Tw Anxiety - Tumblr Posts

I failed as a daughter, I'm sure my mom imagined a different life for me at my age, but she won't say it so as not to hurt me more than I'm already hurt

do you have any tips for surviving coming off codeine? because I feel terrible, I don't feel like living and I don't know if I'll not break down and will not take codeine pills :)))) pls help me get through this

this is my first day off codeine and I already feel terrible, i don't want to live, I'm afraid of the next days, (as long as I can stand it and not take the pills again...) 😭😭😭

my whole body hurts, but pain of my thoughts are way more painful

it's 2nd day of coming off the codeine, I took 7 pills so as not to feel so much withdrawal effects, I also took a zomirene pill, which has benzodiazepines in it, to also fell the withdrawal effects a bit, but it's very hard, everything hurts, I don't know what to with myself, horrible, really sucks, i already miss the feeling and "happiness" that codeine pills gave me

idk why but in hard times tumblr helps me get through this a little bit better

i would like to buy a one way ticket to korea, ny or any other country, escape from poland and start a new, maybe better life

"they gossip - the small ones

they supports - the greats ones

they helps - the incredibles ones"

i want to die. my life is so fucking hopeless. i feel like i won't achieve anything. i'm so sad and i want to cry. help me to stay alive for my family because i can't deal with myself anymore..

i love tumblr. i really do. this is my soft place. people here understand me. this place inspires me, comforts me, helps me when i feel mentally bad. we are like family. it doesn't matter that we are depressed or addicted. we listen, we understand, we fight together in this shitty life.

i took acodin pills and i love it

yesterday i successfully fasted, i only ate a low-calorie dinner, i'm so proud of myself!

sent 1 (one) message of literally 4 (four) words and nearly threw up. that’s new

sent 1 (one) message of literally 4 (four) words and nearly threw up. that’s new

I would love to wake up in the morning (it’s noon) without feeling sick to my stomach from anxiety

today’s been chill compared to the absolute shitshow the past week has been but boy do I have a nagging almost paranoid feeling that something is different and I’ll never get it back :)

Some vent art I did as a project for my Studio Concepts class!

I was a bit nervous and reluctant to post this since this is my first digital art piece in months and I have been really unconfident about my art style/skills.

The first picture is the initial concept/sketch for the project. The three pictures are the final things. The first one (from left to right) is the final one for the Studio Concept class. The other two are edits I did of the original one. I don’t know which one I like best, but yeah…

This was mostly based about my feelings during August and September. Depression, anxiety, dissociation, and all that jazz. Still fighting and going tho. So yeah…

lil ranty ramble bc no one follows me and i want to say shit into the void also if someone read all of this let me know if i forgot any tws in the tags

ive been more stressed than ever with college + working 2 freelance jobs (theyre freelance but i have a steady amount of work in both, so no fixed schedule just a billion deadlines which makes me want to rip my scalp off)

i know im really stressed out when the palms of my hands start to kinda peel off. some lil blisters appear, the next day they pop and just become peeling skin. its kinda satistying to peel the skin so i dont use moisturizer or anything, i just have fun with it, but anyway the point is: built up stress

i have a really hard time dealing with stress and anxiety (by which i mean anxiety inducing situations, im not diagnosed with anxiety) because they put me in a kinda self destructive mood. not like in a self harm way, just drinking too much, hooking up with strangers (which is not a bad thing, just not my thing. ive used it as a kind of escape before), sometimes just sleeping so i dont have to deal with anything.

so thats where im at.

i have a birthday to go to today but my back hurts from working on my computer all day but also i wanna make terrible decisions and this would be a great opportunity. also my ex and his current girlfriend will be there so thats great

which brings me to lil ranty ramble part II: 2 ranty 2 rambly

i feel SO ALONE even though i know i have lots of friends, some truly are like family to me but i just dont feel like i fully trust anyone so i dont open up i dont talk about my problems or how im feeling or anything i just make jokes and im funny and silly and giggly. and i love being funny its what i like the most about myself (along with my boobs) but like oh my god how can you be friends with a person you know nothing about

i know thats not 100% true they know me and have been with me through some of the worst moments of my life and they still love me and blablabla i was diagnosed with depression like 8 years ago i know how this goes

but ya know what they say it do be like that sometimes (and it sucks

but yeah i guess thats what going on up in the cuckoo's nest haha lol

if anyone read this, thank you for being here

Hyperventilating

Shaky breaths

Crying

Sweating

Fidgeting

Hurts

Anxiious

Help

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasaaaa

Today I feel the need to post this somewhere that isn’t my deviantart.

I don’t like to post about my personal life and I am just one of many out there, but today, I want to just lay it down.

I don’t like to talk about my personal life because I have a fear of the repercussions it may lead to and what I might cause to myself and the others around me.

Earlier this year I started going to a therapist and he helped a lot, bless him, but I haven’t gone back since due to some other major life changing events I do not wish to dwell on. My therapist helped me realize that a lot of my anger and anxiety, which the latter of the two being through the roof, was caused by my upbringing. In other words, my inability to contain my emotions and how to deal with a sticky situation was not taught well to me as a child.

Then, on top of that and unfortunately many years of my life later, I came to fully realize that someone very close to me was, in short, a gaslighting narcissist. This person put so much strain on me growing up that I didn’t realize it. When I would sense something wasn’t really right, or my words would get twisted by this person but I was unable to do anything about it, I thought it was normal to feel as I felt.

I grew up walking on eggshells, and still do, and fearing of upsetting them. I can’t even begin to list all the things they do and have done to me nor do I think I feel comfortable doing so. Since going to therapy and realizing all my anger, anxiety, depression, zoning out, on top of many other issues, we’re caused by a lot in my past I feel like I really want to try and push forward.

I say this but I know darn well I probably won’t. However, I do, at this moment, have a sense of at least wanting to move forward. I would like to work on my projects again and really focus on the things that give me a little spark of serotonin. For the past five years I have spent procrastinating and depressed and in slow motion due to my home circumstances. I hate putting the blame all on this person- even if it was mostly them.

I do want to look forward to organizing and encouraging myself to work, but I feel like everything almost does not ever go according to my plans. So I say again, I want to look forward to start a new chapter, but we’ll see how that goes.

Can’t have too much of a good thing, you know?

been drifting in and out of sleep all day. my energy is being drained by anxiety about my current financial and living situation. i’ve resorted to cancelling my life insurance and get back the cash surrender value to stay afloat until work starts again and i get my pay on august 31. this is all to say i might be very selective or do smaller threads instead because my energy and focus are limited lately.