Tw Self Destruction - Tumblr Posts
learned that lesson the hard way.
just a reminder that it is not normal to think of ways to kys whenever an inconvenience occurs
I just want to give up I’m tired from the bottom of my fucking soul like I don’t want to do this shit anymore like let me rest please I’ve had enough
LITERALLY. my beans don’t even ache that much like what
styros on the arm ache so bad and for what
im coming back to the internet!
update post? im coming back to tumblr, insta, yt, etc again. soon i will be back to making up terms and posting the silly little flags.
anyway i need to talk about why a certain hashtag has been removed from many of my posts. and the reason i was gone in the first place. look, im not going to sugarcoat it, i was in an abusive relationship. im not going to go too much into detail but this person was very controlling over me and my system and was abusive to me and all our headmates. to people worried where me and all my friends went, this is what happened. i didnt want to say anything about it online while i was still with them because i was scared of them (and i still am.) i had purposefully not questioned our relationship until one of my headmates brought it up that their not going to change. which in all honesty they didnt. but looking back at the posts i made then, it was obvious something was wrong. firstly i had to break one of my blog rules of not giving credit to creators of terms/flags since terms belong to communities, not people. they always wanted credit for whatever they made, so i gave it because i didnt want to fight about it. also as sone may have noticed, my flags got very desaturated in color. they had this thing for really desaturated colors to the point where some of the flags they made couldnt even have the number of stripes counted because the colors was too hard to see. well he got mad at me for anytime i put even slightly bright colors in my flags. i know some of them are too bright, which is a topic for another time. but they was being somewhat ridiculous with it, making me change the colors on flags even if i already desaturated it. there was also one time they said my flag was ugly and remade it, which made me feel really horrible because i like the flags i make and for someone that i loved to say they hated it made me cry. i dont really care much if people want to remake my flags or hate on them, its just when someone that was close to me did it, it really hurt. also im going to keep this part short because i really dont wanna have to bring up other stuff they did but basically i never felt like they accepted me for who i am. it was not liking me because of i have too many genders and pronouns or because my orientation is uhh weird. like oh yeah make fun of me because my labels are stupid or becausse i put too many pronouns and shit on my personal google doc. also the um.. roleplaying (not going to elaborate on this.) they knew how much i care about making terms and flags but yet they ruined it for me. at one point i gave up on making terms and flags and even archiving flags or even adding things to my gender horad because i completely lost my confidence in all of it. shortly after that i started loosing my will to live. one day after something happened that pissed him off he quit talking to me and didnt break up with me. thats unrelated but it still makes me angry. i didnt want to leave them because i didnt want to admit to myself that i screwed up by getting together with this person. only reason i ending up leaving is because one my headmates did it. after that i realized something. i never loved them. dont go and find this person. just avoid them. if you see them out in the wild, just walk away. just please dont tell them i said anything or that im back online because im trying really hard to avoid them. i dont feel safe being anywhere near this person so i really dont want them slithering back to me. i know their not a very pleasant person to be around and that they do have a history of not only abusing us, but others to.. but please dont ask me for now atleast to make any type of call out post. its not safe me. hell, even posting this probably isnt safe. but im not going to hide this. because im not just going to suck up to them and cover for them forever. anyway have a good day/night everyone and thanks to anyone who read all the way through!
please do interact if you also struggle with concept of reality... my derealization is slowly taking me away and i know i have to live here on this beautiful planet, Gaia, for others.
... Mostly here for them to achieve through life with my inclusion in it and to witness them prosper. And to accompany them with my presence. I feel i view them from from such a far perspective as a wanderer from another world.
How does one fix such a chaotic frame of mind?
tw s/h
please let me know how to do aftercare for deep cuts (styro and beans) i already have too many cuts that got infected
"PSYCHOSIS" IS MY TRUE MIND
Positive and Negative is a limited mindset
Fuck sex
Fuck love
i’m not doing bad enough to deserve or need help because i’m happy sometimes and i can usually function “normally”.
but i have cuts covering my arm and i’m eating badly.
but i shouldn’t be doing those things because i should be able to cope and i’m not doing that badly.
but i clearly can’t cope if i’m resulting to these negative coping mechanisms.
but i’m not like going to kms or anything.
but i wouldn’t be complaining if i didn’t wake up tomorrow.
Come fix me :33
This is how my razors be looking at me in my bag
i got the most sudden urge to carve hearts all over my hips!!!!! but im fucking tired!!!
Gettin high n cvttin >>>>
Breaking my clean streak cuz I’m on the verge of breaking down
Guys im new to 3d tumblr and I need some advice ASAP.
I’ve lost loads of weight recently and my mum is starting to notice and I think she’s going to take me to get weighed at the doctors at some point. PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE ON HOW TO WEIGH MORE AT THE DOCTORS SHE CANT KNOW HOW MUCH WEIGHT IVE LOST!! I don’t have any weights or anything I can put in my pockets so I might just stuff my pockets with stones and shit and hope that makes a difference???
Genuinely one of the main reasons I want to loose weight is so when I get a bf I won’t need to worry about my thighs being bigger than his, or like how I want to be light and dainty enough for him to pick me up effortlessly. Just imagine his embarrassing it would be to be too fat for that :(((
Ever just find yourself staring up at the ceiling questioning whether people like you or not?
I wonder what people would be like if I died or would it be the same as usual as if nothing happened
So recently I have changed my account (took so long T-T), because I named it after a certain content created and yeah. And basically I haven't changed my number or anything so when I try to chat on some streamers videos on the app everyone uses (don't know if I can say it lol) to go live, I can't cus I have to put in my number. When I do it's like: oh, anouther account has that number. Sorry.
*raging* haha :D Is anyone else have the same kinda promblem? If you've sorted it out could you tell me in the comments please. 🙏
