Mentally Exhausted - Tumblr Posts
bpd isn't something to romanticize. because apparently vandalizing isn't a way to deal with my emotions. now the cops are involved.
Since life is a constant thread of shredding multiple “you”s to get through different situations I find asking “how are you” a bit inappropriate.
How is current you feeling?
Here is part two of self deprecating memes! Because you know what better way is there to cope?
I was thinking about everything except for this period in time called “right here and now”
i really fucking hate how the media has romantized depression, and all mental illness so much. like it makes people think being depressed is the cool, trendy thing to do. it doesnt show how some days you cant get out of bed and how you cant always even take care of yourself or basic hygiene or how it literally affects everything you do on a day-to-day basis. i wish that the media would stop showing depression as just being sad and show it for what it really is, cause its absolute hell and i wouldn't wish it on anyone.
thank you for listening to my rant
all i want is to sleep eight hours at a normal time. but clealy thats too much to ask for
my mental health has never been worse.
what if i just end it all? it would be easier than this.
so, it turns out moving away as an escape doesnt do shit when the thing youre trying to escape from is yourself.
i was getting better.
i was getting better.
i was wrong.
i was wrong.
i was wrong.
"if you are not recovering you are dying"
Well can we speed this shit up pls?
Today I feel the need to post this somewhere that isn’t my deviantart.
I don’t like to post about my personal life and I am just one of many out there, but today, I want to just lay it down.
I don’t like to talk about my personal life because I have a fear of the repercussions it may lead to and what I might cause to myself and the others around me.
Earlier this year I started going to a therapist and he helped a lot, bless him, but I haven’t gone back since due to some other major life changing events I do not wish to dwell on. My therapist helped me realize that a lot of my anger and anxiety, which the latter of the two being through the roof, was caused by my upbringing. In other words, my inability to contain my emotions and how to deal with a sticky situation was not taught well to me as a child.
Then, on top of that and unfortunately many years of my life later, I came to fully realize that someone very close to me was, in short, a gaslighting narcissist. This person put so much strain on me growing up that I didn’t realize it. When I would sense something wasn’t really right, or my words would get twisted by this person but I was unable to do anything about it, I thought it was normal to feel as I felt.
I grew up walking on eggshells, and still do, and fearing of upsetting them. I can’t even begin to list all the things they do and have done to me nor do I think I feel comfortable doing so. Since going to therapy and realizing all my anger, anxiety, depression, zoning out, on top of many other issues, we’re caused by a lot in my past I feel like I really want to try and push forward.
I say this but I know darn well I probably won’t. However, I do, at this moment, have a sense of at least wanting to move forward. I would like to work on my projects again and really focus on the things that give me a little spark of serotonin. For the past five years I have spent procrastinating and depressed and in slow motion due to my home circumstances. I hate putting the blame all on this person- even if it was mostly them.
I do want to look forward to organizing and encouraging myself to work, but I feel like everything almost does not ever go according to my plans. So I say again, I want to look forward to start a new chapter, but we’ll see how that goes.
Can’t have too much of a good thing, you know?
HIHIHI!*pats your head* I just here to tell you that you are amazing and your art and fics and talks never fail to cheer me up! Also, don't forget to take care of your self and love your self!*gives you milk and cookies* -hazi anon🌸
AAA HAIII! *accepts head pats* WHAHDKSHFJ THANK CHU HAZI ANON BEAN! 🌸✨🥺🥺🫶🏻💕
That’s very sweet and touching to know my silly art and fics makes people’s days and cheers you up. 🥲 Thank you for the reminder, I really did need that! *accepts milk & cookies* ( ^ω^ )🥛🍪
I apologize to all my moot beans for the absence lately, (especially with the boop booth) but there was something that needed my immediate attention and I’ve been mentally exhausted, overwhelmed, and overall crabby about it. Hence why I haven’t responded to asks or done any art lately, I just didn’t have the energy. (_ _)
Thankfully, it’s taken care of and I’m feeling much better and feeling more like myself. So have patience and don’t worry, jellybeans! The boop booth shall conclude tomorrow and I will get to people’s asks! ♡
I'm not pretty, I'm not smart, I'm not interesting, I'm not funny, I'm not talented. What the fuck am I.
you know it’s getting bad again when it’s harder not to relapse, every little things annoys the shit out of you, you want to crawl out of your skin, the distractions don’t help anymore and not even your favorite special little treat makes your day better
I just want to give up I’m tired from the bottom of my fucking soul like I don’t want to do this shit anymore like let me rest please I’ve had enough
people when mentally ill person is acting like theyre mentally ill
I always say “morning” instead of “good morning” because if it was a good morning I would have bled out last night
