Meowth can consent in this story); unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; bizarre focus on James's virginity (it disturbs me how often this shows up in these warnings); lack of medical knowledge; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth (weepy!James and generic boyfriend!Meowth are back); odd ideas about romance; Dr. Fuji is miraculously alive somehow (and also out-of-character); weird plot inconsistencies; "deflowered" doesn't mean what thirteen!me seems to think it means; boomer humor pregnancy gags; HOLY SHIT I REMEMBERED MONDO EXISTS?

-O-o-O-o-O-

Jessie was watching TV when James and Meowth came in.

“James, how did the test go?” she asked.

James was crying. He didn’t seem to have heard her. He ran into the bedroom, crying.

“James, wait! Please let me talk to you!” Meowth said.

Jessie knocked on the bedroom door. “Can I come in?” she asked.

“Yes,” James said.

Jessie came in. “What happened? Why are you crying?” she asked.

James sniffled for a while, then answered. “The experiment worked and now I’m pregnant,” he said.

“Meowth did that to you?!”

“Yes.”

“Weren’t you a virgin before?”

“Yes, but he had to do it. We would lose our jobs if we didn’t,” James said.

“But didn’t you value your virginity?”

“Yes, sort of. But that doesn’t matter. What am I going to do about the kitten?”

“I think you should just rest now. I’ll go talk with Meowth.”

Jessie went back into the living room. “Meowth! Shame on you!”

“What did I do?”

“You deflowered James!”

“But I had to. And I love him!”

“You do? It’s not just lust?”

“Yeah. Got a problem with that?”

“No. It’s okay, then.”

They heard soft snoring from the bedroom.

“I hope James will let me talk to him when he wakes up,” Meowth said.

-O-o-O-

James woke up about two hours later. He just lay there in bed, thinking about this whole mess.

He was going to have Meowth’s kitten.

Meowth came in. “James….I’m sorry for doing this to you. You probably had other plans to do this with someone else. If you don’t forgive me, I’ll understand,” Meowth said.

“You don’t need to apologize. I love you. I had other plans, but they were plans with you. Actually, they were just dreams that I thought would never happen. So it’s okay. I’m glad I did this with you,” James said.

“Are you sure we don’t just have a crush on each other?”

“No, I’m sure it’s true love.”

Meowth decided to just agree with James on that one. Usually James was right about things like this.

They knew they’d be able to make it through this ordeal.

-O-o-O-

The kitten would be born after nine weeks. James and Meowth got married.

The kitten would be small, so James probably wouldn’t show very much.

Fortunately for James, he didn’t get morning sickness. But he did get mood swings and weird cravings.

Skipping to the fourth week of pregnancy, Jessie and Meowth were staring at James while he was getting a snack.

“What is that?” Meowth asked.

“Beef jerky with peanut butter,” James answered.

“James….Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Meowth asked.

“I’m fine, Meowth.”

Another time, Meowth tried to kiss James on the lips.

“What are you doing?” James asked.

“Kissing you.”

James didn’t look very happy about it. In fact, he looked frustrated. He let out a frustrated sigh and walked away.

“What did I do?” Meowth said.

“Well, you have been trying to make out with him a lot. Maybe you’re crowding him,” Jessie said.

Meowth decided to give James some space for a while. After an hour, he just couldn’t take it. He had to go see James.

He found James in tears, in the bedroom.

“James, why are you crying?” Meowth asked.

“I’m so sorry if I hurt you. I’m just scared.”

Meowth hugged James.

“You don’t have to be scared. It’s okay. I’m here for you, Jimmy,” Meowth said.

-O-o-O-

James was a little over nine weeks pregnant. He was only a little bigger, but he still wore a maternity shirt. He also still wore his Team Rocket uniform boots.

“Don’t your feet get hot in those boots?” Jessie asked.

“Yes, but I don’t want anyone to see my swollen ankles,” James said. He felt ready to give birth to the kitten any minute.

One day, Mondo came over.

“The lab sent me over to check on all of you. It’s about the experiment,” Mondo said. “What exactly is this experiment, again?”

“Well….It’s sort of weird. James and Meowth did it and I just watched, so I think they should explain it,” Jessie said.

“Where is James, anyway? I haven’t seen him for over two months.”

“There’s an explanation for that.”

They turned around and saw James, standing in the doorway.

“He’s wearing a maternity shirt,” Mondo whispered to Jessie.

“I know,” Jessie whispered back.

“That experiment that Meowth and I did was an experiment to see if humans could have babies with Pokémon. And it worked,” James said.

“Congratulations, James!” Mondo said happily.

“Thanks, I guess,” James said.

“Why aren’t you excited?” Mondo asked.

“I don’t know if I can handle it,” James said.

“Of course you can handle it!” Mondo said.

“Yeah, Mondo’s right! You can do anything you set your mind to, James,” Jessie said.

James smiled shyly. “Thanks for the support,” he said quietly.

“You deserve it,” Mondo said.

-O-o-O-

James went into labor the next day. The scientists at the lab helped him give birth.

“It’s a girl,” James said to Meowth.

“What’s her name?” Meowth asked.

“Her number is #0775,” Dr. Fuji said.

James looked Dr. Fuji straight in the eye. “She has to have a name,” he said solidly.

Dr. Fuji was somewhat unnerved. “All right, then. What’s her name?”

“Her name is Willow.”

James got to keep his kitten with Meowth.

-O-o-O-

Epilogue

James and Meowth are living happily together with Jessie. Their daughter, Willow, is very smart. Mondo visits them.

They all quit Team Rocket. They got jobs with decent salaries.

The twerps don’t blast them off anymore.

The trio was meant to be happy after all.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the Story: If you have a baby as an experiment for a criminal organization, they'll totally let you name them and won't immediately whisk them away. They'll even let you keep the kid if you quit!

At least they didn't make James eat the placenta.

The Angsty Domestic Life of Team Rocket: Quite the Turn (part two of three)

Thirteen!me thought this story should be rated PG-13.

Thirteen!me was a goddamn idiot.

Part one is here.

Warnings: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; workplace violence and murder; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; general angst; lack of medical and scientific knowledge; drunk Giovanni smoking crack; original characters; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; self harm; odd ideas about romance and revenge; blood drinking (?!); FUCKING CANNIBALISM?!

-O-o-O-o-O-

It was a cold winter day. Meowth had decided to help James raise Methoni. Jessie still wanted them to think of plans to steal Pikachu and was being a slavedriver to them. Methoni was old enough to be able to understand their situation, but young enough for it to be better not to tell him.

That didn’t mean he didn’t know what was going on, which he did.

That day, James had come down with something because he and Jessie worked all day shoveling snow and burying Matalico. Meowth had to take care of Methoni because he and James didn’t want Methoni to get a cold.

Methoni was asking a lot of hard questions. The answers were too extreme so all Meowth could say was, “Let’s wait until you’re older.”

Then after literally twenty questions, Methoni asked the ultimate push-them-off-the-deep-end question: “What happened to my father and my sister?”

At that moment, James snapped.

He went into the bathroom, mumbling something about avenging Matalico’s death.

“I think he’s breaking down,” Meowth said.

-O-o-O-

James forced himself to vomit. He was punishing himself for letting Matalico die. Then he took a small razor and started to cut himself. After he made about ten cuts, he stopped.

He grabbed a pocketknife and climbed out of the bathroom window.

He ran to Giovanni’s headquarters. He broke into Giovanni’s office. The guards tried to catch him, but he was too fast for them.

When James arrived at Giovanni’s office, Giovanni was drunk and smoking crack.

“What do you want?” he yelled violently at James.

“I’m here because you killed Matalico!” James yelled.

Giovanni slapped James down with his ring hand. “I don’t care about that waste of a Meowth,” he said.

James took out the pocketknife and stabbed Giovanni.

When Giovanni finally stopped breathing, the guards came in and looked shocked.

“Don’t tell anyone about this if you know what’s good for you,” James said.

“Hey, take it easy, babe. We want to thank you for that. He was a slavedriver,” one of the guards said.

“You’re welcome,” James said.

When the guards left, James trashed the surveillance camera. He locked the door. He had killed Giovanni, but his work was far from over.

He poked a hole in one of Giovanni’s legs. Blood poured out of the hole. James collected the blood in a cup.

James cut off pieces of Giovanni’s flesh and began to eat it. The taste didn’t faze him; he’d eaten some pretty weird things when he was pregnant with Methoni.

After eating about a quarter of Giovanni’s flesh, James collected more blood. He began to drink the blood.

When he was done, he cleared away the remains of Giovanni. He had become dazed after doing that little cannibal homicide thing. It was probably because he had never eaten human flesh before. He had drank blood before, but it wasn’t human blood. Every time he, Jessie, and Meowth accidentally killed a Pokémon when they blasted off, James would stab the Pokémon and drink its blood to honor it. Jessie and Meowth knew about this habit; Jessie thought it was weird and Meowth thought it was brave.

