Why Is Evervale So Sad If You Actually (over)think About It: A Short Essay

why is evervale so sad if you actually (over)think about it: a short essay

this was written as i listened to heroes by david bowie on repeat

there’s no introduction, so just dive in if you want to read my rant and suffering on these two insufferable yet cannot-stop-thinking-about gay people.

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I thought I didn't have any regrets when I died. But the reason I ended up taking this assignment and coming back was because I actually do have one regret. The fact that I left you behind.

"they're enemies they hate each other" can't you see they hate each other in the gayest way possible smh

Basil - BPD headcanons

This is a self indulgent post (maybe a vent?) but I’ve seen that other people headcanon Basil with bpd so I decided to make a more in depth post about it.

Major spoilers btw

Affective (Emotional) Instability

Basil tends to flip between emotions quite quickly. During the final fight, he switches between being gentle and being upset/angry. He first talks calmly to Sunny, then switches to being mad at him for moving away, then trying to be calm again as he tries to take on Sunny’s pain, then of course he ends up fighting Sunny and getting mad at him for trying to stop him. He struggles to keep his anger in and ends up having bursts of anger directed at Sunny, ultimately leading to him badly injuring Sunny.

It’s also implied that Basil had suicidal thoughts since he was about 12 or even before then as he is the one who comes up with the idea to frame Mari’s murder as a suicide by tying the skipping rope into a noose, which again suggests even at a young age he has had difficulty controlling his emotions.

Also, if you assume the Hooligans tell the truth, when Basil goes to the hangout spot, he spontaneously starts screaming and crying for no reason.

Disturbed Patterns of Thinking

Unlike Sunny who chooses to repress the incident, Basil holds onto the guilt. Basil grasps onto the belief that Sunny wasn’t the one who killed Mari, that Something overcame him and that’s what killed Mari and scribbled out the pictures from the photo album, therefore removing the burden of guilt from Sunny. He also sees his Something, even though the reality is nothing is there. But he sees it and feels it’s presence. And the Something is what made him fight Sunny and cut him in the eye. He believes that he is removing Something from Sunny, when in actuality he was just hurting Sunny.

Impulsive Behaviour

It’s not really shown what sort of impulsive things Basil does, but I assume that he probably does or has self harmed considering he knew about suicide from a young age. Also, on the final day, it’s safe to assume his desire to commit suicide was somewhat impulsive. He hadn’t attempted suicide before then (that we know of), but the shock of seeing Sunny again and stress of him leaving likely caused Basil to go over the edge. (And ofc depending on your choices, he may end up actually killing himself. He likely bottled up his pain and stress to the point that it caused him to end his life.)

Unstable Relationships

After the incident, Basil seemed reluctant to study with Aubrey, perhaps out of a fear that she would abandon him like Sunny did. And sadly that fear came to pass when Aubrey mistakenly believed that Basil scribbled out the faces in the photo album. Also, on “two days remaining”, Basil goes back to the hangout spot, likely because he can’t let go of what everyone has. He desperately wants things to go back to normal, when everyone was together.

Basil also refers to the friendships he had with everyone in the past tense, showing he feels as though everyone had left him and they were no longer friends, though Kel assured him of their friendship.

The biggest example of this though is that Basil keeps telling Sunny not to leave him. He feels immense distress and pain whenever Sunny tries to leave this room, probably not helped by the fact he was left alone to deal with Mari’s death alone and also because he didn’t know Sunny was moving until Kel mentioning it casually. This likely isn’t helped by Sunny’s repressed emotions, which may have come across as abandonment to Basil. Going back to the battle, Basil flicks between a desire to save Sunny and rage at Sunny trying to leave him again.

Basil cares deeply about Sunny, so after the incident, having Sunny suddenly hide away caused Basil a great deal of anxiety. Seeing him again 4 years later and learning he would soon be gone again would have only increased that anxiety, which is why Basil gets paranoid about Sunny trying to leave and so repeatedly asks Sunny not to go.

———

Anyways, hopefully this wasn’t insanely inaccurate. My knowledge of bpd is still fairly limited, but I plan to research it more…for no particular reason. Please let me know if you have any thoughts!

“Who am I? You are Rei Ayanami. But, who are you? Are you Rei Ayanami as well? Correct, I’m the thing that is recognized as Rei Ayanami. We are all things that are recognized as Rei Ayanami. How could all of those possibly be me? It is simply because the others call us Rei Ayanami, that is the only reason. You possess a false body and a fake soul, do you know why? I am neither false nor fake, I am simply me. No, you are an empty shell with a false soul created by a man named Gendou Ikari. You are just an object that is pretending to be human. Look deep within yourself. do you perceive the almost intangible and physical presence that lurks below your waking self? inside your darkest dreams? It is there that your true identity lies. No, I am me. I became myself by the instrumentality of the links and relationships between myself and others. I am formed by interaction of others. They create me as I create them. These relationships and interactions serve to shape the patterns of my heart and mind. Those are bonds? Yes. That is the name for what I share with those who have created the thing known as rei. That is what will continue to shape me. Those are bonds. But there is someone else who is your true self. You don’t know her, but she exists. You’ve denied that fact, in an attempted to suppress that facet of your reality. Because of fear. Because she might not have human form. Because then the present self might cease to be. This is fear. This is what you fear. That you will become nothing. Or frightened that you will disappear from the minds of others if another exists. I’m afraid, why is that? Because your current self have never existed. You are scared, aren’t you? Because you will cease to be. You are scared, aren’t you? No, I’m not. I am happy because I want to die. I want despair. I want to return to nothing, but I can’t. He won’t let me return to nothingness. Not yet. I still exist because he needs me. But when everything is over, when I am of no use anymore, he will abandon me. I’ve prayed for the day he would abandon me. But now, now I fear it.”

— Neon Genesis Evangelion

emery allen, holy things in this world / jeanette winterson, written on the body / cheryl strayed, tiny beautiful things / trista mateer / christa wolf, cassandra / amal el-mohtar and max gladstone, this is how you lose the time war / becca de la rosa and mabel martin, mabel podcast / sue zhao