I've Never Been Good With Reaching Out To People But I Finally Had My Group And I Thought That I Had

I've never been good with reaching out to people but I finally had my group and I thought that I had found my people

But then time after time as soon as there were other people there it was like I didn't exist anymore and I'm so fucking tired

Is it really so selfish of me to want to feel important for once

Like damn I do everything I can for these people and when I haven't reached out in over a week nobody cares

Nothing changes and they move on without me and then when I finally suck it up and go back because I'm a whore for any sort of attention no matter how fleeting they will act like it's just a silly little thing that I did

I can't stand being alone I can't be alone with myself anymore

But they make me feel so goddamn pathetic

ouch being reminded you’re the biggest waste of space hurts

One of the worst possible things about having bpd is having no sense of self.

Imagine going through life tied down to a total stranger. I am constantly changing, not knowing what I like or don’t like. I base my value on other people around me. Isn’t that so fucking pathetic? And there’s nothing to do that can change it.

I am a stranger to myself and nobody hates the way I am more than I do.

am i the abusive one?

am i the reason so many people leave?

i am arent i?

i’m the problem

i always have been the problem

i’ll always be the problem

Being near me is not a privilege, it’s a punishment

“I’m not going anywhere”

“you won’t scare me away”

“It’s okay to lean on me for support”

“you’re my closest friend”

“I don’t think you’re too much”

“I’m not going to do what they did”

“I want to be with you and only you”

“I love you”

“I’m sorry I just can’t do this anymore, I hope you can understand”