James cleaned the blood off his clothing and face. He had to admit, he was pretty cute. That was why the guard had called him “babe.” He hoped they wouldn’t try to make him “do things” with them. He didn’t want to insult the ghost of Matalico.

James went back home. He entered the bathroom through the open window.

Then he realized what he’d done and started vomiting.

Meowth came in.

“James, are you okay?” he asked.

“What have I done?” James screamed.

“What do you mean?” Meowth said.

“Let’s just say, we don’t have a boss anymore.”

“What did….How did….?” Meowth wasn’t even finishing his sentences.

“I killed him.”

“What did you do with the body?” Meowth asked.

“I drank his blood and ate his flesh,” James answered, completely calm.

Meowth noticed the cuts on James’s arms. “Who did this to you?!” he asked, alarmed.

“I did,” James said.

Meowth looked at James sadly. He knew right away this was because Matalico was killed.

“You know what we have to do, don’t you?” he said.

“What?” James said.

“Turn you in.”

James screamed.

-O-o-O-

James woke up screaming.

It turned out it was all a nightmare.

He never killed Giovanni. He never drank Giovanni’s blood. He never went cannibal on Giovanni.

He had just fallen asleep in front of the toilet.

James remembered the horrible vision of Giovanni’s dead, rotting carcass. He rushed back to the toilet.

Meowth walked by. He heard James vomiting. He decided to leave James alone for a while.

Meanwhile, in the bathroom, the fact that he was no longer dreaming hit James.

He realized it was the day after Matalico was killed.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Cannibalism and blood-drinking is no excuse for a messy appearance.

a fanfic dream I had

A black and red tombstone carved with eldritch symbols. Somehow, I could read the epitaph and it said:

"Here lies the ashes of Darkonogoth, a most powerful and dastardly demon. Drove Giovanni, High Priest of the Rocket Cult to utter madness. Reigned over a dark army of ghost Pokémon with Lord Commander Jessica Romanov at its helm. Sired several demonspawn on Warlock James, whom he considered little more than his magical mortal plaything. Ultimately defeated by a modified shitpost spell at the hands of a talking Meowth."

More of Team Rocket's Life in Wilow Creek

James and Meowth roast marshmallows with Liberty Lee, who clips through James.

Jessie also roasts marshmallows. They did this repeatedly, despite having a perfectly good fridge that works off grid and the ability to just pull hot dogs out of the ether to roast.

"If we're dressed like marshmallows and we eat the marshmallows, does that count as cannibalism?"

"Quit huffin' campfire fumes, Jimmy."

I got them a bee box. James bonded with the bees.

I also had him get started on the garden. Note the garlic, since Vlad will likely be lurking around.

Jessie was surprisingly unbothered by the outdoor toilet.

"It really does smell like roses!"

James, having had the misfortune of using it last (after Meowth), did not share this opinion.

"Why me?"

I think Human Meowth ended up kind of cute. (The markings on his face are supposed to imitate whiskers.)

I think Jessie and James turned out pretty nicely, too.

Kitty Meowth got bitten by a squirrel (nothing fatal, since this is the Sims).

So James took him to the vet's office.

Meowth got some new headgear.

He looks like he wants to cut a bitch, but he no longer has opposable fingers.

Jessie took up painting.

"Turn up your nose all you want--now that you have one--but the Sims around here call this 'High Art.'"

"More like, 'Are You High' Art."

They devolved into a verbal slapfight about Meowth's lack of taste. James wondered if maybe he should just sleep on the bench in the vet's office that night.

Also, a family portrait:

They're so cute.

Jessie Drugs James and Is Generally Abusive: Team Rocket Gets Dramatic and Not in the Fun Way (part three of four)

It's becoming apparent that twelve!me was processing some weird things when she wrote this. Nothing as bad as what Jessie, James, and Meowth are going through, but enough that this got committed to paper (that's not all that gets committed in this fic god damn it I hate my thoughts sometimes).

Part one is here.

Part two is here.

Content Warning: First-person mixed points-of-view; abuse mentions; questionable depiction of medical and psychological issues; shaky understanding of mental institutions; possibly uncomfortable thoughts on the nature of relationships; general angst; Jessie uses the r-slur; James uses the r-slur; hinting at a Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; out-of-character behavior for James and Meowth; absolute character assassination of Jessie; Jesus Hades Christ twelve!me tortured James a lot in fic (it's spreading to Meowth)

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Meowth's point of view)

James's alarm went off early. I heard it.

"Why are you up so early?" I whispered.

"Quiet, Meowth. Pretend you're dead," James whispered.

I didn't know why he wanted me to do this at the time, but I did it anyway. I almost went back to sleep. I heard James packing our bags and tents.

"Where are you going?" I heard Jessie ask.

"To bury him," James said.

To bury him?!

I opened my eyes slightly. Jessie had gone back to sleep. James put his backpack on and put my backpack on me. I looked around. Only Jessie's tent was up.

James started running. It started to rain. It was extra cold because we were up so early.

I saw a town. James slowed and then stopped.

"We made it," I heard him say. James fell to his knees. He was obviously very tired from running so early.

James began to cry. "Don't worry, James. Whatever it is, it'll probably work out," I said, trying to comfort him.

"I hope so, Meowth. I hope so."

-O-o-O-

We got into a motel even though it was so early. James and I closed the curtains in our room and locked the door. We got in bed.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Jessie wanted me to poison you," James said. He swallowed, probably at what he was asked to do.

"And?" I asked, trying to sound calm.

"I couldn't and didn't," James said.

That's a relief, I thought. My next thought was: Wait a minute, no that's not!

"James? Did you drink any of the poison?" I asked.

"No. I was thinking about it, but the smell was so vile, I poured it into a hole and buried it," James said.

"What if Jessie finds us?"

"She won't. I'm turning her in to the mental institution."

"But….she's our friend."

"I don't care." James's voice broke. He started to cry quietly.

"Maybe if you turn her into the mental institution, you'll save her from being arrested. So you won't be betraying her," I said.

James smiled warmly at me. It was like the sun came out. "That's so sweet of you, Meowth," he said softly.

"Anything to soothe your pain, James," I said.

(James's point of view)

The day we got into the motel was the day we turned Jessie in.

I'll leave out the horrible details: the fight, the hitting, the scratching, the screaming.

The last I heard from Jessie before they put her in the truck was these words: "I'll get you, James and Meowth! Even if it's the last thing I do!"

Our motel was near the mental institution, so we could visit Jessie easily.

I wasn't sure I wanted to.

This was exactly why I didn't want to fall in love. I knew I'd get hurt. I was stupid for a second to think I wouldn't. If Jessie, who I thought was my best friend, could hurt me so badly, how much damage could a boyfriend do? Especially a boyfriend who might be my other best friend and someone I was ordered to kill? I couldn't fall further in love. I couldn't risk getting hurt again.

As I was thinking this, a feeling of hate and pain was overcoming me. I wanted to hate Jessie for putting me through all of this. I wanted to hate myself for turning her in. I wanted to hate myself for loving who I did.

I remembered a time when I had no reason to hate anyone except for Jessiebelle.

Remembering that time brought tears to my eyes. The tears washed away the hate and healed the pain.

I couldn't hate Jessie and I couldn't hate myself.

Because I was too busy loving Meowth.

(Meowth's point of view)

We waited a long time before we visited Jessie.

James spent a long time in the bathroom, staring at the wall before we visited. When I told him maybe we should go tomorrow, he said he might not have the courage to go the next day.

I still remember the fight Jessie started. I think she almost ripped off her straitjacket.

"What are you bitches doing here?" She practically yelled this.

"We're just making sure you're safe," James said. He was clutching his upper body with both arms.

"I was safe until you turned me in, traitor," Jessie said.

That didn't make any sense.

Next to me, James was trembling. The poor boy looked like he was going to run out of the room.

"I turned you in to save you," James whispered.

"Save me?! From what?"

"Killing yourself."

"How would I kill myself?" Jessie yelled.

"You're….You're unstable," James whispered. He looked at the floor.

"What about you? Fucking crying at the drop of a hat, lying to me about plans. You're the unstable one," Jessie said.

"Stop it!" I yelled suddenly. "Stop picking on James. He brought you here to protect you. He didn't want any of us to die or get arrested. Just lay off him, okay? He protected me and I'm going to protect him. Screw with that, and you know what'll happen."

"What do you know?! You're just a little freak Meowth who doesn't know shit about shit. You're both retards!" Jessie yelled.

"Don't you dare call Meowth a retard!" James yelled. "I don't know what's wrong with you, but you better stop it. We're not risking our lives going back to Team Rocket until you're out of here. Until then, you will not abuse Meowth or me emotionally, mentally, physically, or sexually."

I was surprised at James. He was so meek and he rarely yelled. I didn't expect him to scream like this.

Especially at Jessie.

All Jessie did was roll her eyes and say, "Fuck that. Fuck you too. Both of you. I should've handled the poison myself. Meowth is a retarded waste of flesh and blood."

I burst into tears.

James picked me up and tried to comfort me. He looked at Jessie with a mixture of anger and pain in his eyes.

"How could you hurt him like this?" he whispered. He ran out the door with me.

