Don't Get Me Started On Coke And Mentos

Don't get me started on Coke and Mentos

I once had a friend, Barry Metlzer

Who always was guzzling seltzer.

His last words were a squelch

Then a sonic-boom belch

That blew him to bits helter-skelter.

Drive-by psychoanalysis

A matronly, sweet psych professor

Was stopped by a burly aggressor.

Said she "These displays

Are Oedipal plays

For love, mother (fucking) obsessor." 

The story of Sleipnir's first cousin

A man they call Buckaroo Billy

Found wild mares perked up his willy.

But Ma wished he'd date

A respectable mate,

So he settled down with a nice filly.

She's not a "cheap date"; she's an "efficient drunk"

The thoroughly lightweight Amelia

Had too many shots of Tequila.

In her bed, when she rose,

Found she'd tattooed her toes

And a gal who looked like a gorilla.

Slow and steady wins the race

I once met a real speedy kid.

- Excelled at whatever he did,

Except when it came

To pleasing a dame;

He'd finish not three minutes in.