Sarcasticacefriend - Sarcastic Ace Friend

“My youngest flaunts her mind, and frightens away the suitors.”

- Louis Nicolas le Tonnerlier de Breteuil, on his daughter, the raddest person in history, Émilie du Châtelet. Emilie was a scientist in the 18th century who proved Newton’s ideas on velocity wrong. She also played a role in helping Einstein figure out E = mc2 with E=mv2 (via her0inchic)

some AUs I thought of on the bus

“I brought u to my friend’s wedding as my plus one and it was really fun and all but now it’s the end of the night and we’re sitting alone together at the reception and all these twinkle lights and flowers everywhere are causing a hell of a lot of romantic tension between us and oohhhh no did our song just come on”

“we had a one night stand and as I was sneaking away the next morning I couldn’t find where the fuck my bra went but we’re like the same cup size so I just took one of yours but apparently that was like ur favorite bra and now you’re looking everywhere for me because u want it back oh god”

“our teacher brought up a really sensitive subject to use as a ‘debate topic’ and we’re the only ones fighting for one side while the rest of the class is against us so we kinda paired up and wow I always thought u were kinda boring but ur rlly cute when you get all passionate about something”

“I was waiting for my friend in the back seat of their car while they went to pick something up but you just got into the driver’s seat and got really confused when your key didn’t go into the ignition and i have no idea who u are so hi?? who are u???? this is not ur car buddy”

“my dog just ruined your child’s snowman and they started crying and I am so so so sorry oh my god he doesn’t usually do stuff like that”

“the tables have turned this week at the PTA meeting and this time it was helen that smacked your brownies out of your hand and told you to fight her and christ our children are cheering for you”

“u got a minor injury like a scraped knee or some shit but ur being a huge baby about it so I’m helping u out and wtf stop trying to flirt with me when you’re literally in tears”

“my hands are cold af so i grabbed your hand just to annoy you but you just took it and now?? we’re just walking around holding hands what is happening”

“we went on this group nature hike thing and u showed me this plant that was supposedly edible so I ate it but now my tongue is swelling up and i’m like 92% sure I’m dying I hate you”

“I started taking these yoga courses to chill out and get in touch with my inner peace or whatever the fuck, but i keep getting in trouble because instead of closing my eyes during the poses I’m just looking at the instructor”

“I threw a snowball at my friend but accidentally hit u instead holy shit I am so sorry I didn’t mea- WAIT STOP TRYING TO SHOVE SNOW DOWN MY SHIRT AS PAYBACK IT WAS AN ACCIDENT”

“you two are behind me at the movie theater and won’t stop fkcing whispering to each other wouLD YOU SHUT U- oh no you’re both cute”

“remember that time we made out at that party haha yeah wow how embarrassing wanna maybe try it out again but more sober this time??“

"I hired u to take care of my plants while I went on a business trip/vacation and yoU KILLED ALL OF THEM!!!! EVEN THE CACTUS HOW TEH FCUK”

"I called my roommate to ask if we should have grilled cheese or spaghetti for dinner tonight but I must have gotten the wrong number sorry haha wait what? no you don’t understand I don’t care which you’d prefer you’re not- no listen you’re not invited”

“I always thought u looked rlly mean but I guess the sun was just in ur eyes or something cause now that u aren’t glaring you’re actually kinda gorgeous”

It’s not my responsibility to be beautiful. I’m not alive for that purpose. My existence is not about how desirable you find me.

Warsan Shire (via larmoyante)

Yes!!