When we got to our room, James put me down on the bed. He went into the bathroom.

He didn't come out for a long time.

(James's point of view)

I cried for a long time. Why did Jessie hurt us like that? Do all psychopaths do this? I never found the answer. I only found more tears.

That was the worst fight I ever had with Jessie. I guess I'll never get her forgiveness. I shouldn't have even hoped for it.

How could Jessie call Meowth a waste of flesh and blood? He was anything but that. He was my….friend. My other best friend.

I couldn't bear to think about us going further than that. Don't even hope for it.

Meowth knocked on the door. "James, are you all right?"

I looked in the mirror. My eyes were glazed over. My hair was a mess. I had dark circles under my eyes, which were swollen from crying.

"I'm fine," I said.

I walked into the bedroom and collapsed into bed. Meowth put a wet rag on my forehead.

After a while, I fell asleep. I had a horrifyingly realistic dream about Jessie breaking out of her cell. I woke up screaming.

"What's wrong?" Meowth asked.

"I just had the worst nightmare about Jessie breaking out of her cell." I was sobbing quietly. Meowth comforted me. I then spoke three words I never thought I'd say.

"I hate Jessie."

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Don't try to force your best friend to poison their other best friend; you'll get in trouble (and make it double).

Jessie Drugs James and Is Generally Abusive: Jessie Evolves Into a 4chan Poster (part four of four)

I don't even know anymore.

Part one

Part two

Part three

Content Warning: First-person mixed points-of-view; abuse mentions; misunderstanding of medical and psychological issues; shaky understanding of mental institutions and psychopathy; general angst; hinting at a Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; out-of-character behavior for James and Meowth; absolute character assassination of Jessie; Jessie says "kys" to James; Meowth watches James sleep; abrupt ending where the issues are maybe not dealt with properly; Jesus Hades Christ twelve!me tortured James a lot in fic (I don't know why; he was and still is my favorite Pokémon character)

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Meowth's point of view)

James had changed.

I hardly knew him anymore. He was more serious and sad. His eyes had lost their light.

What had happened to the James I used to know? He didn't used to cry all the time. He had no reason to hate anyone or anything. He seemed to be sad all the time after the visit. I found out later it was because he felt he'd betrayed Jessie.

I told James he should try to patch things up with Jessie. He agreed reluctantly.

We went to the mental institution again. James took a shaky breath.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"I can't do it. I can't face her now," James said quietly.

"Maybe you should sleep on it," I said. "You'll feel better about it when you wake up."

We went back to our room. James took a nap. I thought about how James had changed and watched over him.

After a while, I noticed James was trembling. I took a closer look and saw that he was crying.

"James, why are you crying?" I asked.

"I don't want to hate Jessie anymore. I don't want to love….who I love anymore either," James said quietly.

This was ridiculous. Why was Jessie putting us through all this pain? Especially James. He never did anything to her. He always obeyed her.

I comforted James. He went back to sleep. I felt like I needed to pay James back for all the care he'd given me, although he never asked for anything in return.

But how could I do it so he didn't suspect my feelings for him?

I looked at him. He looked so cute and angelic when he was sleeping. Once, just before I had fallen asleep, he kissed me softly on my charm. He didn't realize it, but I replayed that moment a lot in my head.

I went over to James. He was fast asleep. I kissed him gently on his forehead.

Sweet dreams, Little Jim.

(James's point of view)

The next day, we visited Jessie again. The second visit was worse than the first.

Meowth went in first, alone. We wanted to go in alone because we thought it would be better than last time.

We were dead wrong.

Meowth went in. When he came out, he said, "Your turn."

I got up to go in. I was so nervous, I thought I was going to vomit.

I walked into the room. Jessie was in a straitjacket.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"Just to see you," I said. I didn't like to see Jessie in a cage.

"You put me in here."

"I did it to help you!"

I regretted saying those words as soon as they came out of my mouth.

"Help me?! How the fuck did you think you were helping anyone? You're such a worthless bitch, James. Fuck you. You should've drank the poison yourself. I hate you."

I stood there, frozen. I knew tears were running down my cheeks, but I didn't try to wipe them away.

Jessie would never forgive me.

Jessie HATES me.

I ended up in the waiting room, not sure how I got there. Somehow, I ended up in the motel room, lying flat on my back on the bed.

Meowth sat next to me. "What happened?" he asked.

I never really told him.

(Meowth's point of view)

What happened to James?

He hardly smiled. He smiled a lot before the visit, but he didn't after the second one. He just sat around with a scared look on his face.

He was skinny before the second visit, but now he wasn't eating and he seemed to be wasting away.

He wasn't sleeping right. He had dark circles under his eyes and his hair was constantly messy.

He looked like a lost child.

What went wrong with the visit? What made James give up on life? What could I do to make him want to live again?

"What did Jessie do to you?" I asked.

James didn't answer.

"What did she do?!" I was almost hysterical.

James started crying.

"She….told me to kill myself," James sobbed.

I was pissed.

"That does it. Jessie has hurt you one too many times. Tomorrow, we're going back to that mental institution to straighten things out between you two. You don't deserve all this pain, James," I said.

James looked frightened.

"Will Jessie ever get out of the asylum?" James asked.

"Who knows?" I said.

(James's point of view)

Meowth and I walked back to the mental institution. I was really scared, but I had to straighten things out with Jessie.

"You can go to the bathroom if you need a break, but we're not leaving until we get things straightened out," Meowth had said.

I had no choice but to obey.

I walked into the room. Meowth followed.

"Why are you acting this way?" I managed to ask.

"What?!" Jessie said.

I was so startled I almost didn't answer. "Why are you acting this way" I repeated.

"You said I'm a psychopath," Jessie said.

"I want to know why you're a psychopath!" I didn't know why I was so cranky all of a sudden. I guess I didn't want to be bothered with smart arse comments.

"Fuck, you don't have to scream," Jessie said, uninterested.

"It's the only way you'll listen to me! Why did you want me to kill Meowth?! Why were you drugging me?!" I cried.

"To make Team Rocket better," Jessie said. The words "no, shit" would've fit perfectly in the sentence.

"How would that make us better? What does the word 'partner' mean to you? Meowth doesn't deserve to die and I don't deserve to be told to kill him! And I'm glad I lied and ran away! How would killing Meowth make Team Rocket better?!" I was trying to hold back tears, but I didn't seem to be doing a good job of it.

Jessie didn't look interested at all. I knew she could kick me or hit me from inside the cell (I was in kicking range).

Jessie kicked me in my side and punched me in the face. I was knocked over, of course.

Meowth jumped up and scratched Jessie across her face.

"Don't you ever hurt James like that!" he yelled. He was crying. "Why are you acting like a psychopathical asshole?! Just cut out the shit and stop hurting us! We can't go a fuckin' day without worrying whether you got your ass thrown in jail or escaped! Why are you suddenly such a dickhead, anyway?"

Meowth continued ranting and swearing at Jessie. Jessie still looked bored. Meowth must've realized she wasn't listening to him.

"C'mon, James. Let's go," he said, sounding depressed.

I struggled to get up. Meowth and I walked back to the motel.

Then Meowth was the one sitting around, looking ready to cry.

"Even yelling and swearing didn't make her listen," I said.

Meowth began to cry. I held him. The poor kitty. I had to protect him.

"I just wanted to get Jessie back," Meowth said.

We stared into each other's eyes. Meowth's pretty blue eyes had tears in them. I wiped away one of his tears.

"Maybe we will, Meowth. Maybe we will."

(Meowth's point of view)

Here's what happened.

James and I got out of the motel. We set up our tent next to the mental institution and went in there every day.

Jessie eventually got back to normal. I acted like nothing happened, but it took a while for James to get used to her.

A kind of happy ending to an unhappy experience.

Life isn't half bad.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: When a cat watches someone sleep, it's generally not creepy. If a sapient talking cat Pokémon watches someone sleep, well....It's still a better love story than Twilight.

I asked ChatGPT to write Pokémon blueshipping mpreg.

The results were....disturbing.

Prompt: Write a Pokémon fanfiction in which Meowth impregnates James with a kitten and Jessie does not approve of their actions.

(I should have specified that James would consent to the mpreg in the story. I didn't and got this.)

Content warning: This fanfiction contains adult themes and may not be suitable for all audiences.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Jessie stormed into the Team Rocket headquarters, slamming the door behind her. She was fuming, and it was clear to everyone in the room that something was bothering her.

"What's wrong, Jessie?" James asked, concern etched across his face.

"It's Meowth," Jessie spat. "He's gone too far this time."

"What did he do?" James asked, looking confused.

"He impregnated you, James!" Jessie exclaimed.

James's eyes went wide as he took in what Jessie had just said. "What? How is that even possible?"

"Meowth used his psychic powers to make it happen," Jessie explained. "And now you're carrying a kitten. I can't believe he would do something like this without even consulting us first."

James looked down at his stomach, which was visibly swollen. He could feel the kitten moving around inside of him, and it was a strange and unsettling sensation. He wasn't sure how he felt about becoming a father – especially not in such an unconventional way.

