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Yesterday, Pfatter University held commencement exercises for our graduating senior class. As is tradition, our men paraded around with their graduation robes open, proudly showing off their growth over the last four years. Congratulations, class of 2024!

On this unseasonably warm May day, sophomores Shawn and Lukas and a handful of other students decided to cool off by stripping down and running through the sprinklers on the quad!

“At first, I didn’t want to share a dorm with two other guys. Luckily we all got along, and our moms sent home-cooked meals for us to share every week! Now we’re looking forward to rooming together as sophomores.” Grant (on left) with his roommates Will and Theo.

Which fraternity at PFatter University is known as the biggest party animals? I can only imagine how much beer the frat house consumes.

That would be Sigma Delta Tau (ΣΔΤ)! Last night they threw their annual Barely Dressed Greek party, showing off their well-fed physiques under their signature sheer togas. Don’t you wish you had been there?

Here’s a photo of Pfatter U swimmers Jimmy (freshman), Doug (sophomore), and Ivan (junior). We heard their senior teammate Sam is back in the locker room, trying to get his XXL speedo to fit!

Beautiful day for lacrosse practice at Pfatter University Stadium. Here’s sophomores Oliver, Ryan, and Jack.

Fun fact: Ryan and Jack ended last season at the same weight! We think Ryan has some catching up to do…

Pfatter U’s social media intern has been studying abroad! It’s been hard to keep up with all the goings-on this semester. We’ve taken a lot of photos (taken on our new high-def camera!) but haven’t had time to post them. Should we?

Here’s the club soccer getting back together for the first spring practice. Jeremy, their star center, surprised them with his new-found heft, after coming back from his internship at a supplement company.

During the off-season, our soccer players are known to hibernate - that is, eat lots of food and move very little! We asked them to try on their jerseys for us, because who doesn’t love a comparison photo?

“Being an RA at Pfatter University is so rewarding! I’m living on a Freshman Floor this year. They always stop by to raid my snack cabinet, ask for recipes, or borrow some clothes - at least half my resident’s pants don’t fit anymore! But I’m always happy to help.” - Luke, senior

Spring semester starting soon, any updates on this year’s “Freshman 15” contest?

Our freshmen are really outdoing themselves this year! We might need to change the name to “Freshman 50” or, by the looks of them, even more than that!

Does Pfatter have a wildlife studies program? I'd love to see some newly big bois try and hide behind a bush with a camera, trying to snap a photo of a bird that already knows they're there

Our Ecology program has become very popular lately, and has been rapidly expanding over the past few years! Here’s some of our majors out in the field and in the lab.

I heard that pfatter university just got a rock climbing wall! got any pics of students in the climbing gear or trying to lift themselves off the ground? (tho I bet the extra weight may make it a touch harder hehe)

It’s true! In our new gym expansion, we’ve added an indoor climbing space (with extra-reinforced equipment and the strongest in climbing ropes). Check out some of our students reaching for great heights!

I got a scholarship to be on the swim team at Pfatter U, do you think I should take it?

Absolutely! Pfatter U’s swim team is top-tier, and always the most buoyant in our division. We’ll take a photo on your first day of practice, and then at your final meet senior year, to keep as a memory of your progress as a competitive swimmer! Here’s some of our graduating seniors below: Emmanuel D, Jason L, Allan C, Jason L, Stephen P, Teddy M, and Jackson K.

What does the theatre department happen to look like at Pfatter U?

Our theatre program is robust! We put on four full-length plays a year and always encourage majors and non-majors alike to get involved. Below are some stills from our recent productions of Peter Pan, Grease, Oedipus, and Oklahoma!

Nothing like a roommate gift swap in festive pajamas to celebrate the holiday. Merry Christmas from our Pfatter University family to yours!

“My roommate Tommy is a great cook. We made a deal - I tutor him in his worst subject, math, and he makes a delicious dinner every night. Three months after we made this arrangement, his grades aren’t the only things that have increased!” Dylan G., junior

This past week, our Studio Art students got a special treat - some of their classmates came in for a nude model portrait study. Some of them admittedly had issues focusing on their paintings, luckily all were provided with extra-large canvases! Here’s some of the models in action.

So I’m in my senior year at Pfatter and, well, let’s say the past few years have been very filling. So filling that I’ve reached the size where I can’t leave my dorm anymore… I can’t even fit through the doorway… Does Pfatter offer lectures and services online so a housebound fatty like myself can still learn?

Of course - we’ll have someone from Student Services contact you immediately. You’re a candidate for our OBESE (Online Broadcast of Educational Services for Everyone) program, which allows you to Zoom in to all of your courses if you can’t make it to class. Here’s a few of our OBESE students hard at work from the comfort of their own dorm!

The culinary program at Pfatter U consistently ranks #1 in the country! Our student chefs study (and sample!) food from around the world and develop a healthy appetite for the finest cuisines.

Looking to transfer to pfatter and get back into track and field! I've let myself go a little bit, hopefully you can find a spot for me in the team?

Absolutely! Even with all the running, somehow how Pfatter runners always end up a little bigger at the end of the season. You’re welcome on the team if you don’t mind looking like this after the season:

Do you offer travel abroad trips to learn about art music culture and food of different parts of the world?

Our study abroad programs are very popular! Students head to all corners of the world to learn about other cultures, and return to campus with expanded minds (and waistlines!). Here’s some pics from this past semester: Tucker in Peru, Zander in Paris, Tommy and Derek on Bondi Beach, and Ravesh in Tokyo!

Good news for all you X users out there! Our new social media intern and current junior at Pfatter U insisted we start a page. Go give it a follow for some exclusive updates, and stay tuned for a REALLY big announcement!

@tubby20s you’d fit right in at Pfatter U! Should we send a transfer application? 🐷

Twink went to the dinning hall too many times in college

I have always liked the crew team or rowers at college level. Does your University have a team? If so any pics of them in their skiffs rowing up the river with their classic phatterrUniversity bellies and bulk?

Of course we have a crew team! Even with all those calories they burn on their early-morning rows, the team still maintain the classic Pfatter physique - so much so that we have to specially reinforce their boats!