"I don't know what to do," James said, his voice trembling. "I never expected anything like this to happen."

"We'll figure it out," Jessie said, taking his hand in hers. "But first, we need to talk to Meowth. He can't just go around impregnating people without their consent."

They made their way to Meowth's quarters, where they found him lounging on his bed, looking smug.

"What's up, guys?" he asked, grinning.

"You know exactly what's up," Jessie snapped. "You impregnated James without even asking him first. How could you do something so irresponsible?"

Meowth's expression soured as he realized that Jessie was angry with him. "I did it for the good of Team Rocket," he said. "We need more members, and I thought this was the best way to accomplish that."

"That's ridiculous," Jessie said. "You can't just go around forcing people to have babies. James didn't want this."

"I'm sorry," Meowth said, his tone contrite. "I didn't mean to upset anyone. I just thought I was doing what was best for the team."

"Well, you were wrong," Jessie said. "And now we have to deal with the consequences. James is pregnant, and we have to figure out how to take care of him and the kitten."

Meowth nodded, looking ashamed. "I'll do whatever it takes to make things right," he said.

For the next few weeks, James carried the kitten inside of him, growing more and more uncomfortable as the due date approached. Jessie and Meowth did their best to take care of him, bringing him food and water and helping him get around. But it was clear that James was struggling – both physically and emotionally.

Finally, the day of the birth arrived. Jessie and Meowth helped James into a makeshift birthing chamber, where he went into labor. It was a difficult and painful process, but after several hours, he gave birth to a healthy kitten.

As soon as the kitten was born, Jessie scooped it up, cradling it in her arms. She looked down at the tiny creature, and her heart melted. Despite everything that had happened, she couldn't help feeling a deep love for the little kitten.

"I guess we're a family now," she said, looking at James and Meowth. "And we'll do whatever it takes to take care of each other – no matter what."

-O-o-O-o-O-

That might have been on the same level as the badfic twelve!me wrote.

Though I can't help but think that in a different story (one in which James consented to this), it would be funny that Jessie has to tell James that he's pregnant for him to realize it.

I asked ChatGPT to write more Pokémon blueshipping fic.

The results were much less disturbing. Wholesome and fluffy, even.

(Prompts/what I typed are in bold)

-O-o-O-o-O-

Please write a Pokémon fanfiction in which James and Meowth realize they are in love with each other. The twerps overhear them.

James and Meowth had been partners in crime for years. They had been through thick and thin together, and they always had each other's backs. But lately, something had changed between them. They had started to see each other in a different light. They had started to develop feelings for each other, feelings that they couldn't quite understand.

One day, as they were wandering through the forest, James and Meowth found themselves alone. They sat down under a tree, and James turned to Meowth.

"Meowth, there's something I need to tell you," James said.

"What is it?" Meowth asked, looking up at him.

"I think… I think I'm in love with you," James said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Meowth's eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"

James nodded. "I know it's crazy, and we've been friends for so long, but… I can't help the way I feel."

Meowth smiled at him. "James, I feel the same way."

They leaned in and kissed each other, the world around them fading away. They had always been close, but this was something different. Something deeper.

Little did they know, the twerps had been following them, hidden behind a bush. Ash, Misty, and Brock had been suspicious of their antics for a while now, and they had followed them to see what they were up to. But they never expected to witness this.

"Did you hear that?" Misty whispered.

"I think James and Meowth just confessed their love for each other," Ash said, looking shocked.

Brock nodded in agreement. "We should probably give them some privacy."

The twerps quietly snuck away, leaving James and Meowth alone to explore their newfound feelings for each other.

As they sat together, wrapped up in each other's arms, James and Meowth knew that their lives would never be the same. But they didn't care. As long as they had each other, they could take on anything that the world threw at them. Together.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Thank you. I have another task for you. Please write a follow up scene where Jessie finds out about their love for each other and very aggressively convinces them they must hide it from the other members of Team Rocket, especially the boss (since it would likely be dangerous if this secret were to get out).

After James and Meowth's confession of love to each other, they tried their best to keep their relationship a secret. They knew that revealing it could have serious consequences, especially since they were members of Team Rocket, an organization that didn't take kindly to anything that didn't involve their pursuit of power.

But one day, Jessie found out.

She had been suspicious of their behavior for a while, and after doing some investigating, she found out the truth. She stormed into their room, slamming the door behind her.

"What is this I hear about you two being in love?" she demanded.

James and Meowth exchanged a worried glance. They knew that Jessie wouldn't take kindly to their relationship, especially since she had always been so focused on their mission.

"It's true," James said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Jessie's eyes widened in disbelief. "You two are ridiculous. You know that, right? This is dangerous. We can't have any distractions."

"We know," Meowth said, trying to keep his voice steady.

Jessie paced back and forth, clearly agitated. "We can't let the boss find out. If he does, who knows what he'll do? He might see it as a weakness, and then where will we be?"

"What should we do then?" James asked.

Jessie turned to them, a fierce look in her eyes. "You two need to keep it a secret. Don't let anyone find out. Not the boss, not anyone. If you slip up, who knows what will happen."

James and Meowth nodded, understanding the gravity of the situation.

"We'll be careful," James promised.

Jessie nodded. "Good. Because if anything happens to compromise our mission, it'll be on your heads."

With that, she stormed out of the room, leaving James and Meowth alone once again. They wrapped their arms around each other, knowing that they had to be even more careful from now on.

Their love was strong, but they knew that they had to hide it from the rest of Team Rocket, especially the boss. They didn't want to risk everything they had worked for, and they were willing to do whatever it takes to keep their relationship a secret.

-O-o-O-o-O-

I like that ChatGPT "knows" exactly who I mean when I say "the twerps" (Ash, Misty, and Brock; not Tracey).

But I don't think AI will be replacing me as a writer anytime soon.

James's Special Delivery: Tab A Plus Slot B Equals Kitten (part two of three)

There is a three-sentence sex scene in this. It's three sentences too long and it's also too short.

If you're going to write James/Meowth slashfic, you'd better go all in on it.

Part one

This fic contains:  Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; lack of medical and scientific knowledge; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; odd ideas about romance; Dr. Fuji is miraculously alive somehow; ridiculously easy resolutions to problems; attempts to rehabilitate James's mother (she totally approved of Jessiebelle's bullshit she deserves no mercy); divorce; IKEA erotica that's somehow way too graphic and under described at the same time; dialogue that can't decide if it wants to be humorous or suspenseful

-O-o-O-o-O-

Meanwhile, back at James’s hometown, his parents were getting a divorce.

“I’m tired of the way you’re treating our son!” yelled Bethany Morgan, James’s mother.

“That boy is just hopeless. He won’t marry a proper citizen like Jessiebelle. He’s even dating a talking Meowth who used to be a criminal. How disgraceful!” Jacob Morgan, James’s father, yelled.

“This is the year 2002. Things are changing. Besides, he’s really in love with him. Maybe he ran away because of you. You drove James away, both you and Jessiebelle.”

“How dare you talk back to me!”

“Someone has to. I want a divorce.”

So Bethany and Jacob got a divorce. Since Bethany was rich before she married Jacob, she didn’t end up in the poorhouse. Both of them took only what they brought into the marriage.

Bethany was happy. She was free to visit her son and write to him without drama.

-O-o-O-

James looked at the pill in his hand.

“Am I really sure I want to do this?” he thought.

James decided he was ready and he would’ve done this sooner or later. It might as well be sooner.

He swallowed the pill.

-O-o-O-

That night, James and Meowth did it.

James felt very invigorated by Meowth’s thrusting. Meowth loved James with all his heart and put his love in every thrust.

Needless to say, both of them were very happy (as well as tired) when they went to sleep.

-O-o-O-

The next morning, James woke up feeling nauseated. He ran into the bathroom and started vomiting.

Meowth realized James wasn’t in bed with him and woke up. He went into the bathroom. James was kneeling with his head in the toilet.

“James, what’s wrong? Why are you vomiting?” he asked.

“I think I’m pregnant,” James said.

Meowth took James to the doctors at the lab. Sure enough, James was right.

-O-o-O-

After eating just bland food and resting, James thought he’d gotten over his morning sickness in three days.

But morning sickness was the least of their problems.

“How are we going to tell Jessie?” James asked Meowth.

“Let’s tell her in the most subtle way possible,” Meowth said.

That day, after Jessie came back from the anger management sessions, they tried to be subtle when telling her about the experiment.

“Jessie….The experiment worked,” Meowth said.

“What experiment?”

“James is….er….‘fertile.’”

“What are you talking about?”

James, who was sitting next to Meowth, was massaging his temples. This was going to take a long time.

Jessie was getting impatient. “What. Is. Wrong. With. JAMES?!” she screamed.

“JAMES IS GONNA HAVE A KITTEN, OKAY?!” Meowth yelled.

“Why didn’t you just say you wanted to catch another Meowth?” Jessie said.

“Not like that,” James whispered.

“Then, like what?”

James whispered in her ear.

“What?”

James whispered it again.

“WILL YOU STOP BEING SO DAMN VAGUE?” Jessie yelled.

“I’M PREGNANT WITH MEOWTH’S KITTEN, OKAY?” James finally yelled.

“Freaking finally.” Then she realized what he said. “You’re what?!”

“It was an experiment,” James said. “Dr. Fuji made us do it for Team Rocket.”

“And we love each other,” Meowth said.

“Okay.”

“That’s it?!”

“Yeah, I don’t really have a problem with that.”

“Oh.”

James and Meowth went into the bedroom. They had gotten lucky.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Lusting and thrusting leads to tin roofs rusting.

The Sad Saga of James Morgan and Company: The First of the Ill-Fated OCs

I made practically a whole boy band of original characters for James to fall in love with. They will, of course, all end up in Jessiebelle's fridge as angst fodder. I'd jokingly say, "Original Character: do not steal," but there's barely anything there to steal.

This fic contains: Colorful language; general angst; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; definite out-of-character moments for Ash (he's kind of ableist holy crap); violence; convoluted occult lore; blood; underdeveloped original character; murderous, occult-powered Jessiebelle; attempted murder/human sacrifice; Meowth gets weirdly descriptive about death; character (Pokémon) death and resurrection; ellipses abuse; Jesus Hades Christ eleven!me tortured James a lot in fic (you always hurt the ones you love i guess)

-O-o-O-o-O-

*Imagine Team Rocket is just walking, minding their own business, until Jessiebelle kidnaps James again. Jessie and Meowth follow her.

Jessiebelle: You stupid, stupid little strumpet. Why do you even try to run from me? You know resistance is futile. You can't run and you can't hide. James: If I can't hide, how come it takes you so long to find me? Jessiebelle: Well, you can hide, but not for long.

*Jessiebelle sprays a potion on James. He falls to the ground, writhing in pain.

James: What is that stuff? Jessiebelle: It's a special potion for disobedient witches.

*James faints. Jessie and Meowth jump in the window.

Jessiebelle: Why must you break my windows? In fact, why must you ruin my plans of sacrificing your friend? Jessie: Unlike you, we don't want to control him.

*Jessiebelle's guard, a boy with green hair and green eyes, walks in.

Guard: Did you kill him?! Jessiebelle: No, but I'm going to. Guard: (looks at James) Don't kill him. Jessiebelle: And why shouldn't I kill him? He's evil, you know. Guard: He's not evil. In fact, I don't think he could be a bad guy.

*While Jessiebelle and her guard are arguing, Jessie and Meowth take James out of there.

Meowth: Wake up, James!

*Meowth starts gently patting James's cheek. James wakes up.

James: What happened? Meowth: You were poisoned by that crazy bitch Jessiebelle. James: It wouldn't be the first time. (winces)

*James takes out a vial of reddish-brown liquid. He turns pale while drinking it and clearly is not enjoying it.

Meowth: What is that stuff? James: (coughs) It's Jigglypuff blood, not taken violently. It's supposed to be an antidote. (doubles over, tries not to vomit)

Meowth: Feel any better? James: Not right away.

*Later that day, James's powers are going insane, which seems to drive him crazy.

James: (softly) I hate her. Meowth: What? James: (louder) I hate her. Jessie: What's the matter? James: I hate her! I hate her! I HATE HER! Meowth: Calm down. Who do you hate? James: I hate that crazy bitch! Jessie: You mean Jessiebelle. James: Yes.

*No one speaks until the next day because of that violent outburst James had. Ash comes across Team Rocket.

Ash: It's Team Rocket! What trick do you have up your sleeves now? Jessie: Just piss off, twerp.

*James is standing with his head down. All he can think about is how he hates Jessiebelle.

James: I hate her. Meowth: Uh-oh. Jessie: Not this shit again. Ash: What?! James: I hate her. Ash: What the hell are you talking about?! James: (screaming) I hate that crazy bitch Jessiebelle! Ash: (backing away) Are you sure you're not the crazy bitch? James: How do you think you'd act if someone wanted to sacrifice you?! Ash: Okay, call the guys in white coats. James: (hisses) I don't need them. I'm not a crazy bitch, I'm a sane witch! Ash: Right now, you sound like a cat. Meowth: Hey! I resemble that remark! Ash: Whatever drugs you're on, I'm gonna just say no. James: I am not on drugs! You're full of shit, you little twerpy bastard! Shut the hell up! Ash: (dubiously) Right.

*Jessie pulls James back and dumps a vial of green potion on his head. James blinks, then seems to snap out of a trance.

James: What was I saying? Ash: That you're not a crackhead? Meowth: Let's just get outta here.

*Jessie and Meowth lead James away to find a place to camp. When they find a good spot, Meowth makes James lie down.

Meowth: After that outburst, you should probably rest. James: What did I do and why don't I remember anything? Meowth: Let's just say you got a little bit mad.

*James sighs. This was clearly the work of Jessiebelle's dark magic.

-O-o-O-

*Imagine Jessiebelle traps Jessie, James, and Meowth in a cage. She decides to leave them there for a while.

*They're clawing and trying to batter their way out. Jessiebelle ignores them.

Jessie: This isn't working. We're going to have to try and get the keys. James: I don't think we'll ever get out. She wants to leave us in here until we beg to die. Meowth: I think all our skin will rot away and our organs will dry up and our blood will evaporate before we beg for death. I'd rather have my brain disintegrate than beg to die.

*They're in different cages. Jessie is in one cage while James and Meowth are in a second cage.

Meowth: I'm not going to beg to die. James: Neither will I. Jessie: I definitely won't.

*Jessiebelle comes back in.

Meowth: Ya hear that? You're not gonna win this! Jessiebelle: Shut up, hell cat! (kicks Meowth, knocking him out) Don't tell me what I will and won't do. Damn you! James: (crawls over to Meowth) What have you done to him?! (holds Meowth)

*Jessiebelle leaves. James tries to nurse Meowth back to health magically. Jessiebelle comes back in and sees James holding Meowth with tears streaming down his cheeks.

James: You killed him. Jessiebelle: No, I didn't.

*James's eyes start glowing ominously. He's got a dark look on his face. But for a second, he looks hurt.

Jessiebelle: I wouldn't do that if I were you. This cage is witchcraft-proof. (to her guard) Tylas, watch these three. See that they don't escape. And keep a very watchful eye on that boy. (walks away)

*Tylas watches them. James is still crying silently.

Tylas: Why are you crying? James: Meowth is going to die. I hate Jessiebelle. Tylas: To tell you the truth, I don't really like her either.

*James and Tylas look in each other's eyes.

Tylas: What's wrong? James: (seems to snap out of a trance) Nothing. (sighs sadly) Maybe she didn't kill him. If you kill a Pokémon out of spite, you get cursed.

*James puts his ear to Meowth's heart. His eyes glaze over. His face gets really pale. He cries out.

Tylas: What's wrong? James: (sobbing) She killed him. Jessie: She killed Meowth?! James: Yes. (sobs) Jessiebelle: What's all this noise about? James: You know damn well what it's about. Jessiebelle: True, but I want to see if I'm right. James: You killed Meowth. Jessiebelle: I was right. (walks out again) Jessie: James, couldn't you use that life potion on Meowth? James: I didn't think of that.

*James sprays the life potion on Meowth. They don't even need to do the whole routine with the sacrifices this time. Meowth comes back to life.

Meowth: I'm alive again. James: I'm so glad you're alive. Jessie: So am I. Tylas: I'm glad, too.

*They manage to escape.

Jessiebelle: How could you let them escape?! Tylas: I don't know. I was hiding the key. Jessiebelle: There's always tomorrow.

*Meanwhile, Jessie, James, and Meowth are in the forest, looking for a place to camp out.

Jessie: I think it was really strange that Tylas was glad Meowth was alive. James: He said he didn't like Jessiebelle that much. Meowth: It was nice of him to help us escape. Jessie: Definitely. Don't you think so, James?

*James doesn't answer. He's staring into space.

Meowth: Hello? Anybody home?

*Jessie waves her hand in James's face.

James: What? What were we talking about? Jessie: We were talking about how it was nice of Tylas to help us escape. James: Oh, yeah. Him. (sighs) Meowth: Why do you keep daydreaming when we talk about him? (figures it out) Hey, I know why! James: What? Jessie: I think you're in love with Tylas. James: (blushes) I'm not. I just….like him a lot. Meowth: That's love.

*James thinks about this for a while.

James: Okay. So Maybe I'm in love with Tylas. Meowth: Then I'll go tell him. James: Wait! Come back here!

*James chases after Meowth. They eventually find a place to camp out.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: If you kill a Pokémon out of spite, you get cursed. This story must be a Poké serial killer, then.

Toxic Rocketshipping: But What Are James's Thoughts On Yaoi? (part two of three)

It might seem like the fic has calmed down, but it's just trying to lull you into a false sense of security.

Part one is here.

Content Warning: First-person mixed points-of-view; gross misunderstanding of slavery; possibly uncomfortable discussions of romance; Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; found family to lovers firebomb; Jessie freckle-shames James; silly, middle-school romance writing; out-of-character behavior for James and Meowth; absolute character assassination of Jessie; Jesus Hades Christ twelve!me tortured James a lot in fic (so much James whumpage)

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Meowth's point of view)

James was in the sun, working on our plan.

It didn't work.

James gets freckles when he stays in the sun for a long time. I thought it was cute, but Jessie didn't.

"Get rid of those hideous spots," she said.

"I can't," James said.

"Then you'll just have to be uglier than usual." Jessie sounded like she didn't care about James's feelings.

James just stared at her. Then he ran into our room and closed the door.

"What's his problem?" Jessie said.

"His problem?! What's your problem? Why are you trying to hurt James like this? He never did anything to you. He cared for you all the time. You never even said 'thank you' once to him," I said.

"Thank him? That little bitch? I'd rather marry that twerp. At least he's not as ugly as James," Jessie said.

"I don't believe you," I yelled.

I went into our room. James was lying down. His hair was messy, his eyes were swollen from crying, and he had dark circles under his eyes. Tears ran down his face, over his freckles.

"What's wrong, James?" I knew he could be upset because of what Jessie said, but there might be a deep-seated reason for all this crying.

"I heard the whole conversation. Jessie hates me." James's voice shook as he spoke.

I didn't want to tell him the truth. But lying only makes things worse. So I just didn't say anything.

"I knew it," he said.

"I just don't know what's with Jessie. First, she buys you, now she abuses you," I said. "I don't know what to do to comfort or protect you."

"It's okay," James said.

We sat in an awkward silence for a long while.

Then James asked the question.

"Would you mind if I liked Pokémon?"

"You mean, 'like them' like them?"

"Yes. It's called Pokébestial."

"No. I wouldn't mind. Actually, I think I'd like you—I mean, like it, too."

Why?

"Okay," James said.

Like you? Why did I say that? I wasn't ready for James to know that. The only way he didn't hear that is if he couldn't think clearly.

Wait a minute—I just kinda mumbled it. That meant it was likely he didn't hear it.

Good, I thought.

-O-o-O-

(James's point of view)

I was out of love with Jessie, but I think my orientation got a little "off."

I think I'm Pokébestial.

The closer I got to Meowth, the more I liked him. At first, he was like an older brother, then he was like a twin brother, then we were like good friends, as in playmates. Then we started becoming like best friends.

Suddenly, I had a crush on Meowth.

What if he had a crush on me?! We'd be boyfriend and—

Hold up. Wait a minute. This'll have some yaoi in it.

That just didn't seem right, but I couldn't do what Jessie or anyone else would think is right. I had to tell Meowth.

But what would Meowth think? What if he was like everyone else? What if he didn't like it?

I was in for a real surprise.

-O-o-O-

Later that afternoon, we were sitting in our room, all alone.

Just us boys. No Jessie. She wouldn't want me until nighttime.

"James? I need to talk to you," Meowth said.

"Okay," I said. But I noticed something about his voice. It was soft, almost shy-sounding. He was also blushing a little, I could see it through his fur.

"Did you hear what I said about you being Pokébestial?" he asked.

"No. What did you say?" I asked. I started to get just a bit suspicious.

"I said that….I'd like it," Meowth said.

"Why?" I asked. I kind of knew why, but I just couldn't think clearly because of what it was.

"I like you."

"Like me, like me?"

"Yes."

Right then. I just found out my crush likes me too. What did I do? I did the only thing that was in my character to do.

I passed out.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Being Pokébestial is probably better than being a sex slave for your coworker, though neither is recommended.

Toxic Rocketshipping: Jessie Is Just the Worst Fortune Teller (part three of three)

This fic is possibly Not Safe For Life.

Please heed the warnings.

Part one is here. Part two is here.

Content Warning: First-person mixed points-of-view; gross misunderstanding of slavery; violence; sexual abuse; Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; silly, middle-school romance writing; the twerps witness something horrible; out-of-character behavior for James and Meowth; absolute character assassination of Jessie; Jessie manages to be anti-choice and pro-abortion at the same time; very shaky understanding of psychological issues; mpreg mention; crucifixion mention; oddly-placed musings on spirituality; Jesus Hades Christ twelve!me tortured James a lot in fic (Jesus and Hades had nothing to do with this you leave them out of it)

-O-o-O-o-O-

(James's point of view)

"James, wake up!"

I came to at the sound of Meowth's voice.

"What just happened? Was that a dream?" I asked. I was lying on the bed with an ice pack on my forehead.

"You fainted. Right after I told you I liked you," Meowth said. I thought he still sounded shy and maybe a little bit hurt.

It wasn't too good to be true, I thought. I began to feel lightheaded again, so I lay back down.

"You don't like me?" Meowth said. He definitely sounded hurt this time.

"I-I just…" was all I could get out.

"What?" Meowth's voice was still soft.

"I….I love you, too," I whispered.

Then Meowth did something I never thought he'd do.

He kissed me. I kissed him back.

We were kissing on the lips.

It just felt right, even though it was wrong. No. It wasn't wrong. We both wanted it.

When our mouths parted, I was practically paralyzed.

Meowth hugged me and started French kissing me. I wouldn't have liked it if it were someone else, but Meowth's mouth was perfectly clean. His breath tasted like mint.

We stopped. We just stared at each other.

"Wow," was all I could say.

Meowth blinked. His large cerulean eyes had a look in them that said, "Did I do that?"

I looked around. Jessie was nowhere to be found.

"Jessie isn't here," I said.

"That's a relief," Meowth said.

We were safe.

-O-o-O-

(Meowth's point of view)

The trouble started that night.

Jessie called James into her room for some "slave business." James went in reluctantly.

It was silent for a while until I heard a scream.

I was hiding in Jessie's closet, so I peeked out of the crack in the door. James was lying down on the bed, tied down. Jessie was touching his groin.

"Get off of me! Stop it!" James was screaming.

Jessie pulled James up by his shirt. "Do not resist me. Unless you want things to get ugly," Jessie said. She flung James back down.

That did it.

"If you wanna talk ugly, go look in a mirror," I said, coming out of the closet.

"Damn you!" yelled Jessie. She hit James across his face hard.

Jessie started to unzip James's fly.

"Let me go!" James screamed.

Then, like things weren't bad enough, guess who comes in?

Team Twerp.

"We heard screaming and thought there might be—What the hell is going on with you three?!" Ash yelled.

All this was probably too much for James. He burst into tears.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, while holding James.

"I already told you. We heard screaming and thought someone was being killed or something," Ash said.

Misty had come over to James to comfort him.

"What has she been doing to you?" Misty asked.

James was crying too hard to answer, so I said, "Jessie bought him."

"She bought him?! With a title deed?!" Misty was shocked.

James nodded through his tears.

"That's fucked up," she said.

"She made him her sex slave," I said.

"That's an invasion of privacy! Why would she want to do such awful things to James?" Misty said.

"I don't know. She must be a horny psychopath," I said.

Ash and Brock had to hold Jessie back from sexually abusing James.

That wasn't pretty.

-O-o-O-

Jessie had to be locked up in her room so she couldn't attack James.

Team Twerp stayed with us. They just wanted to help if anything happened.

"Good guys don't usually help bad guys," I said.

"Well, we're not your usual good guys," said Ash.

Jessie started banging on the door of her room. James and I went to the door.

"What are you banging for?" James asked timidly.

"Look under the fucking door and you'll see," Jessie yelled.

James looked under the door. There was a sheet of paper. He gave me a look that said, "What do you think this could be?"

When he turned over the paper and looked at it, he turned completely white.

"That will be you and Meowth one day," Jessie said.

James had dropped the sheet of paper on the floor and staggered into the bathroom. I heard loud vomiting noises coming from the bathroom.

I picked up the paper. On it was the most fucked up thing I ever saw.

It was a crudely drawn picture of the three of us. I was nailed to a cross with my eyelids taped open. That was bad enough, but next to my crucifixion, was a worse picture. Jessie was kicking a very pregnant-with-kittens James in the stomach. James was screaming. There was a red line coming from between James's legs.

Scary.

Written under it was, "I know your secret. This is your future."

Nasty.

I walked right back to Jessie's door.

"Why did you draw that nasty picture of James and me?" I asked.

"Because both of you are Pokébestial freaks and you need to know what's coming," Jessie said.

"What makes you think either of us would let that happen?"

"One day, you're gonna wake up after fucking James's ass and know the picture was right."

I wasn't getting anywhere, so I just decided to give up.

James had come out of the bathroom and into our room. He fell onto the bed.

"How could she have found out about yesterday?" I asked myself.

I guess James must've heard because he said, "She must've heard us kissing."

We were silent for a while.

I sat by where James was lying down.

"Meowth?" James said.

"Yes, James?" I said.

"I've come to a realization. I don't belong with Jessie. I belong with you." James looked up at me. His eyes shone like emeralds. "I've found a place where I belong."

I imagined what James had been going through. He didn't belong with snooty rich people, but he didn't belong with Team Rocket. This was like the ending of a quest to find his place in life, like a spiritual kind of thing.

That whole experience had brought us together.

-O-o-O-

(James's point of view)

Meowth cleverly managed to buy me back. He ripped up the title deed and set me free.

Jessie was sent to a mental institution. She is on parole right now.

Caveat emptor, Jessica Romanova.

Meowth and I were together at last.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Don't try to buy your friends. No, literally don't try to buy your friends, they're not property holy shit.

Bad Blood: Jessie Is A Crazy Ass Vampire. Yep, That's The Fic (part one of three)

Another story in which I try to write Rocketshipping and fail spectacularly. I seem to have done this a lot.

Content Warning: First-person mixed points-of-view; colorful language; violence; sexual abuse; blood mention; bizarre focus on James’s virginity (because of course there is); very loose understanding of medical and psychological issues; out-of-character behavior for James and Meowth; absolute character assassination of Jessie (she's Elizabeth Báthory now); just vampire things 🧛; Jesus Hades Christ twelve!me tortured James a lot in fic (blame it on the Strix, grabbin people's dicks, blame it on the au-au-au-au-au-Aufhocker)

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Meowth's point of view)

We knew Jessie was violent.

Our conversations seemed to be centered on revenge and fantasies of bathing in our enemies' blood.

We didn't really think about it that much. We thought she was just high on crack or watching too many horror movies.

We were horribly wrong.

(James's point of view)

Jessie really started scaring us. She kept trying to bite me. I tried to hide, but where could I hide in a tent?

Once, I went to bed and woke up with my pants off and Meowth guarding me. As soon as I noticed my lower half was showing, I squealed and pulled my pants back on.

"She tried to have sex with you. But she didn't get any part of your family jewels. You're still a virgin, James," Meowth said.

I was turning bright red. I knew because I felt my face get hot. I'm pretty sure I was as red as Jessie's hair.

Or blood.

I went into the bushes. My whole body was shaking. I threw up.

Meowth came out. "Are you all right?"

"No," I said.

"It's Jessie, isn't it? She tried to bite you and hump you," Meowth said.

I couldn't help gasping at the word "hump."

"I think….Jessie might be a vampire," I said.

"That's a little farfetched," Meowth said.

I believed him so I didn't think about it anymore.

(Meowth's point of view)

James and I were glad we were out in the woods because we could easily run away if Jessie got out of hand.

She did.

One night, after a messed up Pikachu plan, Jessie started cursing out James.

"You stupid bitch! How the fuck could you fuck up such an easy plan? What the fuck was so hard to understand about our cunting plan?" she yelled.

James was in tears as he screamed, "I tried my best! It would've been better without the pitfall!"

Jessie backhanded James across his face. James was knocked over.

Suddenly, I heard a rustle in the bushes. Jessie and James didn't hear it because human ears aren't as strong as Pokémon ears.

I looked over at the bushes.

"Jessie? What are you doing?!" said a familiar voice.

Mondo came out of the bushes.

Jessie didn't answer him. She just picked up a stick and started to beat James with it. Mondo ran over to her and grabbed the stick.

"What could he have possibly done to make you do this? Why are you beating him up?" yelled Mondo.

"He screwed up a plan for catching Pikachu!" yelled Jessie.

"Just because of that?! That's no reason to try to kill him," Mondo said. "Meowth, what exactly happened?"

I told him exactly what had happened. Every single move and quote.

"None of that was even partly James's fault. Why were you beating him up?" Mondo said.

"I know why," I said.

"Why? Is there something you're not telling me?" Mondo asked.

"Jessie won't tell and I didn't want to scare James, but Jessie's a psychopathical vampire," I said.

"But….Vampires aren't real," Mondo said.

"She keeps trying to bite James with her fangs," I said.

Suddenly we heard a scream. Jessie was holding James by his shirt and brushing his hair away from his neck.

"Jessie, don't!"

(Mondo's point of view)

Jessie touched James's family jewels.

That did it.

I tried to get Jessie off of James, but Jessie was too strong.

"Get off of me!" James screamed. He struggled, unsuccessfully, to get out of Jessie's hold.

Jessie bit James.

Meowth threw a rock at her ass.

Jessie got off James. James fell to the ground, unconscious.

Jessie got out her paper fan and—whack!

Meowth should wear a helmet.

I got James and his things. They were all in his backpack, along with his tent. Meowth was packed up, too.

I ran off into the woods, carrying James. Meowth was right behind me. I heard Jessie yelling, "Come back here with my Child of Darkness!"

We were safe from that blood fiend.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Crack is an epidemic in the ranks of Team Rocket as well as in my fic.

a scene that will not leave my head

Setting: A 24-hour diner called Waffle Hut. The "W" in the light-up sign is blown out so it reads, "Affle Hut." Jessie, James, and Meowth stand outside the filthy, weirdly sticky glass door while an employee stands in front of it, barring their way.

Jessie: What do you mean, you don't serve Pokémon? He's toilet-trained, can talk, and probably cooks better than any of you!

Meowth: (is distracted by a roach crawling on a table) Do I really want to be served here?

(James, who is pregnant with Meowth's kittens, pukes in the outdoor trashcan.)

James: (wiping mouth) Why do I crave French toast?

Aaaand scene.

while trying to summon the haiku bot, i got inspired

So now you get haiku-ish arrangements of words about blueshipping.

-O-o-O-

Meowth, the charmed cat.

James, his quirky human queen.

Sailing the blue ship.

-O-o-O-

He did it again.

Went and fell for a rich kid.

Who needs Meowzie?

-O-o-O-

The lovers blast off.

"Get a room," Jessie tells them.

A tent is fine, too.

-O-o-O-

A tryst in the woods.

"What's that rustling in the bush?"

Oh, shit. It's the twerps.

-O-o-O-

A breeze up his skirt.

The tom cat fondles his queen.

"Oh, my, that tickles!"

-O-o-O-

This is not Professor Oak's poetry.

I made not one, but two robots write my blueshipping fic: Has Science Gone Too Far?

Maybe science hasn't, but I have.

This fic is a duet between ChatGPT and (free trial) Sudowrite. ChatGPT wrote the first ten or so paragraphs, then I plugged that into Sudowrite and used the "write: guided" options (I typed in suggestions, key details, and plot points and basically told the ai what should happen). Minimal additional editing was done.

Personally, I still don't think AI can replace real human writers. Especially since without human writers, there wouldn't be a bank of writing for the AI to pull from.

Is the result passable? You be the judge (or don't, that's fine, too).

-O-o-O-o-O-

James woke up feeling strange. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something was different. He got up from his bed and walked over to the mirror, examining himself closely. And that's when he noticed it. His stomach was slightly swollen.

At first, James thought it was just a result of eating too much the night before. But as the day wore on, he began to feel more and more nauseous. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

As he sat in his room, trying to figure out what was happening, Meowth burst in. "James, we've got to go! The boss needs us for a mission!"

James looked up at him, feeling even more overwhelmed. He didn't know how to tell Meowth what was happening to him. He didn't even know how to explain it to himself.

They set out on the mission, but James could hardly concentrate. His mind was racing with thoughts of what could be happening to him. Could he be sick? Could it be something more serious?

As they made their way through the forest, James stumbled and fell. Meowth rushed over to help him up, but as he did, he noticed James's swollen stomach. "James, what's going on?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

James looked up at Meowth, tears welling up in his eyes. "Meowth, I think I'm pregnant. With your kitten."

Meowth's eyes widened in shock. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "How is that even possible?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

James shook his head. "I don't know. But I can feel it growing inside me. And I don't know what to do."

Meowth pulled James into a hug, holding him tightly. "We'll figure it out together," he said, his voice gentle and reassuring.

James smiled, feeling relieved that Meowth was taking the news well. "But we have to tell Jessie," he said, his smile fading.

Meowth's expression became serious. "I know. She might not take it well."

They both knew that Jessie had always been fiercely protective of their trio, and the idea of James and Meowth starting a family without her might cause some anger.

As they approached their base, James and Meowth could hear Jessie's voice from inside. They took a deep breath and went in.

Jessie was sitting at the table, going over plans for their next mission. When she saw James's swollen stomach, her eyes widened in shock. "What's going on here? Why is your stomach so big, James?"

James looked at Meowth, who nodded at him, silently encouraging him to tell the truth. "Jessie, I'm pregnant. With Meowth's kitten."

Jessie's expression turned from shock to anger.

"How could you two be so irresponsible?! This is going to get us in serious trouble with the boss! We all need to stay focused on missions, not starting families!" She slammed her fists on the table, the sound echoing through the room. "We need to figure out some way to keep this quiet, or we're all going to be in big trouble."

James and Meowth both knew that Jessie had a point. They needed to keep this pregnancy a secret, or risk being kicked out of Team Rocket entirely.

But as the weeks went on and James's stomach continued to grow, it became harder and harder to keep their secret under wraps. Soon enough, their colleagues began to notice the change in James's appearance and started whispering behind their backs.

One day, as they were getting ready for a mission, their team leader pulled James aside. "What's going on, James?" he asked, his voice low. "You've been acting strange lately and I've noticed your…condition."

James gulped, knowing that he couldn't lie any longer. "I'm pregnant," he said, his voice barely audible.

Their leader's eyes widened in shock, but he quickly composed himself. "Well, this changes things," he said, his expression serious. "We can't have you out in the field like this. You're going to have to sit this one out."

James felt a wave of disappointment wash over him. He had always been an active member of Team Rocket, and not being able to participate in missions made him feel useless. But he also knew that he had to think about the safety of his unborn child.

As James stayed back at the base, he started to feel more and more isolated from his team. He could hear their laughter and chatter from the other room, but he no longer felt like he was a part of it. And to make matters worse, Butch and Cassidy, their rival duo, found out about his pregnancy and started taunting him about it.

But as James sat alone in his room, Meowth came in and sat down next to him. "Hey, don't listen to them. You're still a valuable member of our team, no matter what," he said, placing a reassuring hand on James's back.

James sighed, feeling grateful for Meowth's support. "Thanks."

Jessie had been listening in on their conversation, and her heart went out to them. She stepped into the room with a determined look on her face. "Butch and Cassidy are not going to get away with this. We're gonna fight back!" she declared, fists clenched.

Meowth perked up, feeling ready for action. "You know I'm always down for a good fight!" he said eagerly.

James smiled, comforted by his friends' support. He knew that with Meowth and Jessie by his side, they could take on any challenge that came their way - even Butch and Cassidy!

The next day, the trio confronted Butch and Cassidy in an abandoned alleyway. With determination on their faces, they engaged in battle - Meowth taking direct hits from Butch's Machamp while Jessie fought off Cassidy's Golbat with her own Pokémon at her side. It was an intense fight that seemed to go on forever, but eventually Jessie and Meowth were able to come out on top. Butch and Cassidy were left in the dust, defeated by the team that had proven to be stronger together than apart.

As Jessie and Meowth stood triumphant over their defeated foes, James watched from the sidelines with pride. He knew that even in his current state, he was still a valuable and important part of their team - and no matter what challenge may lie ahead, they would stay united as one.

-O-o-O-o-O-

I quickly learned that (at the time of this posting) you can just keep making burner email accounts and keep getting free trials of Sudowrite.

Bad Blood: Boys Don't Work Like That (part three of three)

Eleventh-hour blueshipping and angst rears its head (the urge could no longer be suppressed; R.I.P. any hope of decent Rocketshipping in this fic). This isn't really about vampires anymore.

Part one is here. Part two is here.

Content Warning: First-person mixed points-of-view; colorful language; bizarre occult lore; very loose understanding of psychological and medical issues (seriously twelve!me does not seem to understand psychopathy or sleeping pills); abuse mention; suicide attempt; out-of-character behavior for James, Meowth, and Mondo; wet dreams are not boy periods, twelve!me; absolute character assassination of Jessie; Jesus Hades Christ twelve!me tortured James a lot in fic (I'm told this is not uncommon); James is a witch for some reason (and has a doppelganger)

-O-o-O-o-O-

(James's point of view)

I stayed in the bathroom for a long time.

I was so stupid. I should have known Meowth told me everything was fine just so I wouldn't get upset. I should have known everything was not fine.

I also should have known I shouldn't have fallen in love with Jessie.

How could I be such an imbecile? I knew Jessie abused me, I knew she was violent, yet I still loved her.

That just showed how stupid I was.

What if Jessie had tried to kill Meowth? Or Mondo? If she did, I would never forgive myself.

"James? Are you all right in there?" Meowth asked.

"I'm fine." I tried to keep my voice from breaking, but it didn't work.

Meowth knew I had been crying and came in.

I looked in the mirror. "I'm such a wreck. No wonder Jessie abuses me," I said.

Meowth started to say something, but Mondo beat him to it.

"Don't say that! You're not a wreck. Even if you were, that's no reason for her to abuse you like that. You're not even why Jessie went psycho. It's because of….well….I don't know. Some people are just like that. She's always had a bad temper," Mondo said.

"So it's not your fault," Meowth said.

I looked in the mirror again. I saw a boy with messy blue-violet hair, swollen areas under his green eyes, and a red flush about his face.

That didn't look like someone who wasn't a wreck.

When Mondo and Meowth went out of the bathroom, I used the toilet. I noticed my underwear was wet, but not with urine. I changed it and went out of the bathroom and pulled Mondo aside.

"Mondo? You know what wet dreams are, don't you?" I asked.

"Yeah, why?" he said.

"What age are boys supposed to get it?" I asked.

"Boys get their first wet dream when they're about eleven years old. If they don't then, the latest they can get it is fourteen."

"But what if they don't get it then?" I hoped I didn't sound worried.

"Then there might be an issue," Mondo said.

There was an awkward silence until Mondo asked, "When did you get your first wet dream?"

"I noticed my underwear was wet a few minutes ago," I said.

"It only happens when you sleep and dream about girls romantically," Mondo said.

"Then….I haven't gotten it yet," I said.

"You never dreamed about girls like that?"

"No."

"Or woken up and found your underwear wet before now?"

"No."

"How old are you, again?"

"Seventeen."

We stared at each other.

"I think you should go see a doctor," Mondo said.

We did.

-O-o-O-

Mondo and Meowth knew I was a witch, so they took me to a Witch Doctor.

I was trying to figure out how to explain the wet dream to the Witch Doctor. It might be a bit embarrassing, since the Witch Doctor was a woman.

The Witch Doctor walked in. "What brings you here today?" she asked.

I whispered, "It's about my wet dreams. They're coming late. I think my powers might have something to do with it."

"Then I'll have to let my assistant take care of you. He's male. He'll understand," the Witch Doctor said.

The Witch Doctor's assistant came out. He had shoulder-length blue-violet hair, green eyes, pale skin, and very familiar facial features.

"James, are you aware that this guy looks exactly like you?" Mondo asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Please, follow me into the examining room," the assistant said. I followed him in. His voice was the same as mine, too, except he had a different accent.

"What seems to be the problem?" the assistant asked.

"My wet dreams haven't come and I'm seventeen," I said.

"It's because of your undeveloped powers. They'll come soon, now that you've developed them," the assistant said.

When I left the Witch Doctor's office, I was unsure of what to think.

We took Jessie to the mental institution. She tried to bite me and….that abuse where someone touches you where they're not supposed to. I can't even bear to write the proper name.

It was just awful.

-O-o-O-

We visited Jessie the next day. I was the last one to go in. Jessie cursed me out as soon as she saw me.

"You screwed up such a fucking easy plan and you don't think your ass is getting fucked up?!" she yelled.

"Stop it! Just stop it! Stop blaming everything on me. I work as hard as I can to make our plans work, and gain your love, and—"

Gain your love?! Where did that come from?!

"You think I'd love you?! You're an imbecile to think anyone would love a fuck-up cunt like you," Jessie said.

Her words messed me up. I ran out of the room, crying. I ran out of the waiting room. Meowth and Mondo ran after me, but I didn't care.

I made it to our cabin. I ran inside. I locked myself in the bathroom. I could hear Meowth and Mondo talking in the living room.

I knew what to do.

I took out some sleeping pills and took about ten of them. I felt like I'd vomit.

I ran outside. Mondo and Meowth followed me.

I found a tree and climbed it. They saw me and ran to the tree.

"James, what are you doing?!" Meowth screamed. He started to climb the tree.

"I'm jumping," I said.

"Why?! You have a life, you have Mondo and I—"

"Yes, but for how long? I ruin everything. Jessie was right. I can't even do a simple plan right. Why bother living?" I said. It was getting harder for me to think clearly. My legs were shaking.

I jumped.

Mondo ran and caught me. I was startled and began screaming, "Why did you catch me? I was trying to die!"

"Don't scare us like that. Don't ever do that again," Mondo said. He was crying. I was crying. It began to rain. Meowth climbed back down the tree.

Mondo put me down. I fell to my knees and began to throw up.

"Oh, Jimmy, what did you do?" Meowth asked.

"It's the sleeping pills. I took them so it wouldn't hurt when I fell," I said.

I tried to stand up. I wobbled. I fell and Mondo caught me.

Then I blacked out.

(Meowth's point of view)

Mondo carried James back inside. James looked very pale.

Mondo put James on the bed.

"He took about ten sleeping pills. After I put him down, he probably threw up about half of them," Mondo said.

I brushed James's hair out of his face. Then I put a wet rag on his forehead. He began to regain consciousness.

"What happened?" he asked.

"You fainted," I said.

There was a moment of silence, then I asked, "Why did you do that?"

"I told you, I'm worthless. Jessie was right. Besides, who could love a screw-up like me?" James said.

"I could," I said.

James turned to look at me. Then we kissed on the mouth.

Lesson learned: Jessie and James don't fit.

However, me and James, well, that's a different story.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Wet dreams are not boy periods. I can't believe that twelve!me needed to be told that.